Category: Christmas

The Princess Bride (1987) Christmas review

Rating PG
Length 1h38
Release 01.02.2023 (In the US)
Director Rob Reiner
About Buttercup, a princess, is madly in love with a farm boy, Westley. Unfortunately, things take a turn in their lives when Westley goes out in search of employment and gets attacked by a pirate.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime (for rental or purchase), Free on ITVX
Trailer:

First Thoughts

There are some films that are meant to become part of who you are and there are films that are beloved by a generation. Sometimes, there are films that manage to be both… and more.

I first watched The Princess Bride without knowing what it was called and I didn’t watch it from the start. Buttercup was in the eel infested waters and I was hooked.
It was at least five years before I managed to watch it from the beginning, but from that point it was in regular rotation and among classics such as Goonies and Labyrinth.

Naughty

  • The “true love” of Wesley is never in question for me, that man loves Buttercup and will do anything for her. Buttercup, on the other hand? You’re telling me she needed three specific words to realise her world’s Superman is Clark Kent?!
    Pffft, as sure as I recognise Jack Skellington in Humperdinck, Buttercup should recognise the non-Sicilian voice during the duel of wits.
  • Yes, another Buttercup grumble. Did she really have to be so… damsel in destress?! She jumps into eel infested waters and there’s a rebellious nature about her that makes her simply standing and whimpering as Wesley fights an ROUS very, very, annoying.

Nice

  • The plot device of sick Wonder Years boy and Grampa Columbo spending quality time together and reading the book that unfolds is one of a few instances in which this works. It takes you out of the story, with purpose.
  • The cast is incredible. The main cast are incredible; individually and as part of an ensemble. However, it is also the supporting cameo performances that are as memorable. The only problem you’ll have is deciding who is the best and I’ll be honest; that will change depending on when you view the film.
  • The testament of this being an excellent film is when you come to a rewatch, there’s the anticipation of the next great scene and knowing it is going to make you laugh.
  • My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. The story arc of Puss in Boots in human form, gives the audience some of the best parts of this film; from his clash with the Man in Black, to his uttering of the words above. It’s heartbreaking, wholesome and funny.
    Then there’s the consideration of what is known about Mandy Patinkin at the time of filming and how he used his personal experience and the loss of his own father to add conviction to the showdown with the Six Fingered Man.
  • On an additional note in regards to behind the scenes; the more you read about the filming the bigger your smile will be while watching; for example, the tale of Cary Elwes’ broken foot kicks the ass of the Lord of the Rings’ broken foot story.

Final Thoughts

I will never tire of this film. Rob Reiner is an incredible director and has created an uplifting film that will remain as beloved for many years to come.

Violent Night (2022) Christmas Film Review

Rating 15
Length 1h52
Release 02.12.2022
Director Tommy Wirkola
About An elite team of mercenaries breaks into a family compound on Christmas Eve, taking everyone hostage inside. However, they aren’t prepared for a surprise combatant: Santa Claus is on the grounds, and he’s about to show why this Nick is no saint.
Moon: Full Moon seen in the opening scene
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime (for rental or purchase), Now TV
Trailer:

Naughty

There’s no redemption for most of the Lightstone family. They’re not innocent, so the robbery should act as a Santa does for the Christmas clan of robbers. No one in the family makes any changes by the end of the film and that really is a shame.

While the kid is mostly cute, there’s just the odd few times in which her pitch and tone skirts her towards the annoying.

Not so much about this film, but I am concerned about the talk of another movie. More Harbour in that leather, oh yes please! However, this is a film that relies heavily on the premise that we’ve switched John McClane out for Santa; not just one, but the snowy second outing too. Not only that, but the film is a homage for Home Alone too. I’m worried there isn’t enough left to mine from.

Vomit! Yes I laughed. However,

Nice

The music is awesome. I didn’t even know Bryan Adams had released a Christmas song, let alone it being as good as it is. Then it’s how the music is used, the positivity clashes with the violence and it’s incredible.

David Harbour makes for one amazing, leather clad, viking Santa. He’s got the humour, the deep set anger and the moves of an action hero. There’s a scene at the midpoint that could hint at a potential prequel.

The Home Alone scene. You’ll know once you’ve seen it.

