Author: hscptcrash

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) Film Review

The hardest thing in life is sell.

Rating 15
Length 1h40
Release 30.10.1992
Director James Foley
About After all the salesmen of a real estate company are given their notice, they come up with a plan to get even with their bosses. However, their plan to steal the business puts them in tough spot.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: ITV X
Trailer:

The Good

Jack Lemon! Oh I adore Jack Lemon. Hearing him use “cocksucker” and “motherfucker” was unexpected and awesome.
In all seriousness though, it was an award worthy performance and his character broke my heart.

The 90s cinematography of grime and neon lights really sets the tone. I don’t know what it is, but I always love a film with rain.

The script is good and because of it starting life as a play; the characters are all played by heavy hitters who each have their own moments to shine.

The Bad

Don’t houses just…. sell themselves?! I don’t know much about it, but it felt a little intense for what I understood as a need and demand market. Loved the premise, I just think there was some context I was missing from either the industry or the time.

The Ugly

Fucking Kevin Spacey! I can’t watch his ratty little face anymore without being so friggin angry. There is the argument for separating art from artist, but this slimy dirtbag who I’d considered a “great” actor for playing these unlikable characters just cannot get that pass.
The only way I got through it was knowing David Harbour played the role in theatre back in 2012. He’d have given a different, yet amazing performance.

The homophobia and xenophobia is just too rife. It doesn’t let up. Again, it’s a seeing it for the time it was made sort of deal, but fuck that. I was never comfortable with it, I never will be.
That said, I loved the liberal use of the word ‘cunt’ in the final movements. I loved all of the swearing and I know to some people that is just as offensive.

Final Thoughts

Overall, the title is better than the film itself.

Trolls World Tour (2020) Film Review

Rock N’ Troll

Rating U
Length 1h31
Release 12.03.2020
Director Walt Dohrn
About When Queen Barb of the Rock tribe decides to destroy all other genres of music by stealing their techno strings and bringing them under her rule, Queen Poppy sets out to thwart her evil plans.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good

Sam Rockwell. I could listen to that man’s voice all day. I absolutely love his character too.

Barb’s method of explaining is to use denim patches like those you would find on a rocker’s jacket. It contrasts perfectly against Poppy’s bright, bubbly and crafty offerings.

The Bad

James Corden is in this.

The Ugly

The autotune on most of the music is annoying as fuck! Like, I’m not the fan of musicals at the best of times, but this is barely music.

My biggest issue is that not matter what genre that’s presented, it still has a pop sheen to it. Given that the film is about how different the genres all are; they really should not sound so similar. They even make Metallica sound like pop rock and the less said about the techno offering, the better.

Final Thoughts

Meh

ADHD – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) occurs when an individual experiences intense, severe emotional pain in response to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. This goes beyond simply disliking the experience of rejection, and the individual finds these feelings intolerable or excruciating rather than just unpleasant.

Very Well Mind

I think this is one of the worst, and most damaging, traits I have from the whole catalogue of ADHD signifiers. It’s not fun, it sucks! There’s a few different situations that can trigger RSD:

  1. Being ignored, overlooked, forgotten in a group setting.
  2. Being told I’m wrong. Not in general, because that would be egotistical, but it’s when I know I’m right in what I’ve done.

Examples

I once unfollowed an online ‘friend’ because we’d been talking about Crystal Maze. She’d incorrectly stated that the show would air on Fridays. It absolutely did not. I explained why she *perhaps* was incorrect.
She came back with a ‘you are wrong’.
Now, I knew I was right. My life growing up was so meticulous and routined that there was no way on earth that I’d 1. Be filming the show for my father and watching it, only to watch it again with him, 2. Be watching it live on a Friday.
This was because Fridays, we went food shopping. When I say “without fail”, I mean that when I was a baby and shopping happened of a morning, my brother was run over and in hospital. My dad continued to go, with my mum, food shopping.
Nope, Crystal Maze aired on Thursday nights when my dad completed a Littlewoods Pools Round. It’s the only day he worked (Thanks Thatcher), and the only way I could have watched it twice.

I spent about 30 minutes furiously typing. I even found proof (not hard with the internet) and then … I deleted it all. I didn’t see the point. However, the damage was done.
Yeah, most of you would never unfriend someone over that. But it had caused such a painful experience that I didn’t see another way forward.

