Rating: X/15 Length: 1hr 43 Release: 30.3.1972 Dir: Don Siegel About: In the year 1971, a police detective ignores the orders of his superiors and gambles with innocent lives to capture a sniper terrorizing San Francisco.
The Good
Hate to go all ‘film student’ on you, but there’s some amazing visuals in this. Just after half way through the film, Harry (Clint Eastwood) is asked to ‘put your nose right up against the cement’. The visuals then turn into a POV shot as Harry looks up at the cross monument. It’s not something you see anymore in film and its quite disarming.
Andy Robinson is the definition of scary playing the man only ever identified as ‘Killer’ or Scorpio. From the manical laugh to the lengths he’ll go to frame Harry as a rotten apple within the police. He’ll give you nightmares and have you fearing nearly everyone. But that’s the thing, he is so brilliant at being scary.
Thrilling without being loud and fast, or a dull slow burn. The sort of story presented in Dirty Harry would be filmed in one of those two ways if it was made today. I loved this middle ground pacing.
The Bad
Outdated comments presented should not be removed, as censoring the past gets us nowhere. However, it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Music is very DISCO! It’s hard to say if it fits the film or not, given that its reflective of the time. However, I’m not certain it matches the tone of the film at all times.
The Ugly
I’m not sure how I feel about the reveal of the body at the end. I’m pretty certain they wouldn’t have used an underage actress to be lifted out of the location completely naked, however the actress who is playing the discovered body is playing a 14 year old girl and I found the whole thing gratuitous.
Final Thoughts
I don’t know how I’d not seen this movie before now. It’s incredible from start to finish and one of the best thrillers I’ve ever seen.
Rating: 15 Length: 1hr 59 Release: 14.7.2005 Dir: David Dobkin About: Two womanisers who love to gatecrash weddings find themselves in a fix when one of them falls in love with the bridesmaid at one such wedding.
The Good
Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn work well as best friends, bordering on narcissistic but I feel as if that’s typical for male friendships in movies. There are also some sweet moments between the two.
As always Christopher Walken is a delight and a saving grace for the film. His charm works for the role as a powerful public figure and a thoughtful, open-minded dad.
The Bad
I couldn’t buy into the premise; crashing weddings to get laid. They’re not bad looking lads and they’re too old. I just feel as if it’s too much effort for banging a broad. Even if it was to scope out future clients as part of their jobs as mediators. Something that anchored these characters so that both of them having feelings doesn’t feel so forced. The only other way it works is that two twenty-somethings are cast. They’re up-and-comers with no money so choose the weddings in the hopes of a free bar and open legs.
It’s really not funny. It’s either too crude, too boring or the guys are too old to make it work. The whole plot feels very … well, its shit! The pacing and time structure of the whole thing is bollocks. Seriously? Owen Wilson spends 72 hours with Amy Adams and is wallowing MONTHS later! Bull shit!
The Ugly
Will Farrell. I remembered why I avoided his films; he’s a shouty douchebag and he makes me cringe! Now, if he was in one of the main roles, I’d have bought that he was pathetic enough to be going to weddings.
There’s two instances of sexual assault. Vince Vaughn is unknowingly strapped to his bed while asleep before being awoken by a naked Isla Fisher straddling him. He says no! Then she leaves, without untying him, and her brother jumps in and gives Vaughn a fondle. I don’t mention this lightly. I’m actually really pissed off. Put a woman in Vaughn’s position and this scene wouldn’t have made it into a comedy. Sexual assault, regardless of the victim or aggressor’s gender, shouldn’t be played for laughed. It doesn’t matter what happens between the people before or after and I think it’s just as, if not more so, important to call out male sexual assault. Ladies, we want equality; this is how it looks. It cuts both ways.
Final Thoughts
I hoped for something like Dodgeball. It was not Dodgeball. It was not Dodgeball in the slightest. I’m just glad I’d not see this before, otherwise I might never have gone to see The Internship.
Rating: 18 Length: 1hr 50 Release: 2.3.1984 Dir: John Carpenter About: Arnie restores an old car and names her Christine, but he is unaware that she has an evil presence within her. When anyone tries to come between her owner and her, they are not spared.
