hscptcrash

Christmas … Again?! (2021) Movie Review

Rating U
Length 1h33
Release 3.12.2021
Director Andy Finkman
About After a disastrous celebration, 12-year-old Rowena makes a wish and unexpectedly finds herself reliving Christmas Day over and over again. After a disastrous celebration, 12-year-old Rowena makes a wish and unexpectedly finds herself reliving Christmas Day over and over again.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Disney Plus
Trailer:

The Good

Lucifer’s Scarlett Estevez gives everyone watching the perfect blend of Kevin (Home Alone) Ferris (Buller) and Mouth (Goonies). She holds her own and does what she can with the material she’s given.
It really makes me quite sad that her character in Lucifer didn’t give her a chance to demonstrate any of this.
There’s fart gags and ‘living the kiddie dream’ that will keep young ones happy.
With a 90(ish) minute runtime, it does make for an ideal mid-week choice.

The Bad

The fart gags. Seriously, I’m bored of them now. I don’t need the smell described to me while the character gags. Nope, no thanks.
The bizarre ‘everyone ends up at Ro’s house’ bollocks that was just weird. Everyone was rude, even the mother when it came to the last guest. Just really mishandled.

The Ugly

There are already so many Groundhog Day does Christmas out there that if you do this gimmick, you have to do it right.
This film, does not. It breaks the reset rules way too many times. Sometimes Ro is able to wake up before the set up of the day and put things into place, other times characters who would trigger the start of the day don’t appear, allowing Ro to do something else. This includes having the kitchen to herself, or members of the family not yet arriving at the house even though they’d seemingly been there for hours in the set up of the repeat day.
The kid is also allowed to seemingly fuck off for the day, do what she wants, with no consequences. What bullshit is this?! Who in their right mind would let their 12 year old wonder off for any day without searching for her, let alone on Christmas Day. Mind boggles.

Final Thoughts

A film I wanted to love, but ultimately I found the plotting choices lazy and just made it hard to enjoy. For a film that does it right, check out Pete’s Christmas (2013) instead.

Single All the Way (2021) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 1h41
Release 2.12.2021
Director Michael Mayer
About Desperate to avoid his family’s judgment about being single, Peter persuades best friend Nick to pose as his boyfriend on a trip home for the holidays.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

How the hell has Ugly Betty alum, Michael Urie, only just got a leading role in a film. I love this guy and he’s the ideal person to play Peter. He hasn’t aged a day either and I *must* know his secret!
The remaining cast was solid, but it is both Kathy Najimy and Jennifer Robertson that steal every scene they’re in.
Dan Finnerty makes a cameo with more of his musical stylings. Yep, for anyone wondering, that is the same Dan from the Dan Band that you may know from the Hangover.

The Bad

Why, oh why, does there have to always be a second love interest? Why couldn’t this have been two meddling nieces helping her uncle find love?
The reason why I hate it so much is that the third wheel in our rom-com is always written in such a forced way to ram it down our throats that ‘they’re not the one’. We get it, they’re not on the poster; we are not invested.
I’m a little disappointed with the use of Jennifer Coolidge. It was rather a bland character that led to a bland performance. The is a Queen of camp and larger than life characters and she was really stunted in this.

Peter’s whole ‘I’m in this position in my career but it’s not a career I want’ bs really rankles me. It doesn’t mesh with everything else about his character and where he is at the start. His family are supportive, so why didn’t he give his plant shop dream a shot from the start?! Also, who the hell goes back to small town, America to open up a niche shop?!
The story arc would have worked much better if he’d had the plant shit as a hobble, been incredibly unhappy in his job and have the realisation he needs to make a change.

Final Thoughts

Possibly a *little* too understated to enlarge your heart three sizes, but it’s certainly much more upbeat than last year’s LGBTQ offering Happiest Season (2020)

Little Evil (2017) Film Review

Stats

Trailer

The Good

⁃Adam Scott impressed me in this. The first thing I saw him in was Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and from that point, I avoided everything with him in. Since seeing Parks and Rec though, everything has changed. There’s something about him in this that allows him to play the character as someone out of his depth without being weak. Brilliant.
The satire that isn’t spoof. There is comedic elements, it does delve heavily into the plot points of The Omen and other horror movies, but in a much more ‘love letter’ approach than many other lampooning films.
That unexpected, left field, ending was rather impressive.

The Bad

Not all the humour landed for me. I think it’s the SNL improv approach that I just cannot get a handle on. However, SNL has been running longer than I’ve been alive, so I’m sure there is an audience for it.

