Rating PG Length 52m Release 8.10.2021 Director Kirk R Thatcher About On Halloween night, Gonzo is challenged to spend one night in The Haunted Mansion. Moon: Full Moon sighted just before Gonzo enters the mansion. Where to Watch: Disney Plus Trailer:
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Kermit’s new voice is not quite right for me. At first, I thought it was that Kermit had a pig nose on his face and they were adding an effect. However, additional scenes proved otherwise. Whoever they picked is a few octaves lower than previous voice actors and not only is it noticeable, it changes the whole character.
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Wil Arnett is perhaps the perfect human companion after Jason Segel. He has the adaptability to play the sort of characters Muppets needs. Arnett looks in his element throughout and it lifts up the performance of everyone involved.
Move over Animal, Pepe is my new favourite Muppet. He’s charming and funny. Not only that, he works well alongside fan favourite, Gonzo.
The songs are used sparingly, which I’m grateful for.
The humour, the charm and the meta-ness of the plot is all on brand and well written throughout.
It’s the perfect length for a family-friendly film. Especially for those days when no one has the attention for anything longer.
Final Thoughts
Muppets doing what Muppets do best, what’s not to love?
Rating 15 Length 1h36 Release 29.6.2012 Director Ron Underwood About A small town gradually becomes aware of a strange creature which picks off people one by one. But what is this creature, and where is it? At the same time, a seismologist is working in the area, she detects _tremors_. The creature lives underground, and can ‘pop up’ without warning. Trapped in their town, the town-folk have no escape. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Netflix and Amazon Prime Trailer:
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Near the start, before you ever really know what’s going on (except you do because that stupid poster spoils it), Rhonda is ‘stalked’ by one of the graboids in typical creature feature fashion. Yep, we get monster eye candy. It’s effective when used well, however in this movie it’s god-damn stupid. Here’s why: those fucking creatures are blind and, even if they had sight, the thing is shown to be underground. Honestly, I can’t say I’ve ever noticed before, but today it really riled me up. For such a clever film, this is just dumb. Hell, it’s almost at odds with the rest of the movie. Once again, studio interference, allowed for this addition.
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This is such a clever, tightly plotted, enjoyable movie. Any who studies film should watch this whenever their university covers cause and effect. It’s so well planned that it’s an absolute joy to watch. Things that seem tiny have a massive impact later in the film. Just one example is that Earl and Val are arguing about what job they need to do that day and how Val needs to think ahead and consider which jobs will pay first, they end up in the store where the fridge is needing to be fixed. While Val goes to fix it, Earl reminds him of the conversation they had and they say they’ll get back to it. At first you might think this interaction is just about establishing the character dynamics, but an hour in that fridge comes back into play and really bites them in the ass; some of them literally.
Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward are the perfect double act. I adore Fred Ward in anything and everything he does. To have his older, wiser Everyman working alongside Bacon’s younger, more impulsive, partner is almost chalk and cheese. Almost like your buddy cops after they’ve learned to work together. It works.
Paul Gross and Reba McEntire play their roles perfectly. So much so that it took me years to make the connection of Gross being Ted’s dad in HIMYM, or Reba as THE country singer. Not only do I love the gun obsession, I love the apocalypse preparedness of the couple.
The dialogue is brilliant and quotable; you can see why it has become a cult classic. It doesn’t matter how you see this film: cheesy, silly, legitimate creature feature, it gives it all and entertains along the way.
Final Thoughts
For me, this film is up there with Jaws. I shit you not. The story is tight, the visuals are spot on and the characters have you rooting for them.
Rating PG Length 1h33 Release 8.10.2021 Director Conrad Vernon and Greg Tieman About Hoping to get closer as a family, Gomez, Morticia and the rest of the Addams clan embark on an adventurous road trip in a hideous and humongous camper. Moon: Starts off as a crescent, going into a full moon Where to Watch: Cinemas nationwide Trailer:
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Finn Wolfhard didn’t return. Honestly, I’m gutted because the person they got to replace him was so different.
It had a very Simpsons feel, in the sense that nothing from the first film had any standing in this one. A shame really, as I loved the characters we met in the first film and it would have been quite easy to intergrade them into the story.
What happened to having Kitty as the MGM lion?! (Side bar: I got very upset at the youngling who insisted, repeatedly, that the MGM logo showed a TIGER! Don’t worry readers, I did not heckle)
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There’s some excellent horror movie Easter eggs throughout the film for eagle eyed adults.
The story is pretty decent; for both kids and adults. Elements may be predictable, but it is a cartoon.