The Good
Visually, the opening is awesome. The birth of Christine is something quite unexpected. While there’s no real explanation as to why its that car in particular, it still hooks you in.
Christine riding around on fire looks absolutely amazing. I also do really like that those who are singled out by Christine are those who ‘attack’ her and also have issues with Arnie; allowing you to question how involved Arnie actually is.
I really liked the hints to Dennis being gay. They were subtle and, had that thread been followed through, could have added a layer to the plot and given us a better insight into the character.
Harry Dean Stanton as the detective. I don’t know what it is about Stanton, but I really like having him appear in films. He has that ‘granddad’ stature, almost. The scene in which we’re introduced to him is quite possibly my favourite in the whole film. Not for the dialogue, or for him being involved, but for how the cars are in the frame.
The Bad
Totally not the film’s fault, but the song ‘Bad to the Bone’ by George Thorogood and The Destroyers for me is synonymous with Al Bundy and Married … With Children. In fact, I’ve just gone to google the connection hoping to find a clip to illustrate my point and it promptly informed me that it’s considered almost as Al’s theme song. For those who aren’t familiar with Al Bundy or the tv show he inhabits; it’s a comedy show that ran for 11 seasons over 10 years. By having this association, it throws off the tone of the film for me, right from the get go.
Keeping with this song as the opening number, there is another clash. This time between the song and the era that is presented on the screen. The film opens in September 1957, however the song is from 1982. Yes, some songs are timeless. Bad to the Bone is not one of those. It’s a very 80s number, and for a film that is firmly set in 1978, it just doesn’t fit for me.
The Ugly
I don’t get the character of Arnie. I don’t like him and find him a bit of a dick, even before his involvement with Christine. His negative interactions with anyone other than Dennis means what is meant to be a massive personality shift just doesn’t translate to the viewer. While his fate is as it should be, I don’t like that we don’t see the final moments of his relationship with Christine. This is more frustrating to me, as I feel it is his relationship with his car that’s the core of the story.
It’s so not scary! In fact, at times, it feels ludicrous and boring. The only thing bringing it up to the 18 rating is the use of language which feels gratuitous at times. That’s from me who has spent the last three months trying to make HanCOCK happen.
Why is everybody so pissed about the car?! Dennis’ apprehension could have been explained by the feelings he has for Arnie. I certainly feel it was hinted at that Dennis may have been gay and attracted to his best friend. However, its almost abandoned half way through.
Final Thoughts
A great concept that just falls short of its potential. There’s not enough horror and its a rather flawed plot to really rate highly for me.
Rating: PG Length: 1hr 35 Release: 2.8.1996 Dir: Alan Shapiro About: Sandy is distraught when, having saved Flipper by pulling out a spear, his father insists the dolphin be released. A grateful Flipper, however, returns the favour when Sandy is threatened by sharks.
The Good
The strength is most definitely in the characters and the relationships. Both Paul Hogan and Elijah Wood are brilliant in their roles and bounce off each other and the supporting cast.
I love Marvin and I adore how Paul Hogan’s Porter describes him when Sandy asks what is wrong with the young boy. “He’s just shy.” Porter informs him before making sure Sandy knows Marvin’s strengths. I just love it. While it may seem as if Marvin is on the spectrum, I really like the way it’s handled.
I really laughed at the cigar sequence between Sandy and Porter. Mainly because my dad once told me that both him and my uncle had to do something similar.
The Bad
The plot is a little ropy. Well, not ropy as such. It’s shit. The reason for Sandy being there for the summer is shit. The toxic waste B-plot is shit. The using of the dolphin to locate said waste after him being brought back from the brink of death? shit.
“A man should never hurl in front of his woman!” Hogan says to Wood regarding his habit of getting sea sick and his crush on the teen love interest. 1. what the fuck, toxic masculinity much? 2. She’s not even where Hogan is nodding at seeing as she arrives in the next scene.
The Ugly
Did we need to see Hammerhead-Jaws eat the bird?! Like, it was a real bird and a real shark and totally the kind of shit that would make me turn off a nature programme.
Final Thoughts
While the location is a dream, and the leads are charming, the plot is very much a dud and as lifeless as the animatronic dolphins used.