The Ugly

I don’t like the story telling device of being introduced to a movie at the midpoint, to then see what happened to get there. With the exception of The Hangover, I find it is a form of storytelling that only works well with tv shows and characters an audience are familiar with.

Final Thoughts

It was a decent offering and one I might watch again.

A Castle for Christmas (2021)

Rating PG
Length 1h38
Release 26.11.2021
Director Mary Lambert
About To escape a scandal, a bestselling author journeys to Scotland, where she falls in love with a castle — and faces off with the grumpy duke who owns it.
Moon: none
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Cary Elwes has provided us with another decade of heartthrob thirst-bait. Yes, we’ve perhaps seen him take on more villainous roles in the new millennium, but this is right up there with Princess Bride, Lady Jane and Robin Hood.
His accent is good, the grump persona makes the enemies to lovers entertaining.
I cannot complain about the cast on the whole. Brooke Shields is the ideal leading lady who charms the village and the villagers themselves are so wonderful, I’d happily have another film just focusing on them.
The plot is light and requires no effort to watch. Just wait till it gets dark, wrap yourself in a blanket and brew yourself a hot toddy and you’ve got the perfect evening ahead.

The Bad

The inevitable fight was so forced and half hearted. I get that the couple, and the audience, need a catalyst to split them up. You know, if we’re going for formulaic like this film ultimately did. However, the outburst was so utterly irrational and it did spoil that charm the film had going for it.

The Ugly

With such a short run time,this film spends way too long on the set up. There are better ways to have her situation told on screen without it taking up so many scenes. Personally, I’d have it where she’s in the airport, all the magazines have the author on the cover, a nearby tv screens her interview.
There really isn’t much of the enemies to lovers section. I really wanted more. Perhaps dedicating the time from the opening to this section would work wonderfully.

Final Thoughts

A plot by numbers Christmas romance that’s made much easier to watch with Cary Elwes in the lead.

Gremlins 2: A New Batch (1990) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 1h46
Release 27.07.1990
Director Joe Dante
About A group of malicious Gremlins take over a high-tech corporate skyscraper belonging to a media baron. They wreak havoc throughout the building while the Mogwai try hard to regain control.
Moon: None sighted
Where to Watch: Now
Trailer:

The Good

Everything about the tone of this movie I love. From the distribution animation and the argument between Daffy and Bugs, to the mid-film cut out because the Gremlins were wanting to watch Snow White. I have always love the meta, self referential, films. Probably because this was the first one.
On that note, there are so many nods to criticism to the previous film and I love the passive aggressive tone.
This film almost does what Alien and Aliens did and made this almost a completely different genre to the darker, horror led original.
I didn’t remember Christopher Lee being the lead scientist, but adult me was very excited. This is similar to Alan Rickman appearing in Dogma; it’s nice to see someone have fun and a little unexpected.
The new Gremlins that appear in this film are creative, funny and gives this film an easy way to not fall into the same plot of the previous film. Plus, we get a Gremlin who is intelligent and can talk, one that is able to go outside and a Miss Piggy- type rival female Gremlin.

The Bad

Kate isn’t my favourite character and while I love Mr Futterman, I’m not sure I buy him, and his wife, being in New York the way they are. I personally would have preferred to have had Corey Feldman’s Pete, but I guess 1990 wasn’t the greatest time for him and he may not have been available.

The Ugly

For such a short film, it takes a good long while to get going and the way in which everyone ends up in the same place feels a little convoluted.
It’s unrealistic. No, hear me out. Daniel Clamp is based upon Donald Trump. You know for a god damn fact that if it was Trump; New York would have been overrun within 24 hours.

Final Thoughts

Unpopular opinion, but I prefer this one to the original movie. It really is so much fun and entertaining.

The Plank (1967) Film Review

Rating U
Length 57mins
Release 23.07.1967
Director Eric Sykes
About After someone uses the last floorboard for heating, two hapless carpenters have to buy a replacement. They return to the house with the plank on top of a Morris Eight, but the journey is fraught with unexpected and humorous difficulties.
Moon: None sighted
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good

It’s very British, very charming and something for anyone who loves Carry On films.
I’ve always loved Tommy Cooper and he has such an iconic, larger that life, laugh. You can not help but laugh along with him and the problems he finds himself in.
Some of the physical comedy is so stupid, but you will still find it funny. Particularly one of the initial scenes that has them opening the windows even thought there’s no glass.
The story and the characters do perhaps seem to be what the Chuckle Brothers were inspired by. In fact, I’m certain they’ve done a homage to this.
Even for me, it was a. Whose who of British acting talent and it was a joy to see so many familiar faces.

