Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

Rating: PG (aka BBC’s butchered version)
Length: 2h 23
Release: 19.7.1991
Dir: Kevin Reynolds
About: Robin decides to avenge his father who was murdered by Sheriff Nottingham. He joins forces with Little John’s band of thieves to overcome the evils of the sheriff.

First Thoughts

This film is everything about my childhood. Okay, so it’s not the film you went into school shouting about like Goonies was, but I certainly felt its presence in a similar way. From what I saw on twitter today, I wasn’t alone.
For me, this film seemed to be a staple on BBC around Easter. Now, given that I thought Back to the Future was on ITV every Christmas Day for about 5 years, I’m willing to accept that my Easter theory for the archery master isn’t correct either.
I also remember a distinct memory of watching this film in English. The TV trolly was in the hall and there were at least three classes huddled around this tiny tv. At this point (it was at least 1998) I had the whole thing memorised.
There’s problems with that sort of devotion to a film though; you notice when things no longer make the cut.

The Good

  • Alan Rickman is the scene stealing, panto villain of all of our dreams. Some may call it over-acting. I’d say it was Rickman having the best time of his life. He has all of the best lines, he has the best style and the best death. It’s not often we love the villain, but here he is, in his Slytherin finest.
  • The strength of this film does lie in its characters. The story and how its presented is a little bit garbage, but with the element of nostalgia and the characters you root for, it ensures it is less of a chore. Some of my favourites are Duncan, the servant of Robin’s father. He’s a little bit more trouble than he’s worth, but you love him none the less.
    Little John and his wife Fanny are the relationship goals of this movie, not Marian and Robin. The film is clever in how we’re introduced to the family one by one, to finally see them together in the final act. It’s perfect.
  • Morgan Freeman as the Moor, Azeem, is pure joy for me. It’s a performance and character I’ve only come to truly appreciate as I’ve gotten older. There are plenty of small things that he says and does that give people a true idea of what Islam is, but my favourite part of this movie is the interaction with the young girl who asks “Did God paint you?” The answer is as beautiful and as relevant today as it ever was. It also feels important that its Morgan Freeman, of all people, that gets to say it.

The Bad

  • It is, for me, rather on the long side. I don’t need it needs massive editing, but more a trimming of the fat. It is made very differently to films today; cramming what would, by today’s standard, be a trilogy’s worth of story.
  • The accents. Yeah, I went there. Now, I don’t mind Costner’s. I’m not so patriotic in that sense. However Slater and Mastrantonio on the other hand, they drive me mad. Both are half arsed attempts. Certain words are well pronounced, but most of it remains this weird mash up of their native accent and whatever it is they’re trying to achieve.
  • I can’t quiet put my finger on what is is about this production, but it has a Monty Python quality to it. Some of it is to do with the voices used, but it could also be the dialogue.

The Ugly

  • Marian. She bugs the fuck out of me. When we first meet her, not only is she this strong independent woman, she is able to fight in such a way that Robin believes her to be a man. It is only her scream that gives her away. So what pisses me off, is that in the final act, she becomes the stereotypical maiden. Aside from an opportune candle, she stands to the side and shrieks. Have her knocked out by the witch before she goes off on her side mission or something.
  • They cut out Pat Roach. I actually didn’t know until today that Auf Weidersien Pet alumni and part-time Harrison Ford fighting partner was in this film. That’s because his role as Celtic Chief gets a blink and you’ll miss it appearance. However, there is footage out there. I’d imagine it’s on the extended cut that also has much of Rickman’s performance restored.

Final Thoughts

This for me is an awesome, but flawed, film. I think it’s aged better than Robin Hood Men in Tights and the Prince of Thieves will be a film I watch again. However, I do accept a lot of what makes this a good film is nostalgia and that had I watched it for the first time today, my review would be much different.


Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Rating: 12A
Length: 2h 31
Release: 16.12.2020
Dir: Patty Jenkins
About: Wonder Woman navigates the 1980s, meets old friends and faces off against new enemies.

The Good

  • The film gets the 80s aesthetics right. The mall sequence was rather brilliant and not only something that is iconic of the 1980s, but iconic of 80s movies. This part of the film, out of everything, felt most like a homage to the original tv series.
  • Kristen Wiig really impressed me. While meek and goofy Barbra was well within Wiig’s wheelhouse, and reminiscent of her past roles in things like Paul and Ghostbusters, it was the evolution into Cheetah that shows much more depth and range. While she may be known more for her comedy, I definitely want to see her in more serious roles.

The Bad

  • Well, Hans Zimmer most definitely phoned this one in. His soundtrack feels so recycled that if I were to close my eyes at points in this movie, I’d have sworn I’d put on Inception.
  • While we’re on music, you place a film in the 1980s and don’t utilise the amazing catalogue the decade has to offer? Believe me, in a film that gives us Jafar after his final wish and Quantum Leap’s Sam, we need some cheesy 80s electric tunes.
  • The prologue in which we see young Diana back at home and facing off against other Amazonian warriors, is utterly pointless and has no payoff. It, for me, is at odds with the rest of the story. Plus its totally wrong. Diana didn’t cheat. It was a bullshit lesson that had microscopic links to the main plot.

The Ugly

  • You know the Sentence Game? It’s similar to Mad Libs, but there’s no crib sheet. First person writes a sentence based upon a prompt, folds the paper over so you can’t see what’s written and passes it on. This keeps happening until all the prompts are used and then someone reads the mess of a story out. That was this film. Only, I didn’t find it nearly as funny.
  • Steve! What the fuck man. Okay, great we get Chris Pine gracing our screens again. Whoop! At what cost? The sacrifice and loss from the first movie is compromised and, I’ll be honest, how he’s there in the first place feels really cheap. I was also very disappointed “Oh boy” wasn’t uttered. It also pisses me off that the guy whose body gets taken over gets more closure than Wiig’s Barbra. Seriously, what the fuck is it about the 1980s doing Barb dirty. People, What about Barb?
  • Second gripe about Steve. Once Steve is in play, it feels like such a retread of the first film. His reintroduction creates a limitation. It’s boring, its done. It also means that if he ‘dies’ again, I’m not caring. To be fair, this is where Marvel gets it wrong too. When you make your character deaths meaningless (looking at you Loki), I refuse to invest. Also, what the fuck is it with these Wonder Woman films getting the strong female wrong? In the first movie she emasculates. This one she becomes physically dependent on Steve. Blurk!
  • Why was it set in the 1980s if it was going to be sanitised of all the joy the 80s had to offer. Other than Pine’s fish out of water Schtick, it had no value. To me anyway. Yes, I get that there’s the whole plot in which Pascal’s Max is trying to gain ownership of oil, but this is not a commodity that’s exclusive to that decade. For me, the Suez Crisis of the 1950s is what I immediately think of when it comes to ‘historical oil’.

Final Thoughts

There are enough people out there loving this movie for you to make up your own mind, but for me it’s too long, too pointless and left me feeling grumpy. I wish I’d rewatched Chopping Mall(1986) instead.


Cujo (1983)

Rating: 18
Length: 1hr 33
Release: 18.11.1963
Director: Lewis Teague
About: Donna, a suburban housewife along with her young son Tad, drives out to the home where a perturbed St Bernard is driven insane by rabies. She must now save herself and her son from a brutal attack.

The Good

  • The second half of this movie is incredible; it taps into basic fears and keeps the body count coming. While Cujo started off as a sweet Saint Bernard he quickly becomes a volatile, foaming-at-the-mouth fuzzy monster. There are two massive dog-related scares that left me petrified; the initial attack on the car and the attack on Donna.
  • There’s an incredible shot in which the camera does a number of 360 degree spins, the revolution getting faster than a teacup ride. It has a emotive and physical effect that is perfect for a horror.
  • The bats that bite Cujo are proper scary. Like the teeth and the hissing. If there was anyone I was invested in from the start, it was poor Cujo. He was having a nice time, chasing a rabbit. He gets bitten and no one cares. No one gets him to a vet. Poor Cujo. Poor, poor, Cujo.

The Bad

  • The music is rather tv-movie and a good chunk of it, doesn’t match the tone of the movie.
  • I feel as if something was missed out in regards to Donna and her views about dogs. Her reaction to Cujo when she meets him for the first time almost hints at a long standing fear or dislike. However, it’s never confirmed. Given that so much time is spent on exposition that had no value, I’m certain they could have dedicated a bit to this.
  • Donna makes some dumb-ass decisions, much like many people in horror movies.

The Ugly

  • The first half of the movie is total dog shit (excuse the pun). The film takes up over 40 minutes developing characters and I really don’t understand why. With the Camber family, the mother and son are built up to just disappear for the second act which feels a little pointless.
  • Then there’s the matter of the lead. What we learn about Donna in the first 45 minutes is that there are problems in her marriage, perhaps because of his stressful and totally BORING job. She’s ‘screwing around’ with her ex boyfriend. Yes, it gives us a final act misdirection when the husband is searching for her, but it also makes her an unlikable character who I am not invested in.
  • Tad, Tadpole, Tadders. The kid takes up a lot of the film and while research has suggested the opening scene has more significance within the book, it feels pointless. Although, I must admit I did like the way in which he prepared to launch himself into the bed once the light was turned out.

Final Thoughts

All in all, there’s way too much build up and not enough pay off. I’d have liked to have seen Donna and Tad get into their peril much earlier and perhaps one of the other deaths happening a little earlier.


The Hangover (2009)

Rating: 18
Length: 1hr 4o
Release: 12.6.2009
Director: Todd Phillips
About: For a bachelor party, three best men and the groom take a road trip to Las Vegas. They wake up the next morning to realise that not only have they lost the groom but also have no recollection.

First Thoughts

I was working in a cinema when this was released. I’d finished my shift and was in the bowling alley with a few friends when we decided to go check the film out. There’s nothing better than seeing a comedy film on its opening night with a full house. Even a modest comedy can give an audience a false sense of how funny it is. After all, laughter is infectious.
I had, over the years, over played this beauty of a film as I must not have watched it in its entirety since I went to London in 2014. So, when I saw it gracing Netflix’s suggested bar this afternoon, I offered it up as the weekly lockdown watch.
The big question is: has it aged well?

The Good

  • I don’t think you could have a better cast. From your three leads, to all the support. While at the time, Cooper was considered playing to a type. Phil isn’t much different to his role in Wedding Crashers. However, for me, I’d only really seen him play the boy-next-door in Alias. He held his own in this and was that wonderful caring jerk.
  • Ed Helms not only has the physical comedy, but he’s able to make Stu likeable whereas someone else could have made him very weak and annoying. Zach Galifianakis plays the character of Alan in a way that I don’t think I appreciated at the time. There’s a real child-like innocence to him and he’s not actually as creepy as I thought ten years ago. He’s also incredibly stupid, which leads to a lot of the film’s humour.
  • The opening is just brilliant. In a tv show, this sort of opening is commonplace, but on the big screen its a refreshing way to open the story and gives us an idea of whats at stake. Its the perfect point to have as an anchor.
  • It is one funny movie. Even those that I know haven’t aged well work because of who is saying them. I haven’t laughed so much at a film in a long time and really has lifted my spirits in this lockdown era. Its a quotable monster of one liners and witty dialogue.
  • The homage to Rain Man is brilliant. Haven’t seen the film, but I know the reference because of how iconic it is. I love that its also tied in with Alan’s mimicry of Phil. Just perfect.

The Bad

  • There is an overuse of homosexual slurs in this movie. The very fact that one was dubbed over for the trailer is very telling. Its not isolated to one character either, which could be reflective of the character. Yes, its a film made a decade ago and things have changed. Doesn’t mean I have to be comfortable with it.
  • In terms of the character Stu, I do wish he’d not asked out Jade. Him leaving the really vile girlfriend is a big win for me and I just want it to be because he wants out and not because he’s too scared to be alone, but now has a fix. I guess on the other hand, it shows how invested I am in the character.

The Ugly

  • I don’t like the police brutality scene. Now, I am also aware i’m watching within a contextual bubble and that right now there are many riots occurring due to police brutality upon black people. As it stands, I didn’t like the performance of the male officer and I most definitely didn’t feel comfortable about how this man was teaching children how to use stun guns and then get them to use them on the leads. I laughed back then and even now, I did have a little chuckle when it comes to bringing down ‘Fat Jesus’. However, the laughter doesn’t last long.

Final Thoughts

Even with its flaws, The Hangover remains one of the best comedy movies I’ve ever seen. Today, it was the antidote I needed for the last 10 weeks of isolation. Not only for the comedy of the film itself, but for the nostalgia of a time I really miss.


John Wick (2014)

Rating: 15
Length: 1hr 41
Release: 10.4.2015
Director: Chad Stahelshi (David Leitch-uncredited)
About: John Wick, a retired hitman, is forced to return to his old ways after a group of Russian gangsters steal his car and kill a puppy gifted to him by his late wife.

The Good

  • It’s a pretty decent movie that plays on a number of genres in order to make its story work. The action and dialogue keep a decent pace and plays on all the actor’s strengths. It feels like a comic or game come to life. 
  • Reeves, to many, is perfect in the role; bringing his stoic Neo chops to this hit-man revenge chaos. I can see why he, and the franchise, is so successful. I feel a little apathetic to his presence, preferring to see him in Bill & Ted or Speed type roles. But I cannot fault his performance.
  • It’s always a pleasure to have Ian McShane in a film. There’s never much diversity in his delivery, but he’s certainly fun to watch and almost the middle ground to Tim Curry’s ham and Ian Hart’s classically trained performances.

The Bad

  • I found the opening act a little clunky. It felt a bit like the obligatory ‘death of Bruce Wayne’s parents’ scene at the start of EVERY. BATMAN. MOVIE. MADE. However, I feel very detached from the protagonist and I don’t like that I ever get a sense of who he was. Wick feels very flat as a character. 

The Ugly

  • “Just a dog” fuck me, I’ve never ugly cried so much at an action movie in my life, nor have I known a death was as much of a sure thing since Coach died in Rocky. I’m amazed how invested I was in little Daisy considering her screen time. In fact I was more invested in the revenge for her than in the character of John Wick.
  • The score and soundtrack was a little too trance and techno for my liking. It was a little too loud and relied too much on the bass for me to enjoy the film fully.

Final Thoughts

I think it is very telling that I had originally planned to watch the films in a movie night, back to back. I couldn’t bring myself to even put on Chapter 2, let alone watch all three. That said, I am aware that they will be enjoyed by others.


The River Wild (1994)

Rating  12
Length 1hr 51
Release 24.2.1995
Director Curtis Hanson
About A couple embarks on a rafting holiday with their son. The trip, however, turns into a nightmare when they find themselves battling two violent criminals.

The Good

  • All the actors are perfectly cast in their roles and bring a decent energy to the proceedings. Kevin Bacon does his bad guy thing, Meryl Streep does her leading lady thing and Joe Mazzello does his thing of being the kid in danger with emotional baggage. 
  • The filming is able to present this somewhat difficult story is a decent way. You’re able to follow the plot, feel the tension and the danger without being too lost in the elements. I can’t imagine it was easy to create the variety of shots over river rapids but it certain has a good attempt.

The Bad

  • I hate the addition of the dog. While Maggie contributes some way in terms of the plot, I don’t think it’s enough to justify having her on a dangerous journey. Leave the poor thing with the grandparents.
  • Streep and Bacon’s flirting in front of uptight husband, played by David Stathairn is cringe-worthy and damaging to Streep’s character. That’s not to say I don’t think she wouldn’t flirt, I just felt uncomfortable watching her do it in front of her son and husband. It may have worked a little better had Strathairn’s character not have made it on time to catch the raft and is brought to them later in the day by Benjamin Bratt’s character.

The Ugly

  • The pacing is really off for me. While I did enjoy the opening scenes and it showed the dynamic of the Hartman family, I found the payoff wasn’t worth the effort it took. Did we need to have so many scenes prior to the family setting off?  
  • I found the ‘bad guys’ a little confusing in the sense that it felt so obvious, yet it felt like it was also meant to be a reveal. I’d have perhaps liked to have seen either the conversation between Gail and her Father about his predictions for the robbery or even see the robbery itself. It was rather sloppy and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a few cut scenes out there that develop that arc a little further.

Final Thoughts

It’s a decent film, but very much of its time. No fault to the performances, but the screenplay feels a little lacking. Still, I’d take this over Hard Rain any day. Plus, Baby Mozzello fresh out of Jurassic Park. You can’t say no to that.

Have you seen The River Wild? What did you think?

Love Han x


Book Review: Good Girl, Bad Blood by Holly Jackson

Publishers: Electric Monkey
Pages: 432
Book Birthday: 30.4.2020
How I Got It: Bought at 1am, for my Kindle as I couldn’t wait any longer
About: Pip Fitz-Amobi is not a detective anymore.
With the help of Ravi Singh, she released a true-crime podcast about the murder case they solved together last year. The podcast has gone viral, yet Pip insists her investigating days are behind her.
But she will have to break that promise when someone she knows goes missing. Jamie Reynolds has disappeared but the police won’t do anything about it. And if they won’t look for Jamie then Pip will, uncovering more of her town’s dark secrets along the way… and this time EVERYONE is listening.
But will she find him before it’s too late? Perfect for fans of One of Us Is LyingEva Dolan, C L Taylor, We Were Liars and Riverdale


  • Being a sequel, the characters we met in the first instalment are built upon. Pip, our returning protagonist, not only grows further in this book, she demonstrates elements of PTSD. Her relationship with Ravi blooms, while not overwhelming the story.
  • I love that we get to discover move about Connor and others from the previous book. It actually showed what a wealth of characters Jackson built within her literary world.
  • I did feel that there were behaviours left unexplored and unresolved (I’m not going to say who, as that then may eliminate people from your suspect list). It didn’t leave me unsatisfied, but hoping for another sequel.


