Category: 1986

Short Circuit (1986) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 1h38
Release 5.12.1986
Director John Badham
About Johnny is a data courier who literally carries data packages inside his head for a fee. This time he carries a package that is too large to hold for long and he must race against time to deliver it.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: DVD
Trailer:

First Thoughts

This was MY movie. This was on a repeat cycle along with Santa Claus: the Movie, Flight of the Navigator and Batteries Not Included. Short Circuit was my comfort movie, only to be replaced when Jurassic Park was available to own.
However, I probably hadn’t watched this again since I reached double digits. Surprisingly, I remembered almost all of it word for word.

The Good

  • This really is a film for everyone. There was so much humour and dialogue I hadn’t picked up on as a kid that I’m sure adults at the time would have found funny. The best example is when Johnny 5 offloads his tracker to a cute looking couple. They’re pulled over by Skroder and his crones and the wife turns to the husband and states: “I hope you moved the grass from the glove compartment”.
  • G W Bailey. If you’re in the UK, you probably know him best for his comedic roles in Police Academy and Mannequin. However, in the States, he’s a highly regarded dramatic actor. It’s only once you see him in some of his more serious roles that you really begin to appreciate his style of humour. The joy of having Bailey in these roles witnessing the moment the character snaps. That “She’s the dummy, she’s the dummy.” moment, if you will.
  • Wall-e tried to take Johnny 5’s crown, but come on. No robot is ever going to be better than Johnny “I am alive” 5. Even with his angles and metal exterior, I want to hug him. It’s the voice that truly makes him. There’s something charming about it.
  • While a little heavy on the synth, I adore this score and soundtrack. It may be to do with how much I watched this film, but I can’t hear its title without mentally singing “who is Johnny?”, the films theme song, in my head.

The Bad

  • The weird leering of Johhny 5 over Stephanie is something I didn’t catch as a kid, but really creeps me the fuck out as an adult. Perhaps it’s not so much Johnny’s flirtations, but how Stephanie responds?! I mean, is she hoping he has an attachment just for her?!

The Ugly

  • I think its a given that Fisher Stevens’ brown face is one of the most offensive things put on celluloid. Mainly because this is one of the most inoffensive films. ever. Oh, and the fact that he’s the one that comes over to the sequel?! Seriously.
    Of course, at the time, I thought nothing of it. I giggled away at him getting things wrong in that ‘funny voice’. However, as an adult, I’m horrified that there was a time in which this stereotype was acceptable.

Final Thoughts

It still has that charm, but it certainly won’t be on my regular rewatch list any time soon.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Rating: 15
Length: 1hr 39
Release: 14.11.1986
Dir: John Carpenter
About: Jack Burton, a truck driver, gets dragged into the mysterious underworld beneath Chinatown where he faces an ancient sorcerer named Lo Pan.

The Good

  • It has all the feel and adventure of other 80s movies. It fits well with Goonies, Gremlins and Princess Bride.
  • The casting is solid. Kurt Russell is well placed and so are others. Despite the complication of who is the hero of this movie, Russell is able to present Jack as a decent everyman.
  • The final act really does bring its A game. If the first two acts brought as much balance to the action and exposition, I may have enjoyed it more.

The Bad

  • The opening act feels a little too busy to hook in an audience. All very convoluted and missing something that I can’t quite put my finger on. It’s all rather choppy and hard to follow.
  • There are way too many characters that are introduced that have very little, to no impact upon the film’s narrative. Which would be okay, if it wasn’t for the fact that so much time is spent introducing them; the reporter being one of them.

The Ugly

  • The plot felt lifeless and I felt as if the story had been edited to refocus on Jack, when in fact Wang Chi or Egg Shen is the hero. It makes for a slight disconnect to the characters and the events that unfold.
  • The creature effects are dodgy as!

Final Thoughts

This is a film that I should love, I want to love it. I just can’t. It feels too taxing to be enjoyed and the comedy elements are very hard to be found.