The Bad

It was a little too short. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye when the credits came up.

The Ugly

A lot of dialogue seems to be dubbed, which for most people might not be a problem. However, as I often rely on lip reading it gave me a headache.

Final Thoughts

Just a charming piece of British comedy.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 2h13
Release 5.7.2017
Director Jon Watts
About Peter Parker tries to stop the Vulture from selling weapons made with advanced Chitauri technology while trying to balance his life as an ordinary high school student.
Moon: None sighted
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

I love that this film didn’t go all the way back to the beginning and give us an origin story for Holland’s Parker. It allows this film to give us something different from previous incarnations.
It also allows this Parker to not be entrenched in the grief of Uncle Ben’s death or set on a path of revenge. We get to have a much younger Parker, who is able to truly have fun.
Michael Keaton is such a genius bit of casting, characterisation and plotting. Choosing a past Batman has very little impact on the plot, but there’s all the meta goodness that adds to the cinematic experience.
It’s not lost on me that Vulture is the anti-batman. Where Bruce was a millionaire, Toomes is a working-class everyman embittered by the Marvel’s equivalent of Bruce Wayne.
I also love the I’d that the name, Vulture, is not only a bird of prey, but is also a scavenger. It describes the aesthetic of Toomes technology, but it is very descriptive of the character too.
Ned is a spectacular friend and I’m so happy that he’s not Harry. I adore every scene in which Ned is just himself.
Tom Holland really is ideal for the role of Peter Parker. He’s first of all young looking enough to know that he’d at least be carded, but the choice to have Stark as a mentor allows the story freedom for Parker to fail. He’s not the first and final line of defence and it changes the tone of the film and the character expectation of Peter Parker.

The Bad

It is a tad too long for it to be a regular rewatch movie for me. By no means a unique issue for MCU movies, but I find myself restless just at the moment when I need to be paying attention.
The only problem with this, however, is that I have no idea what I *would* remove to trim the fat.

The Ugly

I’m so mad that this film did the dirty on Donald Glover! That man was born for a live action Miles Morales so while having him in this was amazing, I’m devastated that it perhaps rules him out from the upcoming multiverse film ‘No Way Home’.

Final Thoughts

Truly my favourite of the the Spider-Man films and I’m so happy that, as of a few hours ago, Tom Holland has been announced for three more films.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Rating12a
Length 2h22
Release 16.4.2014
Director Marc Webb
About Spider-Man embarks on a mission to protect his loved ones when OsCorp, owned by his childhood friend Harry Osborn, unleashes a slew of genetically-modified villains against him.
Moon: Full moon when Harry grabs Gwen
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

The way this film starts and ends is brilliant. Having us come in, part way through the action is refreshing and pulls you in right away. Then that mid-punch cut to credits allows you to take the story home with you; your imagination takes over and allows Spider-Man to linger with you a little longer.
I love the score and music choices; from Peter Parker having the Spider-Man ringtone, to the use of Electro’s words in the music that accompanies his attendance at Times Square.
I love the references. Particularly the Jaws reference while Parker troubleshoots his webbing devices.

The Bad

Again with the outcast and diversely abled as the villain. I refuse to call any neurodivergent person disabled. However, for the purposes of this film, it does appear to use Max’s neurodivergent characterisation for the age-old cliche.
It’s in the blood. I’m actually a little on the fence about this one. On the one hand, it allows the universe to explain the impact of others using the research. On the other, it is Chosen One plotting and to me it feels done. Even in 2014, never mind rewatching here in 2021.
The slow-motion! Way too much for me. Not so much in and of itself, but more because I’ve been conditioned to hate it by someone I used to go the cinema a lot with. It triggers all the complaints in my head. Only some of which are valid.

The Ugly

The certainly felt like there was more dependence on CGI for this outing, and some of it really shows. Rather than look like it was from a cartoon, it looks like it comes from game play at times.
Gwen and Peter/ Spider-Man is only here because I loath the fact that they make them SUCH a great team, for *that* to happen to her. That dynamic was incredible.