Rating: PG Length: 1hr 54 Release: 26.12.1996 Dir: Rob Cohen About: When a car hits a truck full of explosives, it causes an explosion in an underground tunnel between Manhattan and New Jersey. Kit attempts to save the people stuck in there before the air runs out.
Currently Available on Netflix
First Thoughts
I don’t actually remember the first time I watched this, but I do remember it being a film we recorded on VHS yet still watched whenever it was on TV. The most prominent memory of this film is actually of a time when it was pulled from the schedule. It was due to be the BBC Saturday Night movie, but due to a tunnel collapse occurring that day it obviously got removed. Movie Night was a big thing for our family back then. On a Saturday, me and dad would go around to the shops, pop the lotto on and pick up a quarter of cinder toffee that we’d have with whatever film we’d watch that night.
Please be aware there may be small spoilers within.
The Good
This is peak Stallone for me. There’s a reason why he said this was going to be his last action movie. I also really love how he’s introduced with everyone else in that opening sequence and not really given any sort of special treatment. In fact, out of the people who end up stranded, it is Amy “Casper’s Mum” Brenneman’s Madelyne who is given the most detailed introduction.
Speaking of Brenneman, she is brilliant as the lead female. It appears almost as if the makers of this film were trying to recreate the chemistry of Bullock and Reeves in Speed. It by no means can be compared to the cop and the Wildcat, however I think what Stallone and Brenneman achieve is something much more realistic for a pressurised situation.
The scene that I truly love is the escape from the prison van. It’s not a long scene, but it tells us so much about the characters immediately involved, its high intensity heart-in-your-mouth action and it has the added benefit of bringing the 12 or so survivors together.
I do love that while there are some moments of mob mentality, angry and shouting where even the dog seems pissed at Kit, there is no moment in this film when anyone singles someone out for not being worthy of survival. In a scenario like this it could have been easy to have someone say that those in orange didn’t deserve help, however the film pulled down those barriers for the benefit of the bigger picture.
The Bad
It’s a little niggle, but with Kit (Stallone) being so close to the tunnel when it blew, I really am not fond of how the film gets him in with the rest. It feels really cheap when the reason is to fit him with a tool belt of C4. It also feels a bit like Galaxy Quest when Madison and Nesbeth are in search of the Omega drive. “Well fuck that.” As Tawny says.
I’m not sure how I feel about Viggo Mortensen’s character. He gets to the bottom of the shaft, almost poses while looking above him before the metal comes crashing down. I get a sense that its meant to look like he’s accepting his fate, however it hasn’t aged well and looks a bit like an attempt for humour.
The Ugly
There are comparisons to the original The Poseidon Adventure (1972). I don’t think that could be avoided, however even the characters who expire do so in very similar manners to the original. In fact, the only thing it didn’t do was kill the lead like they did in 1972. It is just slightly too similar to a near perfect original to not have this film loose point for copying.
The opening scene with the men at the compound, while interesting, really doesn’t have any value when it’s not followed up on. The cause of the collapse is never questioned and so it feels a little forced. I wonder if there was a better plan than having the Shakespearean conversation to get the movie going?
Final Thoughts
For its flaws, it’s still an excellent movie that I will watch any time its on. Post-Movie head cannon; sweet Mikey is adopted by old man Trilling. However, for those who have seen this, but haven’t given a chance on a film made before 1980, give The Poseidon Adventure a go.
Rating: 18 Length: 1hr 40 Release: 18.10.2019 (No UK theatrical release) Dir: Patrick Lussier About: On Halloween night in 2015, Patrick `Trick’ Weaver massacred his classmates at a costume party. After being arrested, he managed to escape police custody, but not before being shot five times by Detective Mike Denver. Everyone believes Trick must be dead, but when a masked killer reappears the following Halloween, and every Halloween after that, they realise the nightmare is not over.
The Good
The film has an excellent, visceral, opening. With a bloodbath opening on par with 2009’s My Bloody Valentine, it doesn’t let up even when we change location.
The whole sequence on the docklands is frighteningly good. From the set up, the people involved and the effects.
Omar Epps is a great casting choice as the detective obsessed with the Trick killer. While the framing of the story doesn’t give him protagonist status, he really should be.
