Tag: Movie review

The X-Files: Fight the Future (1998) Halloween Advent

Rating 15
Length 2h02
Release 21.8.1998
Director Rob Bowman
About Two FBI agents set out to unravel a government conspiracy related to the alien colonisation of Earth and attempt to rescue the people on the planet.
Moon: Full moon at 33 minutes in
Where to Watch: Disney Plus
Trailer:

Trick

  • There’s not enough Mitch Pileggi. There is literally never enough Mitch Pileggi, but it’s still very true here. He sort of bookends the film and then pops up one or two more times. It’s weird to see him in a role where he’s not the one in charge.
  • The Lone Gunmen are used poorly. They’re nothing more than lip service and its a real injustice. While I’m sure the actors were happy to appear on the big screen, they could have played a bigger, better, part.
  • Due to this being a film, set between series, there’s an element of setting the scene for none fans. It’s why there’s two segments before getting to Mulder and Scully. For the tv show, a cold opening works. It doesn’t here and, even as a fan of the show, I’m restless until our protagonists appear.

Treat

  • This movie really does give the fans some epic pay offs for five years of mythology content. Cigarette Smoking Man has a B-plot thread and the Well-Manicured Man shows his true-ish colours. The whole thing not only gives us answers, but it adds gravitas to the mythology.
  • There’s something more to this than it being an episode story with extra time. The budget is bigger, so the plot is able to take us beyond what we’d ever see in even a multi-episode arc. The set pieces are bigger, better and serve the plot well.
  • David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson prove that they are made for the big screen; their chemistry, their character portrayal and story arcs are still able to shine through despite the grander scale; not many actors would be able to do the same.
  • The horror comes from the rather oddest part in this movie. It’s not the extra-terrestrial or the plot that comes with their existence, but the actions of the group that both the Cigarette-smoking Man and The Well Manicured Man belong to. The lengths that they’ll go to cover things up is truly terrifying.

Final Thoughts

The only shame is that Fox Studios wouldn’t allow Chris Carter to follow through with his plan of a number of movies following this one. Its a good watch for this time of year and it works well to watch outside of viewing the series.

Halloween Kills (2021)

Rating 18
Length 2h23
Release 26.4.2012
Director Joss Whedon
About Nick Fury is compelled to launch the Avengers Initiative when Loki poses a threat to planet Earth. His squad of superheroes
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: In cinemas and on some home streaming platforms
Trailer:

Trick

  • It can’t keep the momentum of the first of this timeline and it certainly doesn’t hit the bar in terms of quality. 
  • There are almost too many character threads being followed. In a similar way to Halloween II (1981), Laurie is hospital bound and has little to do, there’s Anthony Michael Hall’s Tommy and a few other returning characters from the 1978 original, but how they’re used makes their inclusion too much like fan service than a need for them in the story; almost as if casting and characters were prioritised over telling the story.
  • In a similar sense, this instalment feels like a set up to the next film. They knew how they were starting, they knew there were two more sequels and how this was going to end, the rest just feels like padding. 
  • I really hate the immortality aspect of The Shape/ Michael Myers. It’s fucking stupid because that is part of the legend of him and undermines the believability of a mob mentality.

Treat

  • The body count and kills are unrelenting and imaginative. From the first responders, to the final showdown this film really earns its 18 rating. 
  • Jamie Lee Curtis will always be impeccable in everything she does. Ever since seeing her in A Fish Called Wanda, I’ve trusted that anything she’s in will be something I’ll enjoy. 
  • Anthony Michael Hall as Tommy is quite a genius bit of casting and characterisation. To see how those 40 years have gone for Tommy, how much it’s effected him is not something I’ve really thought about. His ability to move and motivate a crowd into a mob is incredible, and something I’m not certain Joseph Gordon Levitt would have been able to pull off. 
  • There are Call backs and Easter eggs to many of the other films in the franchise. I particularly loved the nod to the third film that didn’t even feature Michael Myers. 
  • The scariest thing out of all of the violence is the mob. Michael Myers, due to his apparent immortality, and known volatile tendencies doesn’t have the same shock and horror as the group of ordinary people; doctors, citizens and police who are all but frothing at the mouth at the thought of killing Michael. It’s all within the realms of possibility and the fact that they all ignore the harm they do to others and actively ignore the voice of logic and reason is the sole bit of this film that chilled me to the bone. 

