Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) occurs when an individual experiences intense, severe emotional pain in response to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. This goes beyond simply disliking the experience of rejection, and the individual finds these feelings intolerable or excruciating rather than just unpleasant.
Very Well Mind
I think this is one of the worst, and most damaging, traits I have from the whole catalogue of ADHD signifiers. It’s not fun, it sucks! There’s a few different situations that can trigger RSD:
- Being ignored, overlooked, forgotten in a group setting.
- Being told I’m wrong. Not in general, because that would be egotistical, but it’s when I know I’m right in what I’ve done.
Examples
I once unfollowed an online ‘friend’ because we’d been talking about Crystal Maze. She’d incorrectly stated that the show would air on Fridays. It absolutely did not. I explained why she *perhaps* was incorrect.
She came back with a ‘you are wrong’.
Now, I knew I was right. My life growing up was so meticulous and routined that there was no way on earth that I’d 1. Be filming the show for my father and watching it, only to watch it again with him, 2. Be watching it live on a Friday.
This was because Fridays, we went food shopping. When I say “without fail”, I mean that when I was a baby and shopping happened of a morning, my brother was run over and in hospital. My dad continued to go, with my mum, food shopping.
Nope, Crystal Maze aired on Thursday nights when my dad completed a Littlewoods Pools Round. It’s the only day he worked (Thanks Thatcher), and the only way I could have watched it twice.
I spent about 30 minutes furiously typing. I even found proof (not hard with the internet) and then … I deleted it all. I didn’t see the point. However, the damage was done.
Yeah, most of you would never unfriend someone over that. But it had caused such a painful experience that I didn’t see another way forward.
In work I had to categorise things. I’d followed the instructions, I’d done the correct thing. However, I received one of the items back with a note saying that it was X, and the queue I’d placed it in was for Y (You’re not meant to send them back to the person either).
Only Y was the correct queue for X. Always had been. By that person agreeing with me that it was X, they were telling me they didn’t know that what I did was correct.
So, again, I followed work rules. I contacted their manager and explained what had happened, why it was incorrect and what the result could be. It was a relatively polite email considered my heart was pounding, blood was pounding in my ear(s) and I wanted to be sick.
Then, I got a reply. “Do not send it back to my advisor. I’m seeking advice.” … MY RJD was so bad at that point that I could no longer work and requested to take the rest of the day off. You’d perhaps think this would be the end of it?
I received another email upon next logging on, a screen cap of a conversation (the question omitted) in which the manager and someone else agree I’m wrong and that they’re going to send more items back to ‘teach me a lesson’. Which they had. four more items were in my basket and all I could do was put them back in the X queue.
Even now, reliving this, my chest is tight and my arms are tingling. My head feels fizzy and my mouth dry. Knowing I was right doesn’t change this, because I’m often told to leave it, get over it. However, I’m certain if I’d done the same thing, I’d be made to apologise (Monopoly and Scrabble)
WHAT THIS MEANS
- As the intro suggests, criticism and rejection are rather painful for me.
- If it’s a perceived rejection, I punish myself. I will isolate myself (something my mum used as punishment*) and I will often stop eating.
- I can become tearful. Not necessarily because I’m sad, but more because I’m overwhelmed and frustrated.
- I can become snappy.
- I can become hyper-focused on a particular situation. Bring it up a lot. Like to the point of boredom a lot.
TIPS
- If you need to tell me about something I’ve done wrong, think about why you’re doing it: for me to learn, you need help seeing my thought process, you’ve been asked to. Fine, that’s great. However, make sure your language reflects that. Reason being is that if your intention isn’t clear, I will begin to spiral and become reflective.
If you’re needing help to resolve it, I need a clear question or instruction so I can focus on that. I always want to help, love to help.
If you’re doing it to just point out something I’ve done wrong, please just punch me in the face because I can tell you know, it would hurt much less. - If it’s movies, tv or anything pop culture. Just don’t bother. People have learnt the hard way that you cannot correct me on that shit!
- This is a big one. Please talk to me at some point after you’ve brought anything like this to my attention. Just to reassure me that you’re not mad at me for causing you more work.
The Queens of Geekdom 