Tag: Film Review

Hide (2008) Film Review (with spoilers)

Love is hell.

Rating 15
Length 1h37
Release 05.06.1998
Director K C Bascombe
About Billy and his lover Rachel set out to find the money they had hidden seven years earlier. However, as they are on their mission, an unseen killer targets them..
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

Christian Kane does what he has always done best in this film and he plays a conflicted soul. Okay, so I didn’t know just how conflicted or tortured that soul was until the final act, but Kane gives a performance that gives an idea of what is driving him. The performance also gives way to the question of nature versus nurture. He’s a man who wants to be good, but whether it is him being inherently evil, or a persistent childhood in which he’s told as much, he is unable to commit to that.
Kane is the strength of this film and why he should be a bigger name than he already is.

Heading into the third act, the film becomes much more of a standard horror/slasher of the mid-naughts. It’s pretty awesome, particularly as we start to figure out the importance of the cut scenes that randomly (it is not made clear that the woman abducted is any way connected to Billy and Betty) intersect the previous two acts and witness Billy putting all the pieces back together.

The Bad

Rachel Milner works well with Christian Kane as the partner Betty. However, her accent, while consistent, is a tad over the top and broad. Almost as if it was geared towards a theatre performance. The worst of it all is that she didn’t have to be Texan, so she could have used her own.

Okay, I get the need to literally mention the namesakes, but Betty?! You want to name your two children Bonnie… and Clyde? Two siblings, related in every way possible, named after the two most volatile LOVERS in criminal history?! Yeah, fuck that! Bat shit crazy thinking there.

The Ugly

I do love what the film is trying to achieve; a Bonnie and Clyde meets Jekyll and Hyde. Grand, I get it, but the plot makes no god damn sense when you consider it for even a moment too long.
Billy is Clyde, Hyde and all the Jekyll in-between. In an attempt to distract, the audience are given scenes of a shadowed Hyde that make it impossible for Billy to be the sadistic killer. Which is a bit shit given that the title is the biggest giveaway that he’s going to be behind the mask. Yes, the final rug pull, does slot the flaws into place. However, it doesn’t feel like they were made on purpose to make the audience doubt, but instead it feels sloppy.

As for the rug pull of the final scene, in which it is implied that this Billy’s Hell-scape. Damn, I want to like it. However, while it is cool that this man who was wanting to go straight has died and being eternally punished, it is still the ‘… and it was all a dream’ ending and a bit of a cop out.
The vibe I’m feeling is akin to 2003’s Identity in which there’s a massive “oh fuck” moment in the final scene, which you can clearly see a thread of during a rewatch. This doesn’t have that skill, or a big enough cast to pull it off.

Final Thoughts

A pretty decent story that needs a bit of reworking.

Firestarter (2022) Film Review

If you get on her bad side…YOU’RE TOAST.

Rating 18
Length 1h34
Release 13.05.2022
Director Keith Thomas
About After years in hiding from mysterious DSL, Charlie’s reemerging pyrokenisis threatens the life Andy and Vicky have built for their family.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Zac Efron has his top of for a split gratuitous second.

The Bad

The homage to Stranger Things. Just as the film is about to reach its final act, Charlie finds herself in a suburban estate and bullied by boys on bikes. This would only work if these boys were the ones from her class.
There’s no way boys like that, upon seeing a girl who has clearly been through something, shout freak and what not at her. Not unless they know her. Which, to imply that, you’d use the kids from before.
So to do this to resemble a show that took it’s inspiration from the 1984 version and the original novel by Stephen King, feels not only cheap but an attempt to draw in the fandom.

The Ugly

The biggest mistake the creators made with this outing is winding back the clock and starting the story with the McGee’s as a family unit. The beauty of the original and the novel is that we start on an uneven footing by being throwing into the middle of the story and partway along Andy and Charlie’s journey on the run.
Yes, it’s interesting to see the family unit, but it doesn’t add to the story and if anything it slows the pace down to a crawl. It also makes for such a bullshit ending: Charlie is left to go with her hired assassin who just so happened to kill her mother not so long ago!