The comedy is as standard as the first outing, which gags for kids and ones for adults. Some of the location gags are just brilliant.
While there are arguments that this film is not in keeping with the live action or tv offerings, I must disagree. I have found both offerings well within the spirit of the Addams Family.
Snoop Dogg is perfect as Cousin Itt. I do want to play his lines backwards to see if he does indeed say what the characters say he does. (Thank you Red Dwarf for enabling me to identify backward tracks)
Final Thoughts
Its a decent kids film with a fun plot and a wonderful story arc for Wednesday. While I doubt the box office will see a third outing green-lit, if we do I would love to see Pugsley have a bigger role. Even with, sigh, the new voice actor.
Rating 15 Length 1h30 Release 6.6.2008 Director Nelson McCormick About Donna’s senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life, but a sadistic killer from her past has different plans for her and her friends. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Netflix Trailer:
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The story is lacking, so much. It’s economical in how it tells the story, but I’m left feeling a bit underwhelmed as a result. My biggest issue with this is the film’s killer. Idris Elba’s Winn mentions that the jury felt he was insane and so didn’t opt for the death penalty. With what’s presented, I can see why. There really needed to be a little more to the prologue to show how it escalated to the point that it did; what was their relationship like? I understand throwing us in at the point they did was a creative choice, but I want to be in the position Winn is and know that he’s a bad guy, that he wasn’t just insane. The way its presented, it’s almost as if there’s another film preceding this.
Plot choices. Like, seriously, you’re going to have Winn pull the fire alarm and still have the lifts in action? It’s stupid that I’m annoyed, but everyone knows that is what happens to lifts. Hell, you could have had the killer on the lift with one of the friends and it be at the point that the alarm is pulled, she realises who he is. It could also be that the lift doors had only just closed, so there’s not questioning how he got out. Oh, and the dream fake-out to only go and have her do the exact same thing when she’s awake. The girl has been through a traumatic experience. Don’t know about anyone else, but I’m sure as shit getting that boyfriend to come with me.
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Idris Elba. Damn it, this man could be in the world’s worst film and I would still watch. Beautiful, smart and someone you would absolutely want on your side if a mad man was after you.
Brittany Snow really holds her own as the lead, and final girl. She is one of a few actors that stop this being a complete loss of a film.
Final Thoughts
Great concept, boiled down to a mindless slasher. It’s a one watch wonder that really should be better.
Rating 18 Length 1h32 Release 26.4.2012 Director Rick Rosenthal About Myers, a horrific murderer, spends 15 years in an insane asylum after terrorising the people in his small hometown on the eve of a Halloween. As soon as he gets out, he hunts down his sister. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Netflix Trailer:
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The opening is rather clunky and almost feels like I’ve missed a scene or two. I understand it starts off directly after the first film, but I think that puts this film at a disadvantage because of the first being resolved.
The tone of the film is off. It has the Horror elements, but there’s also lines of dialogue and the way they’re delivered, that will reduce most viewers to fits of giggles. The biggest laugh is when a Michael Myers is hit by a police car. The sequence, I’m sure, is meant to be shocking. It most definitely isn’t.
Michael Myers has a whole new silhouette. They must not have been able to get the original guy back, and it shows. It’s hard to not notice and it really takes you out of the film.
The time of day is really unclear. In some scenes it appears at if it’s at least gone midnight, in others it appears like its not even past 7pm. Add to that, the fact that the hospital Laurie is taken to is unusually empty for a peak evening, the film just feels disjointed.
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The new theme remix is cool.
Some of the deaths are messy and genius, particularly the one in the hot tub.
Final Thoughts
To make this work, it really needed to go the way of Alien/Aliens and not sit in this middle ground of a tonal shift. Because the original is so good, it was never going to match it, so it needed to offer something completely different.
Rating PG Length 1h34 Release 15.10.2020 Director Rachel Talalay About Recruited by a secret society of babysitters, a high schooler battles the Boogeyman and his monsters when they nab the boy she’s watching on Halloween. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Netflix Trailer:
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It is clear from how the film is set up, that this is meant to be the first in a series. There’s always a way in which these films are created that makes them feel more like they’re trying to set up the universe than be in the story they’re telling. If the creative team are not invested and engaged in the current story, how do they hope the viewer will be?
The tired old trope of parents asking their child to babysit at a minutes notice. Halloween is for kids, you let them have their fun. While it always leads to a good story (Hocus Pocus, case in point), I just wish they could come up with something new.
