Rating 12
Length 2h20
Release 19.5.2015
Director George Lucas
About Anakin joins forces with Obi-Wan and sets Palpatine free from the evil clutches of Count Doku. However, he falls prey to Palpatine and the Jedis’ mind games and gives into temptation.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Disney Plus
Trailer:
First Thoughts
Prior to 30.8.2021, I had only seen this instalment once before. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if me not liking this was more to do with my memories of the day than the film itself, but I can tell you that it is definately more about the film than the fact my mother wouldn’t let me have a bit of the T-bone steak she’d gotten in for ‘her boys’.
The Good
- Natalie Portman does an alright job and it was nice to see Jimmy Smits again. Yup, that’s about all I can say. Even that final battle, I briefly thought ‘here we go’ when I saw the lava. However, it never brought it. I feel like I could dub it with the sword fighting scene from Princess Bride.
The Bad
- That opening. Dark, busy and so much like game play. I’d only watched episode 2 the week before, I should not feel like I’ve missed a film (or two) in between these two stories. I just wasn’t hooked in at all. Taking so long to see a familiar face really didn’t help matters.
- Christopher Lee is wasted. He was introduced way too late and killed way too soon. It seemed so off that I did some research to see if Lee had refused to commit fully, in a similar fashion to Terence Stamp, but I’ve not seen anything to suggest that. The only thing I can think to explain this, is that stupid rule of two that was mentioned in Phantom Menace and wanting to promote Grievous. Which also doesn’t make sense, because he was in play in the previous film.
- I think one of the biggest problems is how this doesn’t work as a stand alone trilogy. It ends on too much of a down note- our two surviving Jedi go into hiding, our good guys are dead, our bad guys have won. Our two orphans are split up.
The Ugly
- There’s nothing more maddening than the evolution of Ani to Vader. Fuck me, we have this privileged white emo punk bitch (who started life a slave, I might add, so saying he comes across ‘privileged’ is really something) who is given THE best black guy voice in the form of James Earl Jones. Yet that punk bitch still shines through with that ‘nooooooooooo’. In part, its the curse of being ‘the chosen one’, but I really feel for anyone who grows up without meeting Vader with the isolation of the original trilogy.
- George Lucas did not give me a fucking Wookie battle. The presence of the Wookies was, at best, fan lip service. However, my biggest gripe is that it proves that Lucas just needs to shut the fuck up sometimes. Not only did he reveal that Wookies were the original idea for Return, until he decided smaller, cuter, furies would make him more money, he went on to PROMISE us a Wookie battle. So 2005 Hannah had an idea formed in her head of the Endor battle, but with fucking Wookies. I didn’t get it and my love of George Lucas died that day. Even going in without the expectation of Wookie Endor battle, I wasn’t impressed with the inclusion or the promise made my Lucas.
- The script. Jesus, there are so many dud lines. Was everyone so far up Lucas’ arse that they couldn’t go “Really? Do you not want someone to edit this?” There’s a bit, I cannot for the life of me remember where it comes in the film, but Obi Wan and Ani are in a lift that stops and the following dialogue made the cut:
“Did you press the stop button?”
“No, I didn’t press the stop button. Did you press the stop button?”
NEITHER OF YOU ARE NEAR THE WALLS. You have the FORCE! DID YOU REALLY NEED TO ASK THAT!
That’s one of the biggest problems. These people are meant to be wise! Yet the script makes them sound like dumb children. Could I do better? Maybe not, but I’d at least pass it around to a few people to EDIT first. - HOW, just HOW, did no one crack on to Palpatine being the Sith they were looking for. It felt like panto because we all knew. He wasn’t even really hiding. Also, McDiarmid, you’re a theatrically trained actor for god’s sake… could you be any more ham!
Final Thoughts
I now remember why I’ve not seen this instalment in 16 years. It’s a case of George, the ideas man, really got in his own way and didn’t pass on the directing duties. When it comes to the CGI, this is the worst of the three and more of a ‘they were so preoccupied as to whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.’
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