hscptcrash

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Rating PG
Length 1h20
Release 05.02.1956
Director Don Siegal
About In Santa Mira, California, Dr. Miles Bennell (Kevin McCarthy) is baffled when all his patients come to him with the same complaint: their loved ones seem to have been replaced by emotionless impostors. Despite others’ dismissive denials, Dr. Bennell, his former girlfriend Becky (Dana Wynter) and his friend Jack (King Donovan) soon discover that the patients’ suspicions are true: an alien species of human duplicates, grown from plant-like pods, is taking over the small town.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: NowTV
Trailer:

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The talk around this movie being an allegory of politics and “McCarthy-ism” is really annoying. It’s such a significant criticism that you can’t look this film up without seeing mentions of this take.
Let the film be a film!

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Kevin McCarthy not only was hot when he was younger, he played a decent good guy. I know him from Innerspace, so this is refreshing.
While other versions will play the story as action, this original outing is much more psychological than fast paced. Honestly, films’ today could learn a thing or two by watching this and taking notes.
Another good use of the bookend/wraparound narrative. The urgency and fear seen with Miles gives a great atmosphere and set up for the unravelling mystery.
It’s fear lingers much longer than any other type of horror. Not because of the aliens or any belief that it could happen. The real fear is from the idea that you would not be believed or even dismissed. That’s the fear that is so very real and so well played into the story that it’s creeped under your skin before you’ve had chance to realise what it’s done.

Final Thoughts

One of my favourite films and the reason why you should never dismiss a movie because it is in black and white.

Prom Night (1980) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 18
Length 1h32
Release 12.2.1980
Director Paul Lynch
About This slasher movie follows a relentless killer who is out to avenge the death of a young girl who died after being bullied and teased by four of her classmates. Now high-school students, the guilt-ridden kids have kept their involvement a secret, but when they start being murdered, one by one, it’s clear that someone knows the truth. Also coping with the past are members of the dead girl’s family, most notably her prom-queen sister, Kim Hammond (Jamie Lee Curtis).
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Part of Free with Ads on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

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The inclusion of the escaped convict and presumed killer of Robin was stupid and not even fully formed within the plot. The biggest issue is that it’s for us, the audience and we already know that it was the four children that have a hand in her death.
The very fact that Kim and Alex were witnesses to the four children playing in there that day does beg the question of how they got away without being suspected at all?!
The pacing is incredibly clunky. I almost wish that we opened up, after the credits, on everyone getting ready and being at the prom. Again, the biggest issue with getting us caught up on the lives of these children is that they’re best friends with Kim and not showing any sign of remorse?
What the fuck was with the Saturday Night Fever interlude?! It felt almost spoof like.
Not quite sure what the motivation was for that particular day. Yes, it was the anniversary of Robin’s death. However why this particular one? 6 years isn’t overly significant. Clever editing could have allowed the convict escape to be used as a smoke screen, maybe?

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Leslie Nielson playing it straight. He’s a brilliant comedian, but he also does incredibly well in serious roles too; this is no exception.
The kills are brutal, but they are well done. It also succeeds in a way that Friday the 13th didn’t; it was able to provide the isolated kills without the detachment to the progression of the plot.
Everyone is a suspect. Honestly, the red herrings are wild and free in this and, other than the escaped convict, I couldn’t pinpoint one individual.
It is wrapped up neatly with not intent for a sequel. We get a resolution that will satisfy most viewers. Yes, there are sequels however they’re not necessarily direct follow ons.

Final Thoughts

It’s a bit too clunky, but at least it is better than the remake.