Final Thoughts

I found aspects of the film interesting, but it just didn’t quite live up to the expectations the 2018 offering gave me.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) Halloween Advent

Rating 15
Length 1h39
Release 9.4.2004
Director Edgar Wright
About Shaun is a salesman whose life has no direction. However, his uneventful life takes a sudden turn when he has to singlehandedly deal with an entire community of zombies.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Trick

  • The biggest thing for me is the lack of a Bond actor. It’s a really stupid complaint given how little money this film was made on, but with both Hot Fuzz and World’s End both prominently starring a Bond, it just would have been a brilliant touch.

Treat

  • Where do I start? I must admit that the first time I watched this movie, I wasn’t too enamoured. That said, I hadn’t watched too many zombie films at that point, so I couldn’t appreciate the homage. It’s all there; from camera angles to lines, it is a love letter to the zombie sub-genre.
  • The cast is spot on. Simon Pegg as the lead, Nick Frost as his best mate. Everyone who supports. Stunning! This film wouldn’t be the same without any of the people involved.
  • There’s so many sequences that really just… work. The record tossing in order to kill the invaders in their garden is genius and I love the ‘action’ sequence to Queen with the follow up of Your My Best Friend leadingus out to the credits.

Final Thoughts

I love this film. Not as much as I love Hot Fuzz, but this is what a spoof should be. Not the Scary Movie type.

Halloween II (1981) Halloween Advent

Rating 18
Length 1h32
Release 26.4.2012
Director Rick Rosenthal
About Myers, a horrific murderer, spends 15 years in an insane asylum after terrorising the people in his small hometown on the eve of a Halloween. As soon as he gets out, he hunts down his sister.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

Trick

  • The opening is rather clunky and almost feels like I’ve missed a scene or two. I understand it starts off directly after the first film, but I think that puts this film at a disadvantage because of the first being resolved.
  • The tone of the film is off. It has the Horror elements, but there’s also lines of dialogue and the way they’re delivered, that will reduce most viewers to fits of giggles. The biggest laugh is when a Michael Myers is hit by a police car. The sequence, I’m sure, is meant to be shocking. It most definitely isn’t.
  • Michael Myers has a whole new silhouette. They must not have been able to get the original guy back, and it shows. It’s hard to not notice and it really takes you out of the film.
  • The time of day is really unclear. In some scenes it appears at if it’s at least gone midnight, in others it appears like its not even past 7pm. Add to that, the fact that the hospital Laurie is taken to is unusually empty for a peak evening, the film just feels disjointed.

Treat

  • The new theme remix is cool.
  • Some of the deaths are messy and genius, particularly the one in the hot tub.

Final Thoughts

To make this work, it really needed to go the way of Alien/Aliens and not sit in this middle ground of a tonal shift. Because the original is so good, it was never going to match it, so it needed to offer something completely different.

Double Jeopardy (1999) Film Review

Rating 15
Length 1h45
Release 28.1.2000
Director Bruce Bereford
About A woman arrested for her husband’s murder is sentenced to six years imprisonment. After her release, she sets out to find her son and the truth about the murder as she suspects foul play.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

  • I’ve seen the trailer for this film about a million times, so to say that this film surprised me was a bit of an understatement. I’ve always thought that Tommy Lee Jones was the husband and the ferry car crash was how he ‘died’. There’s just something quite nice about being thrown off from the get go.
  • I really like Ashley Judd in this. Judd makes for a really sympathetic and strong leading lady.
  • Bruce Greenwood. He improves literally anything he’s in and I really do like that I’ve now seen him play a nasty role. He wears it well.

The Bad

  • The evolution of time isn’t very well structured. I know we get the cake, but I think I’d have liked a little more. Even something simple as removing the highlights from her hair.
  • I don’t get why there’s the insistence that her boy, Matty, doesn’t go to her parents when it’s the first person she goes to when she flees custody.
  • There’s a few other plot holes that I can’t think of right now, but because it’s not as fast paced as similar thrillers, they’re a little more obvious.

