hscptcrash

Babe (1995) Film Review

A little pig goes a long way.

Rating U
Length 1h31
Release 15.12.1995
Director Chris Noonan
About Babe, an orphaned pig, learns to herd sheep after Arthur Hoggett, a farmer, wins him in a contest at a country fair. However, Rex, Hoggett’s lead sheepdog, doesn’t like Babe.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Channel 4
Trailer:

The Good

James Cromwell excels in everything he’s in. That’s not even a question. However, he is the only reason why I rewatched this at all. His dialogue is minimal, yet even without speaking you get a lot about his character and his feelings towards Babe, or ‘Pig’ as he’s known to the ‘Boss’.

The episodic storytelling, and the story overall, is really uplifting. The changing opinions of certain animals about others, the triumph of Babe as a Sheep-Pig… it’s heartwarming shit.

The Bad

This, despite its U rating and cute animal focus, is not a kids movie. It’s too dark in tone and themes to truly be a film that is for children that adults can appreciate. There’s a lot of death; implied and near misses. I got the overwhelming sense that Maa was going to die but I couldn’t remember how. I most definitely didn’t remember the opening scene preparing the pigs for the abetoir.

The biggest plot hole for me is that ‘the Boss’ believed, even for one moment, that Babe killed Maa! Yes, pigs have the potential to eat their own and are know to eat small animals… but to kill a sheep the way the dogs do?! Come on Boss, you are better than that.

The Ugly

I hate the mouths. I had nightmares about the mouths. I get they had to have some movement there, but it’s unnatural and in someplace almost looks like human mouths superimposed onto the animals. Really distressing and not helped by the fact that my dad really enjoyed to watch this movie.

Might sound rather cynical but this time I felt like it was anti-meat propaganda. Being a “kid’s” film, I can imagine many a child refusing to eat bacon for a decent amount of time after watching this, and that’s only from the opening scene.

Final Thoughts

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) Film Review

He chopped down the family tree…

Rating PG
Length 1h46
Release 05.06.1998
Director Robert Hammer
About When Louis D’Ascoyne Mazzini, who hails from a royal family, is denied dukedom, he plans to kill all the potential threats in his way.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Channel 4
Trailer:

The Good

The story is brilliant in a deliciously dark and comedic way. Yes, it uses the typical bookend narration to frame the story but in this case it works quite well first seeing the protagonist imprisoned, to then see the story of how he found himself there unfold. It also provides a wonderful sting to the end of the film.

The technical skill of having all of the D’Ascoyne family played by Alec Guinness. Today audiences are familiar with the table scene within the Nutty Professor in which Eddie Murphy does fat suits and plays most of the Klump family through use of CGI. However, in Kind Hearts, this will have been completed through camera trickery and it really works.

This film truly gives an idea of the acting range Alec Guinness has. Each character of the D’Ascoyne family is distinctly crafted and performed. My favourite has to be the priest.

The Bad

It’s rather slow to get going, given that it goes right back to the start of Louis’ life. I wonder if there was a quicker way to cover this. Not that it wasn’t interesting, but more because I really would have loved to have spent more time with the individual D’Ascoynes.

The Ugly

The women in this film are not very nice. Edith is rather brash and overbearing, while Sibella truly should have been one of Louis’ targets. Yes, it makes for a compelling story, but by god I disliked her.

Final Thoughts

A film I will most definitely put into rotation.

On Golden Pond (1981) Film Review

when life is at its finest…when love is at its fullest…

Rating PG
Length 1h49
Release 12.03.1981
Director Mark Rydell
About After Chelsea leaves Billy, her fiance’s son, with her parents, she returns to find a friendship bloom between Billy and Norman, her father. Shocked, she reassesses her relationship with her father.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: ITV X
Trailer:

The Good

The film, much like others adapted from theatre plays, has incredible dialogue. Yes, the visuals are as good, however it would work just as well performed as a radio play.

Katherine Hepburn, Henry and Jane Fonda not only work well individually, but they work off each other and the chemistry, and animosity, billows off the screen.