In work I had to categorise things. I’d followed the instructions, I’d done the correct thing. However, I received one of the items back with a note saying that it was X, and the queue I’d placed it in was for Y (You’re not meant to send them back to the person either).
Only Y was the correct queue for X. Always had been. By that person agreeing with me that it was X, they were telling me they didn’t know that what I did was correct.
So, again, I followed work rules. I contacted their manager and explained what had happened, why it was incorrect and what the result could be. It was a relatively polite email considered my heart was pounding, blood was pounding in my ear(s) and I wanted to be sick.
Then, I got a reply. “Do not send it back to my advisor. I’m seeking advice.” … MY RJD was so bad at that point that I could no longer work and requested to take the rest of the day off. You’d perhaps think this would be the end of it?

I received another email upon next logging on, a screen cap of a conversation (the question omitted) in which the manager and someone else agree I’m wrong and that they’re going to send more items back to ‘teach me a lesson’. Which they had. four more items were in my basket and all I could do was put them back in the X queue.
Even now, reliving this, my chest is tight and my arms are tingling. My head feels fizzy and my mouth dry. Knowing I was right doesn’t change this, because I’m often told to leave it, get over it. However, I’m certain if I’d done the same thing, I’d be made to apologise (Monopoly and Scrabble)

WHAT THIS MEANS

  • As the intro suggests, criticism and rejection are rather painful for me.
  • If it’s a perceived rejection, I punish myself. I will isolate myself (something my mum used as punishment*) and I will often stop eating.
  • I can become tearful. Not necessarily because I’m sad, but more because I’m overwhelmed and frustrated.
  • I can become snappy.
  • I can become hyper-focused on a particular situation. Bring it up a lot. Like to the point of boredom a lot.

TIPS

  • If you need to tell me about something I’ve done wrong, think about why you’re doing it: for me to learn, you need help seeing my thought process, you’ve been asked to. Fine, that’s great. However, make sure your language reflects that. Reason being is that if your intention isn’t clear, I will begin to spiral and become reflective.
    If you’re needing help to resolve it, I need a clear question or instruction so I can focus on that. I always want to help, love to help.
    If you’re doing it to just point out something I’ve done wrong, please just punch me in the face because I can tell you know, it would hurt much less.
  • If it’s movies, tv or anything pop culture. Just don’t bother. People have learnt the hard way that you cannot correct me on that shit!
  • This is a big one. Please talk to me at some point after you’ve brought anything like this to my attention. Just to reassure me that you’re not mad at me for causing you more work.

BACK TO THE MANUAL

ADHD and the Busy Han Mind

I have a very busy and loud mind.

The hyperactivity part of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) doesn’t just mean physical restlessness. It can also mean having a busy brain. A very, very busy brain. One that feels like the off switch is broken. A brain that becomes obsessed and consumed with its goals. Or a brain that can feel like a time machine, jumping unexpectedly to the past and critiquing your choices in one second and then to the future worrying about the next bad thing that might happen in another.

The Focused Mind

Me, I have about five trains of thought going at any one time as standard. There are a few that just run on in the background as permanent white noise. Two of these are *best if you imagine it being said in a Gollum voice*:

  1. No one likes you (not even yourself)
  2. You’re a repulsive, ugly inside and out, monster*.
*Trigger Warning

My Dad told me that he would have had me aborted if he’d known I’d grow up to be so ugly.

I tell you these things, not to make you feel sorry for me, but to explain why sometimes things that wouldn’t impact other people, hurt me. Also, to explain why I seem to have walls and appear stand offish (I’m protecting you from the monster that is me). 
These two trains of thoughts are so engrained, they’re core values. You cannot change them, only I can. I’m working on it, but I recently had a set back and Covid didn’t help.

Most of the time these two thoughts are quiet, exactly like white noise. However there are times when these are very loud (or one of the other thoughts) and I cannot ignore them. 

WHAT THIS MEANS

  • I am always battling the distractions that are going on in my head.
  • I might hyper-focus on the work in front of me.
  • I might be listening to something as this distracts part of my mind to allow me to focus.
  • I might not sleep for a few days if something is on my mind.
  • I might switch my working from home days.
  • I might hide away in a quiet space in work
  • I try and sit down first so I don’t force anyone to sit by me
  • I’m always early for a similar reason

WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

  • I’m not avoiding you if I hide away or become quiet, I’m doing what I think is best. (I’m doing it as a kindness to you)
  • If you need my help, you can still come to me.
  • If you want to talk to me, you absolutely can. I’m just, in the moment, convinced you don’t want to.

