Category: Ramblings

Mental Health- Realising you’ve escaped an abusive relationship Part TWO: Advice for identifying and dealing with a sociopath

Mental Health- Realising you’ve escaped an abusive relationship Part TWO: Advice for identifying and dealing with a sociopath

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I’m sorry this has taken so long to write. The previous post took a hell of a lot out of me emotionally; it led to a week of panic attacks and a rather violent nightmare. Once again, there will be some candid insights that you may not be comfortable reading.

First few dates/ getting to know them

Don’t be so open about yourself; don’t let your date know everything. It’s a hard thing to do, I’m sure… You’re learning things about each other and if you’re anything like me; you’ll want to be truthful.

Don’t text every day. This may be a routine s/he sets up and it’s set up for the final stages when they’re moving on to a new victim (horrible word, but as this whole relationship will be built up to make it look like YOU’RE to blame, OWN that word)

Don’t open up a conversation about previous relationships, especially if you were badly treated (*waves* this isn’t my first sociopath); they’ll use it against you.

When it progresses

Have an open and frank conversation about what the relationship if you feel it’s progressing (Dick’s profile said ‘l’m looking for casual relationships’- yes, the plural should have given it away. However, meeting him, he was giving off a vibe of anti-casual. In hindsight, he engineered it that way. All other women were ‘friends’ from work he was having dinner with, when he spent weekends with them; he was going to spend time with his dad. These were not lies either… omissions, I should not feel like it’s cheating. By comparison, I was communicating with Bob a little time before I met Dick. Bob was very clear and open about it being casual. Most people looking for casual will set that early on)

If you’re sexually active, ensure you BOTH get what you need. Hint: alarm bells if the first time he is due to stay over you’re on your period and he still intends to come. It’s a set up to ensure you become the ‘selfless lover’ in his stack of girls. It’ll seem sweet and that he just wants to look after you, but believe me he’s only after his own end here.

Don’t compromise your wants for his; especially if there is no return. I agreed to no children, no marriage and him sleeping with many women. He gave nothing but challenges in return.

If you suspect

Talk to people, your friends; you are compromised and your voice will be going ‘but he’s so lovely; you’re just being paranoid’. And, I cannot STRESS this enough LISTEN TO THEM. Don’t be like me and tell him because you know what comes next?! This man (or woman), will sow seeds of doubt and convince you that the reason you’re not working is because people know about ‘us’. You’ll shut down and lie to your friends. Go on, tell yourself you wouldn’t do that! Before Dick, I’d have said the same.

If you start getting ‘that’s not what I said’, ‘I didn’t mean it that way’ or the Dick classic ‘I was drunk, you can’t hold it against me’ it’s time to get out. This is gaslighting (look it up) and it will destroy you to your core; he’ll use these phrases with such confidence that you will start to doubt yourself.

When you know

Get out! Get out! Get out! When you get that momentary strength to block his number; do it. You’ll have that break up feeling and want to make things right. Don’t… just run with that feeling and let him go.

The fallout

Music is your friend- Taylor Swift (Yes, Tay Tay) has become my girl. Whatever your music, keep it on, keep it loud… it’ll blast your memories. It’s important, so important that you distract yourself.

Personal one for me- don’t reach out to the ex of the ex. It’ll stop you from moving on and chances are he’s lied to her. (Yep, I reached out. It was stupid; but I wanted a survivor who understood. She didn’t. I’ve got to admit though, I’ve been feeling so much better since I blocked her on twitter, having discovered her co-blogger who I’d not even spoken to had blocked me and I was gaining the passive aggressive silent treatment. To be fair, I’d started to feel guilty for feeling this pain; she was with him longer. I felt bad for dating him so soon after they split, but I didn’t know until a good few months in)

Even if he blocks you, block him back. He’ll come crawling back when you least suspect it and you’ll be right back where you started.

If you’re feeling vulnerable; avoid alcohol at all costs. It will make you weak and you could do things you regret.

Pinterest- this is a double-edged sword; it’s a vast wealth of information that will help you understand that what happened to you, however, your ‘suggested’ pins do soon become filled with ‘how to recognise a sociopath’ if you’re not careful.