Ryan Keira Armstrong, as much as I hate saying this, is woefully miscast. It’s a hard job for any youngster to be the protagonist of a film, but when it’s a character like Charlie you really need someone like McKenna Grace or Dakota Fanning.
As it stands, we have 90 minutes of Armstrong pulling ‘Edward meeting Bella’ face.

Final Thoughts

This film is inspiring no one and holds nothing that makes the original, or Stranger Things for that matter, great. Avoid. Rewatch ST, read the novel or dig out the original.

Irish Wish (2024) Film Review

Be Careful Who You Wish For

Rating 12
Length 1h31
Release 15.03.2024
Director Janeen Damian
About When the love of her life gets engaged to her friend, Maddie puts her feelings aside to be a bridesmaid at their wedding in Ireland. Days before the wedding, Maddie makes a spontaneous wish for true love, only to wake up as the bride-to-be.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Ed Speleers. I’m so sorry I overlooked your dashing looks and charm in the third season of Picard. It was Todd Stashwick, you understand?!
Open apology over with, it’s good to have him as one part of the meet-cute. He’s everything you would expect of a romantic lead.

It is a rom-com by numbers. It requires no thought and it does manage to leave you warm and fuzzy. Lyndsey Lohan may not have the effortless charm that allowed her to win over box offices in the naughts, but she still holds her own and gives a convincing growth to her character.

Dawn Bradfield steals the film as Saint Bigid, who grants Maddie’s wish and kicks off the main part of the film. Much like Puck in Midsummer Night’s Dream, Bradfield causes chaos with such joy, it’s hard not to wish she was in the film a little more.

The Bad

It just all seemed very messy for a rom-com by numbers. It takes a little too long to get to the ‘switch’ and by then, the sparks are already flying between Maddie and James that you wonder if there was another way of plotting this.

The Ugly

It makes one fatal flaw that will prevent this from being up there with some of the best. The third in the triangle *can* be a douche, there’s no problem with that. However, you cannot really have him be a douche and still let him get the happy ending that he does.
By having smarmy Paul marrying one of the lead’s best friends as part of the set up really makes the ending shitty when he’s not seen for who he really is.
The addition of Jane Seymour in just a disconnected role doesn’t help matters

Final Thoughts

Messy, but requires no effort. A charming film, but not a classic.

Madame Web (2024)

Her web connects them all

Rating 12
Length 1h54
Release 14.02.2024
Director S.J Clarkson
About Cassandra Webb is a New York City paramedic who starts to show signs of clairvoyance. Forced to confront revelations about her past, she must protect three young women from a mysterious adversary who wants them dead.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Still in cinemas
Trailer:

The Good

I love the trio. The film has so much more life to it when the film focuses on them and it would have improved things greatly had they been the focus from the first act.

We have a film in which Ben Parker lives! Not only that, but he’s played by the wonderful Adam Scott (I’ve learned to love the Scott since watching Parks and Rec). Honestly, I’m loving that this is who Tom Holland’s Peter got to grow up with. I’m also loving that we, for once, didn’t have the heartbreak of his death and what that then triggers.

The Bad

You cast Emma Roberts and do absolutely nothing with her?! What a waste. I would have cast her as Cassie.

It’s just a mess of a film that isn’t quite so bad it swings around to being funny good again. In what could have been a homage to Buffy, with Cassie as the trio’s watcher, the film instead goes for an origin story of way too many characters. You should know you’ve fucked up when you reuse your opening 5 minutes about halfway through.
The creators really make the mistake of having Cassie as the main character, when she’s the Professor X. Not a very likeable one at that.

No post-credit scene having Os-Corp picking up the spider from Ezekiel’s apartment? Connecting those dots.