TIPS

  • If I’ve not got a coffee, red bull or anything with caffeine in. It’s a good idea to see If I want to have a break and get a drink. Caffeine is what also quietens my mind. Not as great as it used to, but I’d imagine that’s a lot to do with building up a tolerance.

BACK TO THE MANUAL

The Basics

Name

It is Hannah, but I will answer to Han (as in Solo. I prefer Trek to Wars, but I figured this moniker pissed my brother off).
Actually, I’ll most likely answer to anything, because there’s a good chance, I didn’t hear what you’ve said but you’ve continued to talk to me.
If anyone calls me the wrong name, I tend to just go along with it so if you hear me being called something else, it’s okay. The experience of attempting to correct but still being called Helen (In email of all things, it was right there IN WRITING. Writing cannot be misheard!) or Sarah (this happened only the other day and after posting this.) and equally not correcting and eventually being told off (Like, literally told off. I hadn’t realised the first few times then it was too late. Told me I’d embarrassed him) when they’ve been told means I just take the path of least resistance now.

Disability

I’m now almost completely deaf in my left ear.
It is another thing I’m awaiting an assessment for, but back in 2008 I was 70% deaf and given a hearing aid. In October 2023, an infection in the ear caused the ear drum to burst and the hearing has I’ve not really heard out of it since.
It’s also still really painful and I occasionally get a sharp pain in that ear

WHAT THIS MEANS

  • Well, this means that conversations with me can be a little harder. I rely on lip reading to support my hearing, so if you’re speaking when my head is down or I’m engaged in something else, I may not hear you.
  • If the room is loud, I may miss things you say
  • On the other side, I can talk loudly myself. Sorry for that, I cannot always regulate my volume. Please just tell me.
  • The focus on hearing can make me tired and/or cranky. It’s not you.

Tips

  • You may need to tap my arm, wave or even message me to get my attention.
  • *if* you’re wanting to sit next to me and there’s a choice, the right side is always best.
  • If what you want to talk to me about something important, get my attention then talk.
  • If it’s really important and/or its noisy, ask if I have time and take me to a quiet spot.

I'm a Literal Kind of Gal

I take things literally sometimes. It’s largely to do with tone of voice, but it’s not that clear cut. A lot of this was learned behaviour from childhood and as much as I’ve pushed against it, it sometimes slips back.

Examples

ONE – Growing up, if I was told to “shut up”, I would for the rest of the day. I’m nowhere near as bad, but I do still only really speak when I’m spoken to as a default. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s that I believe it’s what most people want from me.

TWO – A more recent example is that upon saying ‘oh I’m sat away from everyone’ someone replied, ‘because no one likes you’.
It was meant as a ‘joke’, but because nothing else was said to me and the body language didn’t match a joke, I took it as fact.
This actually made me really ill. I was having panic attacks going to work and physically couldn’t speak to anyone. The biggest problem being that nobody liking me is a core belief and a permanent train of thought. Now it had someone else’s voice and I couldn’t shut it off.

THREE – When I was eight, my dad told me any boy I brought home was ‘dead meat’. I took this literally and I became mute to most males. I still struggle today.
Yup, despite being in my 30s I still struggle to have conversations with men because while I know how to talk, put one foot in front of the other and all that jazz, I’m petrified that speaking to a man first about anything other than work related stuff will lead to their untimely death. (This doesn’t mean I fancy you by the way, 8-year-old me still thought the feeling I had for Joe Mazzello was because I wanted to be there experiencing Jurassic Park than thinking he was adorable so you just need to be that gender for me to have this sticking point. However, the problem is made a thousand times worse if I find someone attractive).

WHAT IT MEANS

  • I can be hurt by some jokes.
  • If you repeat certain types of joking behaviour that I haven’t gotten the first few times, it will take its toll.
  • I can isolate myself as this is a quick way for me to become overwhelmed; trying to consider what was meant.

TIPS

  • If I hyper-focus after a ‘joke’ directed at me is said, there’s a good chance it was a put down and you might need to reassure me that it wasn’t meant
  • Don’t tell me to ‘shut up’, even in a jokey way.
  • Calling me stupid is a massive trigger for me. I don’t know why but this is where I’m most vulnerable.
  • I tend to speak only when spoken to. This sometimes makes me seem standoff-ish and rude.
  • If someone I don’t know touches me, please suggest going for a coffee to get me away, even for 5 minutes.