Do not allow anything you love to be taken away from you. Don’t avoid places or watching things because you associate them with him; I guarantee he doesn’t think twice about taking him to somewhere you considered special to the both of you (NY Fold and Prince Charles Cinema. Hell, Dick took me to Jamie’s Italian to inform me that he could never see me again because he’d ‘fallen in love’ with his crush from ten years’ previous and it reminded him how little he liked me now. He dumped me in my favourite restaurant. He also showed Leon, my favourite film, to one of his conquests after a conversation we had about it being one of my favourite films.

Don’t expect it to be a normal breakup; you may even suffer PTSD. You are grieving the loss of a relationship, the ‘death’ of a person that never existed and most importantly, the pain of knowing you were duped.

Personal one for me- Have a crush on someone. They’re sweet, they’re safe and they ease the pain, even if it’s just a little. It’s not perfect, but having those little butterflies for a beautiful man out of my league have given me a little bit of a boost. Knowing I have no chance helps keep me grounded and prevent me from making an ass of myself.

Remember- You are amazing, wonderful and better than the treatment you accepted. He will never know the love you gave him, he’ll never feel it. However, you will find someone who will love you, cherish you and, most importantly, the perfect person will be your equal.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child #theatrereview #Han

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

I remember the first movie coming out and experiencing my first taste of disapproval from my mother. (Okay, okay… not my first, I was going for a dramatic nostalgic effect)
She was sat at our dedicated chair for the phone; a phone seat if you will. Talking to my nan, telling her that I had been to see Philosopher’s Stone four times.
I thought it was funny to correct her; I held up 6 digits proudly. Uh oh; big mistake. At the time, I boiled it down to ‘wasting’ money, but I think it was more about the fact that she hadn’t known where I was. It begged the question; what else was I doing? (Literally, nothing)

So, what would my dear mother make of me seeing Cursed Child six times with a seventh already booked? Aside from the fact that she would be having kittens with me living in London in the current climate… yeah, I wouldn’t be telling you how many times I’d seen it.

Why is it a show that I keep going back to? Am I a Dumbledore; blinded by love of Potter? Am I someone who just can’t say no, or is there something more to this theatrical production?

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Story

The story starts at that famous (infamous to some) epilogue; Harry is seeing his two sons off to Hogwarts.
Albus Severus Potter is our protagonist for Cursed Child and we are taken on his adventure; making friends, fixing problems of the past and finding his way out of his father’s heavy shadow. He’s helped along the way by Scorpius Malfoy who also has a cross to bear and issues with his father and Delphi; a woman who helps them on their quest.
It’s trade mark Potter with some wonderful reveals and surprises, and I would advise anyone who has yet to see it, to avoid reading the script.

Cast
Original Cast

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There were so many of the cast that were spot on that I was incredibly worried about when the production planned to recast. The core three were brilliant and Jamie Parker particularly as Harry Potter was dream casting in the highest regard.

However, my special mentions have to go to Alex Price and Anthony Boyle who played Draco and Scorpius respectively. They were amazing, Boyle’s Scorpius was a comic genius and the geek in us all. Never have I ever fallen in love with a literary character so quickly. His pain and passion billowed off the stage in waves.

Price As Draco put the character in a whole new light. I did have an understudy for one performance and it was at that point I realised Alex Price Was MY Draco. Not only that, I had a bit of a crush on Draco.

Second Cycle Cast

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Again, a very strong cast with too many people to mention. However, I will explore my favourites.

Both Thomas Aldridge and Rakie Ayola as power couple Ron and Hermione were a particular favourite of mine; while one scene in the ministry fell flat at the performance for me, they give their all and that scene perhaps pales because of how well the previous actors played the parts.

Aldridge wins my heart for his ability to change my opinion of his incarnation. When I saw the cast announced, I was adamant he wasn’t Ron. I was gladly mistaken; he had the humour, charm and flaws of an adult Weasley. While my crush has not wavered from Draco, despite the change of actor, there’s a little bit of love now there for Ron too.