The Ugly

  • How laws work. The whole premise hangs on a law that the film interprets wrongly. Like, its a glaring flaw. There’s also this idea that her child is kidnapped. Yes, she’s given custody over, but is it not a little suspect?
  • This suffers with a similar fate at What Lies Beneath in the respect that the trailer and blurb reveal the ‘faked death’, while the film plays it as a reveal. It makes that opening scene heavy and hard work. In a film that’s not got much time to play with, it really didn’t need to spend that long building up to the ‘crime’. I guess there’s an attempt here to not be The Fugitive. However, the result is that the film loses some of its suspense. Netflix doesn’t help matters by having the reveal scene as it’s preview.

Final Thoughts

An enjoyable, if not heavily flawed, entry into the crime thriller that was popular in the 90s. It’s something I’d love to see a return of. Perhaps without the need to ignore the blatant plot holes.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Rating 12
Length 2h16
Release 26.3.2014
Director Anthony and Joe Russo
About As Steve Rogers adapts to the complexities of a contemporary world, he joins Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson in his mission to uncover the secret behind a deadly, mysterious assassin.
Moon: Full Moon at the start of the mission on the ship.
Where to Watch: Disney Plus
Trailer:

The Good

  • This is one of the films that feels a lot different to everything that’s gone before. This is a Marvel Movie with a genre aesthetic. There’s more espionage in this film than 2021’s Black Widow: a film about Nat’s espionage background. Go figure.
  • The action in this instalment is incredible. Case in point, is the elevator scene. Such an iconic sequence now, but even at the time it was a highlight of the film.
  • All the costumes have had a upgrade, even if it was only temporary. Not only are our hero’s suits fitting for the film’s tone, the civilian clothing choices are spot on for the time and some items are still desirable. I personally still want Black Widow’s trainers.
  • The introduction of Sam is joyous. I love how Cap and Sam interact and how much chemistry they have. It’s only through that chemistry that anything that follows is believable.
  • Talking about relationships, at the heart of this instalment is Steve’s long standing relationship with Bucky Barnes. You can feel the heartbreak of Steve when he has to go toe to toe with the revealed Winter Soldier.

The Bad

  • Hill is wasted in this film. She so could , and should, have been used more. It felt too much like lip service, when really she deserves to be much more involved.
  • Some of the action is hard to watch. The camera pans in the opposite direction of the action. While this, as memory serves, works well on a cinematic screen, it here it gives me motion sickness.
  • In 2021, I really did find the attack on Fury by the police very hard to watch. Not the fault of the film, but in the context of the current climate; it will have an impact on viewers.

The Ugly

  • Black Widow’s hair. I know this is probably a stupid gripe, but if you intend to have your main gal have poker straight hair throughout the film, don’t have her wash her hair. I am so irrationally angry that she is seen drying her wavy soggy locks with a towel, only to be seen in the next scene with a salon-worthy blowout.
    This lives rent-free in my head. I think it always will.
  • The ongoing “casual conversation” with Nat trying to set up Cap. Nope, just nope. Don’t need it. Don’t need the set up of Cap and Sharon (which, btw, is ten times worse now the audience have the knowledge of Endgame). In a film that is probably my favourite of the franchise; this one thing sticks out as forced.
  • To quote Fury himself; “this shit is why I have trust issues.” Yet another fake death. Yes, I am impressed that it was revealed to be a fake in this film. However, it’s just once too often and it means that as a viewer I start to lose that feeling of jeopardy. I certainly don’t feel anyone’s loss.

Final Thoughts

Of the nine films of the MCU, this is my favourite. It is a good choice for a one off viewing from the phases and it’s not too long.

