Tag: Movie review

The Noel Diary (2022)

Rating PG
Length 1h39
Release 24.11.2022
Director Charles Shyer
About When a best-selling author returns home at Christmas to settle his mother’s estate, he finds a diary that holds secrets to the past.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Naughty List

  • Hair! Oh I know it’s stupid to be getting on my nerves, but close the end of the film and on the return leg of the road trip, Rachel’s hair goes from curls to salon straight.
    1. I’m pissed off with the implication that straight hair is more attractive.
    2. There’s no way, that character, would have packed the essentials to get that salon finish.
    Seriously, it’s Winter Soldier’s Black Widow scene all over again.
  • Why does the woman always have to cheat?! Or rather, why did she have to have a fiancé? Okay, most who watching this will get swept away with the romance and I agree, it’s not that deep.
    Except it is. It’s a trope for that reason; its a formulaic characterisation to put in an “obstacle” or ‘tension’. On the surface, that’s fine. But spend more than a second on it, and they’ve trashed their leading woman.
  • It’s rather bloated and tries to almost tell the story of two films in one. Normally the two leads each having something to resolve is no bother, even adding in the romance… I think it is the added complication of her not being available is the proverbial wafer thin mint this film could have done without.

Nice List

  • Two very beautiful, and charming, leads. Both Barrett Doss and Justin Hartley are wonderful in their own respects, but when they are together they make this film joyful. You know, until the script gets in the way.
  • I really found some comfort in the scenes with James Remar. Someone who has always improved anything I’ve watched, there was something powerful in his performance as an estranged father.
  • Despite the sadness that sets the film in motion, it is rather uplifting by the time the credit call time on this Hallmark-lite story.

Final Thoughts

Easy to believe the romance, leave your brain at the door and enjoy it for what it is: a PG Mills&Boon by way of the Hallmark channel.

Black Adam (2022) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 2h05
Release 21.10.2022
Director Jaume Collet-Serra
About In ancient Kahndaq, Teth Adam was bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned, becoming Black Adam. Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Black Adam has gone from man to myth to legend. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who form the Justice Society: Hawkman, Dr. Fate, Atom Smasher and Cyclone.
Moon: Full moon in mid-credit sequence
Where to Watch: Limited screenings in cinemas nationwide
Trailer:

The Good

  • I really quite enjoyed Pierce Brosnan hamming it up as Dr Fate. He was one of very few saving graces of the film.
  • Bodhi Sabongui was phenomenal as Amon Topaz. He gave the character his all, he won me over from the start; to the point where I thought this film was going to be a rehash of Shazam and he was going to be our Black Adam.
    I truly look forward to seeing where this kid pops up next, because he is most definitely one to watch.
  • There’s a fight sequence “in the rain” and that is incredibly well filmed.

The Bad

  • The plot is clunky and it’s even debateable whether it’s not a Justice Society film and not Black Adam.
  • My boy Dwayne Johnson. I get that there’s meant to be this reserved persona about Black Adam, but why’d you make him a Vulcan?! It’s just wrong.

The Ugly

  • I spend most of the time at odds with the title character. That shouldn’t happen and that was plotting choices. In an attempt to make Black Adam a mystery, the audience is alienated and made to feel like he’s the bad guy.
  • I’m also not meant to dislike the Justice Society. Like, seriously?! I’m hating the bad guys, I’m hating the good guys and the main guy…. this movie is not leaving me with much to like.
  • It’s CGI is shit! Beyond shit. It certainly isn’t going to age well.

Final Thoughts

Stop trying to make DCMU happen!