The Ugly

The editing is shockingly bad. Particularly when it came to the action sequences and the movements of the bad guy. Now, it didn’t make the movie worse as such, but it certainly did give me a headache and what I can only describe as sea sickness.

The script is garbage. Such garbage, that AI could have done a better job. From epic bad lines like ‘Who flips off an ambulance?’ in case we hadn’t spotted that going down to the WAY too soon ‘you’ve never been shot in Queens?’ as a clunky foreshadowing to how Ben leaves the MCU. Like seriously, this is the only time Uncle Ben makes it to the credit roll, and you still feel the need to remind us?!

What was the motivation of the bad guy again? He was trying to kill the girl’s who he thought would kill him. hmmmmm? Wasn’t a bad guy before he got his powers that prompted the premonition? Why was he motivated in the beginning?

Final Thoughts

Just… no!

Poor Things (2023) Film Review

I have adventured it and found nothing but sugar and violence.

Rating 18
Length 2h21
Release 12.01.2024
Director Yorgos Lanthimos
About Brought back to life by an unorthodox scientist, a young woman runs off with a lawyer on a whirlwind adventure across the continents. Free from the prejudices of her times, she grows steadfast in her purpose to stand for equality and liberation.
Moon: waxing crescent seen just before ‘The Ship’ title
Where to Watch: Disney+ and cinemas nationwide
Trailer:

The Good

Emma Stone is breath-taking and weirdly charming with her brash candour as Bella. I adore the character in all her being, learning and adventure. Her journey reminds me a little of the life of Siddhartha; except perhaps without the epic amounts of ‘furiouis jumping’.

Visually this film is a dream. It’s art. From the use of colour, the fish eye lenses and use of steampunk imagery. It reminds me a little of The Fall (2006) for how the visuals are overwhelmingly striking.

The script is absurd, but so very quotable.

The Bad

The thing that will prevent this being a rewatchable gem is the sheer number of sex scenes, particularly when Bella gets to Paris. Call me a prude if you wish but while I do not take offence or abashment to watching them as part of the telling of this tale, they are not something I find enjoying or entertaining enough and there are certain scenes that I find a bit too disturbing to endure again. However, with an editing of some (most), I’d watch this over and over again.

The Ugly

The music. Yes, it fits well with the absurdity of the film however I really did not like what the subtitles name ‘offbeat strings’. I don’t know enough about music but the instruments were either out of tune or key. I think they are different, but I could not tell you which one it was.
Even the introduction of the theremin did not win me over as it was there to clash with everything else.

Final Thoughts

An incredible, award worthy, film and piece of art.

American Fiction (2023) Film Review

Geniuses are loners because they can’t connect with the rest of us.

Rating 15
Length 1h57
Release 02.02.2023
Director Cord Jefferson
About Monk is a frustrated novelist who’s fed up with the establishment that profits from Black entertainment that relies on tired and offensive tropes. To prove his point, he uses a pen name to write an outlandish Black book of his own, a book that propels him to the heart of hypocrisy and the madness he claims to disdain.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

I fucking loved the humour. From Jeffery Wright’s Monk reducing a white woman to tears over the use of a controversial racial slur to the white judge declaring they love listening to Black voices; after voting against the black voices in the room.

Speaking of which, Jeffery Wright is perfect. I’ve loved him since he first appeared as Felix in 2006’s Casino Royale. While other’s in the role could have drowned in the cynicism and negativity, Wright balances it out with a charming vulnerability.

Is there anything Sterling K Brown can’t do? Damn, he has an amazing presence and works off whoever he is acting against. One of my favourite things about this film is the relationship between the two brothers.

The Bad

The ending ventured into Blazing Saddles territory with the meta and layered ending. I’m still trying to decide if it worked for me or not. I did love that it allowed us to reach the end without hitting the typical tropes.

The Ugly

It is a rather heavy going film despite the comedy. Parental trauma, the pain of losing a loved one to alzheimers, the challenge of living in a sibling’s shadow. So much of the life of Monk will be relatable to anyone who has experienced what it’s like to be part of a family.
For me watching Monk take up the lion’s share of caring for his mother was pretty tough going.