Short Circuit (1986) Film Review

Rating PG
Length 1h38
Release 5.12.1986
Director John Badham
About Johnny is a data courier who literally carries data packages inside his head for a fee. This time he carries a package that is too large to hold for long and he must race against time to deliver it.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: DVD
Trailer:

First Thoughts

This was MY movie. This was on a repeat cycle along with Santa Claus: the Movie, Flight of the Navigator and Batteries Not Included. Short Circuit was my comfort movie, only to be replaced when Jurassic Park was available to own.
However, I probably hadn’t watched this again since I reached double digits. Surprisingly, I remembered almost all of it word for word.

The Good

  • This really is a film for everyone. There was so much humour and dialogue I hadn’t picked up on as a kid that I’m sure adults at the time would have found funny. The best example is when Johnny 5 offloads his tracker to a cute looking couple. They’re pulled over by Skroder and his crones and the wife turns to the husband and states: “I hope you moved the grass from the glove compartment”.
  • G W Bailey. If you’re in the UK, you probably know him best for his comedic roles in Police Academy and Mannequin. However, in the States, he’s a highly regarded dramatic actor. It’s only once you see him in some of his more serious roles that you really begin to appreciate his style of humour. The joy of having Bailey in these roles witnessing the moment the character snaps. That “She’s the dummy, she’s the dummy.” moment, if you will.
  • Wall-e tried to take Johnny 5’s crown, but come on. No robot is ever going to be better than Johnny “I am alive” 5. Even with his angles and metal exterior, I want to hug him. It’s the voice that truly makes him. There’s something charming about it.
  • While a little heavy on the synth, I adore this score and soundtrack. It may be to do with how much I watched this film, but I can’t hear its title without mentally singing “who is Johnny?”, the films theme song, in my head.

The Bad

  • The weird leering of Johhny 5 over Stephanie is something I didn’t catch as a kid, but really creeps me the fuck out as an adult. Perhaps it’s not so much Johnny’s flirtations, but how Stephanie responds?! I mean, is she hoping he has an attachment just for her?!

The Ugly

  • I think its a given that Fisher Stevens’ brown face is one of the most offensive things put on celluloid. Mainly because this is one of the most inoffensive films. ever. Oh, and the fact that he’s the one that comes over to the sequel?! Seriously.
    Of course, at the time, I thought nothing of it. I giggled away at him getting things wrong in that ‘funny voice’. However, as an adult, I’m horrified that there was a time in which this stereotype was acceptable.

Final Thoughts

It still has that charm, but it certainly won’t be on my regular rewatch list any time soon.

The Suicide Squad (2021)

Rating 15
Length 2h12
Release 30.7.2021
Director James Gunn
About The government sends the most dangerous supervillains in the world — Bloodsport, Peacemaker, King Shark, Harley Quinn and others — to the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese. Armed with high-tech weapons, they trek through the dangerous jungle on a search-and-destroy mission, with only Col. Rick Flag on the ground to make them behave.
Moon: We get a waxing crescent moon right at the beginning.
Where to Watch: Most cinemas
Trailer:

The Good

  • How does James Gunn curate the perfect soundtrack?! The Suicide Squad is no exception. From the legendary Johnny Cash to the earworm indie rock band The Fratellis; on paper they stand at odds with each other. However, on the screen, they enhance the story and become the album I must have on my phone.
  • The dialogue is to die for. The quick witted humour is perfect for those who love the work of Kevin Smith and Dan Harmon. It’s still on brand for James Gunn, but the Disney reigns have been removed. There will be times when you’d laugh in that ‘I cannot believe they got away with this’ way. It is joyous.
  • Idris Elba and Viola Davis being in the movie astounds me from the get go. Seeing them in a scene together and going toe to toe made me so very fucking happy. These are two actors that I will forever make time for. They’re powerhouses and our generation of Actors. Yet, here they are, having the time of their lives and playing cops and robbers. It takes a certain calibre of talent that can do that.
  • There’s some stunning cinematography in this outing. It’s not something that Franqois Truffant is going to cream himself over because it’s not ‘high brow’ enough, but it certainly got my attention. There’s a scene in which we watch a bulk of it via a reflection and it is made this film geek happy. Now, it might not age well and in 20 years it might look cheap as fuck, however right now it is just beautiful.
  • My two MVPs are King Shark and Sebastian. Both have this conceit of being absolutely adorable and murderous bastards. King Shark provides this childlike joy and humour and I love that he’s voiced by Stallone.
    Sebastian, on the other hand, gave me so much cute. Yup, I ‘awwww’d’ about 4 or 5 times at that god-damn rat. That rat, that mute, expressive and charming rat stole my heart and might have even had me choke up. Fucking James Gunn man. First a tree and a trash panda, now a anthropomophic shark and a rat. Genius! Mad, evil, genius.