I have to give this film credit; it really surprised me. I thought I’d predicted the end. I was so certain of it that I was on edge for the entire film. It was only in the last scene did the film show me that I can sometimes be wrong with my predictions.

The relationship between Norman and Billy Ray Jnr is beautiful and heartwarming. From the exchange “I turned 13 two weeks ago”/ “We’re practically twins” I was sold on where this film was going.

The Bad

The set up of the young boy staying with the elderly couple does not feel authentic. Yes, I just go with it and suspend my belief because the film is so good. For me it was only afterwards and reflecting upon it did I feel that it was the last place Chelsea and her fiancee would ask for help; particularly seeing the damage Norman had done to Chelsea and her happiness.

The Ugly

I found myself shouting at the screen at times. Not necessarily the film, but the character of Edith and her dismissal of Chelsea’s experience really hit home and angered me. I think it is a generational thing; for some wives to berate their children and defend their partner’s actions. The film goes so far as to have Edith treat Billy Ray Jnr in the same way. Instead of acknowledging Norman sundowning as part of his declining memory, she makes the issue about Billy Ray taking it too personally.
It won’t bother people who don’t share Chelsea’s experience and the difficulty in healing, however for some it will make for a difficult viewing.

Also, Niagara Falls! I sobbed like a bitch.

Final Thoughts

I absolutely need to watch this again. If for nothing else, to watch without the anticipation of what I was predicting.

Trolls (2016) Film Review

Find your happy place.

Rating U
Length 1h32
Release 21.10.2016
Director Mike Mitchell
About When the Bergens kidnap a group of trolls, Poppy, the troll princess, goes to their rescue all alone and is soon joined by Branch in her mission.
Moon: Full moon seen frequently in the first half of the movie
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good

Anna Kendrick has that ability of playing both sides; the super super happy and the darker sarcastic gal. I would never have wanted anyone other than her in the role of Poppy.

I really quite liked the Bridget and King Gristle Jnr romance storyline and how it fits in with the main Bergens versus Trolls story.

It’s relatively short, so while it’s painful… it doesn’t last long.

The Bad

Why does Hollywood insist on making Russell Brand and James Cordon a thing? Course, RB is finally blacklisted it would seem, but Cordon?! You made him Peter Fucking Rabbit!
Both of their voices make my skin crawl.

It’s a fucking musical! Oh my god, there’s one thing to be super duper happy people… but to have them SING about it?! Yes, good song choices. Kudos on the reworkings, but did it have to be so many songs?

The Ugly

The first act is just way too sickly sweet and sugar filled toxic positivity. There’s just something about it that really makes me yak. I get that it contrasts nicely with the Berkens, but that only works if your audience stays with you.
Of course, when your audience is in single, or early double, digits there’s a good chance the adults don’t get a choice. Man, I feel for you all. I really do.

Final Thoughts

Will I watch this again; fuck no! Will I hate watch the other two for some completist compulsion? Alas, yes!

Midnight Express (1978)

Walk into the incredible true experience of Billy Hayes, and bring all the courage you can!

Rating 18
Length 1h37
Release 10.08.1978
Director Alan Parker
About Billy, an American caught smuggling drugs, is prosecuted and jailed in Turkey for four years. When his sentence is increased to 30 years, Billy, along with other inmates, makes a plan to escape.
Trigger warnings: attempted rape, animal death, drug abuse.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: ITVX
Trailer:

The Good

Never in a million years did I think I would be saying this, but Randy Quaid! Dude knocked it out the park. Perhaps I’d written him off as a comedy goofball, but, but his performance is really refreshing.

It really does give food for thought. Yes, the conditions and treatment may have been exaggerated, however we do know that arrests and capital punish happen around the world for what we would consider misdemeanours. By presenting a ‘based on’ reflective film, it keeps that dialogue and conversation at the forefront of all politics. The aim is not to allow people to go free, but ensure that the punishment is humane and gives an opportunity for rehabilitation.

John Hurt gives a performance one would expect of him and from all accounts, he really went to great lengths for an authentic performance.

The Bad

It’s hard to place this here, given that the film won an Oscar for it, but I have an issue with the music. It’s a well crafted score, however it doesn’t fit this film. The synth heavy music would be at home in any SciFi of the time but as it stands, it clashes with the visuals.