Final Thoughts

Hell or High Water (2016)

Justice isn’t a crime.

Rating 15
Length 1h42
Release 09.09.2016
Director David MacKenzie
About Toby and his brother, Tanner, an ex-convict, resort to robbing banks when they are unable to afford their mortgage payments.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Chris Pine gives a mighty fine performance as one of the brothers who, due to the corruption of the US banking system, and the theft of their mother’s home, have found themselves completing heists to get back what is owed to them.
Pine, and Ben Foster to be fair, not only ground their performances in the pain, frustration and sadness of loss but they have the audience feeling, if not quite rooting, for them.

Jeff Bridges, and Gil Birmingham, are the opposite side of this criminal paradigm but is as equally as precise a performance. Yes, I hate the character and pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth, but that is exactly the point and Bridges understood that.

The final scene is one of the best verbal stand-offs I’ve ever seen and it’s a rather satisfying ending despite it not going for the obvious plot tropes.

The Bad

This is a film that gets better as it goes along because the start is rather slow and clunky.

The Ugly

Oh I ugly cried. Between the crying of a cranky old man and the poverty as a disease monologue, I cried for most of the third act.

Final Thoughts

One of the most heartbreaking films I’ve watched for so many reasons. Incredibly well made and the cast is on point.

Doctor Zhivago (1965) Film Review

In a world of guns and ice there is the great noise of battle and the greater silence of lovers

Rating 15
Length 3h12
Release 26.04.1966
Director David Lean
About Amid World War I, Dr. Yuri Zhivago, a physicist and poet, tries to fight his inner demons when he is attracted to a woman despite being married to the love of his life.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good?

The performances, accents aside, are incredible and very much on brand for a David Lean production. Omar Sherif, Rod Steiger and Tom Courtenay all provide the many factions within Russia from the end of World War I onwards.

Alec Guiness provides the narration and as much as I hate to admit it, it is a soothing addition to bleakness that just keeps on given.

I absolutely love that this story represents a powerful response, by the attacked woman, to the man who raped her. For the time, I can imagine this was controversial. After all, once Victor assaults Lara, he goes so far as say it would be insulting to consider it as such. However, as an audience we know the truth. There’s something quite satisfying in Lara’s response.

The Bad

I found the representation of Russia quite inauthentic. Actually, fuck inauthentic, outside of the environment they didn’t try. I guess having people put on Russian accents would have perhaps put it into parody territory, however as it stands, it’s really cheap and lacks conviction. For an epic story, I want to be invested and this is the first time David Lean has not captured me from the start.

The treatment of Lara, despite everyone with a penis wanting her, is appalling. From Victor calling her a slut, to her husband abandoning her and do not get me started on Yuri! It’s most heartbreaking element is how true to life it all will have been.

The Ugly

What a fucking depressing, morally bankrupt, loveless story. People voluntarily watched this story and thought of it fondly? The thing, I guess, is that there’s no chemistry between Omar and any of the women in Zhivago’s life. Rightly so with one; he was introduced to you as your brother. However, given that the other was his mistress, there should be an element of love there. Alas, their relationship was as cold as Russia itself.
I did lose count of the times I called Zhivago a wanker and his actions truly made me very happy to be single.

Omar Sherif acts the shit out of the role, there’s no doubt about that. He was the right person for the role. It is then heartbreaking to read the lengths he had to go to hide his Eygptian features, including facial tape to change how his eyes looked. He would also shave and wax his hairline multiple times a week.
I find this difficult. Not because the role should have gone to “someone Russian”, but because in a film where everyone keeps their British accents should Omar be free to perform without such manipulation of his features.

Final Thoughts

I’ve seen it, I’ve crossed it off the Oscar list. I do not need to watch it again. Nor do I intend to.

