Rating 12a
Length 1h 55
Release 1.4.2021
Director Adam Wingard
About Kong and his protectors undertake a perilous journey to find his true home. Along for the ride is Jia, an orphaned girl who has a unique and powerful bond with the mighty beast. However, they soon find themselves in the path of an enraged Godzilla as he cuts a swath of destruction across the globe. The initial confrontation between the two titans — instigated by unseen forces — is only the beginning of the mystery that lies deep within the core of the planet.
The Good?
- I do love the title sequence. It’s used throughout the franchise and is about the only thing that connects all the movies together.
- It does have a pretty decent music score.
- Some of the “Vs” in this film are quite cool. Especially in the final act. Except for the Godzilla laser. That’s never cool.
The Bad
- I do not like the song choices which seem at odds with whatever this franchise is trying to be.
The Ugly
- Godzilla is one ugly motherfucker, aren’t they? Like Godzilla is a beautiful creature, or at least they should be. This franchise seems to be stuck with a design that got stuck in the printer. Its just… off.
And, please do not get me started on that stupid fucking laser and that charging sound it has… sometimes?! The glowing? what the fuck? The film’s so dark that if you’re watching at home you ain’t seeing that shit anyway!
In my notes, towards the end of the film, I’ve written “Kevin Smith’s Golgotha Shit Demon looks better than Godzilla” and you know what? That’s bloody fair. - Its two prehistoric-ish animals beating the shit out of each other. You don’t need to make the story complicated. There’s about three film’s worth of plot in this mess and it feels so disjointed and as if I’ve missed an instalment or like the Godzilla aspect was written by one person and the Kong by another.
As a result of this over stuffed plot, I don’t feel like everything is explained and I found myself lost very quickly. I don’t like films that make me feel stupid, and this franchise makes my brain feel like mud. For the simplest thing, like “who the fuck is that?”, “why are we following you all the way there?”, “How did your dad get halfway around the world in a blink of an eye?” and “How is there an actual fucking sun in the middle of the earth?”
They’ve also blown their whole load with this movie. Where you going to go now? - What was with the mystical shit with the little kid? Actually, what the fuck was with the little kid?
1. Why was she adopted by the interloper (Rebecca Hall) instead of being with someone in her community? You know, the people we see are there?
2. Why the fuck does no one know that the kid and Kong had been signing?! Like, its not till much later that Rebecca Hall explains to Alexander Skarsgard that the girl has a bond with Kong, but that she didn’t know Kong had been signing to her. How the fuck do you MISS that? His hands can block out the sun!
3. How is there never a conversation about safety?! She’s allowed on the boat, which you know could be attacked by Godzilla. riiiiiight. After that, we get the whole signing and trust thing which means she has to be on the platform in the Antarctic, but then you let her onto what is essentially a space ship into the centre of the earth (or to a different fucking universe, I haven’t got a clue.) which you know is going to be traumatic. What. the. fuck?
4. She can ‘sense’ Godzilla?! Like, seriously she’s a Mary Sue.
5. When you think it can’t get any worse; “she can feel his heart slowing down.” What is the need?! - Why give me Mecha Godzilla and then immediately make it shit?! Like, seriously?! It broke my bloody heart. He at least looked cool and showed promise.
Final Thoughts
My only advice is to play a drinking game. Take a shot every time the word Apex is uttered and you at least might not remember this turd of a movie.
The Queens of Geekdom 