I found Billy to be a rather unsympathetic character. No one deserves the treatment he gets in the prison; that is what human rights are for. However, in terms of him being a criminal, there’s no defending him. He’s clearly from an upper economic social background, so his reasoning of ‘I needed the money’ is galling.
Then consider the opening and closing scenes. He’s really shit at not being sus! He might as well have had ‘I’m smuggling drugs’ tattoo’d on his forehead. Then, when he thinks he’s in the clear, Billy grabs his girlfriend’s boob; something that is also punishable in Turkey. Entering into the final act, Billy firstly begs his girlfriend to undress and I found that most disturbing of all. That after being caught in the system, he would put her at risk to masturbate. Horrific.
Finally, what disappointed me most of all is that upon escape and facing an oncoming vehicle, Billy’s body curls in. The body language screams ‘I’m an escapee’ and I don’t understand how he’s not caught. While I’m sure freedom is the overall story arc, for Billy it should have been that ability of being able to carry himself in a way that enables/ earns his freedom. It really is a shame.

This film had Mark Hamill wanting to audition. In the words of Julia Roberts, the studio denying that opportunity? ‘big mistake, huge.’ I guess all Hamill was really known for at the time was Star Wars, but playing Billy, or even Jimmy would have allowed Hollywood to see the versatility that we know Hamill is capable of decades earlier.

The Ugly

The violence is brutal, unrelenting and inhumane. It comes from all directions; inmates and guards. It’s a struggle to watch and the scenes will churn even the strongest of stomachs.
Then there is also the animal abuse and the attempted/ implied rape that add to the brutality of this film. While it’s stated by many after its release that this representation was exaggerated, you cannot deny that this sort of punishment does exist in the world.

By extension, the representation of Turkey in this film is problematic. The real like Billy, the director of the movie and screenwriter, and up and coming Oliver Stone, have all since apologised. With so many apologise, it’s a wonder how much better this film would have been if only they paused to consider the optics.

Final Thoughts

Incredibly well made, but I will never watch it again.

Oliver Twist (1948)

A Screen Event To Be Remembered For All Time !

Rating U
Length 1h56
Release 28.06.1948
Director David Lean
About The famed orphan gets caught up in Fagin’s criminal band while searching for familial love.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: ITVX and Youtube
Trailer:

The Good

Once again, David Lean nails the opening. The sound, the intimacy and the heartbreak. So many foundational plot points are set up here and I don’t think I’ve noticed before.

John Howard Davies as the titular Oliver is incredible considering he is the one carrying the film. Davies is able to balance the innocence and vulnerability with a tenacity with no hesitation to defend himself when necessary.

The Bad

Where’s the songs?! I’m not a musical gal, but I do love the 1968 adaptation and the songs by Lionel Bart. I found myself humming ‘Food Glorious Food’, ‘I’d do Anything’ and ‘Consider Yourself’ during the appropriate parts. I’d say I love every single song of that musical, except for ‘Where is love?’. I hadn’t actually realised how much the music added to the film until watching this one without.

Perhaps I watched this a little too close to Great Expectations, but Dickens had a format and a habit of weaving his story with a twist ending or reveal. In the case of these two stories; they both reveal paternal connections to younger characters. In this case, it’s not as smooth though and all feels a little too contrived.

The Ugly

This is one Alec Guinness performance I cannot gush about and is largely to do with the prosthetics used in order to portray the character of Fagin as Jewish. Recently, Bradley Cooper faced criticism for his use of prosthetics to his nose in order to portray composer, Leonard Bernstein. All reasoned arguments were made for both sides and the argument the film made was that it was because Cooper was portraying a real life figure and the facial changes were simply done to allow Cooper to look more like the person he was playing. I’m still not certain where I stand with Maestro, but I do know there is a history of anti-semitic imagery within movies: even Harry Potter has the Goblin Bankers coded as Jewish in such a underhanded way.