Poltergeist ii: The Other Side (1986)

Rating 15

Length 1Hr 31

Release 19.9.1986

About The Freelings have escaped their haunted house, which is now being studied by paranormal investigators, including shaman Taylor (Will Sampson). When Taylor realizes that the Beast, masquerading as the Rev. Kane (Julian Beck), knows where young Carol Anne Freeling (Heather O’Rourke) now lives, he goes to warn the family that their daughter is in danger again. To protect Carol, her father, Steve (Craig T. Nelson), and the rest of the family must plot to take down the Beast.

First Thoughts

I think this was the film that traumatised me as a kid. I was an odd one growing up, in the sense that I love my shows and films about oldies. Cocoon, Batteries Not Included and Dad’s Army were among my must watches. Along with these, I absolutely adored Golden Girls and it just so happened that an episode was on the same tape as, what I can now confirm was, this film.

I think it was the vomit scene that I managed to land on and I was as petrified then as I was watching this film last night.

Treat

  • The sequel has better pacing and narrative flow. There’s even some retrospective explanations that make the franchise a little more coherent.
  • The film attempts to explore the themes of PTSD and grief. There are some sweet scenes, even if its not fully developed.
  • It’s a scary film. From the ghost man, Pastor Kane and his skeleton face to the tequila sperm Gill-Man that Steven gives mouth-birth to. It’s all god damn fucking hide under your duvet scary. Also, if I’d ever seen the braces scene (well crafted too) I would NEVER have spent my childhood wanting braces.
  • The addition of Taylor is really interesting and it adds some Native American ideas to the situation.

Trick

  • Steven is a fucking dick throughout this movie, to the point where I’m not sure the actor is playing the same character. His “say hello to the magic munchkin” in regards to Tangina is downright disrespectful at the best of times, let alone when you consider the woman saved your child’s life.
  • The film is just so rapey! Not in a “Baby it’s Cold Outside’ snowflake way. In a proper ‘this is fucking rapey’ way. First we have Pastor Kane who wants, and needs, Carole Ann. It’s even said ‘he tasted her life force’. Then there’s the husband-but-not-husband attempted rape before he chucks up the tequila sperm Gill-man. It’s nasty and scary, even if Steven was possessed by the tequila sperm. Oh and to bring it full circle, Kane-as-Steven talks about needing Carole Ann while grinding on Diane. As I said; rapey!!!
  • The throwing up tequila sperm foetus was quite possibly the scariest thing I’ve ever seen on tv. I’m curious about something that was mentioned in Grey’s Anatomy last week about muscle memory in regards to trauma and I wonder if the fear of this scene is more to do with how scared I was of it as a kid?!

Final Thoughts

Am I fuck ever watching this film ever again. It’s well made and much better than its predecessor, but nope, nope, nope, nope. This film can go away. Please.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

Rating PG

Length 1Hr 59

Release 10.4.1987

About Living in exile on the planet Vulcan, the ragtag former crew of the USS Enterprise steal a starship after receiving a planetary distress call from Earth: a space probe has entered into orbit around Earth, disabled global power on the planet and evaporated the oceans. Captain Kirk (William Shatner), Spock (Leonard Nimoy) and the rest of the officers travel back in time to retrieve now-extinct humpback whales, which Spock has deduced will communicate with the probe and send it away from Earth.

First Thoughts

I always loved this movie. It still remains my favourite out of the Original Series silver screen outings. Yes, I am aware that Wrath of Khan is the ‘better’ movie, but I will always be too freaked out by the bug that’s put into the Botany Bay Landing Party’s ears.

So here it is, the equivalent of the Ewoks in Star Wars. We’re boldly going… so save some humpback whales.

The Good

  • It’s funny. Almost like a good Carry On in that harmless, social nuances and situational sort of comedy. It makes a nice change to have a lighter feel to a sci-fi and a wonderful contrast to the death and grieving that’s had over Spock.
  • On paper, it seems like such an outrageous plot. Time warping to save a pair of whales to communicate with an unknown probe. However, it has a strong message about conservation that are still being spoken about today! Not only that, it gives an opportunity to split the crew and send them all on their own McGuffins.
  • Gillian, played by Catherine Hicks is brilliant. I’d have loved to have seen a Buck Rogers type follow up to see how she was doing. In all seriousness, as a kid I looked up to her. A woman in a position of power that cares about animals. Today, I’m just as happy that upon arriving in the future she chooses her own path and insists “I’ll find you.” To the womanising Kirk.
  • DeForest Kelly! He always reminded me of a loving, but grisly, grandpa and he will forever be my favourite part about this film. Especially so when finding a lady on dialysis, he grumbles about the dark ages before giving her something that regrows her own kidney.