The Bad
Sheriff Lisa Jayne’s insistence that there’s no case when people are being slaughtered in the name of Trick, if not Trick himself, really is shit. Even if she doesn’t believe it is Trick, there are connections and Detective Denver shouldn’t be dismissed as much as he is.
What is said to Denver is very repetitive. Almost as if dialogue was copy and pasted. it gets old… fast.
The Ugly
Its way too disjointed and lacking any flow at all. By opening the film up on Cheryl and the massacre, it has implications that she’s the ‘final girl’; the protagonist. However, she’s missing from the narrative for over half of it and certainly has no impact upon the murders between the first and third act. This then means there’s no investment with the characters or the outcome.
This lack of coherent protagonist also means that everything feels really shallow. The lack of connection and screen time with the survivors means there’s no real backstory to Trick and the dismissive nature of the police and FBI means there’s no real investigation to clue us in to any motivation.
Jamie Kennedy having such prominent billing yet so little screen time does disappoint. It does also make the final scene a little too obvious and lacks the shock that was intended.
The ‘reason’ for the attacks is such bullshit. “No one needs a reason to be evil.” and “We do this because we can.” I mean, what the fuck?! While there is an element of the tv show The Following with this ending, but it just doesn’t match up with the rest of the film.
Final Thoughts
It was great to have a modern slasher to watch and this really did have potential. Its just a shame it didn’t follow through with the set up.
Rating 15 Length 1Hr 54 Release 8.10.1995 Director Rob Reiner About Comedy-drama about a widowed US president and a lobbyist who fall in love. It’s all aboveboard, but “politics is perception” and sparks fly anyway.
The Good
The cast is incredible. Michael Douglas, Martin Sheen, Michael J Fox and even Joshua Malian among others make up this stellar cast. Oh and lets not forget our antagonists Richard Dreyfuss and John Mahoney who do a delightful job at making us hate them.
Once I got over the fact that Martin Sheen was not Bartlett, I found his character the most charming and fun presence within the film. He always has a smart response and he even recites Green Eggs and Ham!
This is a fairytale. It’s a romance film dressed as a political movie. I love that. There’s no woman in need of saving and the prince has earned his place rather than gaining his privilege through blood. But there’s still ballgowns, dancing and butterflies.
I absolutely love that one of the key plot threads is global warming. How the hell is Jane Fonda being arrested every Friday when the world was recognising this as a problem in 1995?!
It’s a very interesting watch in light of the recent news regarding Harry and Meghan and the stress they feel under.
The Bad
There’s a narrative thread about the president being able to get flowers. It’s rather charming actually, even if it does go a little too far with the first scene and him being walked through the order process. However, towards the end of the film, he goes to the florist in person to prove he was who he said he was. The woman, upon realising who he is; passes out. It’s a tad too silly for me and stands out against the tone of the film.
The Ugly
I found Sydney a little of a muddled character and she was certainly made out to be rather annoying and flappy rather than the self assured pitbull she’d later described as. I guess what I’m saying is that I found it hard to marry up how she’s described to how she’d portrayed. I don’t see a distinct change in the character to warrant the comment “I hired a pitbull, not a prom queen.” She seems like the Miss World contender from start to finish.
Final Thoughts
I want more movies like this. Incredible casting, inoffensive narrative and a quality script. I wasn’t a fan of the leading lady’s performance but it didn’t stop me enjoying the film on the whole.
Rating: A Length: 1hr 26 Release: 18.11.1935 Dir: Alfred Hitchcock About: While on vacation in London, Canadian Richard Hannay (Robert Donat) becomes embroiled in an international spy ring related to the mysterious “39 steps.” Then he meets agent Annabella Smith (Lucie Mannheim), who is soon killed in his apartment. He must elude the police, who are hunting him for murder, while he tries to stop Professor Jordan (Godfrey Tearle) from sending secrets out of the country. Hannay is assisted by Pamela (Madeleine Carroll), an unwilling accomplice who discovers the truth.
The Good
The romance, while a secondary part of the plot, is a brilliant addition to the story. Both Robert Donat and Madeline Carroll do have that wonderful hate/love chemistry you often see in films where two people are forced together for travel.