  • The narrative takes on a new case that has few links to Pip’s previous. It perhaps has more callbacks than another crime book may have, however it’s very clear that for Pip, these are personal as much as professional.
  • In fact this book had, for me, all the feels of the beloved Veronica Mars. That was an amazing show that build itself up like a braid; new story, new cases but keeping hold of strands from the past.
  • I loved all the elements within the plot; the court case being resolved alongside this new, missing persons, case. I enjoyed how the adults responded to the ongoings and Pip’s involvement.


  • Told in the third person, Good Girl, Bad Blood is still a highly emotive story. I connected with Pip and really felt her anger, pain and helplessness. When my reading seems primarily made up of first person, this makes for a refreshing change.
  • I was worried that having a kindle edition would botch up some of the formatting, but it was perfect. It made good use of differing fonts and layouts to differentiate between narrative, audio and journal logs. Its a clever way of presenting the evidence as Pip discovers it and adds, rather than detracts, from the pace.

Final Thoughts

I loved every moment of this book. Had it not been for quarantine and the restlessness that has come with it, I’d have read this in one sitting as I had the first.


Blog Tour: Pieces of Ourselves by Maggie Harcourt

Author: Maggie Harcourt
Publisher: Usborne
Pages: 448
Book Birthday: 2.4.2020
About: Flora “doesn’t do people”, not since the Incident that led to her leaving school midway through her GCSEs. The Incident that led to her being diagnosed with bipolar II. The Incident that left her in pieces.
Until Hal arrives. He’s researching a story about a missing World War I soldier, and he wants Flora’s help. Flora used to love history before the Incident, but spending so much time with Hal is her worst nightmare.
Yet as they begin to piece together the life of the missing soldier, a life of lost love, secrets and lies, Flora finds a piece of herself falling for Hal.



Flora is a beautiful and flawed character who took my heart when I first read the sampler last summer. There’s a familiar quality and personality that I identify with as I progressed through the story. She is supported by an incredible team of characters that build up such a charming countryside community and family.
Hal is everything you want in a leading man. He took my breath away in much the same way Mr Darcy does for others. It’s fair to say he is the character that brings us part of the plot, but it is his chemistry with Flora that makes their journey so compelling.


The story reminds me of one of my favourite mystery tv shows by Hallmark: Signed, Sealed, Delivered. A show that never fails to leave me uplifted and that’s without the added charm of Britishness. In Pieces of Me, Flora is tasked with helping Hal locate and identify the people involved in a story he was told by his Grandfather.
As the two unpack boxes and take time for further research, a clandestine romance unfolds in the letters they find. The progression within the letters means very different things to the people invested and Flora and Hal find themselves drawn to each other in the process.


Harcourt’s writing has and ease and a charm that soothes in a way that a good cup of tea does. It gives you that pause from your life, warms your soul and gives you that does of sweetness you often need.

Final Thoughts

This was everything I needed in a book and at time that I needed it. While we spend so much time inside, there’s nothing better than a book set in the countryside.


Review: Pretending by Holly Bourne


He said he was looking for a ‘partner in crime’ which everyone knows is shorthand for ‘a woman who isn’t real’.

April is kind, pretty, and relatively normal – yet she can’t seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she’s found someone to trust, they reveal themselves to be awful, leaving her heartbroken. And angry.

If only April could be more like Gretel.

Gretel is exactly what men want – she’s a Regular Everyday Manic Pixie Dream Girl Next Door With No Problems.

The problem is, Gretel isn’t real. And April is now claiming to be her.

As soon as April starts ‘being’ Gretel, dating becomes much more fun – especially once she reels in the unsuspecting Joshua.

Finally, April is the one in control, but can she control her own feelings? And as she and Joshua grow closer, how long will she be able to keep pretending?


This was the book I needed to read. Holly Bourne is my Yoda. She always has been, always will be. Bourne’s writing doesn’t sugar coat the realities of life, love and mental health. She doesn’t bog it down and ask you to wallow either. Instead, she makes it the new normal. She makes me the new normal: stronger and more accepting of myself and prepared to fight the things I can.
While the character of April could, in another writer’s hands, feel cringeworthy and ‘unlikable’ Bourne gives the reader the extra character balance and insight to remove the stereotype checklist and make her relatable and someone the reader understands.
Bourne is the Queen of first person narratives. It allows the reader to feasibly relate or, at the very least, empathise. Pretending is no exception and Bourne is able to give a unique voice to the protagonist.
This book charms, educates and opens the reader up to question how relationships impact our identity. It’s not just thrown together either, this is a well researched, sensitively provoking rather than a fashionable theme shoehorned in.
Thank you, Holly Bourne, for constantly breaking ground and being the trailblazer we all need.


Dispatches From Elsewhere Episode One Review @jasonsegel

Dispatches From Elsewhere

Episode One

This show is special. It’s a show that feels so different, new and bold. Yet I’m not at odds with its high concept. I feel at home and comfortable with all that was thrown at me in the 50 minutes of delightfully weird narrative.

This is a Douglas Adams creation for today. It’s self aware, while keeping the main characters in the dark about how this 10-episode story will unfold.

I’m not going to tell you much about the plot or premise, other than to say it is perfect for those who enjoyed Hitchhikers, Dirk Gently and Pushing Daisies. The episode ends far too soon and will ensure you have an hour a week set aside for this show and in which you won’t even think of checking your phone.

Jason Segel is a welcome sight on the screen, and brings a vulnerability and an ‘everyman’ appeal to the role of Peter. My heart melted with one of the last scenes he was in and the newly acquainted characters said goodbye-for-now.

However, the most important and beautiful aspect of Dispatches is the casting of Eve Lindley as Simone. We have a trans actress, playing a trans character with little to no fanfare. It’s not a gimmick, it’s not a Box-checking ‘aren’t we inclusive’ character. Nicole is … Nicole. She is beautiful, open and there’s a connection between her and Peter that is palpable. Their chemistry is instant. Segel has given us a a character and a relationship that should have been on screen decades ago: one that just ‘is’.

Finally, Richard E Grant. Every single syllable from his mouth are glorious. He grabs your attention from the start and he’ll haunt you between episodes, I promise you that. I don’t trust him, yet I am soothed by him.

Damn, I’m hooked.


Jurassic Park. Halloween Edition (1993)

Rating: PG

Length: 2hr 8

Release: 15.7.1993

About: In Steven Spielberg’s massive blockbuster, paleontologists Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) and mathematician Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) are among a select group chosen to tour an island theme park populated by dinosaurs created from prehistoric DNA. While the park’s mastermind, billionaire John Hammond (Richard Attenborough), assures everyone that the facility is safe, they find out otherwise when various ferocious predators break free and go on the hunt.

This is no normal review. In fact, it’s possibly not a review at all. Everyone knows this is my all time favourite movie and has been since July 1993 when it set me on my path to geekdom.

It’s a film I’ve watched so often, but I don’t think I’ve ever considered it as a horror, or a film to watch as a lead up to Halloween so the fear factor is never going to be there. I’m too amazed and in all honesty, I want to be there too.

So instead, I’m considering how many tropes and themes that come up in horror movies apply to Jurassic Park. I thought I was on a dud mission, but I was very quickly proven wrong.

Creature Feature

The creature feature is perhaps the most obvious genre this dinosaur disaster fits into. There’s narrative similarities within Jurassic Park and the Creature From the Black Lagoon, a tonal structure that Spielberg brings organically from Jaws and there’s even an audio/visual reference to one of the greatest creature feature: King Kong, just invade you were wondering what they might be keeping on the island. In the same way Black Lagoon has that embedded wonder, Jurassic Park is all smiles until things go very, very wrong.

One key trope from the creature feature (and arguably other horrors) that is seen multiple times is the Scream Queen. Both of our females give their lungs a good airing when found face to face with the prehistoric reptiles and join Faye Wray, Julie Adams and Susan Blackline as Hollywood Hollering Royalty.

Science, Bitches!

Science and playing God is a staple theme in many a horror movie. Frankenstein, The Fly and Jekyll & Hyde all have scientists take on the god-like role of creator. In much the same fashion as the previously mentioned films, the scientists of Ingen fails to understand the true nature of the monster in their captivity and they rebel against the creator.

Of course, this is on a much grander scale so the stakes are higher and the town at risk is bigger. While the revulsion for the monster isn’t present, it’s clear not everyone is happy with the creators.

The Slasher

Hear me out because yes, there’s no Freddy or Michael but some of the rules still apply. I am, of course, talking about the raptors and their story arc.

The fact that we don’t get a sighting of the raptors until the last 20 minutes or so is frightening in itself. All we’ve seen, is their destruction and lethal potential, much in the same way we don’t see the shark in Jaws or the knife break flesh in the infamous ‘shower scene’, our imagination makes quick work of filling in the blanks with scares and blood. The raptors are isolated, imprisoned separately, from the rest of the park. Too dangerous: they indeed claim the film’s largest body count.

Of course, like Michael Myers, when they find freedom the raptors set their sights on human victims which brings us to the glorious stalking kitchen scene. Replace the predatory reptiles with Ghostface and this scene could fit seamlessly into a Scream movie.

I’ll agree that there’s more than one, and there’s no motivation forthcoming but you have to admit, sometimes the explanation sucks and ruins the movie.

The Harbinger of Doom

A trope I only really became familiar with thanks to Cabin in the Woods. A meta horror that calls out all the tropes is perfect education for film.

So, there are two characters that fit the bill of a harbinger within Jurassic Park. The first is Robert Muldoon, who is vocal about the raptors and their dangers. However, the key role goes to Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm. Not only is his entire persona as a theorist of chaos an ideal fit, he has a passionate speech warning Hammond of his companies’ naivety in playing with Science, even going so far as call it ‘rape of the natural world’.

Both Malcolm and Muldoon give us some foresight into the horrors that are to be faced even if, as Malcolm puts it, he ‘hates being right all the time.’

Haunted House

So it’s an island, doesn’t mean the haunted house rules don’t apply. The clear trope that can be seen is the fracturing of the group, repeatedly. Those that do end up on their own; Muldoon, the lawyer and Arnold, die in rather painful and bloody ways.

Now you’ve read this, you may see Jurassic Park in a different way, or maybe you’re like Ian Malcolm and consider it …

Either way, go check it out on Netflix. There it isn’t butchered like a Michael Myer’s victim on Halloween (yup ITV! I’m looking at you)

Han x


The Fly (1986)

Rating 18

Length 1Hr 36

Release 13.2.1987

About When scientist Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) completes his teleportation device, he decides to test its abilities on himself. Unbeknownst to him, a housefly slips in during the process, leading to a merger of man and insect. Initially, Brundle appears to have undergone a successful teleportation, but the fly’s cells begin to take over his body. As he becomes increasingly fly-like, Brundle’s girlfriend (Geena Davis) is horrified as the person she once loved deteriorates into a monster.

The Good

  • The makeup and visual effects are incredible. Repulsive in some respects, but they certainly stand up to a modern viewing. From Seth’s mottled and sickly looking skin to his complete metamorphosis, it’s compelling and scary to see.
  • Jeff Goldblum and his ticks and twitches in particular. I do wonder if it’s his role here that put him up for consideration in Jurassic Park. There are similarities within the characters and the only difference being; Ian Malcolm would have predicted all this chaos. Goldblum has been long established as a loveable kook for me, that seeing him in this very different role helps bring the horror alive.
  • I love that Seth has a better outline plan of action than a Tory government. Something I thought right before he tells Veronica he wants to be the first insect politician. I giggled way too much at myself for that.
  • John Getz wins me over by the end of the film. I can’t remember what else I’ve seen him in, but the word ‘sleaze’ comes to mind and that’s before you consider the ‘Han’s buddy’ beard he has going on. Sleaze is actually right. He’s a knob to Veronica and I hate him for about two thirds of the movie. However, he really turns it around.

The Bad

  • There’s less Science and more about the relationship between Seth and Veronica. While it certainly makes for a better horror, I personally didn’t care for it.
  • The timeframe seems off, making the relationship seem overly toxic, without the whole spontaneously mutating into a psychotic insect. I know there’s a comment close to the end of the film about how a month has passed, but early on it seems like a day goes past and they’ve gone from bed buddies to an old married couple holidaying to Florida.
  • Not sure how I feel about the narrative commentary of Veronica having to tell Seth about her intended abortion. I know it’s necessary for the cause and effect to lead to the final act, but I’m very uncomfortable with it when he’s shown violent predator behaviour. Without getting bogged down in gender politics, I think it’s fair to say that if you’re beau has become a mutation that vomits over his own food and scared the bejesus out of you, you can wave the ‘conversation’.

  • I can see how the film is interpreted as a commentary of the AIDS crisis, however it is self evident that the commentary is much too broad for this to be the case. It’s a shame, as if they went in with intention, it could have made an excellent theme. That said, we have werewolves for that.

The Ugly

  • The gore was too much for me. Made me physically sick and it’s the first time during this advent I’ve had to look away from the screen.
  • The maggot baby birth! Holy fuck, that was horrific. Perhaps it has more impact on a woman but that was a visual I could have done without.

Final Thoughts

It’s a well made film that had proven my theory that I am indeed a pussy when it comes to gory horrors. It’s like Captain America gone wrong, way way wrong.


The Fly(1958)

Rating: X

Length:1Hr 34

Release: 31.7.1958

About: When scientist Andre Delambre (Al Hedison) tests his matter transporter on himself, an errant housefly makes its way into the transportation chamber, and things go horribly wrong. As a result, Delambre’s head and arm are now that of the insect. Slowly losing himself to the fly, Delambre turns to his wife, Helene (Patricia Owens), for help. But when tragedy strikes, Delambre’s brother (Vincent Price) and Inspector Charas (Herbert Marshall) are forced to pick up the investigation.

The Good

  • I love the narrative framing that’s used. The anticipation of discovering what happened to her husband then, as time goes on, the wish that you can stop it all from happening.
  • Vincent Price has a presence on the screen. Not one that shines while suppressing others, but a charm and persona that simple commands attention. I look forward to exploring his filmography beyond the few films I’ve seen him in.
  • The effects are brilliant, even for a film made today I’d been happy with what they presented. From the close up flies to the presentation of Andre’s mutation, they all allow you to buy into the situation. The ending, in which we see the mutated fly is an incredible visual.
  • In much the same way The Creature From the Black Lagoon had the historical Science lesson, The Fly contains a commentary about technological progression, playing God and the fear that brings. Science is at the heart of many horrors and it’s the beauty of them. Lack of explanation makes us feel uneasy, so bending or breaking Science to our will is a goal for many. The biggest fear being that it’ll fail. It’s a subconscious fear, but that’s where a horror is better at getting under your skin.

The Bad

  • There’s a scene or two within the flash-back framing that are impossible for the wife to tell, as it contains only Andre or the camera angle presents his view (however amazing that it). Yes, it’s a weak point and not something a viewer would perhaps notice, but I need a bad and I hope this shows the quality of the film if I’m being petty.

The Ugly

  • That poor fucking child! No one tells him his dad is dead, even though the Police are deciding if his mother should be hanged for murder or locked up in the looney bin for her explanation. Actually, he constantly asks when his dad is coming home… maybe he didn’t inherit his father’s genius.

Final Thoughts

An excellent film, but no fear factor due to perhaps knowing the outcome from the start.


All the Film Reviews in One Place


Absolutely Everything (2015)

Aladdin (1992)

Aladdin (2019)

American Made (2017)

American Sniper (2016)

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Annie (2015)

Arthur Christmas (2011)

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Avengers: Endgame Spoiler Free (2019)

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)


Big Hero 6 (2015)

Bird Box (2018)

Birdman (2015)

Blackhat (2015)

Black Panther (2018)

Blade Runner 2049 (2018)

Blade Runner: the Final Cut (1982)

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

Book Smart (2019)

Bringing Up Baby (1938)


Cake (2015)

Capricorn One (1979)

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Captain Marvel (2019)

Changeland (2019)

Christmas Carol (1951)

Christmas Story, A (1983)

Craft, The (1996)

Creature From the Black Lagoon (1954)

Cure, The (1996)

Curse of Frankenstein, The (1957)


Darkest Hour (2017)

Dead Don’t Die, The (2019)

Detective Pikachu (2019)

Dumplin (2018)

Dunkirk (2017)


Elf (2003)

Enemy of the State (1998)

Entourage (2015)

Ex Machina (2015)


Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)

Fantastic Four (2015)

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Final Portrait (2017)

Fly, The (1958)

Fly, The (1986)

Foxcatcher (2015)

Fred Clause (2007)

Frighteners, The (1996)

Fun Size (2012)


Galaxy Quest (1999)

Ghostbusters (1984)

Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017)

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (2018)

Greatest Showman, The (2017)

Gremlins (1984) 50


Halloween (1978)

Halloween (2007)

Halloween (2018)

Hellboy (2019)

High Lonesome: A Father For Charlie (1995)

Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017)

Hobson’s Choice (1954)

Hocus Pocus (1993)

Holiday Affair (1949)

Hollow, The (2004)

Home (2015)

Home Alone (1990)

Hotel Artemis (2018)

Hotel Transylvania 3 (2018)

Howling III (1987)


Incredibles 2, The (2018)

Incredible Hulk, The (2008)

Indian in the Cupboard, The (1995)

Interview, The (2015)

Into the Night (1985)

Into the Woods (2015)

Iron Man (2008)

Iron Man 2 (2010)

I, Tonya (2018)

IT (1990)

IT: Chapter One (2017)

IT: Chapter Two (2019)

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)


Jaws (1975)

Jungle Book, The (2016)

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Jurassic Park (1993)

Jurassic Park Halloween Edition (1993)

Jurassic World (2015)

Just Friends (2005)


King of Thieves (2018)

XKingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Kingsman: Secret Service (2015)

Kitchen, The (2019)

Krampus (2015)


Lion King, The (2019)

Little Shop of Horrors, The (1986)

Long Shot (2019)

Love, Actually (2003)

Love, Simon (2018)


Magic Mike XXL (2015)

Mama Mia! Here I Go Again (2018)

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Meg, The (2018)

Minions (2015)

Mom and Dad (2018)

Mother! (2017)

Mr Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

Mummy, The (2017)


National Lamoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

Nativity! (2009)

Nerve (2017) 100

Nightmare Before Christmas, The (1993)

Nightmare on Elm Street, A (1984)

Nightmare on Elm Street, A (2010)


On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)

Overboard (2018)


Paddington 2 (2017)

Paper Towns (2015)

Paranorman (2012)

Patti Cakes (2017)

Perfect Date, The (2019)

Pet Sematary (2019)

Please Stand By (2017)

Polar Express, The (2004)

Predator (1987)

Predator, The (2018)

Pretty in Pink (1986)


Queen, The (2006)

Quiet Place, The (2018)


Raging Moon, The (1971)

Raising Helen (2004)

Rampage (2018)

Rare Exports (2010)

Ready Player One (2018)

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

Rocket Man (2019)

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)


Santa Claws (2018)

Scream (1996)

Scrooge (1970)

Scrooged (1988)

Selma (2015)

Shape of Water (2018)

Shazam! (2019)

Sherlock Gnomes (2018)

Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)

Simon Birch (1998)

Skyscraper (2018)

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Slow West (2015)

Small Soldiers (1998)

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Spy Who Dumped Me, The (2018)

Stan & Ollie (2018)

Star Trek (2009)

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

Surviving Christmas (2004)


Terminator, The (1984)

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

Terminator Genisys (2015)

Three Wishes (1995)

Theory of Everything (2015)

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Tomb Raider (2018)

Toy Story (1995)

Toy Story 4 (2019)

Trading Places (1983)

Trapped in Paradise (1994)

Truth or Dare (2018)


Undrafted (2016)



Wedding Ringer, The (2015)

Weekend at Bernie’s (1989)

We’re No Angels (1955)

When We First Met (2018)

Whiplash (2015)

Wild (2015)

Wind River (2017)

Wonder Park (2019)

Wonder Woman (2017)

Wooly Boys, The (2001)


X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)


Yesterday (2019)


Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)


Dracula (1958)

Rating: X

Length: 1Hr 22

Release: 22.5.1958

About: On a search for his missing friend Jonathan Harker (John Van Eyssen), vampire hunter Dr. Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) is led to Count Dracula’s (Christopher Lee) castle. Upon arriving, Van Helsing finds an undead Harker in Dracula’s crypt and discovers that the count’s next target is Harker’s ailing fiancée, Lucy Holmwood (Carol Marsh). With the help of her brother, Arthur (Michael Gough), Van Helsing struggles to protect Lucy and put an end to Count Dracula’s parasitic reign of terror.