Ricky Stanicky (2024)

He’s the best friend they never had.

Rating 15
Length 1h53
Release 05.06.1998
Director Peter Farrelly
About Twenty years after creating the imaginary Ricky Stanicky, three childhood friends still use the nonexistent pal as a handy alibi for their immature behavior. When their spouses and partners get suspicious and demand to finally meet him, the guilty trio decides to hire washed-up actor Rod to bring him to life. However, when Rod takes his role of a lifetime a little too far, they begin to wish they never invented Ricky in the first place.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

John Cena is at his best when he’s playing a dumb, but kind hearted, whatever this character is. Without him, I possibly wouldn’t have watched this film and I have to give him points for all the impersonations.

The film has a comedic blend of Hangover, Tag and Hall Pass. I would say that this actually lands the ending, despite the cynical set up and the relentless effort they make not to get caught, the film really does manage to give an uplifting ending.

The Bad

I really struggle with films based on a lie. Yes it is funny as the billows out of control, but it then questions the integrity of the characters and how those that lie get away with it for so long. Also, my ADHD brain always knows when someone is lying and it’s really quite hard to see the lengths people go to, and the indignation they have when you don’t in fact believe them. Safe to say, these boys would not get this past me at all.
By extension, I hate Leona. She’s a bitch. However, the fact that the film goes to great lengths to make us think she’s a bitch *because* she doesn’t believe the boys truly sucks.

The Ugly

As with many other films like this, some of the things done to rid the main character(s) of their self created problem are a little too harsh. As the film passes that line, it makes what is meant to be a rather sympathetic, yet out of his depth, character really unlikeable.
How Cena’s Ricky is treated, while funny, inches too far to the nasty side. I’m not sure if that’s down to the innocence of Ricky or the ruthlessness of Zac Efron, but it doesn’t sit as well as it should.

Final Thoughts

John Cena steals the show and it’s a good switch off your brain and enjoy the ride.

The Beekeeper (2024) Film Review

Expose the corruption. Protect the hive.

Rating 15
Length 1h45
Release 12.01.2024
Director David Ayer
About One man’s brutal campaign for vengeance takes on national stakes after it’s revealed he’s a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as Beekeepers.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Sky Now
Trailer:

The Good

It’s John Wick, with Statham and bees. What is not to love? Seriously, you only need to have seen one Statham fronted action and you will know what you’re getting. It could have gone full out serious, and you probably would have noticed the bullshit plot much more, but in keeping it a little camp and cheeky you’re sold and there for the ride.
The key to this is obviously Statham. While he’s a lad’s lad, he also embraces the cheeky and camp.

The action is on point. It’s ruthless, it’s chocked full of puns as the body count is dropped and it never over does it with what the film shows; leaving some of the darker notes implied.

Emmy Raver-Lampman carries the FBI investigation well. There’s enough given to the character to understand her motivations and actions. In fact, she’s so good that I would have enjoyed a film told solely from her perspective and I very much look forward to seeing her in whatever comes next.

The Bad

The plot was fucking bonkers. Yes, you won’t care because the film’s action is good enough but oh my god, a rigged presidential campaign and a corrupt as fuck son, but until a BEEKEEPER is pulled out of retirement this all goes unchallenged.
I personally could have done without the president who just distracted me with having my brain constantly go ‘That’s Kate Lethbridge-Sewart’ *insert Leo meme here*

The Ugly

There’s some well dodge accents going on throughout the film, Jason Statham included. It is not just that they’re bad, it’s that the ones that are bad are inconsistent. I know there was an attempt to address Statham, but in a weird way that’s what made it worse.

Final Thoughts

It truly is John Wick with bees.

The Godfather (1972) Film Review

An offer you can’t refuse.