Pottersville (2017)

Rating 12
Length 1h24
Release 10.11.2017
Director Seth Henrikson
About Maynard, a beloved local businessman, is mistaken for the legendary Bigfoot during an inebriated romp through town in a makeshift gorilla costume.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Naughty

  • It’s a personal thing, but I’m not a fan of Thomas Lennon when he’s got a large role. The focus moved to him for that middle chunk and I completely switched off. When someone drowns out not only Ron Pearlman but Ian McShane too? You need to tone down your character.
  • It didn’t lean into Jaws enough. Or Its a Wonderful Life. It didn’t lean into anything at all. It almost just half-baked the references.
  • Furries?! We had to go down the route of furries? Yeah, this film isn’t going to exist without that plot point, and I must admit I loved Michael Shannon referring to the wolf as a squirrel but …. it just feels at odds. Perhaps removing the Christmas element might have helped?

Nice

  • Ian McShane is the perfect Quinn. You will never be able to fault Lovejoy to me. I only wish he’d gotten his equivalent Indianapolis speech.
  • Michael Shannon has a bad guy aura, so it’s quite refreshing to see him take on the George Bailey role of the town. I also love that while he is that guy, he’s not the stoic perfect archetype that Jimmy Stewart was known for.
    Also, he handles the humour well.
  • The Its a Wonderful Life scene. Bloody hell, it was brilliant. The lead up to it, his reasonings for the actions he took that had him turned on and the uplifting town unity. It gave me everything except for the devastating tears that Frank Capra’s Christmas outing does.

Final Thoughts

The film looses my interest in the third act, but the opening and closing are some of the finest, charming, acting I’ve seen.

Christmas With You (2022)

Rating PG
Length 1h29
Release 12.4.2017
Director Greg McLean (Writer James Gunn)
About Follows a pop star who’s got a career burnout and escapes to a small town where she finds not only inspiration but a shot of love.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Part of MGM subscription on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

Naughty

  • It’s not only predictable, it’s paint by numbers plotting. Take out the Christmas setting and I’d be out within the first few scenes.
  • The set up all feels a little too contrived for my liking. It’s only because of how good it is once you’re past the set up that it can be forgiven.

Nice

  • Freddie Prinze Jnr! How awesome it is seeing him back as a leading man. He may have grown up, but he certainly hasn’t lost his charm. Not only that, but this is a rare occasion in which his Latino heritage has been utilised in this way and he kills is from the start.
  • Amiee Garcia, the wonderful Ella Lopez of Lucifer. It’s amazing to see her give us a better J-Lo than J-Lo! She’s funny, she’s charming and sincere. The only thing I didn’t buy was the idea that she was old and out of touch. Seriously, she looks younger than me, not her 47 years of age.
  • The chemistry, the comedy and the Christmas-ness of it all really will keep everyone entertained. There’s a true sense of family that will hit even the coldest of hears.

Final Thoughts

Not only is this a decent Christmas outing, it’s better than the other “super famous popstar falls for super regular DILF” 2022 has to offer. Switch off your brain and enjoy.

Disenchanted (2022)

Rating PG
Length 2h02
Release 82.11.2022
Director Adam Shankman
About Years after her happily ever after, Giselle, Robert and Morgan move to a new community and Andalasia and the real world are thrown off-balance.
Moon: Full moon in final animated shot before the credits
Where to Watch: Disney Plus
Trailer:

The Good

  • Gabriella Baldacchino really holds her own as Morgan. I almost wish the film had allowed her to be the protagonist. Watching it everything unfold from her perspective would have allowed for more of a fresher take.
    I’d have loved it if she’d gotten to save her love interest too. Really play around with convention.
  • Amy Adams does well playing wicked. Who’d have thunk it? She certainly looked to be playing the part and the film really warms for me once she’s no longer playing sickly sweet miss perfect.
  • The musical (score, that is. Although kudos on the Frozen reference) and visual cues to other fairy tales was quite good. From the on the nose, to subtle I expect people will be compiling an “all the Easter Eggs and references in Disenchanted” over the coming month.

The Bad

  • Gah, the singing. I hate musicals.
  • Giselle’s fish out of water and unrelenting pep had me reaching for the remote. This is why the fish out of water genre/clique does not do well with sequels. It’s only charming the first time out.