The good

  • The acting is much better than my past experiences of watching Dracula. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee provide that familiarity that you’d come to expect of Hammer Horrors. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else take on Van Helsing in a better way.
  • It took me a while to spot him, but Wayne Manner’s resident butler Michael Gough is an absolute joy to watch as the father of Lucy. It’s at his introduction that the film is a smoother watch and he works very well with Cushing.
  • The defeat of Dracula is quite brilliant, even now. Yes, there was a slight difference in the colouration to the rest of the film, but the physical effects themselves really do stand up. Much better than so CGI counterparts ever could.

The bad

  • I’m unsure as to why Dracula speaks at the start but is reduced to growls and hisses. It does nothing for the narrative and having him speak. It’s not enough to make him disarming and it’s too much to allow him to be fearful.

The ugly

  • I think it might be the Dracula story itself, but I found this rather clunky and slow to gain traction in its lack of protagonist. Or rather, a protagonist who isn’t present from the start. Perhaps framing the film and beginning with Van Helsing receiving Jonathan’s diary. That way we’re with Cushing from the start.

Final Thoughts

A clunky but well acted version of the legendary Dracula that plays a little more like a thriller than a horror.


A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Rating: 18

Length: 1Hr 35

Release: 7.5.2010

About: Teenagers Nancy, Quentin, Kris, Jesse and Dean are all neighborhood friends who begin having the same dream of a horribly disfigured man who wears a tattered sweater and a glove made of knives. The man, Freddy Krueger (Jackie Earle Haley), terrorizes them in their dreams, and the only escape is to wake up. But when one of their number dies violently, the friends realize that what happens in the dream world is real, and the only way to stay alive is to stay awake.

The Good

The 2010 offering takes what is an interesting concept, offers a polished script and gives a better explanation to the fate of Freddy and his supernatural motivations.

It’s most definitely a horror. There’s jumps and scares (even those beyond my cat jumping onto me as someone gets the Freddy knives to the chest). The music has some part to play in that, but the biggest sell for the fear factor is how possible some of it seems. Not the whole ‘slasher killing you in your dreams’, but the repression after trauma, sexual predators being brought to vigilante justice by an angry mob.

Krueger is visually better. He looks like a burn victim rather than a jazz hand muppet or Christopher Llyod in Who Framed Rogger Rabbit? While Englund is iconic, time has been unkind to his camp Freddy. Now we have a Krueger that you believe may have been wrongly punished. Not only do his motivations bring fear, every movement is slow, calculated and necessary. It’s the opposite of what the 80s provided and, even ten years on, it scares the crap out of me.

The Bad

Some CGI scenes are bad. I actually reported a ‘trivia’ note on IMDb that stated that GCI was only used when ‘absolutely necessary’ as I believe that to be utter bullshit. The two scenes in which Freddy enters the ‘real world’ through the bedroom walls did not need to be done through CGI. It looks flawless (and creepy) in the 1984 version while the CGI one detracts from the horror.

The Ugly

The final scene that suggests it’s not really all over. It’s not the only film guilty of it, but I am disappointed that in 2010 it’s the only way Hollywood can end a horror movie.

Final thoughts

It’s the best horror remake/reboot I know of and it certainly has the scares you want from a horror. I just wish it would have relied on practical effects over CGI.


Creature From the Black Lagoon (1954)

Rating: A (hasn’t been reclassified)

Length: 1Hr 19

Release: 9.12.1954

About: Remnants of a mysterious animal have come to light in a remote jungle, and a group of scientists intends to determine if the find is an anomaly or evidence of an undiscovered beast. To accomplish their goal, the scientists (Antonio Moreno, Richard Carlson, Richard Denning, Whit Bissell) must brave the most perilous pieces of land South America has to offer. But the terrain is nothing compared to the danger posed by an otherworldly being that endangers their work and their lives.

The Good

  • How can you not be charmed by this Universal classic? Get past the rather jarring Biblical opening and you’re met with a this incredible set up: a scientific and geological finding that brings together a team. It’s fascinating and almost educational(in a geeky fun way. Like Mr DNA). You feel safe, you’re smiling and maybe you even begin to wonder why this is on a list for Halloween. Plot wise the first half reminds me of Jurassic Park while the second half is King Kong and Jaws.
  • The creature is incredible, on the most part. The person they have in the suit truly brings Gill-Man to life and is able to make moving about in water organic and distinguishable from both David and Mark. I would say in terms of the long shots within the water Gill-Man is as good as modern creature feature man and Starfleet officer, Doug Jones.
  • The musical score provided many of the films cues and impeding ‘scares’. It adds tension and atmosphere to the more chilling parts of the film. It certainly seems to be something that inspired Jaws’ main theme.

The Bad

  • Inconsistency with the character of Mark is a sticking point for me. He’s hell bent on killing, stuffing and mounting the poor creature who’d had his home invaded. Yet within seconds of bludgeoning the bastard, he’s entrusted with taking him to safety. It happens a few too many times, which suggests the characterisations were not the priority. While story is important, I do like a focus on characters.
  • I’m certain it wasn’t the intention, but the one creature hands reaching out for land was repeated a little too often in a short amount of time that it became comical. No… I tell a lie, it was even funny the first time.

The Ugly

  • Now, this is almost unfair. However, I’m finding it hard to put something here that I feel I have to. The creature’s suit was brilliant, almost faultless considering the time and some of the CGI renderings today. However, the only issue I had with it was the eyes. They were so lifeless and fake that they really brought attention to them. Perhaps it might not have been so noticeable had there not been the focus on the movement of the gills which was incredible. Perhaps had they have been painted over with a matt paint they would have worked better.

Final thoughts

A charming film from the vaults that should be spoken about and aired on tv more often. It has clearly inspired a host of modern film makers and I certainly find that fascinating.


Halloween (1978)

Rating: 18

Length: 1Hr 31

Release: 25.1.1979

About: On a cold Halloween night in 1963, six year old Michael Myers brutally murdered his 17-year-old sister, Judith. He was sentenced and locked away for 15 years. But on October 30, 1978, while being transferred for a court date, a 21-year-old Michael Myers steals a car and escapes Smith’s Grove. He returns to his quiet hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois, where he looks for his next victims.

The Good

  • The filming is atmospheric: from the voyeuristic Michael Myers’ POV shots to the ones that track Michael, have him placed in shot without showing him fully.
  • The music adds to this with that creepy and chilling score.
  • I love that there’s no running really. It’s all sneak attack, up close and often without them expecting it. Largely that seems to do with the fact that it’s all set around the one day.
  • Donald Pleasance having his own storyline away from the survivor is a refreshing change. Having no one believe him is terrifying.

The Bad

  • Laurie is a little bit dumb. Not once, but twice she discards the knife right next to Michael Myers’ body. Okay, first time I’ll let you off. But you know the bastard is good at playing dead, why the fuck would you hand back the knife?!?!

The Ugly

  • What sort of basketball player worthy cameraman did they use for that opening sequence in which Michael, a six year old Michael at that, is given a camera POV shot? Way too tall and it really pulled me out of the scene.

Halloween (2018)

Rating 18

Length 1Hr 46

Release 19.10.2018

About It’s been 40 years since Laurie Strode survived a vicious attack from crazed killer Michael Myers on Halloween night. Locked up in an institution, Myers manages to escape when his bus transfer goes horribly wrong. Laurie now faces a terrifying showdown when the masked madman returns to Haddonfield, Ill. — but this time, she’s ready for him.

The Good

  • This is a clever continuation of the 1978 film. It nods to the things that made the original the classic that it is, while reworking some tired tropes for not only a modern day audience, but for a Horror fan wishing to see something different.
  • Woohoo! An 18 that doesn’t require the women to die with their breasts out. The theme of chastity being a saving grace has been removed, instead giving us a much more complex and rewarding theme of survivor complex and generational family dynamics.
  • It’s a proper decent script and a great cast. There are two awesome lines within the film and they are supported by two brilliant actors delivering them. There’s a ‘oh Shit’ that feels like one of the most authentic responses I’ve ever seen in a horror movie and there’s a ‘gotcha’ that rings with power that I ended up shouting at the tv.
  • The music and title credits are … well, they’re beautiful. The film opens with the traditional score and a new approach to the visuals. It closes with a modern remix.

The Bad

  • The showdown at the house feels flawed. While it may be seen differently on a repeated viewing, it will spark irritation in some viewers who have been charmed by its smart choices for everything that comes before.

The Ugly

  • While it cuts down, or rather out, the nudity it does not hold back the gore. As a filmic genre Hollywood has moved away from the implied and all but splatters the audience with blood. While it was not something that turns my stomach, I will always find the misdirection of the famous Psycho shower scene much more effective.

Final Thoughts

Fuck me, this is the best of the franchise. However, it won’t truly work in isolation. To really appreciate it as a story, and as a film, you do need to watch the original and, as much as I hate to admit this, watching the 2007 version will also help.


Halloween (2007)

Rating: 18

Length: 1Hr 49

Release: 28.9.2007

About: Nearly two decades after being committed to a mental institution for killing his stepfather and older sister, Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) breaks out, intent on returning to the town of Haddonfield, Ill. He arrives in his hometown on Halloween with the indomitable purpose of hunting down his younger sister, Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton). The only thing standing between Michael and a Halloween night of bloody carnage is psychologist Dr. Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell).

The Good

  • Certainly the first half has a great attempt at… being its own film. The filming style and story contains a nod to the original, but it’s definitely meant for a different audience.
  • I guess good on ‘em for not being a Hollywood shithouse and providing the cinema goers with a rated 18 movie. I’d say well done for not being a pussy, but as the rating was probably given for that gratuitous full body shot…. yeah…
  • There’s a solid cast and having Malcolm McDowell as Loomis was a good call. While I can’t say he brings all of his menace and authority from De Large days, he doesn’t bring the ham either.

The Bad

  • While I definitely commend the attempt to add a background to Michael Myers and his violent tendencies, it actually detracts from the horror. Going down the psychological exploration for his pathological behaviour makes sense; he had a shit life and exposed to violence from a young age, of course it manifests. However, one of the scariest parts of the original is that there’s no explanation. We always fear the unknown, so explaining it removes the fear.
  • Laurie is no longer the protagonist. She doesn’t appear until halfway. Spending so much time with Michael stops you from engaging with Laurie and her friends. I care very little for her survival. There’s very few changes at this point other than as babysitter’s, both Laurie and Annie suck.
  • Having Laurie be Michael’s sister was something the original franchise attempted, and failed to bring to fruition so I’m unsure why they would expect it to work here. The biggest sticking point being I don’t get how the bastard knows Laurie is his sister?! If you are going to do it, do it well.

The Ugly

  • The running, the screaming, the deaths. It was all just noise. Loud, obnoxious and game play noise. The two kids being looked after are so annoying and whiney, the viewer will be rooting for Myers and hoping he kills them. Slowly. With a rusty spoon.
  • That multiple, fake-out ending is just overkill. I felt as if nothing short of a nuke was going to stop him and I need some realism to my serial killers.
  • There’s an absolutely unnecessary and violent rape scene which I really could have done without as it verged on the torture porn gore that has become rampant in modern day horror.

Final Thoughts

It’s a film for the over stimulated generation and I checked out way before Laurie Strode made her stage left debut. Myer’s gets a back story no one asked for and runs the risk of the audience connecting with him.


Halloween Advent Reviews: Fun Size (2012)

Rating: 12a

Length: 1Hr 23

Release: 29.10.2012

About: Wren (Victoria Justice) is a high-school senior who can’t wait to get away from her dysfunctional family. On Halloween, Wren’s mother decides to go out with her much-younger boyfriend, leaving Wren to look after little brother Albert. When Wren is distracted by an invitation to the party of the year, Albert disappears into a sea of trick-or-treaters. Enlisting the aid of her sassy friend, April (Jane Levy), and two other classmates, Wren sets out on a frantic search for her sibling.

The Good

  • Johnny Knoxville does what Johnny Knoxville does best and it works well in this film even if he does seemingly come out of nowhere. He provides some laughs and gives the film a semblance of a plot for the second half.
  • There’s a wonderful scene between the brother and sister towards the end of the film that I actually wish the film had played on a little more. It provides the film with a nice nod to problems kids their age may face.
  • The little kid, Albert, is a wonderful little shit. Being a selective mute is an interesting choice and while it’s not a fully form plot point, it gives him that ‘baby on the run’ persona seen in Baby’s Day Out. His costume is ace and I love the situations he finds himself in.

The Bad

  • It’s not very festive. Which is strange, because every scene is plastered with pumpkins. It lacks a certain tone that seems to be present in a movie about autumn’s favourite holiday.
  • Thomas Middleditch is his Sillicon Valley ‘Richard’ self in this. So much so his character and story is nauseating. That gut feeling of wanting to reach into the film and punch the fuck out of him feels like a regular thing when I see him on screen, but it doesn’t half distract from the film. I’ll leave that to you to decide if it’s a good or bad thing.

The Ugly

  • Can you really call yourself a ‘family fun’ movie when you have more than four pedophile jokes? Imagine if they made another Paddington movie that employs Jimmy Saville jokes and has a Gary Glitter soundtrack and you’ve got this movie. The pedophile jokes range from the tongue in cheek to the out right wrong “hey, what I’m doing is 100% legal” says the Spider-man clad grandpa trick or treating with the kids.
  • Seriously, the film doesn’t really know who it’s audience is. It could have quite easily been a American Pie or Superbad, but instead it’s Ferris Buller by way of Adventures in Babysitting and Baby’s Day Out with weird sex references.
  • The mature humour clashes with the ‘family’ nature the film claims to be going for. From middle aged widow stopping her daughter from going to a party to bone her 26 year old boyfriend, to Wren’s best friend almost killing a cat because she ‘Naired her ass’ and the fumes put the kitty into a coma. Not to mention an oversized robot chicken that humps the back of the car. It’s all just a little much.

Final Thoughts (trick or treat?)

It says it all that Nickelodeon made the film to go on to ban it from being aired on their own channel. The biggest issue is that in terms of it being a film watched in the build up to Halloween, it does not do its job.

It’s a nasty trick and not something I’ll rush to rewatch.


The Predator (2018) spoilers within

Length: 1Hr 47

Rating: 15

Release: 12.9.2018

About: From the outer reaches of space to the small-town streets of suburbia, the hunt comes home. The universe’s most lethal hunters are stronger, smarter and deadlier than ever before, having genetically upgraded themselves with DNA from other species. When a boy accidentally triggers their return to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and an evolutionary biologist can prevent the end of the human race.

The Good

  • The gore and horror is on point and I was quite surprised to discover it was rated 15. Even by today’s standards (which have relaxed somewhat) I would have expecting this to gain an 18. It doesn’t hide away from the violence or a body count.
  • The rag tag bunch of misfits really worked for me and I just wish there had been a smoother way to introduce them. I personally would have started the film with Quinn boarding the bus and allow the narrative to play on the ‘crazy’ a little more and also keeping the Predator off the screen a little longer.
  • The humour is low key and actually had me chuckling away at some parts.