It was quite upsetting to see that a villainous fictional character was given what I can only describe as a cartoonish ‘Jewish’ nose; almost too big for Alec Guinness’ face. It’s an overwhelming feeling watching it from 2024, but when you then consider the time in which this film was made, you have to wonder what was going through the film maker’s mind.
In a film that is as well made as Great Expectations, this artistic choice ruins the film and prevents an audience from really taking in Alec Guinness’ performance.

Final Thoughts

Never thought I’d say this, but the Musical is better.

Mean Girls (2024)

Plastic is forever.

Rating 12
Length 1h52
Release 05.06.1998
Director Samantha Jayne and Arturo Perez Jr.
About New student Cady Heron gets welcomed into the top of the social food chain by an elite group of popular girls called the Plastics, ruled by the conniving queen bee Regina George. However, when Cady makes the major misstep of falling for Regina’s ex-boyfriend, she soon finds herself caught in their crosshairs.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: In cinemas
Trailer:

The Good

I love that it gave a full swing and not only presented its own story, but a sweet homage to the original. It’s not a straight retread with added singing.

Most of the songs work for me. They suit the tone of the film and having some of them appear as tiktoks is a genius move.

I love Angourie Rice. She really gives us a very different Cady, but also a different character to what Rice has presented before. She’s showing that she can lead a film. I just cannot wait to see where she goes in her career.

The Bad

As much as this film is its own thing, they do recycle a *lot* of lines. Okay, it’s a quotable film but I do wish this had been given the chance to come up with its own.

The Ugly

It’s not often a film makes me feel old. This one does. The fact that the original is old enough to have a remake depresses the shit out of me. Could we not have waited 10 more years?

Final Thoughts

I enjoyed it as a Musical. As a reboot, it does take a swing to be different but spends too much time reminding you of the original to really be successful.

A Farewell to Arms (1932) Film Review

“Let’s love tonight,” they said, “There may be no tomorrow!”

Rating PG
Length 1h30
Release 08.12.1932
Director Frank Borage
About An American ambulance driver in the Italian forces falls in love with an English Red Cross nurse and their relationship is tested by WWI and stressful circumstances.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good

The sets are really beautiful and while the close ups have that hazy look to them, but the wide and mid shots are okay and well framed.

There are transition scenes; the location or passage of time in which the film expresses some whimsy. Seeing the smoke of the train write out Milan was adorable.

There’s a section, not long after we’re informed that Frederic is in Milan that we get a section of pov shots. It’s quite a moving way of establishing Frederic being in a hospital. They’re really quite effective only being able to see the ceiling as he’s wheeled to his room, faces voices answering his questions.

The Bad

I know it will be reflective of the time, but the admonishment of Catherine and Frederic’s conversation about children in their future. How the fuck do you have a successful and healthy relationship without talking about such things before marriage?!
Yes, okay, society was very different then and it was a religious imperative for family life to take place within a marriage. However, it just really hit me as a really toxic and sure-fire way of having a really unhappy couple.

Helen Hayes may have given a strong performance in terms of character and emotions, however her accent is appalling. There’s scenes where she gives up completely.

The war time montage with only a musical score was really hard to follow. Slightly too quick edits in fast succession. Slowing it down and adding some dialogue would have just filled in the gap.

The Ugly

This film has been edited and cut up to a detrimental effect. Not the director’s fault, but more a reflection of the time and the introduction of the Hays Code. They are harsh and rushed cuts that are obvious to anyone who watches.

I get the sense that the romantic thread is only part of the original story. The war was almost a backdrop to the romance instead of an integral part of who they all were and the decisions they made.
The film could have demonstrated the action of war a little more.

Final Thoughts

A decent film for the time in which it was made. I would love to see the original cut of it as the way it stands, its a little too rough and choppy.

Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical (2022) Film Review

Meet the Exception to the Rules.

Rating PG
Length 1h57
Release 02.12.2022
Director Matthew Marchus
About Matilda lives with her brother and parents, who are unappreciative of her. She utilises her telekinetic abilities to settle the score after her principal brutally tortures her with the help of her kind-hearted teacher.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

I’m very happy the film did not keep to the stage adaption’s tradition of casting a man in the role of Ms Trunchball. I found it odd it the play, but had they cast raph fines as originally planned it wouldn’t have translated.