Back to the Manual

Road House (2024)

Take it Outside

Rating 15
Length 2h01
Release 21.03.2024
Director Doug Lyman
About Ex-UFC fighter Dalton takes a job as a bouncer at a Florida Keys roadhouse, only to discover that this paradise is not all it seems.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

There’s a few funny scenes as a result of Jake Gyllenhall’s blend of violence and zen. If you do watch, just wait for Kokomo! Best scene in the movie.

Jake Gyllenhall, while not my cup of tea (My inner AJ Rimmer will not let me swoon on someone that buff), he does have that smile and charm to hold the film… for five or so minutes.

The Bad

The plot is lazy and stupid.

The Ugly

The filming is nauseating when it comes to the fight sequences, of which there are many. This film has a massive stiffy for Hardcore Henry (2015) so any time Dalton puts up his dukes, we get all POV with our cameras. It is horrific and the fact that it opens with a POV shot, with dodgy CGI arms belonging to one Post Malone means I’m checked out straight away.

Conor McGregor. I cannot explain how bonkers his performance is. From his Terminator-esque opening to his manical smile, I didn’t know whether to laugh or bleach my eyeballs.

Final Thoughts

Ouch! And that’s not for all the punches.

The Godfather Part II (1974)

All the power on earth can’t change destiny.

Rating 18
Length 3h22
Release 15.05.1974
Director Francis Ford Coppola
About Vito’s popularity in the underworld is on the rise, while his son, Michael’s career is swinging downwards. In order to redeem himself, Michael must fight his enemies, including his own brother.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Channel 4 Online and Paramount Online
Trailer:

The Good

It is a better made film. I cannot put my finger on what it is, but it feels more accessible to the gangster-adverse like me. Even up to the halfway point I am liking the dual time frames.

Robert DeNiro is incredible as the younger version of Vito Corleone and for me is the highlight of the film. Not only did he give a worthy performance for a character that was played by Marlon Brandon, he also made it his own. I can also now see why there was such a call to have Pacino and DeNiro in a film together.

The music is stunning.

The Bad

Oh the sister can fucking do one! She picks such shitty men. In fact, she’s already lost one brother who was looking out for her, don’t sulk about Michael kicking you into touch. Yes, she was irritating in the first one, but she served a narrative purpose. Here, she’s just fucking annoying.

I don’t think enough was made of the ‘you said you’d be legit in 5years. It’s been 7.’ It felt more like exposition to given the audience an idea of how long it’s been than a reminder of the power of those words.
It just makes me question something I wasn’t thinking about by reminding me, which then brought to my attention how much Michael is no longer conflicted. He’s no longer making decisions for a legacy, but I really do wish there was something that suggested the Marine was still there beneath the mask of being the Don.

The Ugly

I don’t see the connections or complimenting themes that require the two timeframes being in the same film. They are, individually, strong stories. They do not go together. You know they don’t because of how long each runs for before switching.
What perhaps would have worked better would have been had to keep the story from the first film up until Michael executes those who attempt to assassinate his father, and weave young Vito’s story in there. They are then complimentary stories and both timeframes end with the son avenging the father.
You then have the freedom to spend a film focused on Michael’s romance in Sicily, bulk that out and have Michael looking into his roots while in exile. You would then finally have a closing film to the trilogy that looks at Michael’s return home and his accession to the Don of the family. 

Final Thoughts

I good film, that I had to watch in three sittings. Still not getting the hype, but I understand the quality of the craft.

Green Book (2018)

Inspired by a True Friendship

Rating 12
Length 2h10
Release 01.02.2019
Director Peter Farrelly
About Amidst rampant racism in the 1960s southern America, an African American pianist hires an Italian American bouncer to drive him through his venues. They come closer in the course of their journey.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix and BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good

Mahershala Ali is dream casting. He plays Don Shirley in a way that is reminiscent of Tim Russ as a Vulcan. I love how he grows over the course of the movie. Then there is a scene near the end in which Don plays with a Jazz band and I’ve never seen a smile convey quite so much; belonging, happiness, contentment. Perfect!

It’s really funny considering the story. Despite the challenges faced on the road and in the Deep South of America in the 60s, this film keeps it upbeat and humorous as much as it can. From Don’s tart responses to anyone and everyone, to Tony’s food focus, it makes this very different to other films depicting this era.

The Bad

It takes a little while to get going, which is a hard thing to pick upon as it gives us time with the lovely Linda Cardellini. Perhaps intersecting Tony’s life with that of Don’s may have been the compromise that the film needed for a smoother start.