The Bad

  • It’s a little on the long side. About 30 minutes too long for me. It does try to keep the pace, but there’s a clunky, choppy flow to the narrative that I don’t think will allow this film to hold up to repeated viewings.

The Ugly

  • The violence is hardcore. It’s a blend of surreal and real which I personally love, however it may be too much for some viewers and I would certainly argue that this film’s violence warrants and 18 rating.

Final Thoughts

A DC film using the Marvel playbook. Its a good watch for someone uninvested, so I’d imagine someone who is loving the DCMU (I’m a DC TVU girl) will be very happy with the outcome.

Iron Man 3 (2013) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 2h10
Release 18.4.2013
Director Shane Black
About Tony Stark encounters a formidable foe called the Mandarin. After failing to defeat his enemy, Tony embarks on a journey of self-discovery as he fights against the powerful Mandarin.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Disney+
Trailer:

First Thoughts

I’ve actually only seen this instalment once. I went with one of my best friends at the time, we went to the new cinema in Leeds and I remember getting told that I couldn’t have a packet of sweets in the screen. I could have them, but they had to be in their special boxes. Something that caused more noise than had I just been able to eat them out of the packet. Sigh.
I remember more about going with the friend than I did about the film itself. I remember really liking it and I remember we talked for ages after about what it meant for the franchise. Man, I miss him and our mate dates.

The Good

  • I love the framing of the film. Tony Stark’s voiceover is awesome. It pulls you in and makes you feel like he is addressing you. Which is made all the better if you hang out to the end of the credits. It’s not the audience he’s addressing, but one of his new Super friends.
  • The script is on point. From the subtly of “I had created demons and I didn’t even know it.” to the snigger inducing “I’m not trying to be a dick-” pause to allow the camera to pan to children within ear shot “-tator”.
  • The story, at first, seems to be struggling with a balancing act of bad guys. Almost in the same way as Spiderman 3. However, as it unravels its much more nuanced than that. How they all connect is a stroke of genius.
  • As for the Mandarin. I had major issues with both the fact that the Mandarin was a fake and that he was played by Brit Ben Kingsley. However, on this repeat I truly do like how it plays out and how Kingsley performs. While not being able to express my dislike at the time, it boiled down to appropriation and negative implications of this representation of terrorism. Now, appropriation is something that has come up before with Kingsley. He actually is of English and Indian decent and it does appear that his ethnicity does give him a chameleon quality that when you stop to think about, makes the casting choice so much deeper.
  • I love Harley and the relationship between him and Tony. Perhaps the films first foray at establishing the New Avengers. I guess that remains to be seen, but even from an isolated film point of view its a beautiful touch. Harley is able to ask questions and offer insights that no one else could. It also showed us that Stark really is a good mentor.
  • The best part of this film? How it addresses PTSD. Here we have a rich man who has escaped death many times. He’s Iron Man. Yet his own body is reacting to the trauma of New York. Okay, he’s not a God but he’s certainly privileged. Yet this is something he can’t throw money at, he can’t engineer a fix. He has to experience it, just like everyone else. I can only imagine how much this will have meant to fans. To boys, to men, who struggle to talk about these sort of experiences?! I absolutely love this exploration of mental health.

The Bad

  • I’m not sure how much I buy the history between Pepper and Aldrich. Not enough to believe that Aldrich has resentment towards Tony over her. The bit that perhaps is missing, is her involvement in the 1999 flashback.
  • Pepper screaming “Tonaaay!” got very old, very quickly.