Keeping with Trunchball, Emma Thompson is glorious in the role. I was curious how she was going to have the physical presence given her naturally tiny frame. Not quite sure how it was achieved, but it all works.

Alisha Weir does an incredible job at carrying this film as the powerful and courageous Matilda. As much as I don’t want the Harry Potter adaptation to go ahead, Weir is perfect for Hermione.

The production design is stunning, particularly the school which you can see clearly the prison inspiration.

I do love that the story has returned to England for this production. There’s something inherently British about the story and while the Danny DeVito directed film is incredible, there’s a charm and tone here that is missing in the other.

The Bad

I do not like most musicals, and this is not exception. The opening number almost saw me turning it right off.

The Ugly

There’s something about a musical worked around children. Perhaps it’s that they are not able to sing using the full range, but it’s musical talking over a score. It makes me want to rip my ears off.

Final Thoughts

I’ll never watch it again, but if you love your musicals you might gain some enjoyment from it.

Lavender Hill Mob (1951) Film Review

He stole $3,000,000 in gold and that’s a lot of BULLion!

Rating U
Length 1h21
Release 15.06.1951
Director Charles Crichton
About Henry, a shy bank clerk in charge of gold bullions, dreams of leading an opulent life. Soon, he comes in contact with a foundry owner, Alfred. Both plan to smuggle gold out of the bank.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: 4OD
Trailer:

The Good

Alec Guinness once again showing his comedic skills as by-the-book banker who comes up with what he believes to be the perfect plan to steal the gold he’s spent the last 20 years protecting.
Just wait for the robbery to get going and how Holland paints himself as the victim; it’s physical comedy that you can clearly see influenced both Rowan Atkinson and John Cleese.

The plot is solid and the theft has the approval of the Bank of England; they are the ones who came up with it after all. There’s clear cause and effect in play and it makes for a satisfying story.
The use of the bookend narrative doesn’t seem to work as well at first, however it does pay off when the credits begin to role.

Sid James in a pre-Carry On role shows exactly why he became the lead of that franchise. His comic timing and course accents it the perfect balance to Guinness’ upper-middle class stiff upper lip.

The Bad

The work based discussions we overhear and the opinions based on Holland do not fit within the narrative and one scene contradicts the other.
Firstly, Holland wasn’t present to be able to talk about these conversations and therefore it makes the storytelling device of the book ended narration stupid.
Secondly, the first scene tells us Holland will never be promoted and not well liked. The scene right before the robbery Holland is fighting a promotion we’ve been told he’d never get.

The Ugly

The latter part of the film is rather clunky. Almost as if the mob had not thought past the stealing of the gold. Which is ridiculous as Holland clearly says it was getting it out of the country that was the sticking point.
However, the robbery was so precise to the point that even the arrest of Pendlebury seemed planned and it’s a stark contrast to the comedy of errors that happen from Paris onwards.

Final Thoughts

It was a fair and harmless watch for a week-day afternoon, but it wasn’t the great film I was expecting it to be.

Crossroads (2002)

Dreams change. Friends are forever.

Rating PG
Length 1h34
Release 29.03.2002
Director Tamara Davies
About Three childhood friends, reunite on graduation and promptly decide to take a trip across the country. But, what happens when their trip to rekindle their friendship is interrupted by a baleful guy?
Moon: Full moon in first scene
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Well, the film really goes all out with the social obstacles of young women. Over the 90 minute run time we look at parental expectation, following a dream parents don’t approve of, protective parents but more importantly the film tackles rape, pregnancy and the perception of a woman’s status while pregnant at a certain age. The scenes are handled exceptionally well and to the point where I wish this was Mimi’s film. It’s unsurprising that the film is on-point with these issues; the script is written by Shonda Rhimes.

Anson Mount pre-Pike is always …. not a delight as such, because that man is perfect as the Star Trek Captain, but it’s good to see his roots. He really gives the audience a good brooding and frustrated-at-the-world musician and at least gives us a sense of chemistry.