The Bad

  • As a movie in of itself, it’s a typical loud and fast alien invasion movie. It, in isolation, is a fair film. However, this is part of a well known franchise. Part of what I loved about that first one was everything you didn’t see.
  • In the same sense, I felt that having subtitles and dialogue from the Predator it detracts from the species being the petrifying badass that I saw as a kid.
  • The CGI in places is really ropey and, again, it removed all of the fear I had when I was watching these creatures fuck shit up. It’s very clear when a person is used and when it’s a CGI monster and it’s all to do with plot which is a shame as the man in the suit is quite impressive.
  • How do you cast Yvonne Strahovski in an action movie and have her play housewife and make her a butt of a gun joke?! Yawn.

The Ugly

  • Did Olivia Munn really have to be starkers, at all, during this movie?! Munn is an awesome actress who I first saw in Aron Sorkin’s the Newsroom, so its rather sad to see her reduced to gratuitous implied nudity and a Mary Sue (soldier/ genome expert/ zoologist/ Tomb Raider fantasy wank material. Delete to make her suit the scene)
  • My biggest gripe of all is the god damn fucking kid. Firstly, why the fuck are you putting him on the spectrum, bring it up multiple times to do absolutely nothing with it?! We’re currently in a time of representation and, when it’s done right, I’m all for it. However, this ham fisted ‘we’re doing it for doing its sake’ shockingly misrepresents people on the spectrum as a ‘Rain Man fits all’. You know how your able to tell it’s an add on? The kid stops his sound sensitivity about 20 minutes in and never does it again. It’s not even like he’s got ‘mad skills’ with the tech. Everything he achieves is the result of what any kid would do: he fucks about with buttons.
  • Secondly, he’s a shit and possibly a sociopath, but let’s just stick with the being a shit. I have never wanted a kid in media to die as much as this one. Like, even Carl in Walking Dead and Dawn from Buffy didn’t step on my last nerve this much. He’s a pussy who cowers at micro-dicks from school but will tell an officer with a gun to go fuck themselves?! Don’t get me started on the fact that he opened someone else’s post! Fucker!

Final Thoughts

I prefer my scares to computer game play style filming. I could see the attempt reclaiming some of what the original had going for it and I loved the gore, but ultimately I prefer my 80s version that scares the crap out of me.


IT: Chapter Two

Review of Chapter One can be found here.

Rating: 15

Release: 6.9.2019

Length: 2hr 49

About: Defeated by members of the Losers’ Club, the evil clown Pennywise returns 27 years later to terrorize the town of Derry, Maine, once again. Now adults, the childhood friends have long since gone their separate ways. But when people start disappearing, Mike Hanlon calls the others home for one final stand. Damaged by scars from the past, the united Losers must conquer their deepest fears to destroy the shape-shifting Pennywise — now more powerful than ever.

The Good

  • As with Chapter One, the casting is faultless. Not only are the adults perfect in and of themselves, they’re scarily perfect for the grown up versions of the youngsters.
  • Special mention has to go to Bill Hader as Richie. I was so very excited to see him cast and he really did a wonderful job stealing every single scene he’s in. What I love about comedians like Hader is that while people see him as the joker, he’s actually very well equipped to bring the drama. For me, IT has done for Hader what the likes of Awakenings, Insomnia and 24 Hour Photo did for Robin Williams.
  • Jessica Chastain was, certainly in my mind, a risky casting choice. Well, it was certainly one that paid off. She is able to bring us the duality that Sophia Lillis initially presented us with and show a growth of character within Chapter Two.
  • The change in time setting is almost mute when we get the adults. Yes, we’ve lost the nostalgic references but it does make that opening scene a little more haunting. I’m so very glad this scene was kept.
  • I love the ongoing commentary about Bill’s stories not having great endings as perhaps an ironic note to the ending of IT itself. Which also lends itself to the film’s best Easter egg that is one par with a Stan Lee appearance.

The Bad

  • Max Headroom visuals are back and some of the scares intended from Pennywise are lost on me because of this. Again, it’s more the music than the visuals that give me the scares which is a shame as visually, Pennywise is incredible.
  • You have Bill Skarsgård who is exceptional in the role, there’s no doubt about that. There’s a manipulative charm there that festers and creeps under the skin, but everything the actor can build up is scuppered by the CGI and wobbly background that draws your eyes away.

The Ugly

  • The presentation of the interweaving timelines is rather too clunky for me. Unfortunately, due to memory loss being a major plot device I’m not certain there’s another way of making Part Two without the help of the younger counterparts.
  • The film certainly transitioned well between timelines, however I find it treads too much on top familiar ground from Part One. Perhaps if there was overlap of the actors in the previous outing, it wouldn’t stand out so much but I guess we’ll never know.

Final Thoughts

The filmmakers did an incredible job with a difficult source material. It has its faults and probably won’t be something I return to any time soon. However, it is a much-watch for Hader’s performance alone.


Yesterday (2019) (Spoilers within)

Rating: 12a

Length: 1Hr 52

Release: 28.6.2019

About: Jack Malik is a struggling singer-songwriter in an English seaside town whose dreams of fame are rapidly fading, despite the fierce devotion and support of his childhood best friend, Ellie. After a freak bus accident during a mysterious global blackout, Jack wakes up to discover that The Beatles have never existed. Performing songs by the greatest band in history to a world that has never heard them, Jack becomes on overnight sensation with a little help from his agent.

The Good

  • You couldn’t pick a better band to hang this premise on; the influential foursome have a wonderful back catalogue to interweave throughout the film.
  • Game of Thrones and Plebs alumni Joel Fry is a wonderful addition to the plot. He provides a big chunk of the humour and he played off everyone really well.
  • There is one scene that truly was incredible and I won’t lie, I watched it with a tear in my eye. Towards the end of the film, we come face to face with the one bitter sweet reality of The Beatles never forming: John Lennon has survived. We should have spent way more time here than we did. In fact, I’d have taken a whole film in which Jack Malik sits and has cups of tea with an 70-odd year old John Lennon. He’s portrayed flawlessly by the amazing Robert Carlyle.

The Bad

  • It’s not often I have a bad word to say about Kate McKinnon. Actually, scrap that, I’ve never said a bad word against the SNL comedian. However, she was grossly miscast in Yesterday. McKinnon’s Debra Hammer seems more like a SNL lampoon than an actual character. She’s a walking stereotype and she could have done so much better.
  • Did you REALLY have to make the first recorded song of a TEACHER be ‘I Saw Her Standing There’, in which the first line is ‘well, she was just seventeen’?!?! Let’s just put him on the sex offenders list shall we?
  • The trip to Liverpool was so unbelievably lip service that it was almost offensive. It was the bit I was looking forward to most, but it didn’t deliver.

The Ugly

  • It’s devoid of almost all the charm of a Richard Curtis film. There’s no chemistry between the two leads and the resolution falls very flat. There’s no method to the items, bands and popular culture that’s erased from history by the Beatles not existing. There’s a tangible link for the popularity of Coca Cola in the UK, but the others seem like weird choices.
  • Some would say it’s brave to have the film not return back to the status quo at the end. It’s a cute ending that is provided, but it’s far from fulfilling or satisfying. It also makes the protagonist a bit of dick for not even trying.

Final Thoughts

There’s not enough sweet to offset the bitter and it doesn’t really ever get to the heart of what makes the Beatles great.


Book Review: The Deathless Girls by Kiran Milwood Hargrave

Publisher: Orion

Release date: 19.9.19

About: Gothic, intoxicating, feminist and romantic – this is the breathtakingly imagined untold story of the brides of Dracula, by bestselling author Kiran Millwood Hargrave in her much-anticipated YA debut.

They say the thirst of blood is like a madness – they must sate it. Even with their own kin.

On the eve of her divining, the day she’ll discover her fate, seventeen-year-old Lil and her twin sister Kizzy are captured and enslaved by the cruel Boyar Valcar, taken far away from their beloved traveller community. 

Forced to work in the harsh and unwelcoming castle kitchens, Lil is comforted when she meets Mira, a fellow slave who she feels drawn to in a way she doesn’t understand. But she also learns about the Dragon, a mysterious and terrifying figure of myth and legend who takes girls as gifts. 

They may not have had their divining day, but the girls will still discover their fate…

The Deathless Girls is exquisitely written, as we have come to expect from Millwood Hargrave, but it is also riveting, intoxicating, and utterly unputdownable.” – Louise O’Neill

Copy: Netgalley


This is the book that will inject new life into the vampire novel. It’s so beautifully written that I had to stop hi-lighting text on my ecopy. It’s style and voice gives you a rich experience as life as a servant/slave.

There is scope for a sequel, but ends in such a fulfilling and satisfying way that it isn’t needed. It’s perfect for anyone wanting to dip their toes into historical fantasy.


– there is a scene of attempted rape and allusions to an almost sex slave lifestyle.

– a descriptive scene of genitalia examination in relation to sex slavery and sex trafficking.

For me, I felt it was well handled without being gratuitous and historically accurate, however it may trigger other people.

This is a short review, but hopefully it has everything you need to make you want to read this stunning book.

Love Han x


Why So Triggered? (aka why Karen Gregory’s I Hold Your Heart and Holly Bourne’s The Places I’ve Cried in Public are important novels)

This post has remained unpublished for a year. Last year it was about writing down my fears and thoughts that lead to panic attacks and never ending tears.

Now, I’m stronger. Now, thanks to Karen Gregory and Holly Bourne, I am able to quieten that voice that told me it was all my fault….

22nd July 2018

I’ve just finished work for 6 weeks, I should be so unbelievably happy right? Instead of feeling the chill, I’m more anxious than ever.

Upon returning home from an amazing hen do, I found myself amid one of my worst panic attacks in a long while. My route home was closed and it was suggested that I simply get the Piccadilly line.


Only, there’s nothing simple when it comes to taking the Piccadilly line from central London. You see, Dick lives on the Piccadilly line. Not only that, but Dick’s ex lives on the Piccadilly line. Pray, how’d you know that?! Well Dick pointed out the very flat they shared on one of his ‘you’ll never be as good as her’ power trips. ‘I pay for it’ he informed me, like I’d care… right before I was made to pay for dinner ‘because you don’t deserve my money as much as her’.

The very thought of bumping into either of them not only has my breathing out of whack, it pulls out my soul and pushes me to the brink of what I’d imagine death would feel like. I’ve been painted the monster in her story and I’m not inclined to put her right. She wants someone to hate so she gets to keep Dick in her life. More fool her; he’s a narcissist who I met on a dating site. I didn’t steal him; according to his profile he was single and had been for a long time. This was a man who told me he wanted to pick a place close to me so moving in together would be easy; long before he told me that they’d still been together when we first met and there was overlap. Not only of me, but of a woman he cancelled our first date for (telling me he had to go see his dad) because he was garenteed sex with her and not with me. (That, was not the issue. The issue was him telling me he was out of town at his family home instead of being honest)

I have PTSD and the distance doesn’t help. It’s easier than ever to convince myself I was the one in the wrong. That I’d been ‘obsessed’ as he’d put it the last time I saw him; erasing the fact that he said he loved me first, that he’d never felt this way about anyone and that he’d covered up the fact that he was screwing 3 other women and had been since way before me and only told me because it was the only way to explain the fact that he couldn’t be my boyfriend. (Despite him asking, not me, and changing his mind without telling me three days later)

It’s a horrible thing to say, but I wish his abuse had been physical… this psychological torture he put me through, cutting me off from everyone I knew and manipulating me to the point of explosion, to then scream and shout at me for ‘over reacting’… I don’t know if those scars will ever heal.

I can’t face YALC on the off chance she’ll be there. I don’t go to signings any more because I feel she ‘deserves’ them more than me and i can’t go to Hammersmith without preparing myself for days in bed afterwards because I’m prettified I’ll bump into him.

It hurts but I feel like she has to come first. Clearly she got Richard, while I got Dick. I reached out thinking she’d understand. Oh how I needed someone to understand and tell me there was life beyond Dick. She’d met someone else and moved on; I experienced ‘depression Dick’ for a month to prove it. I just … well, I wanted to know her for her (having to hear about her everyday, you kind of get to know a person and, in all honesty?! She sounded fucking awesome and someone I’d get along with. Dick actually hated that. He hated that I respected her and actually took her side when he went on a rant about her having a boyfriend) but I think she thought it was to keep my ‘claws’ in Dick.

Sorry kiddos, but when a bloke has you in your FAVOURITE restaurant and tells you he’s considering making the girl you were told ‘wasn’t an issue’ his girlfriend, that in comparison you’re ordinary and recounts her sexual preferences (certain things he’d denied you when you asked) that he is happy to do this act because ‘he’s in love’ in a bid to make you react … you don’t want to keep in touch. You want your memory bleached of him. The ONLY thing you wanted was; the feeling of safety and belonging within a community and I was hoping I could avoid a Dick smear campaign (Dick had banned me from attending the 2017 YALC because she would be there so I feared …)

That’s where it ends. I considered finishing that sentence, but whatever I put now won’t be right.

I’m also aware, having had the woman my first boyfriend left me for 10 years ago lurk on my Insta Stories for almost two weeks, perhaps trying to befriend the exes ex was the brightest of moves. It was weird, stupid and not something I would normally do.

  • I Hold Your Heart by Karen Gregory is out now
  • The Places I’ve Cried in Public by Holly Bourne is out 3rd October 2019 but samplers and the chance to win a proof will be up for grabs at this year’s YALC.

YALC 2019

I will not be attending YALC this year. However, this is more about the fact that I’ve returned to Liverpool to care for my father than PTSD triggered anxiety. Plus, for all the books, photo ops and autographs I’d be wanting… I’d need a lotto win to accommodate. Nah… I’m going to spend next weekend curled up on the couch in the room next door to dad and reading my eyes out.

I will be missing some amazing people. Some wonderful women within the world of YA. I have found my people and I love them dearly.

Love Han x


Wooly Boys (2001)

Length: 1Hr 39

Rating: PG

Release: 7.10.2001 (no UK release)

About: Two ranchers (Peter Fonda, Kris Kristofferson) from North Dakota find adventure in Minneapolis after one goes to visit his only daughter.

The Good

  • Kris Kristoffersen and Peter Fonda are names that I’ve always known, however I’m not certain I’ve seen either in anything. They are a brilliant double act from the get go. These are veteran actors doing what they do best and I’m certainly going to be checking out their back catalogues over the coming months. I’m guessing from Kristofferson’s staring role in A Star is Born, he was the Bradley Cooper of the day.
  • It’s hard to make a film in the West and not be a cowboy movie. I’m quite happy that it was able to move beyond the tropes and give a fresh look at modern ranch life.
  • The humour, music and plotting are all sound and give the audience a family film with heart, charm and hope.

The Bad

  • Joe Mazzello’s rare appearance as a teen only appears in the bad because his awesome performance only makes me wish that he’d taken on a few more roles at the time. He’s acting against Fonda and Kristofferson for Christ sake. Lesser actors would have been swallowed whole. Not Mazzello, he not only brings an excellent performance, but is able to create believable and heartfelt relationships with the two men.
  • I’m a bit gutted about the fact that these two Wooly Boys weren’t the original Brokeback. There was a love between them, there’s no denying that, but I’d have love it to have been developed and more overtly romantic rather than platonic. Perhaps even have this as the cause of the rift between father and daughter. Although I can see that perhaps adding a little bitterness to the proceedings. Something it didn’t really need.

The Ugly

  • This film hit me a little too hard in the feels. I know all too well about the man of little words and the rift it can cause. While it’s a sweet film, it weighed a little too heavy for me to be enjoyable.
  • Animal death. It’s the one thing I can’t really deal with in my films and if I was in a position the cry, there’s a scene that would have had me bawling.

Final Thoughts

It’s a well made, expertly acted family drama that feels a little more like a TV movie by today’s standards.


Film Review: Please Stand By (2017)

Length: 1hr 33
Rating: 12
Release: 26.1.2018 (but is considered a 2017 film due to having its premire on 27.10.2018)
About: Wendy sees things differently: she’s fiercely independent, with a brilliant mind and a mischievous sense of hilarity. Wendy also has autism. To her, people are an indecipherable code and the world is a confusing place. Inspired by her no-nonsense caregiver, Wendy comes of age and escapes from her care home on the road trip of a lifetime to deliver her 500-page script to a screenwriting competition.

The Good

  • Dakota Fanning is wonderful in the part of Wendy, a woman on the spectrum trying to enter a script writing contest. Fanning will be able to demonstrate a detachment from her own emotions while filling you with all of the emotions.
  • Alice Eve and Toni Collette are amazing support. Eve’s role as the sister infuriated me at first, but over the course of the film I felt I had more of an understanding of the position she was in. It is through both characters that you really get an understanding of the specific challenges Wendy faces.
  • Patton Oswalt can do no wrong. He’s an absolute star in this film’s final act. His ability to connect with Wendy will give you the biggest smile and reduce you to tears of joy.

The Bad

While the film’s plot is centered around Star Trek, I’d had loved to have seen more Easter Eggs beyond casting Alive Eve as the sister. It’s a viewer expectation, but it was Trek that caught my attention and I kind of expected to see a few familiar faces along the road.

The Ugly

It felt a little like it was a film about autism rather than it being a film about a character that just so happens to be on the spectrum. It might seem like a petty thing, but its much the same way films with gay central characters have their ‘coming out’ be the focus of the plot.
It makes autism seem like something that needs to be taught, that its a new phenomenon that people need to be held by the hand when exploring. Yes, films like this have the power to inform and educate, but its more important mission is to ensure people on the spectrum have someone to look to. Its as much their film as any others.

Final Thoughts

It’s cute, geeky and will make you cry. Even though it was light on its Trek, I still enjoyed the journey. Not something I’ll rush to rewatch, but I’m glad I caught it before it left Now TV.


Film Review: X-Men Dark Phoenix (2019)

Length: 1 hr 53

Rating: 12a

Release: 5.6.2019

About: This is the story of one of the X-Men’s most beloved characters, Jean Grey, as she evolves into the iconic DARK PHOENIX. During a life-threatening rescue mission in space, Jean is hit by a cosmic force that transforms her into one of the most powerful mutants of all. Wrestling with this increasingly unstable power as well as her own personal demons, Jean spirals out of control, tearing the X-Men family apart and threatening to destroy the very fabric of our planet. The film is the most intense and emotional X-Men movie ever made. It is the culmination of 20 years of X-Men movies, as the family of mutants that we’ve come to know and love must face their most devastating enemy yet — one of their own.