The Ugly

Honestly, as much as watching films about segregation and racism is educational they are a difficult watch for me. I don’t understand, on an introspective emotional level, how someone (let alone a society) could treat people so badly. This is something that I find difficult for Race, culture and anyone who has fought to belong due to their sexuality or identity.
Anyone who absorbs emotions like a sponge, will find the film hard going but it is worth it for the final act alone.

Final Thoughts

Entertaining, educational but an emotional ride.

Hide (2008) Film Review (with spoilers)

Love is hell.

Rating 15
Length 1h37
Release 05.06.1998
Director K C Bascombe
About Billy and his lover Rachel set out to find the money they had hidden seven years earlier. However, as they are on their mission, an unseen killer targets them..
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

Christian Kane does what he has always done best in this film and he plays a conflicted soul. Okay, so I didn’t know just how conflicted or tortured that soul was until the final act, but Kane gives a performance that gives an idea of what is driving him. The performance also gives way to the question of nature versus nurture. He’s a man who wants to be good, but whether it is him being inherently evil, or a persistent childhood in which he’s told as much, he is unable to commit to that.
Kane is the strength of this film and why he should be a bigger name than he already is.

Heading into the third act, the film becomes much more of a standard horror/slasher of the mid-naughts. It’s pretty awesome, particularly as we start to figure out the importance of the cut scenes that randomly (it is not made clear that the woman abducted is any way connected to Billy and Betty) intersect the previous two acts and witness Billy putting all the pieces back together.

The Bad

Rachel Milner works well with Christian Kane as the partner Betty. However, her accent, while consistent, is a tad over the top and broad. Almost as if it was geared towards a theatre performance. The worst of it all is that she didn’t have to be Texan, so she could have used her own.

Okay, I get the need to literally mention the namesakes, but Betty?! You want to name your two children Bonnie… and Clyde? Two siblings, related in every way possible, named after the two most volatile LOVERS in criminal history?! Yeah, fuck that! Bat shit crazy thinking there.

The Ugly

I do love what the film is trying to achieve; a Bonnie and Clyde meets Jekyll and Hyde. Grand, I get it, but the plot makes no god damn sense when you consider it for even a moment too long.
Billy is Clyde, Hyde and all the Jekyll in-between. In an attempt to distract, the audience are given scenes of a shadowed Hyde that make it impossible for Billy to be the sadistic killer. Which is a bit shit given that the title is the biggest giveaway that he’s going to be behind the mask. Yes, the final rug pull, does slot the flaws into place. However, it doesn’t feel like they were made on purpose to make the audience doubt, but instead it feels sloppy.

As for the rug pull of the final scene, in which it is implied that this Billy’s Hell-scape. Damn, I want to like it. However, while it is cool that this man who was wanting to go straight has died and being eternally punished, it is still the ‘… and it was all a dream’ ending and a bit of a cop out.
The vibe I’m feeling is akin to 2003’s Identity in which there’s a massive “oh fuck” moment in the final scene, which you can clearly see a thread of during a rewatch. This doesn’t have that skill, or a big enough cast to pull it off.

Final Thoughts

A pretty decent story that needs a bit of reworking.

Firestarter (2022) Film Review

If you get on her bad side…YOU’RE TOAST.

Rating 18
Length 1h34
Release 13.05.2022
Director Keith Thomas
About After years in hiding from mysterious DSL, Charlie’s reemerging pyrokenisis threatens the life Andy and Vicky have built for their family.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Zac Efron has his top of for a split gratuitous second.

The Bad

The homage to Stranger Things. Just as the film is about to reach its final act, Charlie finds herself in a suburban estate and bullied by boys on bikes. This would only work if these boys were the ones from her class.
There’s no way boys like that, upon seeing a girl who has clearly been through something, shout freak and what not at her. Not unless they know her. Which, to imply that, you’d use the kids from before.
So to do this to resemble a show that took it’s inspiration from the 1984 version and the original novel by Stephen King, feels not only cheap but an attempt to draw in the fandom.

The Ugly

The biggest mistake the creators made with this outing is winding back the clock and starting the story with the McGee’s as a family unit. The beauty of the original and the novel is that we start on an uneven footing by being throwing into the middle of the story and partway along Andy and Charlie’s journey on the run.
Yes, it’s interesting to see the family unit, but it doesn’t add to the story and if anything it slows the pace down to a crawl. It also makes for such a bullshit ending: Charlie is left to go with her hired assassin who just so happened to kill her mother not so long ago!