Halloween Ends (2022) w. spoilers Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 18
Length 1h51
Release 14.10.2022
Director David Gordon Green
About Four years after her last encounter with masked killer Michael Myers, Laurie Strode is living with her granddaughter and trying to finish her memoir. Myers hasn’t been seen since, and Laurie finally decides to liberate herself from rage and fear and embrace life. However, when a young man stands accused of murdering a boy that he was babysitting, it ignites a cascade of violence and terror that forces Laurie to confront the evil she can’t control.
Moon: full moon around an hour in
Where to Watch: Cinema and and streaming through Peacock in the US
Trailer:

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While there’s a certain strength in the Corey storyline, I do wonder why it takes up so much of the plot and why it doesn’t feel right for a resolution and final instalment of a trilogy.
It makes it hard to believe they had a plan in place for a trilogy and that the two additional movies weren’t a cash grab after the success of the 2018 outing. For me, to truly make the storyline work as part of the trilogy, the seeds need to be planted in the previous two movies. It’s too much to have the kid’s origin story, his insertion into Allyson and Laurie’s lives and his unravelling in this one movie that is meant to be about endings.
Speaking of which, yeah okay Corey’s hot! However, would Laurie really set her granddaughter up with someone with such a loner, creepy vibe and would Allyson really get such an instant wide-on for him?!
It’s too neat, too Twilight love and again screams “we didn’t have a plan”.

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I love the Corey storyline. While I don’t like the way in which he’s brought into the Strode family circle, and I personally would have liked his presence throughout all three movies, I truly loved the exploration of psychosis upon a person who is being punished for something they hadn’t done.
The reason why this, for me, works so well is that there is some truth to it. In Trondheim, 1994, two 6 year old boys killed a girl. They were never issued with criminal charges nor were their names released. The argument was that if you were to punish the boys for something like this, being as young as they were, it could cause split personality disorder to protect themselves from the punishment.
Because the act Corey is being outcast for was not intentional, this is what happens to him. He begins to disassociate.
Jamie Lee Curtis truly gives her all in this instalment. That’s not to say she hasn’t been a powerhouse in all of the others, but there was something finite about this performance and I truly loved it.
The return to the POV shots for the evolution of Corey was genius. It was over used and really gave use a sense of unravelling. Perfect.
Another unusual like for me, but I truly enjoyed the narration that bookends the film. It felt almost like a nod to older horrors, but also acts as a goodbye from Laurie.

Final Thoughts

Case of everyone being a critic. If you wanted more of the same, but a *little* bit different, you are out of luck. However, it is a psychologically chilling look at trauma and is certainly worth a watch.

The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1936) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating A (old school rating)
Length 1h16
Release March 1936
Director George King
About London barber Sweeney Todd (Tod Slaughter) provides the bakeshop next door with grisly makings for meat pies.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix UK and Youtube
Trailer:

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It’s a ‘when it was made’ sort of grumble. The shots used to tell the story would not be what we’d remotely accept today and it’s mainly down to the placement of the actors. In some scenes, the camera will move to a close up and back to a mid shot and there’s no continuity to where the actor is, or even to the facial expressions used from one shot to another.
Another example would be when moving to a close up of an actor’s hand. There’s no way in which the hand would be held in such a way and it’s often obvious that it’s not even on the same set.
There’s a way in which people performed in early cinema, particularly when it came to the projection of the voice. It really does grate on me.
Unfortunately the quality of the film must have deteriorated somewhat before it was digitised. Now, I do like an element of the scratches, but it does sadden me that there are other films that will have been lost due to this.

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Much like a Hammer horror, we get the bookend narrative. There’s something rather charming about it and in this case, it allows for a humorous ending as the listener runs from the “modern day” barber’s into the street of a bustling London.
Tod Slaughter was rather brilliant as the titular barber. The manacle laugh and his treatment of his apprentice, all gave Sweeny Todd a memorable charactisation.
NO SONGS! I’m not a musical gal and it’s why I’m not overly fond of Burton’s offering of the penny dreadful story. However, I do love the story so this is just perfect.

Final Thoughts

It’s not going to keep the family entertained, but it certainly is a must watch for anyone with an ounce of love for film.