The Ugly

  • The glossing over Pepper’s powers really saddens me. I think it was owing to the fact that there was not going to be another Iron Man movie in which to explore that story. However, it was too neat, to easy a fix and it was done off screen.
    She deserved much more. Both Pepper and Paltrow.
  • In fact, the end for me was a little too rushed and we didn’t get enough of a polished ending that did justice to many of the secondary characters; Happy and Rhodey included.

Final Thoughts

Quite possibly my new favourite of my rewatch. Watching it today has actually made sad that there isn’t another solo outing for us. I will also be adding this film to my Christmas watch list.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 2h04
Release 29.7.2011
Director Joe Johnson
About During World War II, Steve Rogers decides to volunteer in an experiment that transforms his weak body. He must now battle a secret Nazi organisation headed by Johann Schmidt to defend his nation.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix (until 14th August)
Trailer:

The Good

  • This film has a dream cast; Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Hayley Atwell and Stanley Tucci to name but a few of the heavy hitters in this origin story.
  • At the heart of this film is the relationships. From the mentor, mentee to the best friends and the romantic. This is a film that strikes just the right balance.
  • The wonderful Neal McDonough always makes a film that little bit better. Add with him a team of soldiers that include Sebastian Stan’s Bucky Barnes and you have an incredible middle act.

The Bad

  • I’m not a fan of Red Skull and the face. I think I perhaps would have preferred a later reveal. I often think this way when films have prominent actors hidden behind masks like this.

The Ugly

  • It’s has a very clunky first half as we’re introduced to all of the characters. Part of the issue is the back and forth between characters until the audience know who is involved.

Final Thoughts

One of the best origin stories out there on film and part of that is due to Chris Evans’ performance.

The Faculty (1998)

Rating 15
Length 1h 44
Release 9.4.1999
Director Robert Rodriguez
About Students suspect that their teachers are aliens after bizarre occurrences

The Good

  • That cold opening is amazing. It’s something many of us growing up at the time would be familiar with,having watched X-Files and Buffy.
  • I love that the film challenges the stereotypes. While some aren’t as convincing as others, I like that it tried. My favourite being that Zeke isn’t a flunk or a burn out. He’s really intelligent. In fact, flunking out to remain in high school with his best clients is probably the smartest move he could have made. Each of the Breakfast Club ensemble challenge their own identity throughout the movie. I frigging love it.
  • The dialogue is clever, fast paced and so much of it has a pay off.
  • Stupid thing to notice, but I love that all the girls have chipped nail varnish. The film isn’t trying to be visually polished and perfect. It’s grunge and totally more Kerrang than the gloss of MTV.
  • The deaths, the violence and the gore is on point for Rodriquez’ more adult offerings.
  • This has one awesome soundtrack. From a reworking of Alice Cooper’s I’m Eighteen, to the vocal stylings of Oasis during the credits; this is a 90s soundtrack of the highest order.

The Bad

  • Salam Hayek is utterly wasted in this film. Her nurse who is saving her sick days for when she’s feeling well all but disappears after the first 20 minutes. It’s a total shame.
  • The CGI in places is really ropey. If you emulate a film that still stands up today; you really do need to bring your A-game. I’m not advocating for better CGI either. I think both The Thing (which The Faculty has many references to) and American Werewolf in London prove, that nothing beats practical effects.

The Ugly

  • Famke Jansen is not right as Miss Burke. I’ve never found her meek, weak and vulnerable portrayals all that convincing, but its even more apparent in this film when she is having to then play the opposite. With both, she is at the very extreme and its all a little too much, too panto and, based on that final scene, a little too rapey.
  • Do all things that hire Robert Patrick have to make him do ‘the run’?

Final Thoughts

What is not to love? It’s the best of horror and sci-if, with nods and Easter eggs for the geeks.

X Files – I Want to Believe (2008)

Rating 15
Length 1h 44
Release 1.8.2008
Director Chris Carter
About Though FBI special agent Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and his partner Dr. Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) once chased things that go bump in the night, his tireless search for the truth out there has led to his professional exile. However, a missing-persons case leads to the agents’ reunion, along with an encounter with a priest (Billy Connolly) who may or may not be experiencing psychic visions.