The Good

  • It was an interesting, low key change of pace from the all out action of Avengers Endgame. The drama really takes centre stage and while it wasn’t exactly well executed, it still packed a punch.
  • It was well paced and the Mutant elements are brilliant. The human impact is almost sidelined in order to break the relationship between the X-Men and POTUS. I would have liked that to have been further developed.

The Bad

  • There are a few sketchy sections of CGI in the final showdown. I think I’ve become a bit of a snob, but it does take me out of the moment.
  • Jessica Chastain bugged the hell out of me. I can’t put my finger on why, but for all the mouthing off about human’s being weak, I felt like I could take her out with a well aimed fart. There was no threat. There was no jeopardy.
  • Sophie Turner, while giving a solid effort, is not leading lady material in this sort of film. While she didn’t make me want to tear my own eyes out much like her portrayal of Sansa did, I didn’t feel won over by this performance.
  • If Evan Peters has gained the franchise some amazing reviews in the past, why relegate him to one liners?! I don’t get it. While I was very much over the musical CGI slow mo scenes, I needed more interaction with him.
  • J-Law can act, we know she can, she got the Oscar to prove it. So why couldn’t she act like she wanted to be there? She was not Raven in this film, she was J-Law being J-Law. It’s a shame as bringing her A-game would have really brought some emotion to the film.

The Ugly

  • The biggest flaw lies not necessarily at the feet of this film, but the franchise. As a viewer, I see this section, that began with First Class, and the Stewart/McKellan helmed trilogy one and the same universe. So, my problem is continuity. By the end of this film we should have been all set up and ready to meet Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine. Only this film introduces a timeline, without spoiling the fate of the characters, that makes the next set of films impossible.
  • Perhaps, then, the biggest problem is that it was essentially a reboot of the Last Stand. Of all the comic incarnations of X-Men, why Fox thought their final film was best being a rehash of a badly received film is beyond me.

Final Thoughts

After such a good film with Booksmart, this feels a little like a franchise killer. So much so that I swerved my third film of the day in fear that it also would be a redundant edition to its franchise (MiB).

It’s a better watch than Last Stand when you consider it in isolation. However, bring in all of the other films and this plays so fast and lose with the laws of franchise continuity, you’d swear Rhian Johnson was behind this outing.


Booksmart (2019)

Length: 1 hr 42

Rating: 15

Release: 27.5.2019

About: Academic overachievers Amy and Molly thought keeping their noses to the grindstone gave them a leg up on their high school peers. But on the eve of graduation, the best friends suddenly realize that they may have missed out on the special moments of their teenage years. Determined to make up for lost time, the girls decide to cram four years of not-to-be missed fun into one night — a chaotic adventure that no amount of book smarts could prepare them for.

The Good

  • Last Man Standing’s Kaitlyn Denver is her awesome self in this coming of age drama. Her development throughout the film will charm you and have you wondering where she was when you were in high school. The emotion she brings to the film final act is something you have to see. I predict we’ll be seeing Dever in main stream films very soon.
  • The film on a whole is quite possibly one of the best teen films I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s done away with the fixed stereotypes as much as possible and it certainly has representation and inclusivity bang on the nose. What is most surprising, is that the malice of high school is removed. We have no ‘Carrie’ style humiliation for the outsider.
  • Skylar Gisondo is, as always, a delight to have in a film. He’s shed the loser geek status of ‘Vacation’ but retained the vulnerable quality. It makes for an interesting character you’ll really care for.
  • The scene stealer of the film has to go to Billie Lourd. She’s everything like her mother, and more. I’ll say nothing more; she has to be seen to be believed.
  • It was refreshing to have the American Pie type topics (read: porn, masterbation and performance fears) from a female perspective. It gives a positive and empowering message regarding sex to women. Something I’ve not really seen outside of Sex and the City.

The Bad and The Ugly

I am sick of the teacher trope. Fuck me, I’m so tired of it. In an age where we’re calling out the Weinstein’s of the world and demanding diversity and equality, I want Hollywood to kill the social acceptance of a teacher fucking a student in a movie and there being no consequence. As someone who left the profession recently, you are not doing us any favours Hollywood. You’re rose tinting the fuck out of statutory rape and a gross misuse of power, and its not cool. In fact, you’re making it easier for predators because you’re not only telling kids that it can happen but you’re telling them to embrace it, when in fact you should be telling them to run!

It’s pretty much the only thing I didn’t like, but it really sucks.

Final Thoughts

It’s an excellent indie film that pushes all the boundaries that have been set over the past decade or so and needs to be seen by everyone. Gone is the belter soundtrack you’ll be racing to buy, the tour of the cafeteria with all the cliques and its all for the better.

It’s not a family time watch, but its uplifting, inspiring and empowering.


Blog Tour: My Secret Lies With You’s Faye Bird shares her favourite mysteries

When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead.

A genuinely intriguing book with an entirely punchy style – we don’t feel a pervasive darkness here, as is often the case with mysteries. What hooks us in is the voice of main character Miranda and a desire to find out the truth of the strange happenings around her. And there are plenty of those. The book is full of surprise and oddity, but Rebecca Stead’s pithy, sharp, upbeat tone pulls us along with wonderfully short hooky chapters so that nothing about this book feels too contrived or drawn out. The plot feels complex enough to make the reader work, but the narrative style so compelling that you find yourself simply being happily taken along for the ride. You wait for everything to be laid out for you at the end, and you aren’t disappointed. There are some beautifully economic, well-judged descriptions – Miranda’s Mum’s boyfriend Richard is described as “…the way I picture guys on sailboats – tall, blond and very tucked in, even on weekends.” Brilliant. There’s a lovely description, which we return to, about seeing the world. Miranda’s mum says we all see it as if from under a veil. If we take off the veil and peek out we “…see all the beauty, and cruelty, and sadness, and love.” Miranda goes on to explain that her Mum uses this not to explain God or angels or magic but rather that “…most of the time people get distracted by little stuff and ignore the big stuff.” This is how we survive. The New York setting sits perfectly with the tone, and once you read the book you won’t be surprised to learn that Rebecca Stead has talked openly about her huge debt in writing this novel to Madeleine Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time. When You Reach Me is a quirky upbeat novel that beautifully encapsulates the quote at the start: “The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious.” Albert Einstein, The World As I See It (1931). If you haven’t read it already, then certainly a recommendation from me.


High Lonesome: A Father for Charlie (1995)

Length: 1Hr 27

Release: 1.1.1995

Rating: 12

About: Based on a true story. A poor black sharecropper strikes up an unlikely friendship with a hostile young white boy – but their budding friendship is threatened by a brutal red-neck sheriff.

The Good

  • The story is able to be told in a realistic and gritty way without an overuse of offensive language. It was my biggest worry going into the film as it pains me to see and hear the mistreatment of people, especially in regards to something they have no control over.
  • The story is important. The only thing that upsets me, is how important the message still is today. The blind and learned hatred, not only from Charlie, but the entire town is something that is still in society today. Having Osgood’s actions and kindness change the views of a child is one thing, but there’s an unexpected ally to be found by the film’s closing scenes.
  • The gravitas in which Louis Gossett Jr holds himself throughout the film as the sole man of colour, Walter Osgood, is incredibly moving. There are many scenes in which Gossett Jnr is conversing with his wife’s grave stone. He holds the viewers attention effortlessly. I’d watch him in anything, and I’m quite surprised I’m unfamiliar with his name.
  • Joe Mazzello’s portrayal of Charlie is quite possibly one of his best. His accent is solid and he is able to present a head strong young boy who has been neglected by the one person he needed. How someone at 12 years old, with no academic training, can act the shit out of a complex character is beyond me. His scene with the Sheriff ( the ever brilliant William Fichtner), in which he bluffs about his relationship with Walter will have your heart in your mouth.
  • At the heart of this movie is the relationship between Charlie and Walter. It only works because of the two actors you have in the roles. The chemistry of the two is believable and charming; the frosty learned behaviour melts so easily with just a little bit of kindness. Not many actors of Mazzello’s age could bring the conceited innocence, vulnerability and ‘old soul’ charm to the role.

The Bad

I’ve never liked the presence of the KKK within films. It’s a personal thing that breaks my heart and keeps me agnostic; how can an organisation perform such horrific acts and claim to be religious?! Scenes that subtly and overtly express their actions and views make for this to be a rather difficult and uncomfortable watch.

The Ugly

The music is really the only big giveaway that this period film is in fact a TV movie. I want to rescore the whole film as I found the light and, at times, humorous tone a little jarring in contrast to the narratives subject content.

Final Thoughts

It is a well made, superbly acted film. It’s not going to be a film I watch often as there are scenes that upset me greatly, however it is certainly a good film to watch in order to put the treatment of people of colour into context.


Small Soldiers (1998)

Length: 1Hr 48

Rating: PG

Release date: 23rd October 1998 (interestingly, I saw it 24th December 1998. I’m not certain a film like this would survive that long at the cinemas today)

About: When teenager Alan (Gregory Smith) buys a set of Commando Elite action figures, he’s unaware that they have been programmed with military technology. The toys, including leader Chip (Tommy Lee Jones), spring to life and start taking their directives seriously, beginning by “killing” their enemies, the toy Gorgonites. But Archer (Frank Langella) and the Gorgonites won’t go down without a fight. Alan gets caught in the middle of the war, as does his neighbor and crush, Christy (Kirsten Dunst).

First Thoughts

This was a film I saw with my brother Christmas Eve 1998. It sticks out in my memory as one of my favourite and best cinema experiences. Not to sat that the film is the best or my favourite, however over time it’s certainly been a go to movie.

The Good

  • It’s got a solid good versus evil plot with the Commando Elite and the Gorgonites. I especially love the casting of actors from The Dirty Dozen and Spinal Tap to play the warring groups.
  • The teens thrown into a world where they have to fend for themselves is a theme Joe Dante works well with. I don’t know if it’s because I was a teen myself when I first saw this, but I think I relate much more to this than Gremlins.
  • I will always love the line about Spice Girls being used as psychological warfare. In 1998, the Spice Girls had not only saturated the market and tormented parents all around the world, but they were close to saying ‘goodbye, my friend.’ I think I was offended at the time, but I have a chuckle.
  • I love the Geendy Doll revolt with Christina Ricci and Sarah Michelle Gellar torturing Kirsten Dunst. While in Toy Story, it’s disturbing here I just find it awesome.
  • On the most part, the CGI is okay. You can sometimes tell between the puppetry and the graphics, but it’s still better than some of the shoddy CGI that is in place in today’s movies.
  • Hi, I’m Phil Hartman. You may recognise me and my voice from films like Jingle All the Way and the tv show The Simpson’s. Yup, that’s right, Springfield’s own Troy McClure takes on the role of Christy’s self centred father. Sadly, Hartman was tragically killed shortly before the film’s release. While the character does seem like the ever present archetype from Dante’s back catalogue (Murray in Gremlins, Rumsfeld in The ‘Burbs) Hartman does make it so much his own that you will be forgiven for not making the connection the first time you watch.

The Bad

As much as I think Gregory Smith does a fine job as Alan, and he certainly works well alongside the CGI leader of the Gorgonites… why would I want him if I could have had my favourite actor at the time (and now). Learning that the studio’s/Joe Dante’s first choice for Alan-Now-Shut-Up was Joe Mazzello is a little bittersweet.

What Joe looked like the year Small Soldiers was filmed

The Ugly

Perhaps it’s the fact that it is a little too similar to Gremlins. It’s the Jurassic Park to Gremlins’ West World. It feels a little been there watched that. When you strip in down, all its parts are gained from previous work. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that but for it to work, it has to be better. For me, without Dante’s wild child Corey Feldman taking up some screen time, it will NEVER be better.

Final Thoughts

It’s a decent way to burn an hour or so. It’s not flawless, but it is fun and certain provides a case that Joe Dante is a main stream auteur or a one-trick pony. Something I’m hoping to explore in the upcoming weeks by having a Dante retrospective.

Do you know your Dante?

What’s your favourite creation of his?

Han x


Movie Review: Dunkirk (2017)

Length: 1Hr 46

Rating: 12a

Release: 21st July 2017

About:In May 1940, Germany advanced into France, trapping Allied troops on the beaches of Dunkirk. Under air and ground cover from British and French forces, troops were slowly and methodically evacuated from the beach using every serviceable naval and civilian vessel that could be found. At the end of this heroic mission, 330,000 French, British, Belgian and Dutch soldiers were safely evacuated.

The Good

For me, this has the feel and style of Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan with an excellent stock of known and unknown British actors. For a War movie, I don’t think you can ask more than that.

Both Mark Rylance and Kenneth Branagh really are amazing in their roles. Neither is a stranger to stoic roles which is clear from their performances.

I actually found the lack of action in the form of on the ground battles quite refreshing and offered something completely different from films that have come before it.

Again, I feel as if this film wasn’t sugar coating war and laid some of the truths out there. While it’s very much a work of artistic licence, there are elements of truth to ensure this isn’t propaganda or censored sudo-history.

The Bad

I struggled with the time framing of the three elements: the land, sea and air. From about half way, there were people (Cillian Murphy being one) who doubled up in the narrative. While with Murphy, it acted almost like a flash back, other scenes didn’t quite work as well and it felt disjointed. I found it particularly difficult with Tom Hardy’s narrative as we’d cut from the grounded pilot and reaction shot to Tom Hardy and the same grounded pilot up in the air.

I didn’t invest in any of the characters other than the family on the Moonstone. They all seemed like a representation of ‘soldiers’ than individuals. For a character driven plot, I really need to be invested and certainly with our teen, Tommy, I needed conviction.

Not addressing Gibson’s mute nature sooner I found a bit distressing. I called it the moment we discover him burying an bootless foot. Perhaps I’m still too in the head of E B Sledge, but challenge him Tommy!! While it’s evident later that he’s not the enemy, the audience don’t know that.

The Ugly

For the first time, I’m not certain Hans Zimmer’s score complimented what was on the screen. Yes, it was tense. So tense in fact that three times I had to pause the film and take a break. However, there was either an instrument, chord or tone that was too reminiscent of Tron and Daft Punk’s electro pulses to gel with a period piece. (Clearly the two Oscar’s Dunkirk won for sound would imply I’m talking utter bollocks. However, I will stand by my opinion and state that I didn’t like it)

Love Han x


Book Review : With the Old Breed: At Peleliu and Okinawa by E B Sledge

The Pacific miniseries from HBO was a challenge for me to watch. I found it enlightening, distressing and heartbreaking. Out of the three men The Pacific followed, Eugene Sledge was the one I had the most questions about, particularly after his conversation with Robert Lecke about faith.

I contacted the one person I figured would have an answer to my question: did Sledge’s bitterness and experience of war have an impact on his faith?

I fully intended to buy Sledge’s memoir anyway, but I was quite surprised when I got a thoughtful response telling me that the war reinforced his faith and that there was something important that didn’t make it into the show. Cue me purchasing a copy for my Kindle there and then and devouring the first 20%.

Having spent so many years of my career developing lessons to explain why a religious person is a consciences objector and the reasons why religions disagree with war. So my main motivation for reading was to see Sledge’s religious commentary and thoughts throughout the war. I always considered them being at odds with each other; either being the cause of a conflict or the reason for someone to avoid the fight.

Sledge’s voice is the most prominent feature of this 300 paged memoir. From his enlistment to the island clean ups, Sledge gives a stark and honest retelling of his experiences. It’s written in such a way that I’m surprised it’s not a book already on high school recommended reading lists; it’s written with sincerity and as a reader you will instantly respect the veteran marine who could have had a much easier life.

It’s by no means an entertaining or an escape read, but it is rewarding as much as it is difficult and something I will come back to in the future. There’s so much to be learnt from Sledge; engrained hatred and prejudice, politics and spirituality. Never have I seen such an open commentary that doesn’t expect anything of you as a reader. Well, at least it didn’t feel like that. The only censoring he did was on the parts of other people.

The description of the horror, brutality and casualties will haunt you. No film or video game will prepare you for the sights, smells and sensations.

The commentary of Sledge’s faith is there enough to understand that it’s something of an intimate experience for him. There’s definitely a sense that there’s more than he says, but you certainly can tell he had a deep rooted bond with his religion. It’ll be something that readers won’t need to read too much into, should it not be an important theme to explore. However, there were two lines that said more to me than the rest of the book. Having a religious experience (not that he names it this in the book) and when he describes having it is very telling. It’s something I’d have loved to have sat down and spoken to him about if he was so inclined.

In terms of the print itself, I would advise against an ecopy given the number of references that are all complied at the end of each chapter. There is the benefit of changing the font size, but not having the notes closer to the passage in question does lose the flow and I found in this case, having a physical copy of the book benefitted me greatly.


Blog Tour: Beauty Sleep by Kathryn Evans

Laura was dying. There was no cure for her illness. So her family decided to grasp a desperate last hope – Laura was frozen until she could be cured.
But what happens when you wake up one day and the world has moved on forty years? Your best friend is middle-aged, your parents presumed dead. Could you find a new place to belong? Could you build a new life – while solving the mystery of what happened to the old one?
Dark secrets lurk in the future of the girl from the past…


Lara and Shem are two very lonely characters that are very much disenfranchised from the world in which they live. While Shem simply tries to hide and live an easy life, Lara is thrown into a life she’s not sure she’s ready for.
Lara is someone everyone should relate to on one level or another. She’s the perfect companion for navigating this futuristic world. 


It’s a glorious mystery thriller with a retro, Stranger Things, vibe. The bulk of the story is told from the perspective of Lara, but we get snippets of the life Shem to keep the narrative flowing.

