hscptcrash

Fast X (2023) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 2h21
Release 19.05.2023
Director Louis Leterrier
About Over many missions and against impossible odds, Dom Toretto and his family have outsmarted and outdriven every foe in their path. Now, they must confront the most lethal opponent they’ve ever faced. Fueled by revenge, a terrifying threat emerges from the shadows of the past to shatter Dom’s world and destroy everything — and everyone — he loves.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Now TV
Trailer:

The Good

Jason Momoa is an absolute bat shit crazy delight. I want to see the film he was in because he was having a blast. From his styling to his talking to corpses during a little self care, he’s pitch perfect and funny as fuck!

John Cena is as perfect as always.

There’s a car that will envoke a certain theme when you see it and it is stunning. I would learn to drive to have that car. In black. Matte black.
It is a cameo car, but I’m still thinking about it now. That’s how good it is.

There’s an attempt to tie everything together and credit, where credit is due, I think the film does manage to not only incorporate the two decades worth of franchise, but it does a fair job at streamlining it all.

The Bad

The cold open really threw me out of the whole film in a way that no other instalment ever has. It was only after watching and upon checking wikipedia, I connected the dots. No movie, none at all, should ever require you to rewatch the previous films to follow what you’re currently watching.
Annoyingly, the cold open serves only as a rug pull later in the movie. The film would work just as well, if not better, without the opening. Mainly because it’s chopped up and replayed throughout as Dom works out what we’ve already been told. I don’t know why movies insist on putting the audience in a position where they know more than the protagonist and then have their perspective play like a mystery.
Oh, and what the fuck is it with no title card in that cold open, yet locations?! After establishing shots with landmarks?! Big fuck-off “LONDON”, or wherever they inexplicably find themselves.

Speaking of which, there are so many rehashes of the 9 previous films in various forms. Each one so fleeting that it’s never going to support any casual watcher of the franchise, and I can only imagine it’s a tad tedious to hardcore fans.

The Ugly

This film is trying to be Endgame. The problem with that? The franchise is a mess. There’s no consistency in how they number their sequels, let alone have a plan that connects all the characters and plots in a that Kevin Feige has done over in the MCU.
So what’s the alternative? Ram in as many cameos and callbacks as humanly possible until you create a bloated, convoluted and chaotic confusion put on celluloid? Even if that wasn’t the intention, it’s what was created.
For example, I welcome Helen Mirren reprising her role as Queenie, however the scene was nothing but exposition so it felt pointless. Also, didn’t Dom kill one of her sons?

It was an HOUR before we got a drag race. You know, the premise that built this bloody franchise?! Instead we get to watch the “family” scramble after a bomb that should have exploded way before the trigger was pushed (I don’t know much about explosives, but I’m damn certain THAT is not how they work).

Final Thoughts

The bad most definetley outweighs the good. That sad, Momoa is one big slice of good and Cena certainly makes everything easier. I would advise that you switch off your brains though: as much as leterrier has stated he was trying to bring it back to reality, the films still up there with taking a car to space.

Wild Wild West (1999) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 1h47
Release 13.0 8.1999
Director Barry Sonnenfeld
About Special Agent Jim West and inventive US Marshal Artemus Gordon are ordered by President Ulysses Grant to team up to save the world from Dr Arliss Loveless’s enormous steam-powered tarantula.
Moon: daytime full moon in the final act
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

First Thoughts

I loved this movie. It was the steampunk that hooked me. I also adored Will Smith, and once the credits rolled; Kevin Kline.

The Good

Kenneth Branagh is shit! Like, I get that this is his attempt at Rickman’s Sheriff, but it’s so far off the mark that it’s stinks. And that is beautiful! If it wasn’t for this performance, I would not have trusted Branagh as Lockheart in Potter.
To me, this was “The Stuffy Shakespeare dude” who “sang the theme tune, wrote the theme tune” when it came to his 1996 Hamlet and I just didn’t like what he represented. Until this. I knew he was (and is) and incredible actor. I appreciated what he was attempting in accepting the role and it showed me he wasn’t the perfectionist I thought he was. I will also point out; I didn’t know it was him until much later.