Final Thoughts

It’s Die Hard, with more Christmas, meets Home Alone with my favourite man, David Harbour playing a silvered fox Santa. I’ve watched it five times this December, so I guess that tells you all you need to know.

Christmas Advent 2023: It’s a Wonderful Knife (2023)

Rating 18
Length 1h27
Release 1.12.2023
Director Tyler MacIntyre
About What would happen if George Bailey stopped a serial killer before asking to have never been born? Winnie, a year after ending a psychotic murder spree is consumed with PTSD. It doesn’t help that the whole town she saved has moved on.
So in a Christmas classic wish, she is shown a town in which she was never part of and that’s where the nightmare begins…
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Online in the US
Trailer:

Naughty

  • There’s what appears to be a final act rewrite that just doesn’t quite mesh with the rest of the film that we’re meant to buy due to some magical inclusion.
  • While the slasher outfit is incredible once you know what it is; it’s impractically for a spree and really just takes me slightly out of it.
  • The happy ending for happy ending sake! Bullshit! Let it be the start of something new and not some magic loophole.

Nice

  • Some great casting going on from the get go; from tween show stars taking their leap to movie horror, to character actors Joel McHale and Justin Long.
  • It’s an ideal blend of Christmas kitsch, meta comedy and all out horror.
  • Short run time is always a win for me. Especially with these types of films that play fast and loose with the meta sheen.
  • Stay put for the credits because Joy 2 the Girls by Hael is a bop.

Final Thoughts

Could this have been sacrilege? Oh yes, this could have easily been the worst film ever made for taking the greatest film and making it into a horror comedy! However, it works.

The Noel Diary (2022)

Rating PG
Length 1h39
Release 24.11.2022
Director Charles Shyer
About When a best-selling author returns home at Christmas to settle his mother’s estate, he finds a diary that holds secrets to the past.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Naughty List

  • Hair! Oh I know it’s stupid to be getting on my nerves, but close the end of the film and on the return leg of the road trip, Rachel’s hair goes from curls to salon straight.
    1. I’m pissed off with the implication that straight hair is more attractive.
    2. There’s no way, that character, would have packed the essentials to get that salon finish.
    Seriously, it’s Winter Soldier’s Black Widow scene all over again.
  • Why does the woman always have to cheat?! Or rather, why did she have to have a fiancé? Okay, most who watching this will get swept away with the romance and I agree, it’s not that deep.
    Except it is. It’s a trope for that reason; its a formulaic characterisation to put in an “obstacle” or ‘tension’. On the surface, that’s fine. But spend more than a second on it, and they’ve trashed their leading woman.
  • It’s rather bloated and tries to almost tell the story of two films in one. Normally the two leads each having something to resolve is no bother, even adding in the romance… I think it is the added complication of her not being available is the proverbial wafer thin mint this film could have done without.

Nice List

  • Two very beautiful, and charming, leads. Both Barrett Doss and Justin Hartley are wonderful in their own respects, but when they are together they make this film joyful. You know, until the script gets in the way.
  • I really found some comfort in the scenes with James Remar. Someone who has always improved anything I’ve watched, there was something powerful in his performance as an estranged father.
  • Despite the sadness that sets the film in motion, it is rather uplifting by the time the credit call time on this Hallmark-lite story.

Final Thoughts

Easy to believe the romance, leave your brain at the door and enjoy it for what it is: a PG Mills&Boon by way of the Hallmark channel.

Pottersville (2017)

Rating 12
Length 1h24
Release 10.11.2017
Director Seth Henrikson
About Maynard, a beloved local businessman, is mistaken for the legendary Bigfoot during an inebriated romp through town in a makeshift gorilla costume.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Naughty

  • It’s a personal thing, but I’m not a fan of Thomas Lennon when he’s got a large role. The focus moved to him for that middle chunk and I completely switched off. When someone drowns out not only Ron Pearlman but Ian McShane too? You need to tone down your character.
  • It didn’t lean into Jaws enough. Or Its a Wonderful Life. It didn’t lean into anything at all. It almost just half-baked the references.
  • Furries?! We had to go down the route of furries? Yeah, this film isn’t going to exist without that plot point, and I must admit I loved Michael Shannon referring to the wolf as a squirrel but …. it just feels at odds. Perhaps removing the Christmas element might have helped?