The asymmetry of the duel narrative works really well to keep the reader off balance and on edge; the perfect feels for a thrilling read. It’s pace slows just enough in parts for you to catch your breath and contemplate what you’d do if you were Lara.

Just like with an episode of Black Mirror, you think you’ve got everything figured out and the rug is pulled from right under you. It doesn’t matter if you prepare for the fall you because it’s all part of the amazing ride.


The first person writing allows the reader to feel the claustrophobic challenges both Lara and Shem face. Being told from the perspective of our main characters removes the omniscient voice that would solve the mystery. It also allows the reader to relate to either, or both, Lara and Shem.

Final Thoughts

I could not get through this book fast enough. It’s the perfect read to take the edge off the wait for Stranger Things and Black Mirror to gift us with new episodes.   


Film Review: Simon Birch (1998)

Length: 1hr 54

Rating: PG

Release: 25th June 1999

About: Simon Birch (Ian Michael Smith) and Joe Wenteworth (Joseph Mazzello) are boys who have a reputation for being oddballs. Joe never knew his father, and his mother, Rebecca (Ashley Judd), is keeping her lips sealed, no matter how much he protests. Simon, meanwhile, is an 11-year-old dwarf whose outsize personality belies his small stature. Indeed, he often assails the local reverend (David Strathairn) with thorny theological questions and joins Joe on his quest to find his biological father.

The Good

  • The plot- memoir meets mystery. Has the Stand by Me vibe that was popular in the 90s. Nothing says Sunday afternoon movie more than a 1950’s nostalgic flash back with a calming ‘Wonder Years’ narration.
  • Jim Carey as the older Joe/narrator really works. He has a beautiful voice that really carries the memoir tone. Something that really surprises me seeing as the last thing I saw him in was Earth Girls Are Easy.
  • Oliver Platt is somewhat of an underrated actor in my opinion. This film is a perfect example of what a rich performance he can bring to the table and how he is able to balance humour, charm and charisma. He could not have been in this move enough.
  • Joe Mazzello and Ian Michael Smith Have this amazing chemistry throughout the film that I want so many movies with the two of them. Joe always seems comfortable within the 50s and this film sees him give some of his most powerful scenes I’ve ever had the privilege to see. From standing up to Simon’s excuse for a father to his response to the ‘lefty’ reveal, Mazzello gives emotion by the bucket load. It’s hard not to see the parallels with Three Wishes, but watch them in close succession and you can see how much stronger a person in a similar circumstance can be so different with a true best friend to escape with. Less brat and more of a level head makes Joe of Birch a favourite character of mine.
  • Ian Michael Smith gives the most incredible performance. I hate the response of the adults, including those within the church. He is a beautiful and caring child, despite the discouragement he experiences. There’s a cheeky side to the character that makes this film such a joy to watch despite the bittersweet ending you know is coming.

The Bad

  • I’m sad we lost the relationship between Rebecca and Ben so soon. While it does have an impact on his relationship with Joe, and I love their bond, I’d have loved to have seen them as a family unit a little more.

The Ugly

  • It’s all ‘My Girl’ in places so prepare yourself with a tissue or, you know, a million. Although while My Girl gives you a really amazing happy ride until that blub-fest, this will have your eyes like Niagara Falls from the midway point onwards.

Film Review: Aladdin (1992)

Length: 1Hr 30

Rating: U

Release: 17th November 1992

About: When street rat Aladdin frees a genie from a lamp, he finds his wishes granted. However, he soon finds that the evil has other plans for the lamp — and for Princess Jasmine. But can Aladdin save Princess Jasmine and his love for her after she sees that he isn’t quite what he appears to be?

First things first

This was my birthday movie for 1992. My neighbour went to see it just before Christmas and invited me, but I was a tool and turned the offer down under the argument of ‘it’s my birthday movie’. I was very surprised when my dad picked this to watch, but I suspect it’s because he wants to watch the new one that’s about to be released and can’t get to the cinema.

The Good

• Robin Williams marked a change in animation. Yes, Angela Lansbury had leant her vocal talents to Mrs Potts the year before, but she had always been part of the Disney stable and I would argue her box office potential. Williams brought about the start of employing box office stars to headline animations. What a choice it was?! There’s been so much talk about the upcoming live-action release and that’s centred around the casting of the Genie. How can anyone replace someone who made the role iconic?!

• It’s not only Williams’ familiar tones that we all love, it’s his humour that has adults and children alike belly laughing. The imitations and nods to pop culture are perfect and make sure that adults feel invested in the film too.

• The music is delightful and I think I prefer it to The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. It has a happy beat, reminiscent of Jungle Book that you will always hum for hours after finishing the film. My personal favourite is Prince Ali. The only shame is that the songs are front heavy and we only get a brief reprise and reworking of Prince Ali at the climax.

• My favourite characters will always be Abu, the monkey and the carpet! I love the humour gained from both. I would say the Carpet is the precursor to BB-8; cute but sassy.

The Bad

• There are a few scenes that are using the high tech computer graphics. Only problem is, that what was high tech in 1992 no longer looks the case. As a result, the escape from the cave of wonders and some of the palace doesn’t blend as well with the rest of the traditional animation. It is perhaps why it’s not long before the Mouse House trade in traditional methods for a consistent computer created approach.

The Ugly

• It’s very Hollywood and very white washed. While the story is, without a doubt, perfect this was one of the animations in Disney Vault that should be given the makeover treatment. The animations are perhaps ‘culture neutral’, however when you see that most of the voices are produced by white Americans, it’s hard to deny it’s a little questionable. It’s certainly enough for me to feel a little uncomfortable and welcome the new live action.

(Side bar): I find it quite interesting how many people of ethnic origins are voicing white characters in animations. I’m not sure where I stand on this; should it go with the ‘no straight actor should play a gay character’? It’s something I want to consider further, but surely if I’m offended by Anthony Hopkins black facing Othello, this is of a similar ilk?

Final Thoughts

Casting aside, this is a perfect animated classic; funny, action packed and with a good hearted protagonist.


Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

This was an Easter cinema trip for me and my mum in 1997. I’d wanted to see Men in Black, but mum refused point blank. The Lisa Kudrow film with the pinks and glitter would be more up her street, right?! Well, she took me and I enjoyed it. I remember her saying she regretted it, but I wasn’t certain why until rewatching it years later.

The Good

• It’s a cool, quirky and funny story that nearly everyone can relate to. It’s retro camp, styled beautifuly and the only thing that improves it, is going to an independent cinema and being handed a post-it by the boy behind.

• The sound track is fabulous. It’s that retro vibe that’s in right now. Hadn’t spotted it the millions of times before, but Whip It is played at the prom.

• Janeane Garoflo was the definition of angry sarcasm in the 90s and she steals any scene she’s in. Underused, as she is in many movies, but she’s certainly memorable and the film manages to give her a strong story arc that I prefer to the main two.

• Alan Cumming is a sweet, low key Hugh Grant in this. He’s able to switch from geek to chic with ease, but the perfect part is that he’s a likeable love interest. Perhaps rather unknown at the time, to me he was part of the High Life cabin crew and has forever remained a joy to watch.

• It’s as quotable as other 90s films, but the killer line comes after the quick outfit change. Who hasn’t wanted to bark Romy’s Line “and I don’t give a flying fuck what you think…” to their bully? It’s pure brilliance.

The Bad

• I still find that the dream sequence throws off the narrative. While it’s weird enough for me to like it in itself, as part of this film it’s very out there.

• The tone and it’s perceived target audience is totally off. It’s not the double entendre humour of Shrek; that ‘he’s making up for something’ that gets the parents chuckling, but a much more obvious humour that doesn’t altogether fit well with a film that could double with Clueless.

The Ugly

• That dance. It’s unbelievably cringe. As with the dream sequence, there are times when I watch and love it and its certainly what makes this film a cult classic, but it would never help Romy and Michele’s cause.

• Alan Cumming in the dream sequence is too ‘blow up doll’. It freaks me out and is as not, as Michele puts it, ‘dreamy’. I’d put it in with the same trope of the ‘ugly’ girl who just needs her glasses taken off to make her ‘hot’.


Avengers: Endgame Spoiler free review

Length: 3hr 1
Rating: 12a
Release date: 25.4.2019
About: Adrift in space with no food or water, Tony Stark sends a message to Pepper Potts as his oxygen supply starts to dwindle. Meanwhile, the remaining Avengers — Thor, Black Widow, Captain America and Bruce Banner — must figure out a way to bring back their vanquished allies for an epic showdown with Thanos — the evil demigod who decimated the planet and the universe.

The Good

  • The first thing I’m sure people want to know is; does it do justice with the three hours? Yes, it does. It keeps a good pace and I’d say every minute is needed.
  • The characters are working more as a team as they ever have before. There’s a balance between all of the heroes and much like Infinity War, they boost each other, rather than fight for screen time.
  • It’s a clever plot that pulls together 10 years of MCU. It’s not ‘Bad Wolf’ smart, but its certainly Trash Panda ‘I need a…’ clever.
  • Nothing about Endgame is done to appease fans. There are nods, winks and Easter eggs but there’s no doubt in my mind, plot-wise, this is the Russo vision and there’s been no changes based on fan reaction.
  • Finally we have an Avenger’s crew that women can be proud of. The beauty of it is not that there’s a crew of bad-ass women looking out for each other, and the universe, but that it feels organic.

The Bad

  • There are some characters that don’t get the screen time they deserve or need. It’s hard to talk about without giving certain things away, but there are a few; old and new that needed something else.
  • I can’t help but think that Marvel/ Mouse House have deliberately made Bruce Banner/ Hulk shit so we’ll stop asking for a Mark Ruffalo stand alone. I do understand there needs to be a character arc over the ten year, three-phased saga, however he’s gone from character to caricature. Banner’s outcome aside, it’s fair to say Endgame does not do him justice.

The Ugly

  • There are so many ugly tear inducing moments. Bloody hell, it was like My Sister’s Keeper for me at some points (as in tears, not plot)
  • It has a very choppy start; like a stalling car. It does take what I feel is about 20 minutes to really get going. Some may argue that it mirrors Avengers Assemble opening, but when we’ve waited a year with baited breath, we really should hit the ground running. There’s at least one scene I would have pulled over from Endgame and had within the final moments of Infinity War. It wouldn’t have solved my biggest gripe, but it would have had me a little worried.
  • Its 3 hours. Believe me, it doesn’t feel like it. Not in the way that you feel every single minute of Civil War. It’s a clear-ish cut three act film with ONE epilogue and I walked away wanting more added, not less. So why am I putting this in my version of room 101?! Well, I was raised in awe of the cinema; toilet breaks were taken on pain of death. Three hours is a walk in the park for me when I can see it’s well made. However, the motherfucker in front of me who not only PAID, but UPGRADED made me feel time passing when he would check his phone EVERY THREE FUCKING MINUTES. Luckily, I wasn’t taking it; so I had words and the phone at least remained out of my eye line for the remainder of the movie. My worry is obvious; this was the first available screening of the first day. What’s it going to be like going forward?

Final Thoughts

I have some issues with Endgame, but that will have to wait until my spoiler-fueled rant. That aside, this is what the MCU has been working towards for ten years and its worthy of Stan Lee’s final cameo. I don’t think those involved with Iron Man’s origin even dreamed that a decade later, we’d have this epic. I think it will tick everyone’s boxes and the Russo brother’s have redeemed the ‘Avenger’ movies after Joss crashed and burned.
It’s a strong MCU film, its a strong piece of cinema and JJ is now undoubtedly shitting his pants.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments
Love Han x


Blog Tour King of Fools by Amanda Foody


King of Fools (The Shadow Game #2)

by Amanda Foody

Publisher: Inkyard Press

Release Date: April 30th 2019

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult




Indulge your vices in the City of Sin, where a sinister street war is brewing and fame is the deadliest killer of them all…

On the quest to find her missing mother, prim and proper Enne Salta became reluctant allies with Levi Glaisyer, the city’s most famous con man. Saving his life in the Shadow Game forced Enne to assume the identity of Seance, a mysterious underworld figure. Now, with the Chancellor of the Republic dead and bounties on both their heads, she and Levi must play a dangerous game of crime and politics…with the very fate of New Reynes at stake.

Thirsting for his freedom and the chance to build an empire, Levi enters an unlikely partnership with Vianca Augustine’s estranged son. Meanwhile, Enne remains trapped by the mafia donna’s binding oath, playing the roles of both darling lady and cunning street lord, unsure which side of herself reflects the truth.

As Enne and Levi walk a path of unimaginable wealth and opportunity, new relationships and deadly secrets could quickly lead them into ruin. And when unforeseen players enter the game, they must each make an impossible choice: To sacrifice everything they’ve earned in order to survive…

Or die as legends.



Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37545571-king-of-fools

Amazon: https://amzn.to/2EdWU6R

Bookdepository: https://www.bookdepository.com/King-Fools-AMANDA-FOODY/9781848457300?ref=grid-view&qid=1550352060049&sr=1-1


This was a wonderful read. I was hooked from the first chapter and I fell in love with Levi from the very start. I haven’t read Ace of Shades, but Foody does a good job at keeping newbies in the loop. While I don’t think I’ve lost anything by reading this first, I do feel I’ve got everything to gain in terms of my connection to the characters.

Whether intended or not, I got a very steampunk vibe from the world building which added a richness to what developed over the 600 pages. This story-verse would work well on film; whether is be in a live action or animated form.

It ends with enough of the plot resolved for readers to be satisfied, but if the final chapter doesn’t pull a gasp from you; you’ve been reading it wrong.

I can’t wait to read the final instalment, but I guess I can distract myself with the first outing in the meantime.


Wanted: Dead or Alive/ Bon Jovi

Summer in the City/ The Lovin’ Spoonful

There’s a Reason These Tables are Numbered Hunny, you just haven’t realised it yet/ Panic! @ the Disco

Poker Face/ Chris Draughty

Dream Cast

Levi– Keiynan Lonsdale

Harrison Augustine – Joe Mazzello

Jac Mardlin– Jack Gleeson

Vianca– Bryce Dallas Howard or Rachelle Lefevre

Enne– Maisie Williams

Lola– Zenaya

Grace– Katherine Langford


Please include this link on all your posts




Prize: Win a copy of KING OF FOOLS by Amanda Foody (US Only)

Starts: 22nd April, 2019

Ends: 6th May, 2019

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Emily Eternal by M G Wheaton

About: Meet Emily – she can solve advanced mathematical problems, unlock the mind’s deepest secrets and even fix your truck’s air con, but unfortunately, she can’t restart the Sun.

‘A visionary work of science fiction’ Blake Crouch, author of DARK MATTER

She’s an artificial consciousness, designed in a lab to help humans process trauma, which is particularly helpful when the sun begins to die 5 billion years before scientists agreed it was supposed to.

So, her beloved human race is screwed, and so is Emily. That is, until she finds a potential answer buried deep in the human genome. But before her solution can be tested, her lab is brutally attacked, and Emily is forced to go on the run with two human companions – college student Jason and small-town Sheriff, Mayra.

As the sun’s death draws near, Emily and her friends must race against time to save humanity. But before long it becomes clear that it’s not only the species at stake, but also that which makes us most human.


Emily is the strangest main character I’ve ever had the pleasure to have met on a literary journey. Experiencing the story from the sole perspective of an AI, one that feels and learns gives a unique voice to her. Her skills and personality are engaging and you are emotionally invested from the start.

Jason is only ever seen through Emily’s eyes, but he’s a likeable character and I do enjoy Emily’s conflict in her engagement with him.


The plot is a high octane ticking clock. It kept my heart racing from the moment all hell broke loose up until the moment Emily Eternal resolved.


It was the writing that made sure I was able to follow this otherwise high concept story. The form grounded the characters and the plot in such a way that removed any confusion that would have been present at the hands of another author.


Pet Sematary

The Good

I loved how it was set within King’s Maine universe and even Derry is referenced. It pleases the purists to have those little nods and I can’t deny, I get that little buzz for noticing the Easter Egg.

John Lithgow is a welcome addition to the cast, if not a little underused. He stands among some great comedians who are able to play the darker characters with as much conviction.

Befriending young Elle could have come across a little Operation Yewtree, especially knowing King’s writing. The film being able to stay away from even undertones of creep is remarkable. There’s also a wonderful meta nod to one of Lithgow’s previous roles which was quite good.

The rest of the cast give solid performances. Notably Jason Clarke’s decent into madness/ desperation reminded me why I enjoy films with him in.

The ending is refreshing. It’s not overly rewarding or satisfying in terms of a plot resolution, but it’s definitely different.

The Bad

It’s a remake of a horror. The problem with the genre today is that it relies too much on the fast and noisy shocks that, in some cases, border on elements of torture porn that became prominent with the release of Hostel. Yes, I jump. Yes, I close my eyes when the music alerts me to a ’jump’ that’s about to happen, but I’m not thinking about it once I leave the cinema. It doesn’t chill me to the bone like some horrors did.

The Ugly

It’s Horror is in the gore and that’s really not for me. There was just a little too much of it.

With this being a King adaptation there are some plot points that seem to come from the boon and are a little redundant; Rachel’s past and sensitivity to death feels like it should connect with the rest of the story, but it never does, it has not true resolution and I can’t help but wonder if the film would have benefited from discarding this thread.



Release: 11.4.2019

Rating: 15

Length: 2Hr 1

About: Based on the graphic novels by Mike Mignola, Hellboy, caught between the worlds of the supernatural and human, battles an ancient sorceress bent on revenge.

The Good

• Ian McShane stole the show for me. He’s long shed his humble Lovejoy roots, and he’s as much a staple in the American home now. He takes on the role of Hellboy’s adoptive father and plays it perfectly. There’s no apologises for the task he undertakes and he doesn’t handle Big Red with kid gloves.