The Wicked

  • How do you have two amazing singing talents like Yvette Nichole Brown and Jayma Mays and waste them?! In a film about calling out the conventions in song, how did our wing-women not get a number? I’d have taken that over Dempsey’s ham fisted cringe-worthy attempts.

Final Thoughts

A film that perhaps too way too long to be released and feels a little too been there, done that.

Spirited (2022) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 2h07
Release 18.11.2022
Director Sean Anders
About A musical version of Charles Dickens’ story of a miserly misanthrope who’s taken on a magical journey.
Moon: There was a waxing crescent towards the end of the film
Where to Watch: Part of Apple TV and selected cinemas.
Trailer:

Naughty List

  • Some of the green screen is really ropey. I like what it is trying to achieve, however if I’m noticing on a first viewing? I hate to think what it’ll look like a few years down the line.
  • The concept set up is a little tedious. Could be the number of songs that are crammed into the set up (I’m not a fan of musicals), but I really needed some of the fat trimmed one way or another.
  • It’s a tad too long for me. I like my Dickens, and my musicals, like I like my cocktails. Short. Yes, this does break out of the standard one night, three ghosts, formula. Still not sure it justifies the screen time.

Nice List

  • I adore the ‘Monsters Inc’, behind the scenes on the supernatural, vibe that this Christmas Carol outing presents.
  • Ryan Reynolds man! Seriously, he gives his best Reynolds performance, showmanship, with his “Scrooge” in need of turning. Not only that, but he gives the audience Broadway chops! He sings, he dances, he taps!
    He also has amazing chemistry with Wil Farrell.
  • The songs, while I’m not a massive fan, have that whimsical Jim Henson for adults gloss. They’re uplifting, clear and annoyingly catchy. Anyone without my aversion will love them.
  • It’s nothing you will have ever seen from a Christmas Carol before. It has that meta-ness that Reynold’s Free Guy gave everyone last year, while this actually throws in a few curveballs.

Final Thoughts

It’s a decent film, with its own spin on the overtold classic. It might take a moment to get into, but it pays off in ways you won’t even expect.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Rating 12
Length 2h41
Release 11.11.2022
Director Ryan Coogler
About Queen Ramonda, Shuri, M’Baku, Okoye and the Dora Milaje fight to protect their nation from intervening world powers in the wake of King T’Challa’s death. As the Wakandans strive to embrace their next chapter, the heroes must band together with Nakia and Everett Ross to forge a new path for their beloved kingdom.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Cinemas Nationwide now.
Trailer:

The Good

  • How the film handles the passing of Chadwick Boseman is touching, tasteful and by shifting the protagonist focus from the start means there is no offensive Star Wars type CGI to fill in the narrative gaps.
  • Winston Duke is the perfect scene stealer, as as always, however what I loved most in this outing was that he held his own for the emotional scenes as well as the comedic.
  • The commentary on politics and the passing of a monarch was not lost on me. It was obviously filmed long before the passing of the Queen of England, but the message still resonated.
  • How the film handled grief was powerful. I liked the exploration of different ways to grieve. Not only as a film that embodied the grief for Boseman, but for the character of T’Challa too.
  • The film is fucking stunning

The Bad

  • I’m not sure about the inclusion of a quasi-hindu culture for the anti-hero Namor and his aquatic community. I am aware that its meant to be the Mayan culture, however the blue skin makes it hard not to make parallels with Hinduism. Whether it was about ensuring diversity, or setting them apart from the DC counterparts, it just didn’t land right.
    It could also be that there’s upcoming blue bastards that irk me somewhat. I mean, why do they always have to be blue?
  • Weren’t the Enternals fucking about with the Mayan culture back in that shit show? Or are we just pretending that movie never happened now? I mean, we pretty trotted all over the globe in this movie…. why was there no glimpse of that celestial corpse. Could have easily been that body that disturbed the vibranium and started this all off.
    You know, so that there’s literally *one* tiny thread connecting this phase’s movies together! Fuck, did MCU really peak with the Infinity Saga?!