Kevin Kline provides a straight man foil of a similar ilk to Rimmer in Red Dwarf. Now, the chemistry between him and Smith doesn’t quite work. Smith is no Lister. However the only person who could have played it better would have been Chris Barrie himself.

The costumes, the steampunk and finally M. Emmet Walsh all make this film *almost* bearable.

The Bad

The element of Jim West’s story, the loss of his parent’s, comes in way too late. We’re way past the halfway mark when it is revealed why West is hellbent on apprehending General McGrath; played a little too well by Ted Levine. This motivation would have encouraged the audience to engage more with the character.

The CGI still stands up. Yes, that should be a good thing. However, it’s an indicator that the budget was not well distributed and more could have been diverted to the script. After all, what’s the point in having stunning visuals if no one will watch them.

The Ugly

The racism commentary and the casting of Will Smith.
I cannot even say that the film is attempting to create a revisionist history like Hamilton or Django Unchained. There are too many writers involved for it to be that clever. Or intentional.
Because of this, it fails where both Hamilton and Django Unchained succeeded. Instead of it being a commentary about racism, it simply presents a black character in a heavily racist landscape. The script then also attempts to “challenge” the racist commentary with “comedic” word play. At the time of it’s release this would have gone over my head, but watching it today; just because Jim West can counter Loveless’ passive aggressive “How nice you could join us and add colour to these monochromatic proceedings” with “When a fella comes back from the dead, I find it an occasion to stand up and be counted.” does not negate the racism, or the ableist intent either for that matter.
Without getting too deep into the social politics of this because I simply don’t know enough to truly comment, however by making a joke of confederative thinking, could confuse younger viewers on what is, and isn’t appropriate to say in society.

On a similar note, I would say much of the same applies to the treatment and commentary of women, particularly those of heavier body shapes. It certainly also applies to Artemus and his concealing himself as a woman during missions. It’s hard to know if we should see it as the art form of drag, or as being coded trans. Either way, the fact that the pay off is that James West mistakes a cis woman as Artemus, makes the whole thing in bad taste.

Final Thoughts

It’s a painful, problematic, film. I don’t know why it was a good idea to watch it again.

Arthur’s Whiskey (2024) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 1h48
Release 01.01.2024
Director Stephen Cookson
About Three elderly ladies discover a whisky which gives them younger bodies.
Moon: no moon sighting
Trigger warnings: spousal death, terminal illness
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime (for rental or purchase)
Trailer:

The Good

The message leaves you feeling better than when you went in. It’s like a warm hug on a cold evening.

The story and the tone are that ideal blend of bittersweet realism and broad British humour. It’s Mama Mia meets Death Becomes Her by way of 13 Going on 30. That familiar feel with a new twist.

The film approaches a LGBTQ subplot really well and while I do wish it was explored a little more in terms of how times have changed and how social politics impact the decisions made by the characters, I must say that the story still fit really well into the film and I really enjoyed the dynamics of the main character and her son.

The Bad

I’m not 100% on the casting of the younger versions. Perhaps because in these “body swap” films there it normally only the one or two people and so focus and time can be spent on refining the character. As it stands, I find the younger counterparts are more theatre acting.

David Harewood was wasted in his fleeting role. Little unsure as to the point or purpose, I would have liked him to have been a romantic lead had the film progressed differently.

The Ugly

Niagara Falls! For the last act, I was a sobbing mess. Yes, it was cathartic tears… but tears non the less.

Final Thoughts

Despite the tears, this was the perfect January feel good film.

Dune (1984) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 2h17
Release 14.12.1984
Director David Lynch
About Paul, a duke’s son, leads an army of the indigenous population called the Fremen on the desert planet of Arrakis as they get ready to defend their land from the evil Harkonnens.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

For the time I think this is a most excellent attempt. Yes the graphics are shoddy, but it’s 1984. I’m going to give it a pass for that. The story is told, and it is mostly easy to follow. There’s parts that are unintensionally funny, but it only adds to the charm.