Final Destination (2000) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 15
Length 1h38
Release 12.4.2017
Director James Wong
About Alex saves his school friends from death when he gets a premonition that their plane will crash. Unfortunately, they all begin to die one after another in horrifying ways.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Now TV
Trailer:

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Some of the pacing, or perhaps the editing, is way off. After Alex is picked up for being super stalker freaky outside the teacher’s house, he’s let go by the detectives and made to make his own way home. That’s shit, but what then happens is worse. Yes, this allows Alex to be seen leaving the house right before it blows, but that also the exact reason why they would have insisted on taking him to his own house. Then, the next scene the detectives are at Clear’s and looking for Alex.
Without a scene between Alex fleeing and Clear’s house, it almost looks as if the detectives have had a premonition of their own and not that they’d interviewed Hitchcock as a later scene suggest. It’s sloppy and given the short run time, its not like they couldn’t have added a little bit to the scene.
Trope moan! Why is it when a person is impaled, they instantly remove the object. While we’re at it, why does it always land in an artery?! Seriously, impalement 101; do not remove the plug that is keeping you alive! This is now the second film in a matter of days that’s done this and it fucking bugs me.
Finding out that this was possibly an abandoned X-Files script has me a little gutted. I’d have loved to have seen Mulder and Scully explain away this phenomenon that is “Death’s plan”.

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There is an anticipation and a crafted build up to a number of deaths once the survivors begin to pay the price for leaving the plan. It’s not just the music and it’s much more complex than the trope of closing the bathroom cabinet and seeing a figure standing behind the person.
Not only that. Once the film settles you in, it thows an odd shock death. It’s all designed to keep you on edge and it works, beautifully. That said, there are two to this day that I struggle to watch for the sheer number of near misses that happen during the unfolding death.
Tony Todd, Candyman himself, makes a chilling cameo. His knowledge and understanding of what the seven survivors have been through has led to many a fan theory that he’s Death himself. Only Tony Todd could have that presence and I was open to the theory before I knew he was already a Horror icon.
The cast is as brilliant now as it was when the film first came out. Being a teen, it was awesome to see that Casper had hit puberty, that Stiffler was in another movie. Add to it Brendan Fehr, Kerr Smith and up and coming Ali Larter and you’ve got the perfect poster for the teen magazines.

Final Thoughts

Certainly the high for the franchise and a reason why I get a little scared flying on occasion. Also the reason why I’m going to have a good tidy around my house this evening so I don’t trip in the night and freak myself out.

Twilight (2008) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 12
Length 2h02
Release 03.12.2008
Director Catherine Hardwicke
About When Bella Swan relocates to Forks, Washington, to live with her father, she meets a mysterious boy, Edward Cullen, and gets drawn to him. Later, she discovers that he is a vampire.
Moon: no full moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

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Kristen Stewart cannot act. She’s atrocious in this; from her heavy handed approach to the script to the zero chemistry she has with Robert Patterson. Even the ‘jokes’ she’s meant to tell fall flat.
Which I guess isn’t entirely Stewart’s fault: the character of Bella is void of anything that would make her interesting. Hell, she’s void of anything that makes her remotely passable as a human being. The fact that she has anything with a penis after her, begged the same question then and now: Does she have beer flavoured nipples?
Robert Patterson plays the part of a constipated century old teen with facial expressions he can only have learnt from playing dead for so long in Potter. Jesus, it’s sometimes painful to watch. It’s hard to tell whether the ‘I don’t want to be here’ aura was an act, or just realisation it was a massive mistake to have signed on for a known franchise.
The biggest problem with this film is the fact that it’s a “romance”. This is a 110 year old man, creeping into a 17 year old’s bedroom (without consent) to watch her sleep. Just because he looks like Rob Pattison and not Danny DeVito, what, makes it okay?! Fuck no! Unfortunately, imagining Danny DeVito pulling the faces and sparkling like Edward does, does not repulse me. It makes me cackle with such laughter.
I digress. This is a toxic relationship that has actually warped a generation’s understanding of what a partner should be like. Edward and Bella are up there with Romeo and Juliet of couples that people should not, but totally do, aspire to be. Fuck that noise.
Vampires should never sparkle! Ever. They certainly shouldn’t whine that they are hideous while they sparkle. Vampires also shouldn’t do the fast running, “spider monkey” shit they have Edward doing.