First Things First

Right now, I’m sat kicking myself for not seeing this in the cinema. I worked there, for Mulder’s sake. I actually have a vivid memory. An almost ‘Sliding Doors’ moment in which I was done for the evening and the last showing of the day was about to begin. I passed up on the opportunity.
Now, it’s at this point I should clarify, I was possibly one of the strangest ‘fans’. I was such a fan that I wore a Mulder and Scully watch for at least 4 years, even though I’d probably only seen a handful of episodes.
Yeah, I was 8 years old when Scully was sent to spy on Mulder, so I was only allowed to press record on the VCR and watch up until that distinctive theme song. It wasn’t until 1996 or so when it had moved to Saturday nights, that I saw my first full episode. Can you imagine it; being banned from watching the show, but being bought the merch by the same parent?! Then again, this was the same person who, without fail, would buy me a board game every Christmas and refuse to play it with me. Go figure.
Much like a lot of my teens fandoms; Buffy, Star Trek and Angel… I fell a little out of love with X Files. I’d not taken it upon myself to do a rewatch (or a first watch) and I just felt very disengaged in 2008.
However, it’s now 2021. I’ve spent the last few months watching all 9 seasons, and one movie, leading up to this one. I’d been dreading it, I won’t lie.

The Good

  • It’s X Files. Even with its flaws, I’m in. You’re giving me Mulder and Scully. You’re in theory giving me together Mulder and Scully. What’s not to love. It certainly has its moments that will have any fan happy. When they’re together on screen, its frigging awesome.
  • It’s a story that is that perfect middle ground. It’s the supernatural rather than the mythology that, at times, bogged the show down. I love the alien shit, but I think the fatal flaw of the franchise is that it wavered too much on that line of ‘are the aliens real?’. At least this keeps it conspiracy lite. Well, except for the priest with a taste for choir boys.
  • Speaking of the whole pedophilia subplot. It was a powerful thing to address considering this would have still been a rather raw subject, for American viewers in particular. The Boston sex abuse scandal was only exposed in 2002. I’m sure Carter was trying to say something profound about this dirty secret of the Catholic Church. I’m not sure it works completely, but damn I’m still impressed he tried.
  • The editing in the opening was excellent. It was unsettling and lacking context, but it worked. It was something very different to what we’ve come to expect of X Files and it really got my attention.
  • Billy Connolly, while giving me the creeps, was a delight to see on screen. Rather strange to see him without his beard, but given his character I was glad of that disassociation.

The Bad

  • I struggled with Scully’s B-Plot storyline. It felt a little too contrived and almost a plot device hiding in plain sight. The film needed a bit of a change in editing (Like, don’t give me shifty looks to the Father, when the other one was a convicted pedophile, and not give me a resolution to that either way). It’s a shame, because when Gillian Anderson’s scenes worked, it was powerful.
  • This is the ‘ship that coined the term ‘shipping’. So why the fuck does the film play them off against each other for most of the movie?! Why, after EVERYTHING Scully has seen, is she still a skeptic? Both the relationship, and Scully herself are completely devolved to fit the narrative. It does all fans a disservice.
  • Our new Mulder/Scully, Dogget/Reyes. I don’t get them and they’re booted out of the script halfway through. While I adore Amanda Peet and she does an amazing job, put Agent Monica Reyes in that role and it blows the whole thing open and adds investment.
    Then there’s Xzibit as Agent Drummy as the overly-aggressive skeptic. The biggest problem being that there’s no chemistry between him and Mulder…. so he just ends up shouting.

The Ugly

  • That fucking beard! What the fuck, man?! I get that the film was trying to show that Mulder was not the same, but did we really need him to wear such a bad joke-shop stick-on beard?! It was cheap, it was tacky and it lasted so much of the movie.

Final Thoughts

There are worse episodes that feel way longer than this outing. It is flawed and I did shout “Oh, fuck off Scully.” At the tv screen. Something I’ve not done since mid-series 3.
As much as this was made as a stand alone to bring in the uninitiated, I doubt the franchise would gain any fans from watching this first.