The acting is not winning awards, but that goes both ways. It’s not Razzie worthy either. The biggest indicator would be that even Sting gives a decent performance as one of many music stars throughout history who have taken to film.
The biggest win for the film is of course Kyle MacLachlan who is able to lead the film as Paul. Being a fated saviour is a hard task to bring to screen and MacLachlan is able to show a developed arc and growth for the character.

The Bad

That opening monologue is terrible, overly expositional and visually off-tone. The moment she fades out, to only fade back in when she remembers another point is something that you would expect to see from Holly in Red Dwarf.

The music, while is much better than the most recent version of this story, I was pulled out of the film because of how similar it sounded to a section of Scrooged’s score. Yes, this came first, but I’m more familiar with with the Bill Murray Christmas Carol offering.

The Ugly

The voice over narration. I’d say 9 times out of 10, I’d already figured out what then was whispered as a voice over “thought” so I get the feeling this was added after filming. It was too intrusive, too distracting and, on the most part, pointless.

The Baron killing the servant was stomach churning. The murder and assault are rather visceral and adding to it the audience and the repulsively of the Baron himself just leaves the whole thing nightmarish.

Final Thoughts

It is of its time and not something I’d rush to watch again. If you’re not a fan of Sci-fi, I would say clear of this as you will not survive the runtime.

Ghostbusters II (1989)

Rating PG
Length 1h48
Release 01.12.1989
Director Ivan Reitman
About Having gone bankrupt and out of work, the Ghostbusters have now retired. But their services are required again when a series of events involving ectoplasmic slime threaten the city and Dana’s baby.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime and Now TV
Trailer:

First Thoughts

This is a film that I don’t remember the first time of seeing it. I have seen it enough to pin point where the adverts fall in a circa 1993 VHS recording from ITV that included my most excellent cropping skills by means of the pause and record.
Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler was probably one of my first ever crushes; you know that sort of butterfly feeling you get before you even understand what crushes are. However, the biggest thing was; I wanted to be a Ghostbuster. Only thing I wanted to be more in my life was a Turtle, of the Teenage persuasion.

The Good

Bill Murray is king. Yes, my heart still belongs to Spengler and it always will, but it is Venkman who holds everyone’s attention. The humour is unique to Murray and I’d imagine is what many SNL alums aim for when making that move from tv to film. Very few manage to have the ability to make adlib as smooth and polished as he does.

I love the story. I know this sounds stupid, but as a little girl I loved the pink. As an adult, I’m even more at awe with this pink gelatinous villain. It’s genius. It’s a simple thing that pulls girls in, but by making it filled with evil it does not alienate the boys watching.

Lady Liberty is a really uplifting moment. I am not a New York native, but I understand what she stands for and why she’s what is needed for the final act. I must say, the graphics still stand up and the song choice is perfect.

The Bad

Winston Zeddemore gets the raw deal. Even Louis Tully has more to do than the OG Ghostbuster and its something that really should have been a priority to correct.

Ray makes all the same missteps from the first movie. I love that there was the attempt to go from the highs of the skyscraper to a subterranean foe. However, that only really becomes of note if you don’t have the same member make dumb choices that get in the way of success.

The Ugly

Tully and Melnitz making out like teenagers really gives me the cringe and really annoys me for the very fact that they pulled all the innuendo from the first film; most of which would go over a kid’s head. This make-out is visual, there’s no missing it. Gag!

Final Thoughts

This is my Aliens, my Gremlins 2; there’s a very different tone and it’s kind of what makes this the better of the first two outings.

Dune (2021) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 2h35
Release 21.10.2021
Director Denis Villeuve
About Paul Atreides arrives on Arrakis after his father accepts the stewardship of the dangerous planet. However, chaos ensues after a betrayal as forces clash to control melange, a precious resource.
Moon: moon(s) seen but not full.
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

The cast collected for this epic?! It’s not just the choosing of the up and coming Chalamet or Zendaya, but also of incredible talent from Javier Bardem and Charlotte Rampling. There’s a risk of the production being hammy, but it’s able to keep an element of gravitas with the ensemble chosen.