• Harbour was essentially give a poisoned chalice. He had a big hand to fill and fans were never going to cut him a break. Add to this the tiny budget in comparison to Pearlman’s outing, it was always going to be a hard sell. Aside from a few times in which dialogue was mangled by Big Red’s prosthesis I’d say he did really well with the script he had to work with. I got What Harbour was trying to achieve with Red’s conflicted soul and it would have been perfect if the film gave that room to grow.

• I enjoyed the Arthurian legend coming into play and it was refreshing to see the film opening on a prologue about this. I’d have perhaps like to have seen this streamlined a little and even perhaps had Red’s arc focusing on him finding Excalibur.

• Course, it has to be a Scouser who helps bring about the apocalypse. It was awesome to hear current Line of Duty star Stephen Graham cursing his way through the film.

• I really liked the music. Not sure if they were quite reworkings, but they fit the film and I’d be happy to have the album.

• Thomas Haden Church was a wonderful addition as Lobster Johnson. I’m only sad we didn’t get to see more.

The Bad

• The accents of Daniel Dae Kim and Sasha Lane we’re so bad they bordered on offensive. Lane’s clashed with what we saw of her visually; nothing screamed that is was necessary for her to have the abomination RP that Lane insisted on having. Yes, I’m aware I’ve been spoiled with Joe Mazzello’s perfect iteration of John Deacon’s weirdly wonderful dialect (ironically, I was worried), but it came across lazy.

• Some of the plot and dialogue was at best clunky, but on the most part it was the biggest problem with the whole thing. It was lines like ‘if my face could talk…’ that gave a whole new meaning to cringe and the Osiris Club sub plot was a pointless exposition exercise that revealed its hand scenes earlier and removed any tension that may have been building.

• Another trailer and scene reveal misstep when it comes to Dae Kim’s Daimio. Obviously, for fans of the comic, it was known that Daimio is cursed to turn into a Jaguar at times of stress. However, the film tried to tease us with this and not outwardly reveal his condition until the final act. However, that proverbial and literal cat was out the bag and it really renders some storytelling pointless.

The Ugly

• The CGI was atrocious. I’ve seen my brother create scenes with his phone that were better than this. It was most obvious in scenes were Hellboy was facing off against some beastie or other and was very telling of the budget the film had.

• What happened to the cats?! That was the one thing I loved about Pearlman’s version. It was such a beautiful visual. Plus… cats!

Final Thoughts

I was a decent watch, but much like the other outings; I’m not going to rush for a rewatch any time soon.


Why the Exam Process is Fundamentally Flawed in England!

Consider this a Will McAvoy style rant, in part inspired by a conversation I had with the wonderful Non Pratt and our viewing of the GCSES2019 feed yesterday. Enter at your own risk… All views are my own and don’t seek to throw shade on any school I’ve worked in, but instead the government that is needing a detention!

I’ve been out of teaching four months now and I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that the state of education is not what I signed up for 10 years ago.

I have always been the sort of teacher who is proud of every child, regardless of their result. There is one condition; they have had to have tried their best.

Why? Why am I someone who never wrote “I’m disappointed” or “Must do better.”? Mainly because each and every year we put thousands of students (and teachers) into our own brand of kobayashi maru.

Right now it’s the Easter holidays for most schools. But their doors are not closed. Teacher’s have spent the week’s before scrambling Battle Royale-style to claim students for their ‘Easter School” and are currently making their way home from an intensive day of revision.

Students on the other hand are venting their frustrations on Twitter. Overwhelmed, stressed and anxious; year 11 students are making themselves ill.

I’m no longer on the front line, reassuring students that their health is more important and giving them the easy methods and tricks to revision; something I’d integrated into year 9 once I’d realised the new specifications where mere memory tests and no longer a test of anyone’s ability or skill. After all, revision at such an early stage moves information from short term memory to long term.

There are so many overlapping problems that I’m not certain where you would even start when it comes to fixing the issues.

Firstly, there is the issue of grading. Certainly since I started to train back in 2009 grade boundaries have been set not only post-exam, but post marking. This actually infuriates me. For the previous specification that ran for five years, there was an average increase on all grade boundaries of 5 – 10% until the passing C grade was an eye watering 70%. Only yesterday I saw a student wishing for everyone to do badly so that they could pass. No child’s grade should rest on the performance of others.

It also puts teacher’s in a stressful position. The one question that was posed to me repeatedly over the last few years has been ‘how many marks do I need to get the next grade?’ I answered in a way that perhaps the educational system was not wanting, but was perhaps the most honest; I didn’t know. I could tell students how to revise, I could give students the skills to answer the questions, but I could not tell them a true answer to what would help them cut corners. Student’s never liked it and only some understood. However, had I actually blagged an answer that would have placated them, but remove any flexibility in answering questions and any value to what I was teaching beyond the exam season.

Some teachers however do answer the question and it does give students confidence. However, they sit the exam and they do well. They jump through the hoops. Then, someone post-exam makes those hoops smaller. WHY? Why is that okay? Why is that fair?

Exam questions are assigned points based upon their complexity. Some subjects have their questions written at the start of the specification. If these questions have a value and demonstrate a skill; those grade boundaries should be fixed; allowing students and teachers to know exactly where they stand and ensuring that the grades are a true reflection of individual’s hard work.

But of course, the government isn’t really interested in fixing grade boundaries in order to give a true reflection of individuals or their abilities. Those leaders of education within the government are too scared of having a ‘weak’ cohort, they don’t have faith in young minds or the professionals within a system they’ve never worked in.

Government wants good results and statistics so that the data can be compared with other countries who are working within the IB framework. Yup, not only have we allowed government to restrict choices; it’s of no benefit to those who go through the stress.

Instead of pushing back against this, we’ve assimilated. Teacher’s pay, health and happiness in a vocation they’ve probably chosen long ago (I know I did) has been sacrificed so Britain can have a pissing contest with France and all those other countries we’re trying so hard to break away from.

This skewed motivation for the exam results is then filtered down. It skews how we teach; instead of the skills and independence that will enable a year 11 to answer ANY question, we (and I was guilty of this) throw out formulas and rigid methods of answers questions. Last years GCSES2018 feed was full of students before the English exam petrified that they would only be able to answer a question on three characters within Of Mice and Men; Lenny, George and the bird in the red dress.

We do it because we are pressured into grade orientated goals. We’re given a % pass rate target for a class, often irrespective of the ability. One year, early in my career I worked my arse off to drag some disenfranchised and unfocused students up to a predicted grade C. Was I thanked in the three weeks before the exam? Nope, I was asked what I would do to get them a B! These were students who were targeted Ds and Es. And my pay progression depended on these students playing ball on the day.

The best set of results I ever got? They were ones the school didn’t care about as they were sat in year 10; meaning they don’t count towards the aforementioned pissing contest. It meant I was able to teach my 35 students a three year course, in a year after school. The cohort was independent, chilled and confident. Not only did they get awesome grades that smashed their targets, a year 8 sibling of one got a C! At no point did a single child whinge that I didn’t tell them something. They all knew it was on them and they were there because they wanted to be.

What needs to happen?

• Have set grade boundaries

• Stop comparing the country’s results to others

• Stop performance related pay being linked to exam success

• Let teachers do their god-damn job

• Stop ranking your schools by results

• Reform the exams so they’re skill and knowledge focused and not simply memory tests

• Put someone that has worked in a school in charge of education


Wonder Park Review 2019

Release Date: 8.4.2019
Rating: PG
Length: 1hr 26
About: Wonder Park tells the story of a magnificent amusement park where the imagination of a wildly creative girl named June comes alive.

The Good

The animation and story is sound. It certain kept the two little ones I was with entertained.it makes very clear distinctions between the real world and the world of Wonder Land.

The characters are lovable and funny enough for both child and adult to engage with.

There’s a very clear STEM (or STEAM as its called now) focus and I could certainly see how empowering it could be for young girls.

The Bad

It takes a while to get into. For a film that’s premise is focused on the theme park, it certainly doesn’t feel like much screen time is spent there. Instead, it choses to focus more on the relationships out in the real world. It makes sense; the one impacts the other. However, it does impact how much I enjoyed the film.

The Ugly

It’s a little on the dark side for my liking. While I can only applaude the film’s attempt to address illness, depression and grief it was not the light hearted romp I was expecting for an Easter treat.



Release date: 4.4.2019

Length: 2 hr 16

About: We all have a superhero inside of us — it just takes a bit of magic to bring it out. In 14-year-old Billy Batson’s case, all he needs to do is shout out one word to transform into the adult superhero Shazam. Still a kid at heart, Shazam revels in the new version of himself by doing what any other teen would do — have fun while testing out his newfound powers. But he’ll need to master them quickly before the evil Dr. Thaddeus Sivana can get his hands on Shazam’s magical abilities.

The Good

⁃ I really liked that it wasn’t a straight “Big with powers” as I was worried it would be. While I love Zachery Levi and he makes the perfect Shazam, I very quickly realised that Asher Angel was the scene stealer. By having the film alternate between the two actors, it gave a brilliant balance.

⁃ The message of family and finding a home is really quite charming. It felt sincere and it gave the film a realistic uplifting feel.

⁃ There’s some surprising casting that had me gasping in glee. I’m not going to say any more as it’s a little bit of a spoiler for anyone who, like me, hasn’t read the comics. (although, it is SLIGHTLY predictable)

⁃ There’s a beautiful little nod to Big!

⁃ It’s a good ‘origin’ movie with scope for sequels.

The Bad

⁃ Again, totally my bad but I’ve spent months imagining ZL as Shazam… and I didn’t get what I imagined. There’s an ego there that I wasn’t expecting and I didn’t buy that he was playing a suped-up 14 year old. I guess it was so hard to accept the douchbag persona as ZL is such a geektastic sweetheart in reality.

⁃ It felt a little disjointed and I was massively thrown off by the fact that we are presented with the back story of Mark Strong’s Dr Savana first.

⁃ I got the feeling it was trying to be DC’s answer to Deadpool, but it wasn’t given the age rating to allow for that scope so it kind of fell a little flat for me.

⁃ Mark Strong. I love Mark Strong. He seemed to be asleep at the wheel in this. Such a shame, because if he’d brought his A-game, the chemistry between him and Levi would have been electric.

The Ugly

⁃ Don’t worry guys, this is a massive personal problem and I do think it says more about me than the film. I really fell out of love with the film because of the fact that it was set at Christmas. The whole thing; even the prologue. I just felt like it brought me out of the film completely. It’s not a Christmas movie, but it is set at Christmas. So for me, I probably would have enjoyed it more if it had been given a Christmas release.

Overall, it was a flat superhero movie that is samwiched between Marvel’s most anticipated releases.

Have you seen Shazam? Let me know if you agree, disagree with my thoughts in the comments below.

Love Han x


Why Should You Subscribe? Wildest Dreams Book Box @wdbookbox

Wildest Dreams Book Box: January (Theme was Loyalty)

There’s a ding alerting me to an email. “Your package is on its way”. I’m filled with joy, excitement and a little bit of frustration ‘I want it nooooooow’. Mainly because each month I’m left feeling as if these boxes have been curated with me in mind.

Wildest Dreams Book Box was conceived a little over a year ago by Zoe Collins; an inspiring and wonderful blogger, vlogger and all round awesome person. Her aim was to provide a monthly book box that was inclusive; from the price to the content. Each one centers around a theme for a recently released book and includes tea that is always out of this world and a number of beauty products sourced from up and coming independent companies.

I’ve never really been able to post photos before this month; as most people know my previous abode was not the most photogenic at the end. Plus, most months my box would end up at the post office. Every time I’d say ‘Wait until you’re home to open it.’…. Yeah, that never happened.

So here it finally is; a proud photo of a wonderful, heart-warming subscription box.

January’s Box

I’ve not had a book that I didn’t think I’d like. This month was no exception. Devoted has been a book I’ve coveted since YALC. I missed out on the hard copy proof. I lucked out and managed to bag a Ecopy through NetGalley, but it was certainly one I wanted to own.

I squealed a little at the addition of the wax melt. I’m not one for candles, so this little beauty is perfect for me. All the candles I’ve ever gotten have been so well scented that merely having them out and open is enough to fill a room with a literary smell.

Jewelry and art cards are always a welcome addition in the box. This month’s offerings are stunning and represent loyalty of two fandoms I love; The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and Cassandra Clare’s Shadowhunters. Finally, my favourite part of my monthly Wildest Dreams is the tea. Loyal-tea is perfect for anyone who isn’t quite ready to say goodbye to the Christmas spirit. An added joy this month was opening the packet and getting my dad to guess the ingredients.

So, if you’re new to YA and haven’t got a clue where to start or you are simply wanting to gift yourself, or a friend, a monthly postal hug head over to Wildest Dreams and see the subscriptions on offer. Remember to follow on social media for updates on themes, renewal dates and waiting lists: facebook, twitter and Insta.

Love Han x


Not all Doom and Gloom

From the Feeds

This first post is about inclusivity and how easy it can be.

Next up is this novel approach to how to read Fahrenheit 451.

Next is a story about Joe Manganeillo letting his geekness hang out with pride in order to bring joy to a hospital in America.

Daily Three

1. I’ve sorted out the internet and gotten a better deal. I’ve got to wait four more days, but I can cope with that.

2. I gave the kitchen a proper good clean and made spaghetti bolognese.

3. There have been so many little things that have made me smile today; from a blogger who is offering a proof to disadvantaged teens to the Starbucks barista who let me know I was able get a free refill on my coffee. But, the biggest little joy was the fact that there is a job going as an education officer in the Beatle’s Story. Well, if that isn’t a job made for me, I don’t know what is.


The Hitman’s Bodyguard- 15 #Hanreview

The Hitman’s Bodyguard- 15

Release date:17th August 2017

Tagline: Never let him out of your sight. Never let your guard down. Never fall in love.

Starring: Samuel L Jackson, Ryan Reynolds, Gary Oldman


From IMDB: The world’s top bodyguard gets a new client, a hit man who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.

The Good

SLJ and Reynolds work so well together as the comedy thriller duo. It’s a joy to see the two of them wind each other up and help each other out when needed. It’s a typical buddy film; hating each other first, but ending with a mutal respect for one another. SLJ surprisingly got the funnier lines and the lighter characterisation and it was quite beautiful to see him play up against Reynold’s straight laced ‘boring is best’.

The humour is there, but there’s also heart behind the plot. What motivates each man is not something to chuckle at; leaving you on the edge of your seat for a whole different reason.

Gary Oldman, doing what he does best. The one thing I love about this man is his versatility. You can find him in blockbusters, Indie flicks and Oscar bait. Here he’s playing the villain to a tee. Accent is a little hammy, but it’s Oldman. We will let him off.

The violence and action sequences where well shot and had the same gloss as recent films like Kingsman. It’s a good touch for people like me who find the realism of violence a little hard to take in a comedy film.

The Bad

I really don’t like the setting. Normally I would be very excited to see a film set in London, but I just wasn’t quite sold as to having two American leads running around the UK. I also don’t get why SLJ was arrested somewhere else and ends up in Manchester.

It’s about 30 minutes too long for me. I was starting to feel a little restless and with a quick edit, they could have brought it down to a comfortable length.

There were two scenes that didn’t quite have the impact I think the film makers were wanting. Firstly, was Reynold’s character pissing into a bottle, for SLJ finding it later in the movie. I suspect at some point, the plot involved someone drinking. But as it stands there was no payoff for the initial scene.

Secondly, the revelation of the ‘mole’ within interpole was missing something. As an audience, people may miss it as we already know quite early on who it is. However, the part that gives the person away to Reynold’s ex makes no sense. It’s missing a scene or dialogue saying the action is a trade mark move of the dictator.

The Ugly

How many motherfucker’s can you fit into a film?! I lost count in the first 20 minutes. I was around 12, but I was only counting SLJ’s and then Salma Hayek fired off about 4 in quick succession. Reynolds was right, SLJ was ruining the word.  Did I laugh; yes, I did. However, few hours after I watched it, I’m finding the joke a little spent. One word does not a catch phrase make.

Blades of Glory (2007)

Rating 12A
Length 1hr 33
Release 6.4.2007
Director Josh Gordon and Will Speck
About After being stripped of their medals and banned from single-men events, two Olympics ice skaters decide to team up and compete as an all-male pair.

The Good

Pam!!! Seriously, I love that The Office’s Jenna Fischer is in this. She’s perfect as the sister, Katie.
I’m still on the fence about whether this film is trying to be super progressive or super offensive, however I do like the idea of the same-sex partners on the ice being done with sincerity.

The Bad
What’s worse than a Will Farrell movie where Will Farrell is doing his shouty shouty ‘I’m so funny routine’? When Will Farrell joins forces with Napoleon Dynamite’s Jon Heder.
It really isn’t as funny as it thinks it is. Farrell is trying way too hard and it shows. Painfully.

The Ugly
The bathroom scene is vile! The only other film that’s gotten me as close to physically vomiting like this one has is whichever Saw movie has the people drown in a vat of rotting pigs.
Incest is never funny, even if the siblings are played by a married couple. No! Just no! Gross.

Final Thoughts

It just isn’t as funny as I remember and I’m struggling to see what I ever would have found good about it.

The Mask (1994)

Rating: PG
Length: 1h 41
Release: 19.8.1994
Dir: Chuck Russell
About: Stanley, an easy-going bank employee, turns into an eccentric green-skinned being who can bend reality after wearing a wooden mask that is inhabited by Loki who is a Norse god.

First Thoughts

This isn’t a film I’d seen all the way through before today. my first experience was during a week away with school. It was put on for the whole group but when asked for people to go on the shop run, I volunteered as tribute. I was never one for film watching with the hyper and disengaged.
The next attempt at watching this came when this was THE film on Christmas Day. Completely unheard of today given how easy is to access movies, however this was my one chance to watch this film and I fell asleep. Only other film I really remember this happening with is The Bodyguard after I’d spent the day at the ITV Studios and it remains, to this day, a film I’ve yet to watch.