Final Thoughts

A decent offering and I will be honest, I am quite sad there wasn’t a third outing.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 2h16
Release 3.7.2012
Director Mark Webb
About Peter Parker, an outcast high school student, gets bitten by a radioactive spider and attains superpowers. Soon, he is forced to use his abilities to fight a monstrous foe.
Moon: Full moon during the final scene
Where to Watch: netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Yes, it is another origin story but I do like how different it is to the 2002 version. This is no Batman, we’re not seeing the same scenes with different actors.
I also love that with this origin story, we get a glimpse of Peter’s childhood and the fate of his parent’s. The way it ties into his journey of becoming Spider-Man is also really clever.
Martin Sheen and Sally Field as the Aunt and Uncle was just perfect. Sheen has this was of having a firm and fiery nature without it being too harsh. There’s always that understanding that it’s coming from a place of love. As for Field, gah! She doesn’t quite beat the previous Aunt May, but she is a joy to watch and is able to give us wisdom and love in bucket loads.
I love that Garfield’s Peter doesn’t give a shit about keeping his identity too secret. It makes for a much different, better, type of hero. Telling Gwen, showing his face to the kid in the car it all allows him to be a little more grounded and have a little more support.
It also gives us the added conflict with Captain Stacy and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

The Bad

I don’t like how both Peters have this stalker vibe when it comes to their crushes. While I loved that it set up Sheen for the whole “He has you on his computer”, I really do hate that he has her as the desktop wallpaper. Creepy!

The Ugly

Yet another villain with a disability. Yes, this one has a little bit of a connection in terms of it being the driving force for the character’s research. There’s also the logical leap of using genetics from animals that are able to regrow body parts.
However clever and ‘rational’ the plotting might be, it still remains a problematic trope and one that has a massive impact upon how disabilities are seen in society. It really is a shame because Rhys Ifans does a brilliant job.

Final Thoughts

In the run of all Spider-Man movies up to 2012, this is the strongest by far. We have a decent Peter Parker who fairs well as Spider-Man.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Rating 12a
Length 2h19
Release 4.5.2021
Director Sam Raimi
About Peter Parker becomes one with a symbiotic alien that bolsters his Spider-Man avatar and affects his psyche. He also has to deal with Sandman and maintain a fragmented relationship with Mary Jane.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

The one thing every one of Raimi’s films have gotten right is the feature’s main villain. Thomas Hayden Church! God, I love Thomas Hayden Church! I could listen to him all day, I’ve yet to see him give a bad performance (Although it is fair to say that I might never give Crash Pad another watch, but that has less to do with anyone’s performance and more to do with the mortifying predicament of watching Domhnall Gleeson explain he’d had his tongue up another character’s cootch… while watching it with my Dad!)
I would say that Church’s Sandman is the most serious of Spidey’s enemies and I’m glad there was no hamming. While I’m sure THC is capable, it would have clashed with the overall darkness this instalment seemed to be going for.
Yay for attempting to bring in another bad. Yes, I do mean attempt. However, I’m glad of them increasing the number because it was getting a little too predictable.
Peter and Harry’s eventual team-up. Brilliant, loved it. Came too late for me, but I personally think the whole Harry story arc was a load of bollocks.

The Bad

Harry, Harry, Harry. What the fuck did they do to this storyline?! Like, why have the memory loss for Peter not to learn from his mistake and tell the poor bloke the truth? Well, I know why… the film cannot handle three villains. To be fair, it can barely handle two, so I think that’s why Harry is side-lined, then Sandman. It’s just a fucking mess.
In order to bring in Gwen Stacy, did the film really have to shit all over MJ the way it did?! What’s worse is that Gwen gets booted out of the film after the emo-Jazz scene. There needed to at least be a resolution there because the character, and Bryce Dallas Howard who did a brilliant job, deserved better.

The Ugly

The retcon of Uncle Ben’s killer. In fact, the continuation of bringing Uncle Ben’s death to the forefront of the plot really doesn’t do this trilogy justice. This retcon removes all of the importance of Peter’s reveal to Aunt May in the previous film, it cheapens the death of the assumed killer in the first film and, worst of all, it bloats this stinking floater way more than necessary.
The infamous ‘Emo Peter’. While I’ve discovered during this rewatch Maguire’s Peter is a total douche all the way through, it is this Venom inspired interlude that is hardest to digest.
Yes, we have found meme enjoyment over the years but I think watching it, is very different that utilising the stills. Fuck me, I want to die a little inside because of how bad it all unfolds and just how shit Maguire is with it; it’s too big for him.

Final Thoughts

I’d only seen this once before, in the cinema. I’d remembered this feeling of hating it, but I always put that down to the fact that I went on to have one of the biggest fights with a dear friend hours after I’d seen this. I never really spoke to him again after that and I do really miss him.

However, it wasn’t that. This film is an underdeveloped, post morning-coffee turd. It’s so bad that even when I missed the crucial part of the final showdown, I could not bring myself to rewind.