Strange New Worlds’ Babs Olusanmokun steals the show for me. His voice, his presence is enough to claim MVP. Then his interaction with both Chamalet and Bardem proves that this man will be one to watch.

It’s a stunning film and on a par with James Cameron and Ridley Scott. You could pause the film at any point and before you would be a work of art ready for your wall. On a small screen it was incredible, so I can only imagine how breathtaking it would appear on Imax.

This film and this story, brings together all that we love about Sci-Fi and Fantasy and is incredibly lean despite its run time. The adventure of Lord of the Rings, the action of Star Wars and the beauty of Alien. It works so well because this gives us some of the concepts that have not worked in other franchises, Star Wars, Politics and control for example, and shows there is a place within the genre to explore these.

The Bad

Controversial, but Hans Zimmer’s score falls incredibly flat for me. Yes, I’m holding him in a high regard because of his iconic work on Christopher Nolan’s films. That said, there’s nothing that stands out, there’s no theme. Maybe they weren’t going for that, but then why hire Zimmer?

The Ugly

I’m so bored of “The One” storyline. Yes, the book was written in 1965, way before the emergence of Neo, Potter and the Skywalker family but here in the closing hours of 2023, it is over played. It’s not just the idea of prophecy, but it’s all that comes with it. Not initially knowing, learning to take on the burden of leadership, the loss of the mentor and the biggest bug bearer; are they, or are they not “the chosen one”.

Final Thoughts

An incredible film made from what I’d imagine Hollywood considered an untranslatable novel. I’d would, however, recommend that if you haven’t seen it and you have the stamina; wait for the release of the sequel and catch a double screening.

Harry Brown (2009) Film Review

Rating 18
Length 1h43
Release 11.11.2009 (In the US)
Director Daniel Barber
About Harry Brown, a retired Royal Marine, leads a lonely life with his only friend, Leonard Attwell. His life changes when Leonard is killed, following which Harry decides to seek revenge.
Moon: Full moon as the film enters the final act
Where to Watch: Disney+ and UKTV Play
Trigger Warnings: Gang violence, drug use, rape, debilitating illness
Trailer:

The Good

The cast and the acting is on form. Without Michael Cain and Emily Mortimer, this may not have had the impact it did. There’s an immediate attachment to Harry and what becomes his mission of retribution.

The story, while simple enough, holds enough back to give an impressive and surprising final act. It also doesn’t conform to the usual tropes and arcs; giving the narrative a more grounded and real-world feel.

I certainly got the impression this was green-lit on the back of the successful Taken. Harry Brown is an a-typical archetype similar to Bryan Mills. Making the character older, and a veteran has a developed understanding for most audiences and could put people we know into a new perspective.

The Bad

I felt as if the perspective of the Police Force could have been developed a little bit more. Yes, we get the idea that there’s politics and optics at play but I would have a little more than lip service to truly feel the impact of Frampton’s transfer come the final act.

The Ugly

The violence and drugs make this a tough watch. Don’t get me wrong, they need to be there and it’s that necessity which makes it all the worse. The culture that is grown within the community is one of shocking desensitisation and unfortunately, it is all too real. Not only that, the gang members never take responsibility for their actions and its a bitter pill to swallow.

There’s significant trigger warnings for this film, but I must expand upon the traumatic rape represented in one scene. Not only is the act filmed and being watched on repeat by the gang, the woman is drugged into unconsciousness and from my perspective it could be misconstrued as a snuff film. It is horrific, it will be triggering for survivors and the most chilling of all is that I cannot say with any conviction that it was unnecessary.

Final Thoughts

A powerful, all too truthful, watch. You won’t be viewing it for entertainment purposes, but this film takes everything of the vigilante comic book hero franchises and addresses it in a real world setting with an added layer of commentary about different generations and what they fight for.