Anyone in doubt of the casting of Hermione just need to see the beautiful, wonderful Ayola in the role. Noma Dumezweni did indeed do a grand job, but for me Ayola Is the embodiment of Hermione. She has the firmness that Noma presented, but she balances this with a softer expression of knowledge the passion.

Samuel Blenkin as Scorpius is excellent, especially considering the large shoes he had to fill. I was a bit concerned at the beginning and was worried that he would over play the nervousness. Boy, was I wrong. The first act of the second part can sometimes feel like the weakest part of the whole play; however, Blenkin adds something I can’t put my finger on. It’s wonderfully refreshing.

 

Production (music, set, costume, lighting)

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All of the production is of the highest quality I’ve ever seen in a play. At times, it is like seeing literal magic on the stage; sets change seamlessly making the most of props and costumes to add flare to the proceedings.

The lighting is something to marvel; it hides as much as it reveals and allows you to immerse yourself in the world. Just keep your eye out for a battle between Harry and Draco; it’s every fan’s dream.

The music, Instrumental editions of songs by Imogen Heap are stunning and immersive. Those of you expecting J Williams’ iconic tune will be sorely disappointed, but there is no place for it amongst the emotive melodies

Wind River- 18 #filmreview #Han

Wind River- 18
Release date 8.9.17

From IMBD: An FBI agent teams with a town’s veteran game tracker to investigate a murder that occurred on a Native American reservation.

It’s not an ‘enjoyable’ watch by any stretch of the imagination, however it is well made and worthy of sharing a shelf with the likes of Leon, Straw Dogs and Seven. It’s based on real events; and contains a message that people do need to hear.

The good
With the brutal atmosphere of Seven and unrelenting violence of Leon, Wind River is the crime thriller of the year. Both Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen are incredibly moving in their roles.
Renner’s tormented game tracker Cory Lambert is pure unadulterated grief. It’s painful, yet cathartic to watch. Olsen is likable as out of her depth FBI officer, Jane. Her chemistry with Renner and the other actors brings some light to the dark plot.
The representation of Native American culture is sincere and full of political and social commentary. It’s quite refreshing to be taken into an atmospheric environment relatively unseen in mainstream film.

The final third of the film is where the film shines; all the pieces fall into place and the action heats up. After an epic Leon-worthy show down, the film wraps up with one of the best revenge face-offs I’ve seen. It teared me up worse than Jean Reno’s ‘This is for Matilda.’

The thing I love most of all about Wind River, is its commentary on forms of mental health; from the grieving parent to the lost teen to the isolated worker without home comforts. We need more films like this, preferably ones not so violent and more accessible to a younger audience.

The bad
It does have a slow build that I may not have sat through had I watched it at home. However, having it on the big screen allows you to appreciate the landscape shots and intimate dialogue between friends within the community.

The ugly
The victim that is the catalyst for the whole narrative is a victim of rape. It’s a hard scene to watch, and worthy of the films 18 rating. It is far from gratuitous and ensures you know that this traumatic event happens to women across the world; the disappearance and abuse of Native American women being one minority that repeatedly goes unreported.

 

One Wish by Michelle Harrison #bookreview #gem

One Wish by Michelle Harrison
Buy Here

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Wow, this was such an amazing book! It was funny, full of wonderful descriptions and the characters were all brilliant. Turpin was a personal favourite, she reminded me a bit of Tinkerbell – a mischievous little madame, but intent on protecting Ratty much like Tinkerbell protected Peter Pan. Throughout the book there were ideas that reminded me of classic stories I had read when I was younger such as The Magic Faraway Tree and Five Children and It and I think Michelle Harrison has taken some of those basics and given them a thoroughly modern twist to bring it up to date with what children enjoy reading now; all the classic elements are still there, just written in a way that is very accessible to youngsters now. This is the prequel to her Thirteen Treasures series, a series I haven’t actually read, and this book is a story within itself so can be read as a stand alone novel if you wish. Personally I will now be getting the Thirteen Treasure series because I have been mesmerised by Michelle’s story telling. A brilliant novel, perfect for boys and girls who like adventure stories with a bit of magic 🙂