It’s a perfect example of a government corruption leads to a civilian fugitive. I grew up on Enemy of the State and others which are often loud, fast and convoluted. This strips it all back, keeps the tension while focusing more on the characters than set pieces.
How can you not love Hitchcock. The camera work is different to anything we’d see today, but that is no bad thing. I found it charming and intimate.
The Bad
Not the film’s fault, but the quality of the print I watched wasn’t brilliant in places and made those sections difficult to watch.
The Ugly
I didn’t like how it opens. Not the very first scene, but Hannay’s encounter with Miss Smith onwards. Maybe this is of another time, but his casual acceptance of taking Miss Smith home, having never interacted with her before is all rather odd. Her hiding and revealing everything to him, I like. However I just wish there was something that revealed her making a choice to pick him and more of an understanding as to why he agreed and why on earth he was so calm about it all.
Final Thoughts
A short and simply plotted thriller that would benefit from playing a little more on the romance.
Rating: 12 Length: 1hr 44 Release: 3.9.2010 (No UK cinema release) Dir: Jim Strouse About: Bill Greaves, an alcoholic, gets a chance to bring his life back on track when a friend, Terry, offers him a job to coach a high school girls’ basketball team.
The Good
This is a funny film that doesn’t sugar coat anything while remaining a charming film about self improvement, family and team building. There’s nothing necessarily new here; it’s Mighty Ducks only it centres on female basketball. However, let me put it this way; it’s Mighty Ducks but the team is female, empowered and fronted by Emma Roberts and Mara Rooney.
The character of Bill is what makes this film for me. He’s essentially Sam from Glow; he’s an asshole, a self-confessed one at that, with a strong moral code under his frosty exterior. His relationships form the foundation of the film and its development. It’s through him that you become invested. You want an example of healthy masculinity, this asshole is the the one to do it.
It made a nice change to see Rob Corddry play something other than a larger than life douchebag. Really refreshing and he wears the proud principal well.
The film touches on everything that feels relevant to today; questioning the self, racism on and off the court (and It’s quite well handled), gender equality and teen pregnancy and the consequences of it.
Margo Martindale is always a wonderful addition to anything she’s in. She’s one of those people who you recognise, even if you can’t quite place her. She’s the sweetness to Rockwell’s harsh character.
Bad
There’s one part of Bill’s journey I wish we’d gotten was a proper resolution. It was hinted at that life didn’t go to plan for him because of the birth of his daughter. I would like to have seen perhaps suggestions of what would happen to his character once the credits started. I get the impression it was considered and filmed, but left on the cutting room floor.
Ugly
The final act does run the risk of verging into uncomfortable territory. Having a grown man in Lycra, running around a school full of teen girls with police trying to arrest him doesn’t sound so great on paper and it is only because of the development of the character that sort of makes it okay. (Actually, I laughed my ass off at the absurdity of it, but I know if it was another actor it would have creeped me the fuck out)
Final Thoughts
Its such a charming film from start to finish and the biggest shame of it all is that I’d not heard about it sooner.
Rating: 15 Length: 1hr 50 Release: 5.12.2012 Dir: Martin McDonagh About: Marty, an aspiring screenwriter working on a screenplay, unwillingly gets involved in an underworld crime when his strange friends abduct a dangerous hoodlum’s pet.
The Good
Seven Psychopaths is an early Quentin Tarantino movie without the pretentious attempt to be an auteur. The dialogue isn’t as contrived or forced and it’s actors certainly appear less stagnant.
It’s a solid cast and I was left with a wish to see Colin Farrell and Sam Rockwell teamed up in another movie. There’s something about the partnership that works on screen.
The Bad
There’s little that distinguishes what is part of Marty’s screenplay and what is part of the actual film. It does mean this isn’t a casual watch and can feel quite taxing to keep up, much in the same way Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang needs you to actively focus for every second.
The Ugly
I feel as if it was meant to be funnier than I found it. Perhaps I just wasn’t feeling it today, but I really found the overly visual body count to outweigh any humour that could be found within. I did laugh at times, but I’m not sure laughing like a 12 year old every time Sam Rockwell utters the word ‘c**t’ actually counts.
Final Thoughts
So this is essentially John Wick without the hand to hand combat and way more talking. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but it’s not something I’ll rewatch any time soon.