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The soundtrack is badass. Too good for such trash. Seriously, it’s an emo/ indie kid’s wet dream and about the only saving grace to today’s watch.
Anna Kendrick. Oh, she took her baby steps in this so she could own, and run, with Pitch Perfect. (Confession: I almost vetoed Pitch Perfect because of how much I loathed the character she plays in Twilight. Thank God, because Kendrick is the Queen)
Rachelle Lefervre is the perfect Victoria and it really is a shame she doesn’t get her time to shine in the third of the franchise. While she’s a little bit wasted here, that stormy departure from the prom have us a hint of what we’d have gotten had Dallas-Howard elbowed her way in.
Not only do we have the perfect casting of Billy Burke, we have the sole awesome character in Charlie Swan. Seriously, him cleaning the gun as Edward arrives. *Chef’s kiss*

Final Thoughts

Not even the fond memories of watching this film back in 2008 could redeem this garbage. It’s not romantic. Its perhaps, at best, necromantic but lets face it Edward is a creepy little paedophile and Bella needs a lot of help for what I can only imagine is vampiric Stockholm syndrome.

Jurassic World: Dominion

Rating 12
Length 2h27
Release 26.4.2012
Director Colin Trevorrow
About From Jurassic World architect and director Colin Trevorrow, Dominion takes place four years after Isla Nublar has been destroyed. Dinosaurs now live – and hunt – alongside humans all over the world. This fragile balance will reshape the future and determine, once and for all, whether human beings are to remain the apex predators on a planet they now share with history’s most fearsome creatures
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Not telling you, I’m saving you. Trust me.
Trailer:

The Good

We get the original trio back to massage our nostalgia. Not only that, they play a massive part in the story.
Yup, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got for you.

The Bad

It’s bloated. Not only in terms of length, but characters. Too many brought in just for lip service. While it was nice to see them, it came at the expense of a quality film. Wu, ever shit upon as a character, is pulled off the board early in the proceedings to have him ushered back on just when everyone had forgotten about him.
The dilophosaurus. From iconic, to hammy. Again, the problem is over use. Boba Fett was a fan favourite because he was teased, he was shrouded in mystery and left the audience wanting more. The key being wanting more. Second Lucas gave a backstory in the prequels, the illusion was broken.
Same here. That one film deal was, chef’s kiss, perfect. All that was done with this incarnation was prove that it’s a one trick pony.

The Ugly

While some of the action sequences are amazing, the overall feel is that they’re more important than the plot.
The plot itself, for me, was appalling. Firstly we have the retcon of Maisie, Charlotte and Lockwood. The ease in which they do this is infuriating. Yes, this version works better for the ‘faulty DNA’ plot, however it requires a complete 180 turn of Dr Wu’s character.
How on earth do you waste such a blank slate that Fallen Kingdom offered?! Instead of exploring mankind co-existing with dinosaurs, this film gives us the exact same set up of the first and forth in the franchise.
Too many nods and winks to the original. From having Ellie set the breakers, to Malcolm’s act of heroism… maybe one or two would have worked, but directing an Oscar winning actress to take her sunglasses off the exact same way she did almost three decades earlier?! Trevorrow, you’re trying too hard.

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating PG
Length 1h43
Release 30.09.2022
Director Anne Fletcher
About Three young women accidentally bring back the Sanderson Sisters to modern day Salem and must figure out how to stop the child-hungry witches from wreaking havoc on the world.
Moon: Full moon all the way through the film
Where to Watch: Disney+
Trailer:

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I’m going to say something controversial here. I didn’t like the young Sanderson Sisters in the opening. There was nothing about them other than the mimicking of the older counterparts. I’d have loved to have seen them have a little bit more freedom and a little more fun.
I adore Doug Jones, so it pains me to say it, but what the fuck was that accent?
There were a few references that the Sanderson Sisters used that just didn’t make sense. How on earth would Mary know cowabunga?