Flashes by Tim O’Rourke #bookreview #gem

Flashes by Tim O’Rourke
Buy it Here

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My favourite genres of YA and crime are perfectly blended in “Flashes”. The novel jumps straight into the action of the story without need for unnecessary build up, and Charley is an immediately likeable character. As her flashes coincide with bad things happening, and once she has met PC Henson, the pace ramps up even further as they desperately try and work out who is the baddie behind the killings. The novel is well plotted, with little clues hidden throughout the text, and if you get to the end without knowing who the killer is it will be a great twist! I guessed really early on who the killer was (mainly because I read so much crime fiction I deliberately look out for any little hints!) but that didn’t detract from my enjoyment, I loved seeing how the story would play out and noticing all the red herrings that were put in front of me as a reader. It’s a really clever balance between a crime thriller and a supernatural story – it’s written in such a way that I wholeheartedly believed that Charley’s flashes were real.
A great story, although I would say don’t read it whilst your spending the day getting trains and tubes around London like I did – I was terrified someone was going to push me in front of them!

Follies #theatrereview #Han

Follies

From the NT website: New York, 1971. There’s a party on the stage of the Weismann Theatre. Tomorrow the iconic building will be demolished. Thirty years after their final performance, the Follies girls gather to have a few drinks, sing a few songs and lie about themselves.

Including such classic songs as Broadway Baby, I’m Still Here and Losing My Mind, Stephen Sondheim’s legendary musical is staged for the first time at the National Theatre.

It was okay.

That’s all I could say as I left the theatre tonight. Which is an utter shame, because the components that made up the play; from the actors, to the sets are outstanding.

The outstanding

All of the actors were incredible. The notes they hit and the length in which they held them; wow!

The set was stunning. From the centre piece of the crumbling Follies frontage to the expansive space that was used for the largest numbers. Being in the Oliver of the NT helps to ensure everyone got a good view.

The outfits were stunning; they sparkled dazzlingly thanks to Swarovski and the outfits did go some of the way to distinguish between the two parallel narratives.

The ‘mirror dance’ scene was a particular favourite of mine; the dance routine becoming a mirror of the young and older characters.

The good

The plot wasn’t your typical sickly sweet, boy meets girl and run off into the sunset, tale that you might expect. Instead it’s a reflection of life, faded dreams, depression, unfulfilled expectations. It was a little dark and twisty; and I really didn’t mind that.

There were solid acting performances from everyone, but a special mention must be given to Imelda Staunton. Having seen her recently in Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe? I was pleasantly surprised to see her portray such a weak, small and undone character. Bloody hell, she did it well.

The bad

As much as there are many other great things i could mention, I really didn’t enjoy it. Two things pulled me back from the immersive quality of the play.

Firstly, the duel narrative. It has to have it, don’t get me wrong; however I’ve seen it done a little more to my preference. I found it a little choppy and as a play that’s running time is 2 hrs 15 without an interval; I could have done without some of the chorus reliving their youth as well.

Secondly, the music is not my thing. Having read up on the music since, there’s a lyrical motif that plays throughout the songs. But boy, don’t you notice it.

It’s not even the repetition of the particular melody that grated on me most; it was what I felt was an overuse of particular instruments. The first third of the play was string heavy; I don’t have enough of an ear to pinpoint the instrument but it’s was definitely of the string. It was breaking my heart and making me wonder if I would have returned, had there been an interval.

However, for the final few songs there was a change; we got a number that showcased the brass in a jazzy upbeat number, and there was even one that allowed the drums to take on the motif.

Had there been a few more change-ups like that; I’d have been a very happy girl.

Sweetfreak by Sophie McKenzie #bookreview #Han

Sweetfreak by Sophie McKenzie

Buy it here
From Goodreads: A brand new edge-of-your-seat read from bestselling author Sophie McKenzie!
Accused of bullying her best friend, Amelia, online, Carey isn’t prepared for the devastating consequences of online anonymity when the attacks spill over into real life. But who is really behind these vicious comments and threats? And will Carey be able to get to the truth before it’s too late?