Nice

  • Ian McShane is the perfect Quinn. You will never be able to fault Lovejoy to me. I only wish he’d gotten his equivalent Indianapolis speech.
  • Michael Shannon has a bad guy aura, so it’s quite refreshing to see him take on the George Bailey role of the town. I also love that while he is that guy, he’s not the stoic perfect archetype that Jimmy Stewart was known for.
    Also, he handles the humour well.
  • The Its a Wonderful Life scene. Bloody hell, it was brilliant. The lead up to it, his reasonings for the actions he took that had him turned on and the uplifting town unity. It gave me everything except for the devastating tears that Frank Capra’s Christmas outing does.

Final Thoughts

The film looses my interest in the third act, but the opening and closing are some of the finest, charming, acting I’ve seen.

Christmas With You (2022)

Rating PG
Length 1h29
Release 12.4.2017
Director Greg McLean (Writer James Gunn)
About Follows a pop star who’s got a career burnout and escapes to a small town where she finds not only inspiration but a shot of love.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Part of MGM subscription on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

Naughty

  • It’s not only predictable, it’s paint by numbers plotting. Take out the Christmas setting and I’d be out within the first few scenes.
  • The set up all feels a little too contrived for my liking. It’s only because of how good it is once you’re past the set up that it can be forgiven.

Nice

  • Freddie Prinze Jnr! How awesome it is seeing him back as a leading man. He may have grown up, but he certainly hasn’t lost his charm. Not only that, but this is a rare occasion in which his Latino heritage has been utilised in this way and he kills is from the start.
  • Amiee Garcia, the wonderful Ella Lopez of Lucifer. It’s amazing to see her give us a better J-Lo than J-Lo! She’s funny, she’s charming and sincere. The only thing I didn’t buy was the idea that she was old and out of touch. Seriously, she looks younger than me, not her 47 years of age.
  • The chemistry, the comedy and the Christmas-ness of it all really will keep everyone entertained. There’s a true sense of family that will hit even the coldest of hears.

Final Thoughts

Not only is this a decent Christmas outing, it’s better than the other “super famous popstar falls for super regular DILF” 2022 has to offer. Switch off your brain and enjoy.

Spirited (2022) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 2h07
Release 18.11.2022
Director Sean Anders
About A musical version of Charles Dickens’ story of a miserly misanthrope who’s taken on a magical journey.
Moon: There was a waxing crescent towards the end of the film
Where to Watch: Part of Apple TV and selected cinemas.
Trailer:

Naughty List

  • Some of the green screen is really ropey. I like what it is trying to achieve, however if I’m noticing on a first viewing? I hate to think what it’ll look like a few years down the line.
  • The concept set up is a little tedious. Could be the number of songs that are crammed into the set up (I’m not a fan of musicals), but I really needed some of the fat trimmed one way or another.
  • It’s a tad too long for me. I like my Dickens, and my musicals, like I like my cocktails. Short. Yes, this does break out of the standard one night, three ghosts, formula. Still not sure it justifies the screen time.

Nice List

  • I adore the ‘Monsters Inc’, behind the scenes on the supernatural, vibe that this Christmas Carol outing presents.
  • Ryan Reynolds man! Seriously, he gives his best Reynolds performance, showmanship, with his “Scrooge” in need of turning. Not only that, but he gives the audience Broadway chops! He sings, he dances, he taps!
    He also has amazing chemistry with Wil Farrell.
  • The songs, while I’m not a massive fan, have that whimsical Jim Henson for adults gloss. They’re uplifting, clear and annoyingly catchy. Anyone without my aversion will love them.
  • It’s nothing you will have ever seen from a Christmas Carol before. It has that meta-ness that Reynold’s Free Guy gave everyone last year, while this actually throws in a few curveballs.

Final Thoughts

It’s a decent film, with its own spin on the overtold classic. It might take a moment to get into, but it pays off in ways you won’t even expect.