The Ugly

  • It was about forty minutes too long and lacked enough action sequences to balance out the emotion. Kids can take the emotion, hell we’ve all been through enough Uncle Bens by now to know that. However there’s the web slinging to counter balance.
  • I think the film tried to fit too much into this movie. I also think that Phase Four should have had this as a limited series and gave Falcon and Winter Soldier the movie.
  • Getting very tired of the queerbaiting bull shit from the House of Mouse. If you’re going to go gay, go gay. Don’t do the hint to keep your conservative viewers happy. You can’t pay lip service any more. I’m all for making it clear without the neon sign, but this ain’t that. This is called being a pussy!

Final Thoughts

It did it’s best with the story it *had* to tell. It also attempts to tackle such a mountainous topic like grief but it essentially boiled down to being yet another Marvel origin.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (2022) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 12
Length 1h29
Release 14.10.2022
Director Jeff Wadlow
About A man and his daughter must team up to save their town after an ancient and mischievous spirit causes Halloween decorations to come to life and wreak havoc.
Moon: full moon 25 minutes in
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Trick

  • Lauren Lapkus. I struggle with her style of acting at the best of time, but this one was over the line. Whatever that accent was, was too fake and too forced. I hated every second she was on screen.
  • The CGI, other than the skeletons was really bad. Like cheap, bad. I get that visual effects are better than practical but it really does suck.
  • There’s a little bit of that ‘we’re building a franchise’ feel to the film. It’s not in the moment with the audience, but instead looking to the future. I don’t like it, but I stuck with it. Other’s won’t do the same. What’s worse is that if no sequel appears, the effort could have been put into making this a better movie.

Treat

  • Marlon Wayans has major DILF energy in this. He’s hot, he’s funny in a dad-joke way and I am loving it.
  • Priah Ferguson really carries this film, bringing with her that scene stealing realness from Stranger Things. The best part of this role is that she spends a lot of the time acting against the adults and I’m not sure there are many others her age who could do that.
  • The plot is perfectly silly and all-round family fun. There’s enough humour among the PG scares to entertain everyone.
  • The skeletons look like they’re inspired by old-school Jason and the Argonauts. Which helps improve what could have been otherwise shoddy looking CGI.

Final Thoughts

A solid offering from Netflix and certainly an improvement from Hubbie’s Halloween. A good watch with kids and a must see for anyone who loves Stranger Things.

Friday the 13th (1980) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 18
Length 1h35
Release 05.08.1980
Director Sean S Cunningham
About A group of counsellors are brutally killed one by one at a summer camp held at the Camp Crystal Lake, when the entrepreneur Steve Christie reopens the site, which was shut for years.
Moon: Full moon for both 1958 and 1980 ‘present’ sequences
Where to Watch: Rental on Prime (It’s the only one you can’t get without additional payment)
Trailer:

Trick

  • They fucking killed the snake! That snake was actually beheaded on set. I don’t care how scary an animal is, you do not kill it for ‘entertainment’.
  • The full moons in most time frames. 4th July 1958 did not have a full moon, it was in its waning gibbous phase. While the film states 13th June “present day”, I can confirm that 1980 did not produce a full moon.
    Yes, full moons are pretty and make for a good “shot”, but for fuck’s sake, ya boring!
  • The “killer POV” was a little too much for me. Specially when it comes to driving the cook to camp. I get it, you don’t want to reveal the killer but how the fuck did they not crash the car while looking at her for so long.
  • They say if you don’t suspect the person who is revealed as the killer, you’ve not done a good job. At least that’s what they say about books.
    What I’m going to say about films? If you’re going to have a female killer, you have to use women in all the filming of the deaths. It’s obviously a man in every death scene until the reveal.
    Mrs Vorhees threw a 90lb girl through a window?! pffft. She lifted a man and pinned him to the door with arrows, at close range? Now, I know there are sequels and that Jason lives. However, I’m watching this movie, for the first time. I’m not buying it.
    Maybe, just maybe, if the ‘dream’ Alice had involved an adult Jason and not ‘a boy’ as she describes I might have bought into the idea that it was him doing the killing and mummy dearest was there just to clean up.

