Tag: Manual of Me

Beyond Work – Hobbies and Talking Points

All Time Hobbies

So these are the hobbies that have been around long enough that I don’t think I’m at any risk of them going anywhere.

Writing – I want to be published. I have amazing ideas. When travelling I can come up with so many details and occasionally, I can exist in that mid-point between the watching the story unfold in my head and actually being able to jot down the happenings. However, making time, sitting down and writing it?! Not happening. (Weird thing I’ve found?! I can’t think standing up. Like, I’ve tried a standing desk )
I hope that once I’m medicated, I’ll be able to sit down and get them written.

Films – They’re my comfort. The cinema was my special place and I still enjoy going, it’s just that there’s always someone not there to actually watch the movie.
From a yearly birthday treat with my mum, my introduction to Jurassic Park with my brother and the odd journey to space, the final frontier with my Dad, cinema became the anchor to my fondest memories.
Even in more recent years I’ve been to a premier, I’ve experienced life as Rebel Scum inside an abandoned Newspaper factory, and been to preview screenings with the director (M Night Shyamalan and Terry Gilliam) and got to ask them questions.

I guess I love films so much because they’re worlds that I can be part of and engage with, without feeling left out. The cinema also adds the extra buffer of it being dark, loud and the screen fills the wall. It shuts down all the thoughts (Except for when I went to see The Day After Tomorrow and I could not place the face… I even dared to press the internet button on my Nokia 3330 because I could not focus on the film. Alas, it wasn’t until my key was in my door that my brain blurted BENVOLIO to me).
Films at home, don’t have that same impact and I do sometimes end up on my phone. On IMDB and reading the trivia and making cast connections.

Hell…. can’t quite believe that I’m revealing this, but at the age of 17, when everyone my age was out clubbing and being normal, I spent nearly 2 years watching Die Hard every Friday night after The Jonathan Ross Show.
While we’re at the over sharing portion, I should also point out that every Thursday night I got the tv to myself for 30minutes. I would watch the first 30 minutes of either Jurassic Park or Beauty and the Beast. I would even use some of the time to REWIND.
If someone could tell me why I did this, I am very interested because even for me, that’s fucking weird.

Reading – I do love reading. Between 2016 and 2019 I was averaging around 100 books a year. Mostly preview books and reviewed right here. However, since Covid I’ve probably only read four or five and I’ve lost my connections to publishers that would occasionally see beautiful books and additional goodies arrive at my doorstep.
It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that there’s nothing else I can do while reading and my mind wanders.

Hobbies and ADHD

Hobbies are activities that people engage in for enjoyment, sometimes as means of decompressing, unwinding, and relieving stress. Hobbies are generally synonymous with pleasure, and this can take place by the release of dopamine “happy hormone”.

ADHD Specialist

The Abandoned Hobbies

  • Knitting (more because I cannot do it… I was gifted this ‘save the princess kit’ and all I had to do was knit a creature. She’s still there because I couldn’t follow the instructions)
  • Nail polish and painting my nails.
  • Greeting Card making. (To be fair, back in 2001/2 and all the way up to 2008, this wasn’t just me)
  • Collecting books (I became obsessed with collecting the World Book Night books from Charity shops. Didn’t want to read any of them, but the dopamine of finding a new one I didn’t own was pretty awesome)
  • Collecting geeky tees (It started with a silhouette of Benedict Cumberbatch and the most recent spurt of Qwertee purchases has its own locker-style wardrobe. Yup, right after Season 4 of Stranger Things dropped, there was a flood of designs and I was compelled to get each one. I’m still a little too fat to wear them comfortably.)
  • Turning geeky tees into a blanket (When it was clear I owned way too many tees. I sewed it by hand, which anyone knows is a bad idea. I had thought about completing the other side with my dad’s collection after he died, only upon cutting the first to size I was dusted with his flaky skin that was engrained in the threads. They had been washed many times, but I guess due to his condition …. in the bin they went.’)
  • Collecting dvds of actors (Michael Fassbender, Mark Ruffalo, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Holland were just some of the actors that were the focus of this collect. I knew when I bought two copies of Avengers Assemble – one for Tom and the other for Mark – that I had a problem)
  • Collecting hippos (They’re just in a box now. They were in my classroom and actually meant that a kid would get me something hippo related instead of chocolate at the end of the year.)
  • Dechopatch (I made Christmas Dinosaur ornaments with dechopache in 2019. I bought more to make ones for Valentine’s, Easter and Halloween… but they remain un-patch’d)
  • Jurassic park card pack (God damn it! Such a problem. I spent so much on them to get a full set that I have a second almost-full set and a massive pile of spares!)