Knight Before Christmas (2019) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 1h32
Release 21.11.2019
Director Monika Mitchell
About A medieval knight is transported to the present day, where he falls for a high school science teacher who’s lost her belief in love.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

  • Vanessa Hudgens is on a roll with providing Christmas wonderment. This is a solid edition with being the girl you root for.
  • While there’s the fish out of water romance plot, there are some rather charming secondary plots that will warm even the coldest of hearts.
  • You din’t need your brain engaged for this bit of Hallmark inspired fluff. Sit back, relax and let the Christmas spirit wash over you.

The Bad

  • There is zero chemistry between Hudgens and Josh Whitehouse. As much as I want her character, Brooke, to be happy in love… I’m not so sure Cole is the guy. Which is actually why I’d have rather have had more of the family with the single dad.
  • As fish-out-of-water films go, there are better. Granted, there are worse out there, but there are plenty I’d watch before this one. It almost came across like the gimmick of him being from the past (and a different location) overwhelmed the entire thing and was too big for everyone involved.

The Ugly

  • Travel in time, great do that. Travel in space, totally okay with it. Doing both with no explanation, nope. Do not like it. Yes, I’m a Doctor Who girl. However, this shit is lazy.
    Have him on a quest, with a ship. Or have her spending Christmas in England. Do not, absolutely do not, have him travel hundreds of year and thousands of miles, for a girl. Nope, nope, nope.

Final Thoughts

Eh,lazy plotting and an overpowering gimmick will pretty much guarantee that I won’t be watching this again any time soon.

Christmas … Again?! (2021) Movie Review

Rating U
Length 1h33
Release 3.12.2021
Director Andy Finkman
About After a disastrous celebration, 12-year-old Rowena makes a wish and unexpectedly finds herself reliving Christmas Day over and over again. After a disastrous celebration, 12-year-old Rowena makes a wish and unexpectedly finds herself reliving Christmas Day over and over again.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Disney Plus
Trailer:

The Good

  • Lucifer’s Scarlett Estevez gives everyone watching the perfect blend of Kevin (Home Alone) Ferris (Buller) and Mouth (Goonies). She holds her own and does what she can with the material she’s given.
    It really makes me quite sad that her character in Lucifer didn’t give her a chance to demonstrate any of this.
  • There’s fart gags and ‘living the kiddie dream’ that will keep young ones happy.
  • With a 90(ish) minute runtime, it does make for an ideal mid-week choice.

The Bad

  • The fart gags. Seriously, I’m bored of them now. I don’t need the smell described to me while the character gags. Nope, no thanks.
  • The bizarre ‘everyone ends up at Ro’s house’ bollocks that was just weird. Everyone was rude, even the mother when it came to the last guest. Just really mishandled.

The Ugly

  • There are already so many Groundhog Day does Christmas out there that if you do this gimmick, you have to do it right.
    This film, does not. It breaks the reset rules way too many times. Sometimes Ro is able to wake up before the set up of the day and put things into place, other times characters who would trigger the start of the day don’t appear, allowing Ro to do something else. This includes having the kitchen to herself, or members of the family not yet arriving at the house even though they’d seemingly been there for hours in the set up of the repeat day.
    The kid is also allowed to seemingly fuck off for the day, do what she wants, with no consequences. What bullshit is this?! Who in their right mind would let their 12 year old wonder off for any day without searching for her, let alone on Christmas Day. Mind boggles.

Final Thoughts

A film I wanted to love, but ultimately I found the plotting choices lazy and just made it hard to enjoy. For a film that does it right, check out Pete’s Christmas (2013) instead.

Single All the Way (2021) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 1h41
Release 2.12.2021
Director Michael Mayer
About Desperate to avoid his family’s judgment about being single, Peter persuades best friend Nick to pose as his boyfriend on a trip home for the holidays.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

  • How the hell has Ugly Betty alum, Michael Urie, only just got a leading role in a film. I love this guy and he’s the ideal person to play Peter. He hasn’t aged a day either and I *must* know his secret!
  • The remaining cast was solid, but it is both Kathy Najimy and Jennifer Robertson that steal every scene they’re in.
  • Dan Finnerty makes a cameo with more of his musical stylings. Yep, for anyone wondering, that is the same Dan from the Dan Band that you may know from the Hangover.