Rating: 12A Length: 2hr 10 Release: 21.8.2013 Dir: Harald Zwat About: New York teenager Clary Fray learns a secret about herself, which leads her into an adventurous journey. Clary is one of the Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of half-angel warriors who fight demons.
The Good
The film’s strongest aspect it the visual world building and the distinction between the Mundane and the Shadowhunters. There is an element of emo-Potter to it which makes complete sense when you know that the book franchise this movie is based on started life as Harry Potter fan fiction and Jace, with his blond hair, is actually Draco Malfoy.
There are some comic nods to other films, such as Simon’s ‘I’m the Key Master.’ quip when Jace reveals himself.
There are quite a number of well executed scenes, rescuing Simon for one. They play out well and on the most part, use physical and computer effects well.
The Bad
Clary isn’t fully established as a character in her own right before she’s thrown into the Shadowhunter world. It’s a little damaging to the character and the viewer as there’s no investment.
While Aiden Turner does an okay job when I watched this back in 2013, the tv show gave an adapted version of Luke to Isaiah Mustafa and it works so much better.
As I mentioned, individual scenes worked well but there’s something missing that ties it all together. The success (arguable) of the tv show does suggest it is more suited to the episodic approach.
The werewolves are totally shit. They are even worse than those seen in Twilight and those were neutered, tootless, bitches. These are just pathetic and the film ignores the complexity of their relationship with the Clave.
The Ugly
The film is about 30 minutes too long, yet its contents is incredibly shallow for what time they had to play with. Both Luke’s lycan reveal and Hodge’s betrayal have no impact because in one it’s hinted at too much and the latter has too little screen time with anyone to understand how much he means to the teens left in his care or Clary who is mentored by him in the books.
What was the choice behind Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ shockingly shit American shout?! Everyone else from the Shadowhunter world has British accents of varying quality, JRM is Irish.Surly is makes sense to allow him to keep his native accent?!
What the actual fuck is with Hollywood and incest? Why is it even a trope? I want to blame George Lucas, but I’m sure it dates further back than the galaxy far, far away. So,I guess this also isn’t the film’s fault given that it’s a massive plot in the books that evolves over the entire trilogy, but what the fuck?! So Clary, the bloke you like and have struggled to show any chemistry for is revealed to be your brother! Gross! What’s worse is that its not properly resolved and the film ends with the couple/siblings riding off on a motorcycle together.
Final Thoughts
I’m pissed off that I forgot how shit this movie was. I’m pissed off because I thought I’d yet to watch a film from 2013 this year, to discover after the fact that its actually 2012 that’s lacking a mark on my tracker. Perhaps it’s much like that buzzing sound you stop hearing as you get older, you also lose your patience for really shit YA film adaptations. However, I’m more inclined to say it was the lacklustre performances that DOA’d this film.
Rating 15 Length 1Hr 43 Release 24.10.2014 Director Shawn Levy About When their father passes away, four grown, world-weary siblings return to their childhood home and are requested — with an admonition — to stay there together for a week, along with their free-speaking mother (Jane Fonda) and a collection of spouses, exes and might-have-beens. As the brothers and sisters re-examine their shared history and the status of each tattered relationship among those who know and love them best, they reconnect in hysterically funny and emotionally significant ways.
The Good
It’s a rather uplifting film considering it centres around a parental death and cheating spouses.
Adam Driver is hilarious as the youngest sibling. This is the anti-emo to his portrayal as Kylo Ren. He has some wonderful scenes with many of the cast.
Kathryn Hahn really surprised me with her performance. It’s so very different to everything else I’ve seen her in and I loved that I even began questioning whether it was her.
The Bad
Timothy Olyphant was wasted in his role. There needed to be more screen time and I’m so sad about the lack of closure with his character.
Jason Bateman was too safe a choice for the lead role. It’s pretty much the only role I see him play, but he’s capable of so much more.
The Ugly
I don’t know what it is about Rose Byrne that makes me want to punch her in the face, but I do and that distracts me from the film.
Final Thoughts
I really enjoyed the film. It’s a bit messy and included a lot of depressing themes, but I certainly left me feeling uplifted.
The Queens of Geekdom 