The Princess Bride (1987) Christmas review

Rating PG
Length 1h38
Release 01.02.2023 (In the US)
Director Rob Reiner
About Buttercup, a princess, is madly in love with a farm boy, Westley. Unfortunately, things take a turn in their lives when Westley goes out in search of employment and gets attacked by a pirate.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime (for rental or purchase), Free on ITVX
Trailer:

First Thoughts

There are some films that are meant to become part of who you are and there are films that are beloved by a generation. Sometimes, there are films that manage to be both… and more.

I first watched The Princess Bride without knowing what it was called and I didn’t watch it from the start. Buttercup was in the eel infested waters and I was hooked.
It was at least five years before I managed to watch it from the beginning, but from that point it was in regular rotation and among classics such as Goonies and Labyrinth.

Naughty

The “true love” of Wesley is never in question for me, that man loves Buttercup and will do anything for her. Buttercup, on the other hand? You’re telling me she needed three specific words to realise her world’s Superman is Clark Kent?!
Pffft, as sure as I recognise Jack Skellington in Humperdinck, Buttercup should recognise the non-Sicilian voice during the duel of wits.
Yes, another Buttercup grumble. Did she really have to be so… damsel in destress?! She jumps into eel infested waters and there’s a rebellious nature about her that makes her simply standing and whimpering as Wesley fights an ROUS very, very, annoying.

Nice

The plot device of sick Wonder Years boy and Grampa Columbo spending quality time together and reading the book that unfolds is one of a few instances in which this works. It takes you out of the story, with purpose.
The cast is incredible. The main cast are incredible; individually and as part of an ensemble. However, it is also the supporting cameo performances that are as memorable. The only problem you’ll have is deciding who is the best and I’ll be honest; that will change depending on when you view the film.
The testament of this being an excellent film is when you come to a rewatch, there’s the anticipation of the next great scene and knowing it is going to make you laugh.
My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. The story arc of Puss in Boots in human form, gives the audience some of the best parts of this film; from his clash with the Man in Black, to his uttering of the words above. It’s heartbreaking, wholesome and funny.
Then there’s the consideration of what is known about Mandy Patinkin at the time of filming and how he used his personal experience and the loss of his own father to add conviction to the showdown with the Six Fingered Man.
On an additional note in regards to behind the scenes; the more you read about the filming the bigger your smile will be while watching; for example, the tale of Cary Elwes’ broken foot kicks the ass of the Lord of the Rings’ broken foot story.

Final Thoughts

I will never tire of this film. Rob Reiner is an incredible director and has created an uplifting film that will remain as beloved for many years to come.

A Christmas Gift from Bob (2020) Christmas Film Review

Rating 12
Length 1h32
Release 06.11.2020
Director Charles Martin Smith
About ames Bowen remembers his last Christmas when he was in a bad place and how his life turned around after he adopted Bob.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime (for rental or purchase)/ Now TV
Trailer:

Naughty

While I enjoyed the film and followed it just fine, I think it would benefit from me seeing the 2016’s A Cat Named Bob first. There’s a lot that I think would be added had this been a stand alone film.

Nice

There’s everything you need in this film for the feel good warm and fuzzies: good winning out, a community united for a good cause, selflessness and a very happy ending.

Anna Wilson-Jones as a fictional Nigella is a charming addition to the proceedings. Yes, its a little too sweet but Christmas is a perfect time for that.

The character of Moody and his beautiful stories that help not only James, but anyone watching too are truly heartwarming and will bring you to the point of cathartic tears more than once throughout the film.

Final Thoughts

Not going to be one I’ll rush to watch again, but even with the final act tears I was left feeling very uplifted.

Violent Night (2022) Christmas Film Review

Rating 15
Length 1h52
Release 02.12.2022
Director Tommy Wirkola
About An elite team of mercenaries breaks into a family compound on Christmas Eve, taking everyone hostage inside. However, they aren’t prepared for a surprise combatant: Santa Claus is on the grounds, and he’s about to show why this Nick is no saint.
Moon: Full Moon seen in the opening scene
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime (for rental or purchase), Now TV
Trailer:

Naughty

There’s no redemption for most of the Lightstone family. They’re not innocent, so the robbery should act as a Santa does for the Christmas clan of robbers. No one in the family makes any changes by the end of the film and that really is a shame.