Having Dan Ackroyd here almost makes this feel like it could have been a My Girl 3, with a few tweaks and recasting. Honestly, who wouldn’t love that?! Seeing Vada healed and blossoming after the events of the first movie?

The Bad

You get in Kim Cattrall and that’s the scene we get?! Oh that script let her down so bad.

Lucy doesn’t want to go to medical school, I got that. However, I’d love to have seen why her dad wanted her to?! Is there an aptitude towards medicine? Yes, you tell me, but there’s nothing about the character that suggests there’s any talent or passion for medicine.
I wrote a note while watching saying that there needed to be a medical emergency in which she takes control and demonstrates the skills the father can see. Yes, not too long after we get a potential scene but it’s wasted and given over to a show of the strengthening friendship.

The Ugly

The biggest problem with the film is that Lucy is the lead and she’s our weakest link. Not only are there the character problems as listed above, Brittney Spears cannot, and it pains me to say this, act.
Brittney Spears is playing Brittney Spears and she’s just reading lines. I would go so far to say there’s not even an attempt to act. Which means what is clearly meant to be a story arc is dismissed.
The character felt so underdeveloped and one note; I never believed the side that had her as the speech giving, medically inclined study-hard so I didn’t see the journey as a growth of the character.

Final Thoughts

Past Hannah was right in dismissing this movie and the distributors were right to keep it off streaming platforms for as long as they did. What makes it worse though is there’s a really good Stand by Me/ Now and Then type film there when the right cast is put in place instead of gambling on a name to get bums on seats.

The Pacifier (2005) Film Review

Welcome to the infantry.

Rating PG
Length 1h35
Release 27.05.2005
Director Adam Shankman
About Shane Wolfe must rescue Howard Plummer. Plummer, who is working on a secret government assignment, is killed. Wolfe must now search for the assignment in his house where his five children live.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Disney+
Trailer:

The Good

It’s a known story; anti-children and out-of-their depth adult is tasked with caring/looking after/ protecting a significant number of non-adults. Non-adults cause chaos, adult learns to soften and love…. uh-oh they’ve become attached and then the shit hits the fan for a bittersweet ending. You know what you’re getting going in.

It’s pretty sweet seeing Brittany Snow and Max Thierot pre-break out roles. Both handle themselves very well and have their moments to shine.

Always good to see Lauren Graham in anything; even if this did look like she walked right off the set of Gilmore Girls and onto this.

The Bad

What a waste of Carole Kane! Jesus, there’s no point to her character other than for the audience to go ‘oh shit, if she’s out Wolfe is done for.’
I predicted her as the bad guy or at least a red herring early on, but it was almost right after completing the thought she noped out of the proceedings.

What the fuck was with the duck that thought it was a dog?!

How do none of these children have friends? I get it, the film is cast heavy to begin with but I do not believe for one second these kids don’t have at least one best friend or people they hang out with more than we see in the film. I’m not talking boyfriend or forced after school group. It feels more of a plot movie, than a story. If that makes sense?!

The Ugly

The plot is shockingly bad:
1. The government could have gotten whatever was in that safe deposit box without the wife. Also, why wait the 6 months for Wolfe to recover before taking her over to collect it?! I’m getting really tired of villains waiting.
By the end I think the mum is away for almost 2 months. You’re telling me she’s going to accept being away from her kids that long, chilling abroad. On that note, this dude is shady so this ‘mission’ is off book. You’re telling me no one is questioning this, checking up on the bastard?!
I know there’s a level of switch your brain off and enjoy; but when it’s this hole-ridden, that’s really hard to do.
2. You’re that bank… you seriously going to give them unlimited chances to get into that box?! It blows my mind that after the first 20 guesses they’re not like ‘fuck off’.
3. You’re putting kids under protection? You don’t just sic one agent on them, you put two. You do what Kindergarten Cop did, have them play a couple and then down one of them with … something because there’s no way a mother would leave them with one bloke.

Final Thoughts

Way too dumb, and so many other films have done it way better without feeling as forced. If you ever feel the need; go rewatch Uncle Buck, Kindergarten Cop or School of Rock. Actually, fuck that…. go watch Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead. It’s on Now TV and it’s awesome.