Treat

  • Ki ki ki ma ma ma ma. Holy crap, Leo meme, “That’s what that reference was!”. That music cue is genius. It’s chilling and works in the exact same way as the Jaws theme. It puts you on edge and lets you know what’s coming. Perfect.
  • The deaths are quite unique in a way. For example, I was expecting the cook to be the final girl from how we were introduced to her. Then how each individual was killed in isolation. It wasn’t until the final act really that the characters knew anything was amiss. That put the audience in a rather voyeuristic, yet powerless, position.
  • Young Kevin Bacon was a treat and while his death seemed completely improbable (no one could put something like that through as slowly as it was done with the space they would have had under the bed), it sure was fun.

Final Thoughts

A little too flawed and way too hyped for me to enjoy fully. That said, it’s a great premise and the use of music is perfect.

Friday the 13th (2009) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 18
Length 1h37
Release 12.02.2009
Director Marcus Nispel
About A group of collegians decide to spend the weekend at Crystal Lake, which proves fatal for them. They come across the deadly and vengeful Jason Voorhees who is waiting to kill them.
Moon: Waning Gibbous
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

First Thoughts

I was working at a cinema when this came out. This was released in one of the smallest screens and it sold out before we’d even got to the Friday. I’d have put good money on us selling out if we’d also put it in our largest screen.
You know what we had in our main screen that Friday the 13th?
Pink Panther 2! For the peak time showing, we had maybe 5 people in there watching Steve Martin bastardise a classic. Alas the managers could not switch the screens due to contracts with the distributors. How fucked is that?Anyway, one of the things I loved about working at the cinema was the ability to watch a preview. Even after being dubbed the ‘girl that cried’ by the projection guys after sobbing for most of Marley and Me. So I think it was the Tuesday or Wednesday morning, I got in super early and watched Jason go to town on a load of teens.

Trick

  • It is so bloody dark. Yes, the darkness hides a multitude of sins. It also stops you from seeing any of the action. I know this was perhaps the way they had to go for the purpose of CGI, but it does disengage an audience.
  • I hate the ending. There’s that trope of wanting to leave the audience on edge so there has to be the hint that the bad guy has survived and, as a result, the final girl/guy will not survive.
    It sucks. It leaves the viewer a little dissatisfied and in this case, it’s bullshit. Stabbed in the heart, strangled and brought all the way to lake and submersed in water. Yeah, okay Jason survived that. Sure thing.
  • Is there too much sex?! Well, I guess if Michael Bay (yup, the dude who put Transformers’ gal Megan Fox in those spray-on clothes) is walking out in disgust… yes?!
    I’m on the fence on this one. Perhaps there’s a few too many augmented boobs and there really wasn’t a need to have ya one on the wave rider without her top, but the premise of Friday the 13th is that Jason died because the counsellors were all too busy ‘having sex’. Add to that the fact that sex and virginity are long standing staples of the horror genre and I’m not too sure.

Treat

  • The opening in black and white is perfect for setting it apart from the 2009 aspect of the film. I also love that it is able to condense the entire of the original movie into those 4-ish minutes of credits.
  • The inclusion of the kikikimamama at key moments was spot on. It gave the hint to the original without relying on it.
  • The Title card doesn’t appear until after the first 2009 sequence, 25 minutes into the film. This is weirdly unsettling and puts you on edge by loosing a sense of time. When I first watched this, because my body was tense throughout I thought that was the end of the movie. My body relaxed… but oh shit, there’s more.
  • This film gets to do more by it’s clever framing of the story. There’s enough shown for you to watch this film without the original, however there is value added if you’re an existing fan.
    The campfire scene gives you enough to be going off regarding Jason and his mother. It also stays fairly cannon up until he becomes supernatural somewhere in those sequels, so this film works both as a sequel or as a stand alone.
  • The kills are very different. Gone is the intimacy of revenge. It’s replaced more with a mindset of survival and a response to intrusion. He’s also a resourceful guy and proficient in hunting. I guess you’d have to be to survive there all those years.
  • Who doesn’t love a Winchester?! I’m not going to complain when Sammy is taking on something a little less supernatural.