While the kid is mostly cute, there’s just the odd few times in which her pitch and tone skirts her towards the annoying.

Not so much about this film, but I am concerned about the talk of another movie. More Harbour in that leather, oh yes please! However, this is a film that relies heavily on the premise that we’ve switched John McClane out for Santa; not just one, but the snowy second outing too. Not only that, but the film is a homage for Home Alone too. I’m worried there isn’t enough left to mine from.

Vomit! Yes I laughed. However,

Nice

The music is awesome. I didn’t even know Bryan Adams had released a Christmas song, let alone it being as good as it is. Then it’s how the music is used, the positivity clashes with the violence and it’s incredible.

David Harbour makes for one amazing, leather clad, viking Santa. He’s got the humour, the deep set anger and the moves of an action hero. There’s a scene at the midpoint that could hint at a potential prequel.

The Home Alone scene. You’ll know once you’ve seen it.

Final Thoughts

It’s Die Hard, with more Christmas, meets Home Alone with my favourite man, David Harbour playing a silvered fox Santa. I’ve watched it five times this December, so I guess that tells you all you need to know.

Daddy’s Home 2 (2017) Christmas Movie Review

Rating 12
Length 1h48
Release 22.11.2017
Director Sean Anders
About Dusty and Brad intend on providing their children with the perfect Christmas. However, their plans get ruined when their fathers decide to visit them simultaneously.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime/ 4OD
Trailer:

Naughty

I’m not so happy about the inclusion of Mel Gibson. That said, I’m not sure I could name someone better. I however couldn’t see him in this as anyone other than Mel Gibson.

We needed more John Cena. Or a third movie. There just was not enough of that beautiful man in this movie.

The quasi-incest rug pull is one thing, but the bigger ick for me is having all the girls line up for a kiss under the mistletoe with one-pin Dylan.

Nice

John Lithgow makes for the best Dad to Farrell’s Brad.

It is really funny with its set ups and pay offs. Particularly with the tweens getting into the Nog and the outburst that follows.

I really enjoy the final act and the rendition of Feed the World. It’s a moment of sticky sweet sentimentality that is then softened with the alpha male bullshit that is just so funny.

Final Thoughts

A funny family film that keeps Farrell’s humour and cringe factor at a acceptable level.

Serendipity (2001) Christmas (sort of) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 1h31
Release 01.02.2023 (In the US)
Director David Hunt
About Jon and Sara decide to separate after a night of romance when they were shopping for their respective spouses. But destiny has other plans as it brings them together before their respective marriages.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Now TV
Trailer:

Naughty

How is this considered a romantic classic? Within the first 5 minutes the film establishes that they both have partners. Not casual partners either. Very “committed” to their people given that Beckinsale’s Sara says yes to a proposal and most of the film post meet-cute takes place during the wedding weekend of Cusack’s Jon.
I don’t know about anyone else, but it’s hard to root for these people when they are at best uncommitted to the person they’re with and at worst, actively and emotionally cheating on their soon-to-be spouse.

The partners, while on the topic, seem more like a plot obstacle than actual characters. I guess that’s so we don’t feel too bad for them that our two leads are thinking about other people. It also doesn’t leave me feeling great for Sara and Jon’s future post-credits.

The transitioning “joke” doesn’t land how it perhaps did back in 02 (However do note that Beckinsale’s Sara does correct Cusack’s use of pronoun) and the navigation of perceived homosexuality feels clunky.

Nice

Beckinsale and Cusack have chemistry and the support cast is really good.

It’s a short film, and the premise of leaving everything to fate works. Just not with both of them being in relationships and being total dicks about it.

Final Thoughts

What a horrible, horrible, fucking film. Why it’s listed among Christmas movies is beyond me.