Ryan Keira Armstrong, as much as I hate saying this, is woefully miscast. It’s a hard job for any youngster to be the protagonist of a film, but when it’s a character like Charlie you really need someone like McKenna Grace or Dakota Fanning.
As it stands, we have 90 minutes of Armstrong pulling ‘Edward meeting Bella’ face.

Final Thoughts

This film is inspiring no one and holds nothing that makes the original, or Stranger Things for that matter, great. Avoid. Rewatch ST, read the novel or dig out the original.

Irish Wish (2024) Film Review

Be Careful Who You Wish For

Rating 12
Length 1h31
Release 15.03.2024
Director Janeen Damian
About When the love of her life gets engaged to her friend, Maddie puts her feelings aside to be a bridesmaid at their wedding in Ireland. Days before the wedding, Maddie makes a spontaneous wish for true love, only to wake up as the bride-to-be.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Ed Speleers. I’m so sorry I overlooked your dashing looks and charm in the third season of Picard. It was Todd Stashwick, you understand?!
Open apology over with, it’s good to have him as one part of the meet-cute. He’s everything you would expect of a romantic lead.

It is a rom-com by numbers. It requires no thought and it does manage to leave you warm and fuzzy. Lyndsey Lohan may not have the effortless charm that allowed her to win over box offices in the naughts, but she still holds her own and gives a convincing growth to her character.

Dawn Bradfield steals the film as Saint Bigid, who grants Maddie’s wish and kicks off the main part of the film. Much like Puck in Midsummer Night’s Dream, Bradfield causes chaos with such joy, it’s hard not to wish she was in the film a little more.

The Bad

It just all seemed very messy for a rom-com by numbers. It takes a little too long to get to the ‘switch’ and by then, the sparks are already flying between Maddie and James that you wonder if there was another way of plotting this.

The Ugly

It makes one fatal flaw that will prevent this from being up there with some of the best. The third in the triangle *can* be a douche, there’s no problem with that. However, you cannot really have him be a douche and still let him get the happy ending that he does.
By having smarmy Paul marrying one of the lead’s best friends as part of the set up really makes the ending shitty when he’s not seen for who he really is.
The addition of Jane Seymour in just a disconnected role doesn’t help matters

Final Thoughts

Messy, but requires no effort. A charming film, but not a classic.

Madame Web (2024)

Her web connects them all

Rating 12
Length 1h54
Release 14.02.2024
Director S.J Clarkson
About Cassandra Webb is a New York City paramedic who starts to show signs of clairvoyance. Forced to confront revelations about her past, she must protect three young women from a mysterious adversary who wants them dead.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Still in cinemas
Trailer:

The Good

I love the trio. The film has so much more life to it when the film focuses on them and it would have improved things greatly had they been the focus from the first act.

We have a film in which Ben Parker lives! Not only that, but he’s played by the wonderful Adam Scott (I’ve learned to love the Scott since watching Parks and Rec). Honestly, I’m loving that this is who Tom Holland’s Peter got to grow up with. I’m also loving that we, for once, didn’t have the heartbreak of his death and what that then triggers.

The Bad

You cast Emma Roberts and do absolutely nothing with her?! What a waste. I would have cast her as Cassie.

It’s just a mess of a film that isn’t quite so bad it swings around to being funny good again. In what could have been a homage to Buffy, with Cassie as the trio’s watcher, the film instead goes for an origin story of way too many characters. You should know you’ve fucked up when you reuse your opening 5 minutes about halfway through.
The creators really make the mistake of having Cassie as the main character, when she’s the Professor X. Not a very likeable one at that.

No post-credit scene having Os-Corp picking up the spider from Ezekiel’s apartment? Connecting those dots.

The Ugly

The editing is shockingly bad. Particularly when it came to the action sequences and the movements of the bad guy. Now, it didn’t make the movie worse as such, but it certainly did give me a headache and what I can only describe as sea sickness.

The script is garbage. Such garbage, that AI could have done a better job. From epic bad lines like ‘Who flips off an ambulance?’ in case we hadn’t spotted that going down to the WAY too soon ‘you’ve never been shot in Queens?’ as a clunky foreshadowing to how Ben leaves the MCU. Like seriously, this is the only time Uncle Ben makes it to the credit roll, and you still feel the need to remind us?!

What was the motivation of the bad guy again? He was trying to kill the girl’s who he thought would kill him. hmmmmm? Wasn’t a bad guy before he got his powers that prompted the premonition? Why was he motivated in the beginning?

Final Thoughts

Just… no!