Rating 18
Length 2h55
Release 24.08.1972
Director Francis Ford Coppola
About Don Vito Corleone, head of a mafia family, decides to hand over his empire to his youngest son, Michael. However, his decision unintentionally puts the lives of his loved ones in grave danger.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Channel 4 OD
Trailer:

The Good

There’s no doubt in that this is a well made film and a demonstration of excellence. The opening slow zoom out and the choice of beginning the film with an incident being retold is just one of many examples of the skill and craft of film.

The cast is incredible and each gives their all to the performances. From a young James Caan to a barely recognisable Robert Duvall, you can see how these men have become the silver screen staples over the years.
Al Pacino is incredible as Michael and his arc as outcast military man through his evolution to Don of the family.

The Bad

I’m sure upon first viewings, Marlon Brando’s muffled and puffed up chatter was what added to the film. However, every actor and half-cut lad ever since has mimicked the hamster-cheeked uttering that it feels like mockery. It also doesn’t help that my deafness rendered almost all of Brando’s dialogue incomprehensible without subtitles (albeit about a minute behind the action).

As much as I found the film a little too long, and I would very much love to see Coppola’s parred-down director’s cut, I also wished that Michael’s exile in Scilly was it’s own film. It would make for a beautiful romantic entry and allow for Brando to be the protagonist of the first film; ending with his shooting.

The Ugly

If I could compare it to anything else, it would be a Stephen King book. It meanders at what feels like a needlessly and painfully slow pace. I found myself engaging more with the plot once Al Pacino’s Michael, however it takes over an hour to establish him as the leading man.

Not the film’s fault, but some lines are now so entrenched as pop culture references, this watch felt a little like parody… of course, that was until I remembered that this film originated the lines.

Final Thoughts

Much in a similar way to Shawshank Redemption, I recognise the craft and skill that is demonstrated in the film, but I do not understand what I’m missing about it that makes it so beloved.

Damsel (2024) Film Review with Spoilers

This is not a fairytale.

Rating 12
Length 1h37
Release 05.06.1998
Director Frank Coraci
About A young woman agrees to marry a handsome prince — only to discover it was all a trap. She is thrown into a cave with a fire-breathing dragon and must rely solely on her wits and will to survive.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Shohreh Aghdashloo is the Alan Rickman of female voices. It’s hypnotic and enchanting, so it’s no surprise that she is the perfect choice for the dragon. Yes, each time she speaks you will be fearful. However you will also wonder why anyone puts up a fight.
Speaking of which, the design of the dragon is incredible. It’s clearly CGI, but because of the design you won’t mind so much.

Buttercup is all grown up and on the dark side. I know people who watched House of Cards know that Robin Wright is no stranger to the questionable side of morality, however seeing her return to the genre that made her an icon. Her talent is seen when she goes toe to toe with Angela Bassett

The Bad

The character of Elodie. Millie Bobby Brown does an incredible job with the what the script and story gives her to work with and there’s no questioning her acting ability. However, the problem is that the character is not given much to do outside of hiding, screaming and crying.
Even the things that they do give her, appear only as and when the plot calls for it. For example, towards the end of the film Elodie is shown to be inventive yet despite plenty of opportunity to show this in the opening act, they film doesn’t sew those initial seeds.

The Ugly

The massive fucking plot hole of the girls being of royal descent and the pretence of marriage. The big problem being that this is all hanging on the fact that the dragon they’re being sacrificed to has great fucking smell.
Or rather, she doesn’t?!
Is the film trying to say there’s some transubstantiation that takes place during the marriage that makes Elodie’s blood ‘royal’, or is that so they’re technically not lying when they make their offering?
Is it really just the palming off of a squidge of blood that convinces the dragon?! Even long after Elodie’s bled from other wounds that will clearly be her own? That dragon is not that stupid, that’s not how blood works and surely words going to get around that they’re holding multiple weddings?!
Get to the talk sooner, have the dragon wake the fuck up and realise she’s being conned and then have the third act be them working together instead of what becomes a quick wrap up.

Final Thoughts

Excellent cast, but a garbage script. It’s worth a watch, but it won’t be making anyone’s regular viewing cycle.