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Rating PG
Length 2h07
Release 16.7.2004
Director Sam Raimi
About Peter Parker is dissatisfied with life when he loses his job, the love of his life, Mary Jane, and his powers. Amid all the chaos, he must fight Doctor Octavius who threatens to destroy New York City.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Now TV
Trailer:

The Good

The visual style is much improved and it’s a lot less ‘primary colours in your face) and is much closer in tone to the X-Men films of the same era.
I love Doc Ock and his origin story. What does suck is the fact that in all of Maguire’s outings, the villain dies often after becoming aware of what they’ve done and the monster they’ve become.
I mention this because Alfred Molina is so good, I’m sorry to see him go. Molina, much like Dafoe before him, is able to take on the duality of the role and provide depth as well as a little ham.
I really love the arms of Doc Ock. They have that personality quality to a Disney familiar. Each one seems to take on its own characteristics and its quite awesome to watch.
Aunt May! Oh, I do love this Aunt May. Yes, it is a likeable character (there isn’t an Aunt May I don’t like), but Rosemary Harris is just … She’s adorable.

The Bad

Tobey Maguire cannot cry. Oh god, it just makes me cringe so much.
I mentioned this for the first film, but for fuck’s sake does Kirsten have to scream so god damn much?!
I hate the plot point of Peter wanting to stay away from MJ to ‘keep her safe’ when both MJ and his Aunt May are both in danger in both films without anyone knowing Spider-Man and Peter Parker are one in the same. It’s shit, and boring, and either Maguire cannot act, or he’s playing Parker like *he* cannot act. Either way, no one, literally NO ONE, is buying it.

The Ugly

I don’t like how the character of Peter Parker has been reset in this film. He’s back to being pre-bite doofus and it really doesn’t help strengthen the character or the story arc at all.
Spider-Man having performance issues?! I get that this seems to be a common fear of men, but do we really need it constantly projected onto our superheroes to massage the ego of the toxic masses?! (Not aimed at all men dearies)

Final Thoughts

In some ways, a much better film. However, its still not brilliant. I hate saying this because I love Raimi. I love that he’s someone who grew up making movies on a Super8 and fell in love with telling stories. I also know that he loves superheroes and comics, but this just isn’t an enjoyable watch.

Spider-Man (2002) Film Review

Rating 12a
Length 2h01
Release 11.5.2007
Director Sam Raimi
About Peter Parker’s life changes when he is bitten by a genetically altered spider and gains superpowers. He uses his powers to help people and finds himself facing the Green Goblin, an evil maniac.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix and Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

William Dafoe makes for the perfect Norman/ Goblin. Yes, he hams it up, but it works perfectly with that insane laugh of his. The duality of the role was performed with ease. Absolute joy to watch from start to finish.
The film sets up so many other pieces for the trilogy. What’s so good about it though, is that it doesn’t make this film all about the origin story like some other films do (Fantastic Four springs to mind). It’s subtle and almost unnoticeable until you look at the trilogy as a complete unit (I did one of my essays in uni on the elements of cause and effect in these films).
The music is brilliant. Unlike X Men (Still pains me to this day that the film didn’t include the cartoon’s theme music), this does use the cartoon’s motif, albeit in an updated way. All it took was those first few bars and I felt right at home, so it came as no surprise that the score was none other than the wonderful Danny Elfman.

The Bad

The CGI is god awful in some scenes. The only saving grace is that the colours and visual tones give the film that comic book feel so the CGI doesn’t look *too* out of place.
Again, this is more to do with the MCU and how it’s changed the landscape for superhero movies, but this outing is so campy. Like, bordering on panto sort of campy. While it works for the Green Goblin, having everything else hammed up just puts the story at odds with itself.
At the story’s heart is grief. Peter is motivated by Uncle Owen’s death and Green Goblin is the manifestation of Norman’s fear of failure. None of which is light stuff. It all gets lost in the quips, nods and winks to the audience.

The Ugly

I know there are some Tobey Maguire defenders out there, and at the time I had no complaints, but the dude looks over 30. Those high school scenes really do make him look a little creepy.
I’d also thought Emo Peter was relegated to the third outing, but in reality that emo streak was in him all along. Yes, we have been truly spoiled with Tom Holland, but while Tobey makes a good Spider-Man… he’s too old and too shit for Peter Parker. If he cried, I did one of two things; I laughed or I groaned.
You cast Kirsten Dunst, THE Kirsten Dunst, yet all you get her to do is scream?! What bullshit is that?!

Final Thoughts

In the grand scheme of things, this is the equivalent of the first two Harry Potters while Garfield and Holland are very much Azkaban onwards. Totally worth the pain of Maguire for the genius that is Dafoe!