The Bad

  • The film feels like it takes forever to get going and land the crew in 1986’s San Francisco. Them being fishes out of water is really part of the film’s charm and I could have done with a few more scenes.
  • I’d have also liked to have seen more development of Gillian’s relationship with where she works and the bloke she slapped.

The Ugly

  • I don’t like that it doesn’t sit as a stand alone. You require an understanding of at least the previous movie to understand some of the films finer quirks. Films within a non trilogy/saga franchise should allow for a plot that nods to the fans, without alienating new comers. Even I struggled with it this time; Search for Spock being one of my least watched meant I had forgotten about the Vulcan’s memory loss.

Final Thoughts

I still love it. I still find it charming if not a little silly. It’s not ideal as a stand alone, but is the reward for putting up with pervious sub-par films.

Pretty in Pink (1986)

Length: 1Hr 37

Rating: 15

Release: 25.4.1986

About:

Worst description of this movie was found on IMBD: A poor girl must choose between the affections of dating her childhood sweetheart or a rich but sensitive playboy.

The Good

  • Both Andrew McCarthy and James Spader are their 80s charming and bad boy selves respectively.
  • Annie Potts is just beautiful as the punk rebel who beats to her own drum.
  • The music is a glorious nostalgia trip.

The Bad

  • The film works around too many scenes in which Andie converses with only one other character. It feels very disjointed, slow and inanimate.
  • What happens to the best mate we don’t see after the volleyball game? I hate characters that are used as plot devices. Where was she at prom?

The Ugly

  • The dress! She had two beautiful dresses and made one extra ugly, shapeless one. Jesus! I loath the dress and that dress making scene.
  • Duckie. Fuck me, he takes up too much of this film, he’s a selfish fucker and a very bad friend. I spend every moment of him being on screen wanting to punch him in his toxic narcissistic face. When we get two, very lame, excuses for dates between Andi and Blaine it’s hard to not feel resentment for the extensive time spent with such an unlikeable character.
  • The lack of Andi/Blaine. Okay, so perhaps the film is more about a rite of passage for Andi, but the romance is a big part of it. I need to believe it and I just, well I just don’t.

The Fly (1986)

Rating 18

Length 1Hr 36

Release 13.2.1987

About When scientist Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) completes his teleportation device, he decides to test its abilities on himself. Unbeknownst to him, a housefly slips in during the process, leading to a merger of man and insect. Initially, Brundle appears to have undergone a successful teleportation, but the fly’s cells begin to take over his body. As he becomes increasingly fly-like, Brundle’s girlfriend (Geena Davis) is horrified as the person she once loved deteriorates into a monster.

The Good

  • The makeup and visual effects are incredible. Repulsive in some respects, but they certainly stand up to a modern viewing. From Seth’s mottled and sickly looking skin to his complete metamorphosis, it’s compelling and scary to see.
  • Jeff Goldblum and his ticks and twitches in particular. I do wonder if it’s his role here that put him up for consideration in Jurassic Park. There are similarities within the characters and the only difference being; Ian Malcolm would have predicted all this chaos. Goldblum has been long established as a loveable kook for me, that seeing him in this very different role helps bring the horror alive.
  • I love that Seth has a better outline plan of action than a Tory government. Something I thought right before he tells Veronica he wants to be the first insect politician. I giggled way too much at myself for that.
  • John Getz wins me over by the end of the film. I can’t remember what else I’ve seen him in, but the word ‘sleaze’ comes to mind and that’s before you consider the ‘Han’s buddy’ beard he has going on. Sleaze is actually right. He’s a knob to Veronica and I hate him for about two thirds of the movie. However, he really turns it around.