Final Thoughts

I prefer this to the original, but I do wish the lights were turned up a little bit in those darker scenes.

John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)

Rating 18
Length 1h48
Release 30.10.1998
Director John Carpenter
About Jack and his team of mercenaries must hunt down vampires and retrieve the Black Cross of Berziers, an ancient relic that, should it be obtained by vampires, will allow them to endure the sunlight.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Free with ads on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

Trick

  • James Wood. I dislike him as an actor, as a person, hell I even hate his face. Now, if I cannot engage with, or empathise, with the protagonist I’m shit out of luck for liking a movie. I long for the day when I can deepfake this shit out of this and put my choice of actor in the role.
  • Not his fault, but Daniel Baldwin is not the Baldwin we all want in the role. He suffers in the sense that he’s the ‘wish’ version of his brother. It’s like having Donnie in a role and being told you could have had Mark!
  • I cannot put my finger on what it is, but the devastation of Crow’s team suffers narrative wise in the same way the first Tom Cruise MI outing does. Instead of moving the plot forward, it stalls it slightly. Almost as if we needed a movie before this allowing the audience to get a feel for this “universe” and almost become attached to the characters. You know before they’re taken away in a bloodbath.

Treat

  • Annoyingly, my personal feelings aside, I must say that James Wood does do a good job as Crow. He provides the same elements and checks all the boxes that Russell would have.
  • The story is brilliant. Not only does this story play on the popularity of vampires that born from the success of Dracula (1992) and Interview with a Vampire (1994) it also acts as a bridge to them for the fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997- 2003). The mythology and language is all there, with some sweet surprises along the way.
  • The story gives you an “oh fuck”, Macguffin. It has a massive impact to the world of humans and vampires.
  • Visually this film is to die for. The setting, the importance of the transition of the day, the ‘slayer’ lifestyle having an almost biker gang community. It’s Buffy meets Sons of Anarchy and I love it.

Final Thoughts

I truly hate that James Wood ruins this movie for me, because it really is John Carpenter on form.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Rating PG
Length 1h20
Release 05.02.1956
Director Don Siegal
About In Santa Mira, California, Dr. Miles Bennell (Kevin McCarthy) is baffled when all his patients come to him with the same complaint: their loved ones seem to have been replaced by emotionless impostors. Despite others’ dismissive denials, Dr. Bennell, his former girlfriend Becky (Dana Wynter) and his friend Jack (King Donovan) soon discover that the patients’ suspicions are true: an alien species of human duplicates, grown from plant-like pods, is taking over the small town.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: NowTV
Trailer:

Trick

  • The talk around this movie being an allegory of politics and “McCarthy-ism” is really annoying. It’s such a significant criticism that you can’t look this film up without seeing mentions of this take.
    Let the film be a film!

Treat

  • Kevin McCarthy not only was hot when he was younger, he played a decent good guy. I know him from Innerspace, so this is refreshing.
  • While other versions will play the story as action, this original outing is much more psychological than fast paced. Honestly, films’ today could learn a thing or two by watching this and taking notes.
  • Another good use of the bookend/wraparound narrative. The urgency and fear seen with Miles gives a great atmosphere and set up for the unravelling mystery.
  • It’s fear lingers much longer than any other type of horror. Not because of the aliens or any belief that it could happen. The real fear is from the idea that you would not be believed or even dismissed. That’s the fear that is so very real and so well played into the story that it’s creeped under your skin before you’ve had chance to realise what it’s done.

Final Thoughts

One of my favourite films and the reason why you should never dismiss a movie because it is in black and white.