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I was worried that the return of Doug Jones’ Billy would be a case of ‘less is more’. However I’m delighted to be wrong. His part was joyful, funny and perfect (other than the accent).
The story is its own. It isn’t about re-treading what made the original great but creating a story that those who grew up with the original can watch with their little ones.
While there are Easter Eggs aplenty. They’re not overdone and they’re not just thrown in.
The Roombas! Yes, much like many, I was sceptical. Oh but I adored them. They almost took on a BB8 like quality to them, especially when discovering spilled popcorn when the Sisters arrive at the festival.
Hannah Waddingham steals the film for me. She’s delightful and gives in to the British Panto tradition with ease and is clearly having a ball while doing so. She made such an impact, I spent the rest of the film waiting for her to turn back up.

Final Thoughts

I enjoyed it from start to finish. Don’t go in comparing it to the original; they’re not in competition. At any rate, they certainly compliment each other.
I’ve heard whisperings of a third outing. Given how this one ends, I’m worried the Mouse House is going to unpick a rather neat ending for a quick cash cow.

Suburban Gothic

Rating 15
Length 1h30
Release 19.07.2014
Director Richard Bates Jnr
About An unemployed man who can talk to supernatural beings joins forces with a bartender to hunt down a vengeful ghost that has been terrifying their town.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Free with Ads on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

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It’s really clunky for such a run time. It’s almost as if they only had enough story for a short, so added lots of filler to get to the official run time of ‘a movie’
In fact, what it does feel like? A rejected pilot. Which is really quite sad, because I would have watched the shit out of that show.
Kat Dennings is the the saving grace of the film. The issue? She’s not in it nearly as much as she should be.

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The aforementioned Kat Dennings. I’m not entirely sure she’s ever acting and, instead, offering up herself in whoever she plays. That said, I do not care. She’s awesome, she improves a film 1000%.
Matthew Gray Gubler is perfect for this role and scenes with Dennings just give him a spotlight to shine. It really is just a shame that they’re both bogged down with a raft of ‘other’ that makes the film hard to engage with.

Final Thoughts

I liked the attempted story, just not the execution.

Hellraiser (2022) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 18
Length 2h01
Release 28.09.2022
Director David Bruckner
About A young woman must confront the sadistic, supernatural forces behind an enigmatic puzzle box responsible for her brother’s disappearance.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Hulu
Trailer:

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Well, they removed all the Britishness from it. I’m bummed about this because Clive Barker is a Scouser and also wrote Candyman. We have a growing film industry here in Liverpool so I would have loved to have seen it being filmed/set here. At least with Candyman there is a rational and the story is utilised in a way that the environment comes into play.
This, it could literally be anywhere.
It takes a tad too long before we see any of the Cenobites. I think it is a good haldway through. Which would work if it was a new film and we’d not seen the designs. We had, the suspense didn’t work.

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The Cenobites here have a much more organic look to them. Gone is the BDSM latex and they’ve passed on the chains to Mr Grey. Now they’re sporting a more steampunk look and flayed designs.
Now, I’m not saying the original was bad, but this is bad ass!
The film is not about fan favourites and call backs. Yes, it takes what works from the original concept, but this is it’s own realisation. There’s a much more cohesive story, a clear protagonist and no questionable motivation to kill for a cause.
It’s cleaner and it’s a solid foundation for any sequels to be built should this be a success.

Final Thoughts

A vast improvement in that I wasn’t feeling physically sick and I certainly like that it wasn’t a reboot, but a reimagining.