The Bad

  • There’s less Science and more about the relationship between Seth and Veronica. While it certainly makes for a better horror, I personally didn’t care for it.
  • The timeframe seems off, making the relationship seem overly toxic, without the whole spontaneously mutating into a psychotic insect. I know there’s a comment close to the end of the film about how a month has passed, but early on it seems like a day goes past and they’ve gone from bed buddies to an old married couple holidaying to Florida.
  • Not sure how I feel about the narrative commentary of Veronica having to tell Seth about her intended abortion. I know it’s necessary for the cause and effect to lead to the final act, but I’m very uncomfortable with it when he’s shown violent predator behaviour. Without getting bogged down in gender politics, I think it’s fair to say that if you’re beau has become a mutation that vomits over his own food and scared the bejesus out of you, you can wave the ‘conversation’.

  • I can see how the film is interpreted as a commentary of the AIDS crisis, however it is self evident that the commentary is much too broad for this to be the case. It’s a shame, as if they went in with intention, it could have made an excellent theme. That said, we have werewolves for that.

The Ugly

  • The gore was too much for me. Made me physically sick and it’s the first time during this advent I’ve had to look away from the screen.
  • The maggot baby birth! Holy fuck, that was horrific. Perhaps it has more impact on a woman but that was a visual I could have done without.

Final Thoughts

It’s a well made film that had proven my theory that I am indeed a pussy when it comes to gory horrors. It’s like Captain America gone wrong, way way wrong.

Movie Review: Little Shop of Horrors Director’s Cut (1986)

I find a little giggle-gas before I begin increases my pleasure enormously.

Orin

Length: 1Hr 42
Rating: PG
About: Meek flower shop assistant Seymour (Rick Moranis) pines for co-worker Audrey (Ellen Greene). During a total eclipse, he discovers an unusual plant he names Audrey II, which feeds only on human flesh and blood. The growing plant attracts a great deal of business for the previously struggling store. After Seymour feeds Audrey’s boyfriend, Orin (Steve Martin), to the plant after Orin’s accidental death, he must come up with more bodies for the increasingly bloodthirsty plant.

First Thoughts

I’ve probably seen the first 45 minutes of this more than the whole thing. I think this was one of my Thursday night films along with Jurassic Park and Beauty and the Beast. My dad wanted to watch it as it’s not been on TV for a long time. I accidentally put on the Director’s Cut without realising.

The Good

  • Rick Moranis is the perfect casting as Seymour. In fact, watching this made me a little sad that he’s no longer making movies after being in so many of my favourites from my childhood.
  • There’s some amazing cameos. From Christopher Guest and Bill Murray who have larger speaking roles to Danny John-Jules and Miriam Margoyles who are so blink-and-you’ll-miss-it that an internet search was needed to confirm suspicions (Read: win an arguement with my father who claimed it was in no way possible Danny John-Jules was in it).
  • The effects and puppetry regarding Audrey II all still hold up today. I’m not certain a GCI rendering would have the same impact, showing that things may have progressed but physical props can’t always be beaten.
  • There are some brilliant songs that you will want to dance along with. It’s up beat music, complete with a Chorus is a little infectious to say the least.

The Bad

  • Yes, there are some amazing songs, but the mid section of this Broadway adaptation feel a little flat and more like time fillers. It’s a shame as it pulls you out of the story a little.
  • Ellen Greene’s voice is like water torture. It doesn’t help me feel sympathy like I did as a kid. I’m not certain if it’s a natural voice or something that’s put on. Either way, I could do without it.

The Ugly

  • Well, the ending. Gone is the the green lawn and the perfect house. Both Audrey and Seymour are eaten by the monster hell-bent on world domination. We then see Audrey II and her offspring montage the Attack of the 50 Ft Woman. It’s horrific, sad and so not the ending we deserve.

Final Thoughts

It mostly stands up to viewing 33 years after being made. Just make sure you click ‘Theatrical cut’ if you’re given the option so that Seymour and Audrey get to live long and happy lives, somewhere that’s green.

Love Han x