Cyber Bully meets Gone Girl, SweetFreak is full of Sophie’s characteristic twists and turns, and will keep you guessing until the very end…

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I love Sophie Mckenzie’s books. They never fail to engage me from start to finish and this was no exception. I stickered so many parts throughout this book; it was far easier than updating my Goodreads every two seconds.

 

Characters
I hated Amelia from the get go; told myself I would tell her to get lost at the very start, knowing too well that I probably would do exactly what Carey did.
I successfully identified the sociopath! Once the story unfolded and we got to meet other people; I was able, through my recent research, identify the traits within a certain character. Oh how I wish I’d been able to read this book a year ago.
Carey is an amazing character and someone everyone would identify with. You might not agree with some of her actions, but you can understand why she would do it.
I found the actions of the parent’s the most alarming; mainly because I think that is exactly how many parents would react.

Plot
The plot, as with any McKenzie book, it full of twists and sinister turns that you think you can predict, but the moment you think you’re sure; the rug will be pulled from right under you.

The narrative explores many different forms of relationships, loyalty and betrayal. Its amazing progression does keep you on edge until the very end and you’re with Carey in suspecting everyone.

Writing
McKenzie’s writing is always gripping and fast paced. It’s comfortable in the sense that you know what you’re getting with the writing and the voices that leap from the page. McKenzie is comfortable bringing out the emotion and hints at a location without having to spend time describing it. There were so many snippets that struck me as things to keep in mind; they ended up as stickers that I intend to go back to when another school holiday comes around.

The Jewel by Amy Ewing #bookreview #Gem

The Jewel by Amy Ewing
Buy it here

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“The Selection meets The Handmaid’s Tale in this darkly riveting debut filled with twists and turns, where all that glitters may not be gold”

That strap line alone would entice me to read this book, and having read it now I agree with the comparisons to The Selection and The Handmaid’s Tale, I’d also say it has shades of Megan MecCafferty’s Bumped in there too.
Violet is a wonderful character and I loved seeing the Jewel through her eyes as she tries to adjust to this new world into which she is forced. Amy Ewing has created a world in which girls like Violet have no choice in their future, they will become surrogates for the Royalty and the way in which this is described is brilliant – it felt scarily believable. The main plot is interesting, and lots of sub-plots add further intrigue! The last few chapters really ramped up the pace and the cliff-hanger ending left me wanting to move straight onto book two! The only problem with reading proofs is that it’s always so long before the next book comes out! I will definitely be reading the next instalment and I have bought about 6/7 copies of this to give to friends, it’s fab!

 

Who Runs the World? by Virgina Bergin #Bookreview #Han

Who Runs the World? by Virgina Bergin 

Buy it here
From Amazon: Sixty years after a virus has wiped out almost all the men on the planet, things are pretty much just as you would imagine a world run by women might be: war has ended; greed is not tolerated; the ecological needs of the planet are always put first. In two generations, the female population has grieved, pulled together and moved on, and life really is pretty good – if you’re a girl. It’s not so great if you’re a boy, but fourteen-year-old River wouldn’t know that. Until she met Mason, she thought they were extinct.

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Characters

I liked the bond between the characters and the way each was formed based upon their upbringing. The older generation speak and act exactly how they would have when they were children.
Interestingly, I thought the main character of River was male at first. I wonder if this is due to there being no gender stereotypes in the world run by women.
Mason, aside from my aversion to the name, was a likeable character and I was happy with his vulnerability and his misconceptions of women.

Plot

I want more. I like where this went and I was happy with the ending, but if this was Hunger Games; River is Katniss and I want her to lead a revolution, or at least I would like to have had the hope that one was on the cards.

The Writing

I loved the use of language to convey the generations. The thought of an elderly person using slang brings me a surprising amount of joy.
It seems a little void of descriptions, which works for me; I don’t need to know what is in the corner of a room or how fresh an apple tastes to get a feel for this world.