TIPS

  • I will refer to films. A lot. It’s all I know.
  • I equally want, and not want, you to read my stuff. I feel like its the ultimate gesture, but on the other hand I’m so hyperaware that by offering you something to read is an obligation… and what if you don’t like it?!
  • Never get me to do origami. I hate it. I cannot do it and I will cry. (That said, I once spent three months mastering the art to make a lily for a Prometheus birthday gift. I messed up so many times that even though the lily was meant to be white, I used all that paper and it ended up being a weird brown colour with an apology note. So, yeah…. if I badly master origami for you, that means you’re special.)

Back to the Manual

The Basics

Name

It is Hannah, but I will answer to Han (as in Solo. I prefer Trek to Wars, but I figured this moniker pissed my brother off).
Actually, I’ll most likely answer to anything, because there’s a good chance, I didn’t hear what you’ve said but you’ve continued to talk to me.
If anyone calls me the wrong name, I tend to just go along with it so if you hear me being called something else, it’s okay. The experience of attempting to correct but still being called Helen (In email of all things, it was right there IN WRITING. Writing cannot be misheard!) or Sarah (this happened only the other day and after posting this.) and equally not correcting and eventually being told off (Like, literally told off. I hadn’t realised the first few times then it was too late. Told me I’d embarrassed him) when they’ve been told means I just take the path of least resistance now.

Disability

I’m now almost completely deaf in my left ear.
It is another thing I’m awaiting an assessment for, but back in 2008 I was 70% deaf and given a hearing aid. In October 2023, an infection in the ear caused the ear drum to burst and the hearing has I’ve not really heard out of it since.
It’s also still really painful and I occasionally get a sharp pain in that ear

WHAT THIS MEANS

  • Well, this means that conversations with me can be a little harder. I rely on lip reading to support my hearing, so if you’re speaking when my head is down or I’m engaged in something else, I may not hear you.
  • If the room is loud, I may miss things you say
  • On the other side, I can talk loudly myself. Sorry for that, I cannot always regulate my volume. Please just tell me.
  • The focus on hearing can make me tired and/or cranky. It’s not you.

Tips

  • You may need to tap my arm, wave or even message me to get my attention.
  • *if* you’re wanting to sit next to me and there’s a choice, the right side is always best.
  • If what you want to talk to me about something important, get my attention then talk.
  • If it’s really important and/or its noisy, ask if I have time and take me to a quiet spot.

I'm a Literal Kind of Gal

I take things literally sometimes. It’s largely to do with tone of voice, but it’s not that clear cut. A lot of this was learned behaviour from childhood and as much as I’ve pushed against it, it sometimes slips back.

Examples

ONE – Growing up, if I was told to “shut up”, I would for the rest of the day. I’m nowhere near as bad, but I do still only really speak when I’m spoken to as a default. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s that I believe it’s what most people want from me.

TWO – A more recent example is that upon saying ‘oh I’m sat away from everyone’ someone replied, ‘because no one likes you’.
It was meant as a ‘joke’, but because nothing else was said to me and the body language didn’t match a joke, I took it as fact.
This actually made me really ill. I was having panic attacks going to work and physically couldn’t speak to anyone. The biggest problem being that nobody liking me is a core belief and a permanent train of thought. Now it had someone else’s voice and I couldn’t shut it off.

THREE – When I was eight, my dad told me any boy I brought home was ‘dead meat’. I took this literally and I became mute to most males. I still struggle today.
Yup, despite being in my 30s I still struggle to have conversations with men because while I know how to talk, put one foot in front of the other and all that jazz, I’m petrified that speaking to a man first about anything other than work related stuff will lead to their untimely death. (This doesn’t mean I fancy you by the way, 8-year-old me still thought the feeling I had for Joe Mazzello was because I wanted to be there experiencing Jurassic Park than thinking he was adorable so you just need to be that gender for me to have this sticking point. However, the problem is made a thousand times worse if I find someone attractive).

WHAT IT MEANS

  • I can be hurt by some jokes.
  • If you repeat certain types of joking behaviour that I haven’t gotten the first few times, it will take its toll.
  • I can isolate myself as this is a quick way for me to become overwhelmed; trying to consider what was meant.

TIPS

  • If I hyper-focus after a ‘joke’ directed at me is said, there’s a good chance it was a put down and you might need to reassure me that it wasn’t meant
  • Don’t tell me to ‘shut up’, even in a jokey way.
  • Calling me stupid is a massive trigger for me. I don’t know why but this is where I’m most vulnerable.
  • I tend to speak only when spoken to. This sometimes makes me seem standoff-ish and rude.
  • If someone I don’t know touches me, please suggest going for a coffee to get me away, even for 5 minutes.

Back to the Manual