Hellraiser (1987)

Rating 18
Length 1h34
Release 11.09.1987
Director Clive Barker
About A couple moves to an old house to find the man’s brother and the wife’s former lover who has turned into an ugly beast. He now bids the woman to bring him human sacrifices to help him be whole again.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Free with ads on Amazon Prime
Trailer:

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It’s a bit of a mess, production wise. It’s clearly filmed in London, but the house is a family inheritance to the American in the couple?! It’s considered a “British” film, but every attempt is made to suggest that it’s set in America: including some bad dubbing.
Don’t get me wrong, I hate it when it’s done the other way around too. It pulls me out of the film completely.
I’m meant to believe that Julia fucks Frank within five minutes of meeting him and that’s enough for her to not only accept him as the inside out baboon from The Fly, but go off and lure men back to the house even the Young Ones would be ashamed of?! Fuck off, I’m not buying it, and because I’m not buying it the film is shit.
I feel a bit like Frank when he’s being spun around; I don’t know where to focus and I really want to be sick. There’s something about the combination of sex and violence that feels exploitative.

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The Cenobite designs are a thing of nightmares, but incredibly well made. You can easily see why The Priest (aka Pinhead) has become so iconic.
Andrew Robinson all but wasted until that final act when you can see why he was place in the role and then it makes sense. Many will know him from Star Trek, others perhaps from Dirty Harry and he is as much a joy here as he is in anything else you might see him in.
Ashley Laurence holds her own as daughter Kirsty. I almost wish we’d been following her from the start; it certainly would have given the film more grounding and a character focus.

Final Thoughts

Much like The Fly, this film goes into the pile that make me physically sick. For those that can handle it, it’s American Werewolf in London and The Thing cranked up to 11.

Thinner (1996) Halloween Advent 2022

Rating 18
Length 1h29
Release 12.4.2017
Director Tom Hollad
About When Billy runs over an old gypsy woman, he is cursed by her husband to lose weight rapidly and uncontrollably. Soon, the experience turns deadly for him and everyone around him.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Now TV
Trailer:

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Body horror isn’t for everyone and some scenes were even tough for me to handle.
The tone isn’t quite figured out. There’s an element of satire there, but it is so hard to tell if it’s self aware. The fat suit does not help matters. It isn’t easy based on the subject content and there just isn’t the time in the industry for someone to do a Christian Bale 360 during production.
There’s no one to root for. Not a single likeable character. Yeah, sure, you want to like Joe Mantegna but he’s a fucking mob boss. Even telling yourself its just Fat Tony doesn’t quite do it.
You have the Romanian Gypsy community. Okay, dude should have been watching the road and not having his dick sucked. However, I’m not sure cursing three people is justice when your entire family are into a second century of living.
Call me woke, too PC or a snowflake, I don’t give a fuck. The representation of the Gypsy community in this film is appalling and outdated. Yes, I enjoyed the movie but I still have the point it out given the problems the community faces both here in the UK and around the world. For every attempt to throw a positive light, there’s bullshit like this that boils them down to a horror archetype (See Drag Me to Hell for an other example)

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Much in the same way the anthology film Cat’s Eye (1985) takes rather mundane concepts and unspools the thread into an outlandish nightmare, Thinner gets under your skin. Hell, I’m currently trying to loose weight and I’m a little more aware of my body right now.
There’s also the idea that Billy keeps on eating. Fuck me, does he eat. I think that turned my stomach more than anything else.
Intentional of not, I found it incredibly funny. The very fact that the whole film is catapulted forward on the grounds that Billy’s wife decides to give him a blowie in the car is so nonsensical that you have to laugh.
Stephen King makes a cameo! Bloody brilliant!

Final Thoughts

Blow jobs in a car were ruled out of the bucket list when Gillian Taylforth was arrested on the A1 before I even knew what one was but I’m sure they’re every man’s fantasy. However this film is probably enough to put all men off requesting them again for life.
It’s a bat-shit crazy film, economic with its run time and will have you questioning the drugs King was on at the time of writing this story.