Give me more Tom Felton. He was a joy to watch, and while I’d love to see him play the hero at some point, he’s just so good as the bad guy.
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It has that Percy Jackson watchability. I am not its target audience, but I don’t feel forgotten.
The cast is solid. So much so I am gutted at least a second film hasn’t been commissioned. They will most certainly have aged out by now.
The plot is simplistic, but effective. Adults may see the next plot points coming a mile off, but its a little bit of a comfort too.
Final Thoughts
Its the perfect film for a midweek watch when you don’t want anything too taxing.
Rating 18 Length 1h28 Release 8.9.2000 Director Keenen Ivory Wayans About Cindy Campbell and her friends mistakenly end up killing a man. A year after the unfortunate incident, someone stalks them, leaves threatening messages and tries to kill them one by one. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Netflix Trailer:
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This film hasn’t aged well. There’s some jokes and nods that reference things that were so of the moment that anyone watching today will not understand ‘wassssup’ and the Matrix ‘bullet time’ are among the few that just seem outdated. There are some ‘jokes’ that should never have been okay to put to film. Case in point is the ‘gag’ of Miss Mann, the PE teacher. They’re revealed to be a pre-op trans woman and its oh so funny *please understand the eyeroll and sarcasm that went into this* because geddit, geddit???! Just in case you didn’t, we get an eyeful of scrotum when the character sits, open legged with a skirt on. I don’t care about the intention of this. At all. It’s fucked up and wrong, and there’s no excusing it.
Some of it is a little too on the nose. Like, in some cases its lines of dialogue lifted from the film they’re lampooning. Spoof is no new thing; Mel Brooks is the master and everyone loves Airplane! but the beauty of most of those films lie in their subtlety. They’re commenting upon the genre as a whole, but this makes it almost too personal.
The over-acting at times is painful. It cheapens it and sucks IQ points from me every time I watch. I know I’m not the target audience; I prefer homage to whatever the fuck this is.
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I love the black representation in this movie; from the tongue in cheek “A whole bunch of people are dead, so these black asses are getting out of here” to the interaction in the cinema that riffs off the opening of Scream 2. I can see how carefully this film was constructed; it walked that careful ‘White Hollywood’ line so that films like Fifty Shades of Black and Black Panther could run.
You have to hold off for the pay off, but I really like the ongoing persona of Shawn Wayans’ Ray. I’ll admit, I was a little uncomfortable at the sledgehammer hints that he’s gay. However, in that final act when Bobby reveals he’s gay and that so is Ray, Wayans response is brilliant; it’s not offended, its a plain and simple ‘I’m not’. It feels a little bit like a ‘fuck you judgemental motherfucker’ and I’m all up for that.
Doofy is fucking brilliant. It’s a character that really takes the film to its most insane extremes and really does throw you off the first time of watching. Plus, kudos has to go to that neat little nod to the Usual Suspects right at the end there.
Fair play to the sexual positivity of women in this film. Yes, it is done for laughs, but there’s equality in that- there’s pot shots at both male and female masturbation.
Final Thoughts
This has not aged well, but if you are a teenage boy, you have the emotional range of a teenage boy, or you’re looking to have 90 minutes of ‘I get that reference’ hammered down your throat…. this is your wheelhouse.
Rating X/ 18 Length 1h26 Release 25.9.1959 Director Terence Fisher About Three archaeologists uncover the sarcophagus of Princess Ananka despite being warned of a curse. The situation regresses when one of them awakens Kharis, who was entombed alive to guard the princess. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Purchased for £5 on Amazon Prime Trailer:
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I’m not sure I enjoyed the flashback approach to the storytelling. I know it is a tool of the Hammer Horrors, but it doesn’t work so well here. I felt a little lost and bogged down as I was too invested in the characters I’d met, rather than the ‘why’ of the curse.
The inclusion of Mrs Banning does pale in comparison to the 1999 instalment. It feels more that she’s a token female character thrown in at the last minute, rather than being integral to the plot. A shame, as it would only require one or two changes.
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What is not to love about this classic Hammer Horror. There’s a charm to the static approach of filming, the obvious soundstage setting and even the actor’s approach to dialogue is very different to what we’d expect today.
Peter Cushing is such a striking lead. He most certainly must have inspired Tom Hiddleston at some point. Certainly, if there’s ever a biopic about the Hammer Horror movies; Hiddleston is a shoe-in for playing Cushing.
Christopher Lee is unmistakeable, even when he’s covered in bandages. His presence is daunting while bandaged, but it is rather enchanting when we get to the flashbacks.
