The Fog (1980)

Rating: 15/A
Length: 1h 29
Release: 6.11.1980
Dir: John Carpenter
About:Folks get ready to celebrate the centenary of Antonio Bay. But, many had suffered due to crimes that founded this town. Now, they rise from the sea, under the cover of the fog, to claim retribution.


The Good

  • The strength of this film is the atmosphere that’s cultivated with the opening campfire ghost story and built upon throughout the film.
  • I love the character of Stevie. She’d won me over in her first scene when she informs her caller “I’m never lonely”. At no point is she a damsel and I like that. She is a strong character who helps us learn more about the fog and its plans for the town.
  • I love the ending. While ‘old hat’ and not something I would accept from a film today, it was an excellent ‘gotcha’ and makes for an absolute resolution to the narrative.
  • Some of the effects work really well. Namely the plank of wood seeping water scene. I can imagine working with water is difficult at the best of times, but what they achieve there is chilling and entertaining.

The Bad

  • There’s a massive disconnect between the characters. There’s three distinct groups that have no connection with each other until the final act. The town, for me, it too small for this plot element to work. I also wish they’d made the connection between Kathy Williams and one of the men on the ship. I have no emotional attachment to their relationship so her loss has no weight.

The Ugly

  • Jamie-Lee’s Elizabeth feels shoe-horned in just to give her a role. That’s not to say she doesn’t do a good job with what she’s given. It’s just that there are hints to her character being more than she appears, but it ends up going nowhere. Had she have been in the town for a while and leaving as the film starts, I may have bought into her relationship with Nick a little more.
    I don’t buy into her following Nick around the way she does after one shag. I don’t get the build up of mystery for it to lead nowhere.
  • For a small town, I don’t buy into people not knowing each other. Nick is a decedent of the founders and Stevie is an established disc jockey in town. How is that they don’t know each other, even in passing?!
  • The more we see of the ghosts, the less impact they have. In one the final scenes, we really do get too close a look at one of them and it undoes a lot of the tension built.

Final Thoughts

Brilliant premise, with a great leading lady in Adrienne Barbeau, however, the final product feels very disconnected and as a viewer, I struggled to invest in anyone in the town.

Battle Beyond the Stars (1980)

Rating: 12a/A
Length: 1hr 43
Release: 19.2.1981
Director: Jimmy T Murakami & Roger Corman (Uncredited)
About: Akir is a peaceful planet that is attacked by Sador and his army of mutants. Shad, a young Akira farmer hires a group of mercenaries to protect his planet. Will he succeed in his mission?


The Good

  • It actually has some names within the film. Original John-Boy Walton Richard Thomas takes on the ‘Farm boy’ role (Yes, check out Amazon Prime’s description and they liken Thomas’ Shad to Luke Skywalker and Elm Street’s resident sheriff, John Saxon, brings us the destroyer of planets and all-round bad guy, Sador.
  • Man from U.N.C.L.E alumni Robert Vaughn is a decent spot as… well, I’m not quite what he did in the film other than provide a nod to the Magnificent Seven (1960), of which this film is loosely based. I enjoyed his presence, even if I had given up on following the characters at this point.
  • George Peppard is also a hoot to have on board. While he looked familar, I did have to look him up. He’s one quarter of the A-Team. The TV Show, not the film outing that saw Liam Neeson take on the cigar-smoking John ‘Hannibal’ Smith.
  • Had I have watched this with at least half a bottle of wine in me and some drinking game rules to hand, it would have been hilarious. However, I think I’d have irreparable liver damage to go with the giggles.

The Bad

  • When you have a character that is so comparable to Luke Skywalker, you really have to get it right. Unfortunately, Richard Thomas doesn’t work in the role. He comes across more like Wesley Crusher; over keen, too young and floppy haired. He’s a tad annoying and totally in need of seeing a burnt up aunt and uncle to wipe that jolly smile off his face. Even the animated Flick had more charm in the Bug’s Life version of this over-played story.
  • How many characters? Seriously, I felt rather overwhelmed with how many people they brought to help, who didn’t really help and, in some cases, didn’t want to help. From the albino collective who had the TARDIS to the porn warrior and the reptile dude stolen from the Star Trek department, it felt too much and it stopped me getting invested. I mean COME ON, it’s the SEVEN Samurai/ Magnificent SEVEN, not ‘lets invite a rave to our fucking planet’. Specially given that they’re so unbelievably shit.

The Ugly

  • Zed’s Ship! Jesus, you know that bit in every Austin Powers movie when they’re like ‘It looks like a…’ cuts from one location to another ‘…Johnson, did you just see that…’. Yeah, only it looks more like a sex organ abomination. Seriously, you’ve got the top end of a woman’s uterus that leads into a ball sack. Guys, once you see it, you can’t unsee it… and this is where my liver would DIE!
  • While we’re on the subject, the script! Again, if I was drinking for every time a line made me laugh. For example “I can’t take him from the back Nell.”… Yeah, yeah get my mind out the gutter. Believe me, it needs to be in the gutter to come out of this film sane.
  • George Peppard is literally known as Cowboy. They fucking put a Cowboy in SPACE! Yes, its a riff of many of the things this thing is ripping off but it just doesn’t fit. He’d Basically Buck Rogers, without that explanation. He dresses like a cowboy, talks like a cowboy (Hell, he even talks about Custer’s last stand) but I don’t understand why! Oh, he also plays Home of the Range on a fucking harmonica! Its a full fucking house on the Western-bingo card.
  • The TARDIS aliens who share a consciousness have one abducted by the Shit-Thanos and some shit goes does that I really don’t give a fuck about at this point and because they don’t tolerate pain, he dies. Except Sador needs a new arm (again, I don’t know why. I don’t fucking care, I’ve lost the will to live at this point) so he’s given that of the tip-exed alien. The arm goes all Evil Hands on Sador because of ‘shared consciousness’ and the remaining aliens use the connection to try and kill him. Only, they’re so fucking stupid and impatient that they try and do it there and then. Morons!
Tip-exed aliens

Final Thoughts

I don’t fucking know! I feel like… I feel like someone made a computer write a sci-fi script after watching Star Wars, Space Balls, Buck Rodgers and Flash Gordon and this was the monstrosity that came out. Its The Room (2003) of the Sci-Fi genre and something I never want to watch again.