Trial by Fire written by Josephine Angelini #bookreview #gem

Trial by Fire by Josephine Angelini
Buy it here

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I loved everything about this book! The story was amazing and intricately plotted, the characters were all unique, well defined and genuinely served to further the action and the descriptions of the places were wonderful.
Lily and her identical other self were captivating, they reminded me of Elena and Katherine in the Vampire Diaries, but the plot adds to their depth of character and makes them even more interesting.
The magic that powers the other world is brilliant, the idea of magic v science was really clever and I loved that it was set in modern times, yet seemed almost medieval.
The tension builds throughout the novel to bring it to a dramatic ending that had me screeching at the book that it couldn’t possibly end there because I wanted the next instalment straight away!
Absolutely riveting!

Soulmates by Holly Bourne #Bookreview #Han

Soulmates by Holly Bourne

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The first book of Holly’s I read was Am I Normal Yet? It talked to me; I related with the anxiety portrayed in the book. She’s my go to writer and I’m off to her next book’s launch on the 20th September.
I devoured the Spinster Saga and I’ve handed them to anyone who was looking for something to read.

Soulmates is Bourne’s debut novel. It only pales because of her writing going from strength to strength. You can see Bourne’s Spinster characters being developed here in this novel and a lot of her style and tone is here too.
There’s what feels like a supernatural element to this romantic story. I had it in my head that Rain and his manager were angels and there was something larger at play. So I was surprised when it fell firmly into reality with a little artistic sudo-science. It was a nice touch. I just wished that I’d read it before the others as it didn’t gel with my expectations.
I liked Poppy; she was a good and well-rounded character. It was just a shame I didn’t really like anyone else, especially Noah who was too Edward Twihard for my liking.

GBBO ramblings #tvreview #Han

GBBO

I’m weak, I wasn’t going to watch; I was going to boycott. However, how can I say no to Noel Bloody Fielding!

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Hosts
We have Sandy and Noel replacing the irreplaceable Mel and Sue.

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Judges
Pru replaces Mary Berry.

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Bakers
Look… gender neutral cakes!

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Opening
“All newbies here, except old blue eyes.” Noel, Noel, Noel… you are amazing.
Close your eyes and Pru sounds like Mary Berry. Oh man, this is making me incredibly weird.
Signature Bake – Fruit Cake
Stacey- I actually would have preferred you to have called it a ‘Buzz Cake’
Liam- 19 years old. “But I like loafs.” I love him. He’s a classroom dream. I can’t wait to see him develop on the show.
Julia- Lemon and courgette cake. Interesting. “How do you squeeze the moisture our of a courgette.” Was that an attempt at an innuendo?
I love the chemistry between Paul and Scouser Flo.
Tom and his gilded pear- where’s the fun innuendo?!
“I don’t know what it is, but I want to stick my finger into it.”- That wasn’t the innuendo that I was after.
Noel attempting to eat the marigold was genius.
Flo- “I’m awfully please.”/ lemon KERD! I love Flo!

 

Technical Challenge- Mini rolls
I LOVE Noel. “Bare bottom”
I’m with Kate though; why would you make them when they’re so easy and yummy to buy?
Liam to comedian Sandy “Yeah, but joking can only take you so far.”- awkward!
Sandy “I can actually feel my hips widening as we do this.”
Liam’s rolls- “This is art.” Bless.

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Show Stopper- Illusion Cake
“Looking forward to the moist clutch.”- I’m only allowing this ‘close to the knuckle’ innuendo because it was Noel who said it.

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Julia! Oh Julia “Outside is Russian like me, the inside is British, well like me now.” I love her analogy of her Victoria sponge Russian doll cake. I love that GBBO is still at the forfront of celebrating Britain as a rainbow nation.
Sophie and that Champagne bottle. Eeeeek, that wasn’t innuendo, that was pure tacky.
Noel puts It right when he says the standards are high this year. Proven when Steven pulls that BLT sandwich and loaf of bread out the bag.

Final Moments
Star Baker– Steven
Home– Peter
Next week: Buiscuits
Predictions and final thoughts
It still feels the same and I am loving Noel. However, the humour, despite having two very funny hosts, isn’t quite right. The obvious innuendos are missing, and the ones that they do hit, they either fall flat or are a little too close to being sleazy.
Final 3 (This isn’t a Nadiya year, I don’t have the confidence in a single baker)- Steven, Flo and Kate.

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