The Good

  • While it’s not my thing, I cannot deny that Jim Carey is a master when it comes to this over-blown comedy with a larger-than-life character. From the impersonations to what have now become iconic and quotable one-liners, Carey hits all the notes with an effective precision.
  • While the over-sexualisation of Cameron Diaz irks me somewhat, I have to accept that its part of the time in which it was made and totally a reflection of the characters that watch her walk into the bank. I couldn’t imagine anyone better in the role and she does work well with Carey.

The Bad

  • I think I’ve been spoiled by another mouthy, off the wall anti-hero in the past few years. The Mask I feel is a story much of the same ilk as the Merc with the Mouth and would have been better suited as a darker, more violent affair. As it stands it is too tame for a general audience, but there are some jokes that just don’t seem at home in a PG outing. I have found out since watching it, that the source material is much similar to Deadpool, which only reaffirms my opinion that was pitched to the wrong audience.
  • The murky landscape of the city with the day glow prominence when The Mask reminds me to much of what would become of Tim Burton’s Gotham once he leaves the franchise. While Batman Forever came long after this, the memory still taints this somewhat.
  • I’m sold on Carey as the Mask. i’m not sure he works as well as Stanley. Interestingly enough, those who I feel would have been up for portraying Stanley, I’m not sure could give a convincing The Mask.

The Ugly

  • While a lot of the effects do still stand up owing to the comic book style of the character and the narrative, there are a few that just don’t quite work. When it comes to the flattening of the Mask early in the film, it has been done better in something like Who Framed Roger Rabbit? When you’ve used a lot of Carey’s physicality to do away with some need for CGI, it’s a shame that they couldn’t embrace using some physical effects too.
  • I’m not sure how I feel about the times in which Carey/ The Mask breaks the fourth wall. The biggest problem of it being that its used quite a lot in quick succession and then it doesn’t happen again.
  • I would argue that this is also rather badly edited. From odd cuts that move characters and seem to miss out dialogue to references that don’t make sense I feel as if we’re left with a disjointed film.

Final Thoughts

Upon watching this time, it would appear I wasn’t asleep for very long. Perhaps the feeling that I’d missed something important was due to editing. As it stands, I really hadn’t missed much and I really could have done without watching it again.

Bolt (2008)

Rating: PG
Length: 1h 36
Release: 6.2.2009
Dir: Byron Howard & Chris Williams
About: Bolt is a dog who stars in a superhit television show in which he possesses superpowers. However, things change when he believes his powers are real and embarks on a purposeful mission.

The Good

  • Rhino! Who doesn’t love that crazy bastard in the ball. He’s a maniac, he’s outrageously deluded and I am here for it. He has some of the best moments in the film and provides some of the biggest laughs.
  • The plot is quite savvy. It’s essentially Planes Trains and Automobiles meets Galaxy Quest with the cast of Homeward Bound. What is not to love about that elevator pitch?!
  • The relationship between Bolt and Mittens will win your heart. Bolt has you from the very start as he’s a Disney puppy. That’s like cinematic kryptonite for the audience. Then you are introduced to a street cat who is not all she seems. It’s the age old buddy pairing in which they’re chalk and cheese, but they learn to get along.
  • I do feel like John Travolta was a unconventional choice to voice Bolt given it could be argued at the time he didn’t have the box office pull he once did and doesn’t have an overly distinctive voice either. However his voice does work for Bolt. He has charm, innocence and, when required, authority.

The Bad

  • It’s a bit unclear from the opening act as to whether Bolt was picked to be part of the film, or if Penny picked him as a family pet and then they were both picked up. It’s not something that really matters, but I’m curious.
  • Penny gives up way too quickly when the dick PR guy brings her the replacement dog. She put more effort into trying to get Bolt home for the weekend than the rescue.
  • Some of the visuals, mainly the backgrounds that are trying to have dept of field, haven’t aged too well. Not too much of a problem, but it certainly not long has the ‘state-of-the-art’ feeling to it.

The Ugly

  • The subtext within this film is really dark. In my early 20s it went over my head, so little ones should be okay, but Mittens and Bolt are both victims of animal cruelty. Watching it this time, I really struggled with the fact that the plot does come at the expense of Bolt’s abuse at the hands of the tv network.

Final Thoughts

I love this movie. It has so many ‘I love this bit’ moments and the script really makes you chuckle.

Practical Magic (1998)

Rating: 15 Length: 1h 44 Release: 22.1.1999 Dir: Griffin Dunne About: After the death of their parents, Sally and Gillian Owens move in with their aunts, Jet and Frances. The two sisters have nothing in common except their hereditary gift for practical magic.

The Good

  • This film is well cast. Any film that lets me tolerate Nicole Kidman always gains bonus points too. The core of the likability of this film does fall on Sandra Bullock. She is Peak Sandra in this movie.
  • The music is magical (sorry). From Faith Hill’s This Kiss to the Midnight Margarita dancing to Coconut by Harry Nilson, it’s a 90s feel good soundtrack.
  • It takes the coven, the horror and the theme of the outcast from The Craft, the romance of any film from the 90s and the lust of a Sharon Stone movie and created a cocktail of a movie that many will love.
  • You know what I loved most of all about watching this time, as an adult instead of a teen?! The acceptance of the community at the end. Sally uses the phone tree to create an impromptu coven in order to save Gilly. I hadn’t realised before, but it brought me to tears this time; it’s wasn’t the witchcraft they were really against. It was the unknown. When it really came down to it and they realise the family needed help, all the barriers broke down and they accepted Sally. It was so heartwarming.

The Bad

  • The weird romance with Sally and the FBI guy. I get it, I get why and I totally find it cute with the daughters when they work out who he is, however there’s no chemistry there. I bought into her love with her first love but this guy and their make out session in his hotel. Nope, don’t buy it!

The Ugly

  • I don’t like the lack of clarification of why they performed the spell on Jimmy. He’s a toxic man and I feel it does the film an injustice to even allow a seed of doubt that it was because Gilly wanted him rather than to save her sister.

Final Thought

Love this movie. This is one of those ‘Sandra Bullock makes this awesome’ sort of movies. I’d not seen it for years, but I do want to see it again.

American History X (1998)

Rating: 18
Length: 1h 59
Release: 26.3.1998
Dir: Tony Kaye
About: Derek, who has served three years in prison for a hate crime, tries to change the thoughts of his brother, Danny, who is following the same path.

The Good

  • It covered a rather contentious topic in an open way. I don’t think anyone, not even Principle Sweeny, is painted in a perfect light. There is no one to hold up as a hero, no one who hasn’t made a mistake. The commentary isn’t about being on a named side, but about deciding for yourself what is right and wrong. On that note, it is a refreshing change to not see the influence of religious within the narrative and in the prison in particular.
  • The cast is incredible. I’m so so glad Keeping the Faith was my first Edward Norton movie. It is a narrative that moves around the timeline, but even without the visual cues, you would be able to see where it was by Norton’s performance.
  • Avery Brooks was a welcome addition to the cast. Known to me as Commander Sisko in Star Trek Deep Space Nine, this was a role that fit him well. His presence in the film as a mentor and a consultant with the police is one that joins the bits together. I think he gets the right amount of screen time, but his performance does make me wish he’d managed to venture a little more into film.
  • This film surprised me. I felt like I knew where it was going but there were a few times in which I gained new information that I wasn’t expected. One actually is present in the trailer but plays as almost a final act reveal in the movie. Having not seen the trailer, I do feel it has more impact as a reveal. It certainly felt a bit like a gut punch it me.

The Bad

  • The relationship Derek builds with Lamont is incredible and so very powerful. It’s actually my favourite part of the film as for me, its that interaction that it the true cause of Derek’s shift and acceptance of Sweeny’s help and support. However, there is one interaction between the two that I just wish the film had honed in on and just confirmed that Derek understood. That is the explanation of what it was Lamont did to get put in prison.
    Perhaps it’s me seeing it through the social movement of 2020 and perhaps the intention was to have the statement be left with doubt. I should just be satisfied that I believe what he said.
  • There is some gruesome elements to this film. Some bits may even turn your stomach. However, I would argue that nothing is gratuitous. It’s there for the purpose of revulsion and at no point does it glorify the violence.

The Ugly

  • There are some slow-mo shots throughout the film, that are mainly contained to the black and white sequences that I remind me of an arthouse aesthetic. For example, two of the three times Norton’s Derek is seen in the shower, the camera puts him in profile and focuses on the water. It doesn’t do anything for me other than remind me I’m watching a movie.
  • In the same sense I’m not too happy about the music, particularly in the black and white sequences. It feels a little heavy handed and, well, loud. I can’t think of another way to describe it. Not in terms of volume, but presence. Music should compliment the visuals and I’m not sure it does here.
  • How is it that films like this get made over twenty years ago and nothing has changed? Yes, in once sense its good that it being put on streaming platforms will bring it to a new audience. But it’s a damn fucking shame that it doesn’t have the impact it should.
  • I cried. I ugly cried. I’m not going to go into details about the whens and the whys, but this film does carry with it a lot of what’s going on today. The presence of such blind hatred is throughout the narrative, its on all sides and it is bias. I’ve always been somewhat of a empathetic viewer and this did leave me somewhat overwhelmed.

Final Thoughts

It is an incredible film. One I’m not sure I was ever ready for before and I’m not too sure if I’ll ever opt to watch again. However i do believe it’s a film everyone should see.

The warriors (1979)

Rating: 15

Length: 1h 32

Release: 10.5.1979

Dir : Walter Hill

About: A gang called ‘The Warriors’ are framed for killing a gang leader trying to unite all the gangs in the area. With other gangs gunning for them they must get back alive to the home turf of Coney Island

The Good

The music has two of the best features of a late 70s movie: the synth original score and the funk. It’s glorious.

The plot and political statement within the film is as relevant today as it was when it was made.

The costumes and makeup really help with keeping track of all the different gangs and they’re beautifully done. Even now, they give the feeling of a distance future.

The opening is eerie, but spectacular. It builds up and reveals the tensions between the gangs.

The Bad

I found the focus of the blame on the Warriors a little too flawed. I know that as a viewer we know they’re innocent, however I don’t buy everyone believing that the leader of the Warriors did it.

The Ugly

You have one prominent female lead who is called a slut/whore/tramp throughout the movie by Swan. To have her get with him in the end. Eurgh! Nope!

The Lake House (2006)

Rating: PG
Length: 1h 45
Release: 23.6.2006
Dir: Alejandro Agresti
About: Love blooms when Kate, a doctor, exchanges letters with Alex, an architect who is fed up with his life. Unknown to them, they lead lives two years apart.

The Good

  • Who doesn’t want to see Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves reconnect onscreen? If that’s what you’re after, I’m not sure it matters about the plot or quality of the film, so long as that chemistry between the two is still there.
  • It’s essentially Jumpin’ Jack Flash, but with letters and time travel instead of the internet and global espionage.

The Bad

  • I don’t like the characters of Kate and Alex. They’re both really boring.
  • The film feels very clinical and sterilised of all emotion. perhaps it is the separation of the two main characters and their isolation within their time periods. The interaction they each have with other people feels artificial and for exposition only.

The Ugly

  • The time travel aspect is just shit and doesn’t make sense. At the heart of it is a massive paradox that, as a fan of all things sci-fi, I can’t ignore. The magic of time travel falls flat and also seems too integral to the plot. I know, I know, suspend belief and all that shit, but I have too many questions about what I saw leading up to the changes in the timeline and they’re not answered.
  • Who gave that shockingly back haircut to Sandra Bullock?! It does nothing for her and, while very circa ’06, has not aged well at all.
  • You manage to get two people together who have chemistry and they physically share a screen within the same time zone for less than five minutes?! What the actual fuck?! I want to see them together!

Final Thoughts

I think I’ll just rewatch Speed in future. Love Bullock and Reeves, but this was underwhelming.

Moon (2009)

Rating: 15
Length: 1h 37
Release: 17.7.2009
Director: Ducan Jones
About: Astronaut Sam, the sole employee working at a lunar station with his computer, GERTY, is nearing the end of his three-year work contract. Just before he returns home, he meets with a fatal accident.

The Good

  • There’s something so very Red Dwarf about the visual production. I felt this great familiarity when it came to the shots on the moon and outside of Sam’s habitat. I get the feeling it was models made to scale, much in a similar way to Red Dwarf in its infancy. The quality is incredible and for me, at least, it gave a bit of comfort.
    Even the interior felt like it was at least inspired by Lister’s surroundings on Red Dwarf and I mean it as a compliment. For me, the Doug Naylor and Rob Grant British Sci-fi show is my accepted idea of what space travel might look like.
  • Sam Rockwell! If ever there was an actor who could be pretty much the only person on screen and still keep you invested, Rockwell was going to be that guy. He’s an actor that I would put alongside Robin Williams and, to a lesser degree, Will Farrel. By this I mean that Rockwell seems at home in a comedic role. He’s someone who has their timings right and can make them laugh. Then, just when you think you’ve got him pegged, he shows you that serious side. That Oscar-bait face and boy, doesn’t he just kick you in the feels.
    Well, Moon gives you both sides and then some. You’ll laugh, you’ll cheer and you’ll cry. This will forever replace Galaxy Quest as my go to movie to introduce someone to Sam Rockwell.
  • The music! Okay, so there’s a beautiful soundtrack throughout. That’s amazing! However, this movie had one of the best song choices early on. Chesney Hawk’s I Am the One and Only! No longer is the number one hit the theme of Buddy’s Song, its now solely associated with Moon.

The Bad

  • Oh so many questions. It’s not bad on the part of the film, in fact its quite genius as it made me want to go back and watch it again. The film, without giving away the plot, made me question a lot of things about society. Philosophical, ethical and even scientific questions. I actually felt overwhelmed at times and there will be some things I’ll ruminate on over the next few days. The scary part of it though, I think I already know the answers to some of my own questions.
  • I needed more Matt Berry. Everyone needs more Berry. In fact, Matt Berry could have played all of the roles and there still would not be enough Matt Berry. Don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t be anywhere near as good as what Jones’ has produced, but it still would not be enough.

The Ugly

  • Kevin fucking Spacey, man! I know this is a time thing, but the connotations and physical response I have from hearing that man’s voice is a detriment to the film. I am aware that the similarities to Hal will have given me some doubt as to the character, but this was more than that. I will agree that this is a prejudice born of an outside source, but it’s not something I can ignore. (especially when I read that the massive douche allegedly only agreed to the role after the film had been made and he’d deemed it worthy of him.)
    While I would be curious to view this with someone else taking on the role, given it doesn’t require a physical presence, I would not want to put the creators in such a political position.
    Did get from my rant that I hate Kevin Spacey?! Fucking bastard ruins so many movies that I once thought were great.

Final Thoughts

This movie, for me, is the equivalent of psychic paper. It’s the Sci-fi of my dreams and I’m only sorry I’ve never seen it where it truly belongs; on a cinema screen.

Crawl (2019)

Rating: 15
Length: 1h 27
Release: 23.8.2019
Dir: Alexandre Aja
About: Florida residents Haley and her father get trapped in a massive hurricane and struggle to escape. But things get worse when they realise that the floodwater is the least of their fears.

The Good

  • This is an incredible film; high octane in a contained area is surprisingly effective. The location being at the home instils fear into the viewer because this is the one place you should feel safe.
  • I love Barry Pepper. We need more Barry Pepper. His character really goes through the ringer and it’s his survival I’m holding out hope for more than anything.
  • There are some great misdirects and fakeouts that really add tension, such as the three friends at the petrol station and Hayley’s Jurassic Park kitchen recreation.

The Bad

  • ‘Gator cam. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, this is an over used camera angle in a creature feature. What is worse with this movie, is that it lulled me into a false sense of security. I actually mentally commended the movie and then they go and use it. Once they started, they didn’t stop.
  • While I love the character of Hayley, I’m not so sure about the choice of actress. I found her rather Kirsten Stewart circa Twilight.
  • The opening is a little long winded. There is a pay off for it, but I’m still not sure it was enough to justify the time dedicated on it.

The Ugly

  • The ‘gators are all too identical. The exact same size and screamed of copy and paste CGI. I’d have like to have seen variation as there surly would be an alpha. If you’re going to have so many, you really do need to have some distinction.
  • Total individual thing for me, but even though I knew Barry Pepper’s dad wasn’t dead in the opening act, it was a little too close to home in terms of discovering my own dad (obviously not in a crawlspace with alligators) so I did have to have a really good cry during the film.

Final Thoughts

Its a fair movie and a decent watch, especially if you’re a fan of creature features.

Dumb and Dumber To (2014)

Rating: 15
Length: 1h 49
Release: 19.12.2014
Dir: Bobby + Peter Farrelly
About: In need of a new kidney and having learned that he has a long-lost daughter, dimwit Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels) snaps his equally cretinous pal, Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey), out of an apparent fugue state to accompany him on a journey to find her. The witless wonders criss-cross the country using whatever mode of transportation they can find, ultimately arriving at the one place on Earth where they least belong: a summit of the world’s most brilliant minds.

The Good

  • I like that they brought back the kid from the first film to reprise Billy. In fact, the casting choices throughout the film are really good. From Walking Dead’s Laurie Holden to Paul Blackthorne’s brief cameo. It’s clever choices that make this film almost bearable.

The Bad

  • “gotcha”. The whole premise of this film runs on pranks that just don’t make sense and are not remotely funny. Much like the first film, the humour is way too taxing.

The Ugly

  • Having Lloyd laughing at Harry’s mother for talking in Chinese is just fucked up.
  • That god damn incest trope again. We spend the movie with him wanting to bang the girl, for him to work out she is most likely his own daughter. Gross. (Gross is in fact the most recorded word withing my notes for this film)
  • Yet another form of sexual assault played for laughed. Lloyd on one of their many misadventures, is manipulated into touching an old lady’s genitals. Upon realising no diamonds are to be found where he’s been led, he tries to remove his hand but she clamps his hand between her legs. So wrong on so many levels.

Final Thoughts

Yet more misses than hits, but if you liked the first one; this is just more of the same.