Even though I mentioned that the cameras are rather static throughout, there is a change to that when the father is about to be attacked. The bedroom is shown on an angle and it gives you a great sense of the panic the man is feeling.
The set designs are really quite beautiful and the music compliments the whole film and the changing moods.
Final Thoughts
Not my favourite Hammer Horror, but certainly worth a watch for Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee alone.
Rating 12 Length 2h4 Release 25.6.2012 Director Stephen Sommers About Adventurer Rick O’Connell and Egyptologist Evelyn, along with a bunch of archaeologists, inadvertently wake up an evil mummy during an archaeological excavation at the ancient city of Hamunaptra. Moon: full moon at around 20 minutes Where to Watch: Own copy on DVD, but the franchise is currently available on Now Cinema Trailer:
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The CGI in some places has not aged well. Particularly when it involves actors interacting with the ‘cursed’ sand and some forms of the Mummy.
For me personally, its about 30 minutes too long, especially when you consider its at least over the hour mark before the Mummy is discovered and the curse is invoked. I would perhaps remove our first introduction to Rick.
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Brendan Fraser is perfect as Rick O’Connell. Not only does he have the persona of characters portrayed by Harrison Ford, he holds much more charm. Something that’s akin to older action stars like Errol Flynn. This is not his breakout role, but it really is the first to break away from his typecast performance of an air-brain fish out of water, seen best in California Man, Air Heads and George of the Jungle. I can imagine this was a risk, but I’m so glad they gave him this chance.
Oded Fehr is an absolute joy to have in this film. He provides the wonderful narration at the beginning and is able to provide a perfect blend of serious and comic that never spills over into ham. My absolute favourite moment is what I can only describe as his impression of a dog hanging its head out of a car. The utter joy on his face upon flying is a delight.
Omid Djalili is a welcome, yet completely forgotten, addition the cast. As a man of Persian ancestry, he is a face you will be familiar with in many a film like this, including playing Sallah in the Indiana Jones franchise. There’s something comforting about Djalili being in this film. Its a confidence of the performance that, for me, only comes with British acting.
The story is really good. I’d completely forgot how much I enjoyed this adventure and I think its largely to do with how Evelyn is presented in the film. She’s not a damsel, but a female trying to fight against the gender issues of her time. While I’m not a fan of Rachel Weisz, she is really well cast here.
The script is really clever. There’s a moment in which the second team looking for the treasure and their expert declares ‘A woman. What does she know?’ for the scene to cut to Evie explaining the structure of their findings to her group.
The horror and comedy elements are perfectly balanced to provide a watchable family horror.
Final Thoughts
Still a joy to watch and something I will always put on around this time of year, if not closer to Christmas.
Rating 15 Length 1h46 Release 2.9.2011 Director Craig Gillespie About When a nice new neighbor moves in next door, Charley discovers that he is an ancient vampire who preys on the community. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Disney Plus Trailer:
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Ah, 2011! The height of of the 3D Hollywood cash-in. Some films, Pocahontas in Space comes to mind, used it well as part of a depth of field. Other, used it as a gimmick and set up certain parts for that ‘gotcha’ jump scare. That second sort have not aged well. Fright Night is one of those gimmick type movies and you can tell. From blood splatter to thrown objects; they have this gloss to them that just makes them stick out like a sore thumb.
Anton Yelchin’s death in 2016 makes this a hard watch. That lad was such a beautiful talent, and while I’m grateful to have the roles that we have, it still really hurts to think how much of a tragedy losing him was.
Not 100% sold on Colin Farrell’s vampire, Jerry. Don’t get me wrong, he’s really good as a bad guy. Hell, he’s grand as the ambiguous guy. However, there’s something off and a little ‘try-hard’ about this performance. The best example I can give is when Jerry gets the pack of Bud from Charley. It feels like he would fit right at home in Twilight rather than this film.
The club scene really fucking pisses me off in today’s climate. There’s a girl being fireman lifted to a dark corner and she’s asking anyone who will listen to help, yet no one listens. Its fucked up, and what’s worse is that I can’t tell if its a commentary on society, thoughtlessness or a way to desensitise us to what we now call the ‘me too’ culture.
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Anton Yelchin is perfect as the geek that blossomed. He’s got the girl and you can see how he got the girl, but he also was once friends with the losers and you can also see how that is possible. There’s a balance that Yelchin is able to give in his performance; he is able to give the audience comedy, drama and horror without any one taking over. He also proved with this film, among others, that he is capable of leading a film. I can’t help but wonder while watching Fright Night; how cool would his Spider-Man have been?