The Bad

  • Why, oh why, does there have to always be a second love interest? Why couldn’t this have been two meddling nieces helping her uncle find love?
    The reason why I hate it so much is that the third wheel in our rom-com is always written in such a forced way to ram it down our throats that ‘they’re not the one’. We get it, they’re not on the poster; we are not invested.
  • I’m a little disappointed with the use of Jennifer Coolidge. It was rather a bland character that led to a bland performance. The is a Queen of camp and larger than life characters and she was really stunted in this.
  • Peter’s whole ‘I’m in this position in my career but it’s not a career I want’ bs really rankles me. It doesn’t mesh with everything else about his character and where he is at the start. His family are supportive, so why didn’t he give his plant shop dream a shot from the start?! Also, who the hell goes back to small town, America to open up a niche shop?!
    The story arc would have worked much better if he’d had the plant shit as a hobble, been incredibly unhappy in his job and have the realisation he needs to make a change.

Final Thoughts

Possibly a *little* too understated to enlarge your heart three sizes, but it’s certainly much more upbeat than last year’s LGBTQ offering Happiest Season (2020)

A Castle for Christmas (2021)

Rating PG
Length 1h38
Release 26.11.2021
Director Mary Lambert
About To escape a scandal, a bestselling author journeys to Scotland, where she falls in love with a castle — and faces off with the grumpy duke who owns it.
Moon: none
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

  • Cary Elwes has provided us with another decade of heartthrob thirst-bait. Yes, we’ve perhaps seen him take on more villainous roles in the new millennium, but this is right up there with Princess Bride, Lady Jane and Robin Hood.
    His accent is good, the grump persona makes the enemies to lovers entertaining.
  • I cannot complain about the cast on the whole. Brooke Shields is the ideal leading lady who charms the village and the villagers themselves are so wonderful, I’d happily have another film just focusing on them.
  • The plot is light and requires no effort to watch. Just wait till it gets dark, wrap yourself in a blanket and brew yourself a hot toddy and you’ve got the perfect evening ahead.

The Bad

  • The inevitable fight was so forced and half hearted. I get that the couple, and the audience, need a catalyst to split them up. You know, if we’re going for formulaic like this film ultimately did. However, the outburst was so utterly irrational and it did spoil that charm the film had going for it.

The Ugly

  • With such a short run time,this film spends way too long on the set up. There are better ways to have her situation told on screen without it taking up so many scenes. Personally, I’d have it where she’s in the airport, all the magazines have the author on the cover, a nearby tv screens her interview.
  • There really isn’t much of the enemies to lovers section. I really wanted more. Perhaps dedicating the time from the opening to this section would work wonderfully.

Final Thoughts

A plot by numbers Christmas romance that’s made much easier to watch with Cary Elwes in the lead.

Next Stop, Christmas (2021) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 1h29
Release 6.11.2021
Director Dustin Rikert
About Angie wonders what life would be like if she had married an ex who became famous. When she finds herself magically transported into the past, Angie has the chance to relive that Christmas and learn what (and who) is truly important to her.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Part of Hallmark subscription on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

  • It’s a very pretty cast. How can you not want Angie, Surgeon and Kick-Ass alumni, to get the guy.
  • The casting of Lea Thompson and Christopher Lloyd in a time-travel based story. I totally get the reference and I’m here for it.
  • It’s a lovely story that has family and Christmas at the heart. What’s not to love? You just need to not have high expectations and let the joy of Christmas wash over you.
  • It’s not just a love story about the protagonist, but there’s other couples that are helped along the way.

The Bad

  • Perhaps we don’t see enough of Angie and Tyler together, but there is zero chemistry between them. I really do wish we’d seen a little flashback to understand why they were even together. It’s not that big a deal, but I have a format to my reviews, so I’m going to stick to it.

The Ugly

  • For some viewers, this will be a little ‘plot by numbers’. Yes, it’s predictable, yes the characters are clearly labelled and don’t represent real life (for example, Tyler is equal parts of perfect boyfriend and total douche just so you know he’s ‘not the one’)
    However, some time people need that, and if that’s not something you like… stay away from Hallmark.

Final Thoughts

The cold is biting, so what better to warm you up than a sickly sweet story that’s full of charm and not too taxing.