David Tennant. In 2011, I wasn’t too impressed with his potty mouth. To me, it was like putting Micky Mouse in Ted. I understood that it was perhaps a way to break from his child-friendly Dr Who persona, but that was exactly what I didn’t like about it. Now, I fucking love the jaded, cursing bastard. I love the story arc we get and, much like his tenure as the keeper of the TARDIS keys, there’s the childlike joy along with the bitterness of someone who has seen pain. Only he can say fuck. A lot. The decision to make Vincent Price a much younger expert, and a Vegas act, was really quite novel. This, along with a few other choice changes, allowed this remake to stand alone from the original.
I’m not quite sure what it is about the films of the early 2010s, but they have this sheen to them that wasn’t present in many movies before. I’m not really researched enough to discover if it is around the time things moved from celluloid to digital, but there’s something distinctly different that really draws me in. Best example I can think of is the way in which the chase scene is filmed. The tracking of the camera within the car is dynamic yet strangely claustrophobic.#
The music is fantastic. Both the original soundtrack and the song choices. I was so convinced that it sampled the 1985 theme song that I’ve just had to pause in order to find out. While I can’t confirm, it certain does have a 1985 inspired vibe to it.
Final Thoughts
It’s a solid vampire entry, even if the big bad is so wooden I expected him to sparkle. While the CGI is passable, its let down by any attempt to pander to the 3D market.
Rating 15 Length 1h43 Release 17.9.2021 Director Sion Sono About In the treacherous frontier city of Samurai Town, a ruthless bank robber gets sprung from jail by a wealthy warlord whose adopted granddaughter has gone missing. He offers the prisoner his freedom in exchange for retrieving the runaway. Strapped into a leather suit that will self-destruct in five days, the bandit sets off on a journey to find the young woman — and his own path to redemption. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Online rental Trailer:
The Good
Nic Cage is at his most bat-shit in this Escape from New York/ Mad Max mashup. I don’t know about anyone else, but if I’m watching a Nic Cage film I need to see him howling to the moon in a way only he can do.
It is a beautiful film. The aesthetics of East and West cultures colliding is nothing new, however the way in which they are consistently and visually at odds with each other somehow works.
The Bad
Sofia Boutella is wasted in the role. A third of the film she’s placed in unflattering geisha make-up and another third she’d left catatonic. You have this beautiful, well trained actress. Use that. Perhaps its due to last minute casting, but she is much better than the role she was given.
The Ugly
Its not quite coherent enough and is certainly more style over substance. Biggest problem for me is the number of flashbacks. It adds nothing to the story to have so many. Especially those scenes that revolve around the opening scene. Because the reveals in the flashbacks are so heavily implied anyway it just bloats the film.
It really does seem that the director is trying too hard to hide the inspirations behind the film. To the point that the story is lost completely. The characters are not ones you sympathise with, or get to know in any way beyond the superficial.
Final Thoughts
Honestly, if you press play and make it to the end; kudos.
Rating 15 Length 1h35 Release 30.1.2020 Director William Eubank About Norah and her team find themselves in a dangerous situation as they work at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and clash against an unidentified species. Moon: no moon sighting Where to Watch: Sky Movies Trailer:
The Good
The cinematography, set design and editing is phenomenal. There’s plenty of clever edits that allow for a progression of plot.
John Gallager Jr should be in everything. I love him and his character in this is no exception. Why is he not in more things?
Music. Oh I absolutely loved the soundtrack, score and general sound of this film. It all adds to the claustrophobic atmosphere.
The Suits! While I have questions about their practicality, I just love the look and the bulk of them.
The Bad
There are themes within the film that are not fully developed and it really does mean that the story suffers as a result. The two big things being the Alice in Wonderland elements that creep in, but never really develop into the allegory they could. The second is the Cthulhu Mythos. While some sources claim the whole story is based upon the Lovcraft writings, others claim that the creatures featured only took their form in post production.
There’s too many nods to Alien. To the point that it stops being a homage or Easter Egg and instead a straight out ripoff.
The Ugly
T J Millar. Obviously, he’s a dick. We all know he’s scum of the greatest proportions. However, the character is also a dick so he’s kind of perfect for the role.
Kristen Stewart’s portrayal is inconsistent, with the majority of her performance at best reflecting a bought of constipation, at worst a block of soggy wood. I did notice that scenes in which her character reacts with multiple characters are much better than when the camera is solely focused on her. The less said about the Twilight flashback narration, the better.
Final Thoughts
Its a pale imitation of Alien and Aliens with nothing new to add.
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