Category: Ramblings

Film Review: Three Wishes (1995)

Length: 1Hr 55

Rating: PG

Release: 15th December 1995

About: Description

When single mother Jeanne Holman (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) turns to avoid hitting a dog with her station wagon, she unwittingly hits bearded drifter Jack McCloud (Patrick Swayze). Against the protests of her scandalized neighbors, Holman insists that the injured man stay at the Holman residence to heal. As the eccentric McCloud recovers from the accident, he becomes a positive influence on — and an unexpected father figure to — her young sons, Tom (Joseph Mazzello) and Gunny (Seth Mumy).

For Starters

I am pretty certain I saw this in the cinema. The only thing I’m not sure about, is who I went with. I’m convinced it wasn’t my birthday movie so it must have been a pre-Christmas trip with my neighbour. However, what I’m certain of is that it was something I chose to watch because ‘the kid from Jurassic Park’ was in it. It was one of many films I coerced my mum and others into taking me to see with that line. Jurassic Park also saw me watch Tremors at a much younger age than I should have because Mazzello’s onscreen sister was in it.

Anyway, I definitely saw it in the cinema and I think I’ve only seen it that one time before today. I have fond, feel good, memories linked to it.

The Good

• Its a beautiful story; the sort that isn’t made today. That dreamy, feel good nostalgic look at the 50s that was seen in films like Now and Then, Stand By Me and Forest Gump.

• At its heart this is a baseball movie. Tom and his team pretty much suck, but over the course of the film, they improve enough to win a game. As much as I would have loved to have seen more of this, it was more about Tom earning his place within the group that segregates him.

• What struck me when watching this time was the Buddhism approach to baseball that Patrick Swayze’s Jack teaches the boys. Not only does it help transform the boys and helps them win, the coach embraces the approach Jack offers. It’s quite a stark contrast to the toxic masculine leadership originally shown and something I couldn’t appreciate at the time.

• Joe Mazzello demonstrates once again why he was one of the best child actors around. His chemistry with Patrick Swayze is something I truly love; the distrust that melts away to accept a different father figure that the 50s was pumping out. How Tom is treated is heartbreaking; he’s not accepted because he doesn’t have a father. Mazzello has this amazing way of being a brat, but you knowing deep down he’s a good (if not impressionable) kid. There are actors out there who would make Tom an unlikable character, but it’s with scenes like the batting practice that shows you how much Tom wants to be happy.

• I love how strong the film allows Jeanne to be. In a period of time in which is was expected for her to remarry, she passes up a proposal and chooses to raise her boys alone. It’s empowering as a female viewer

• Finally… a film that shows the passage of time with the moon. This is silly, but I’ve been very frustrated to see a full moon in pretty much every single tv show or movie that shows the night sky. I was so very happy to see that when the moon appears for a second scene, days later, it is in fact waning.

The Bad

• The fantasy element is really good and I really wish there was more to it. This suffers in much the same way as Radio Flyer, the fantasy is so subtle you wonder if it really takes place. In Three Wishes, it might just be the case; the fantasy aspects only really present themselves once Gunny is diagnosed with cancer. It’s a shame, as if this was the main focus it would have added a lot of charm.

• Phil, the man courting Jeanne, is a dick. I really hate that he’s in it at all although I understand why. He enables the commentary of Jeanne ‘having’ to remarry in order to fit in within the nuclear families that were blossoming in the prefab homes.

The Ugly

• The target audience is a little unclear and while it’s sold as a family film, there’s a little too much adult-only screen time for little ones to enjoy and it really has such a slow pace that I don’t think would make this an all time favourite with adults.

• The narration approach doesn’t work with how the story unravels. We discover at the end that it was being ‘told’ by Tom. Yet there was so much of what we see that Tom wouldn’t know. I think it’s in this where the answer lies; he should have been the sole protagonist rather than it being an omnipresent narrator. By having that shift and perhaps allowing him in on the fantasy Gunny sees, it would make for a much more fluid story.

Final Thoughts

I’m so very glad I watched it again. I’m having fun going back and watching Maxzello’s early work. There was also a lovely surprise in catching sight of a pre-Arrowverse Neal McDonough and a pre-Gilmore Girls Scott Patterson.

It’s by no means perfect, but it’s a perfect Sunday afternoon watch with family.

Meat Market by Juno Dawson

Details: Jana Novak is catapulted to superstardom when she’s scouted by a model agency. But the fashion industry is as grimy as it is glamorous, and there are predators at every turn.

Meat Market is the read of 2019!
I’ve read all of Juno’s work since 2014 and I’d just arrived in London. I’d been given news that an amazing up and coming author who loved Point Horror just as much as me was going to be a contestant on a literary radio game show. Juno was the first published author I’d ever met and the experience was AMAZING.
I can’t deny that Juno’s back catalogue represents a talent I’ve not seen elsewhere in a long time. However, even then, there was just something about Juno’s books that didn’t match the person I’d met.
Then came Clean and I realised what it was. Juno had yet to give her full self to her books, Hell, everything before Clean is flawlessly written and I adore Say Her Name (It’s my favourite non PH EVER), but Clean was real. There was no holding back and it’s what made it the success it was.
I’m not going to lie, I didn’t think Juno could do better. Not because of any limitations, but because I didn’t think anyone could craft something better than Clean.

Then I got two chapters into Meat Market and I realised just quite how wrong I was. What hit me first was that voice. It was a carefully crafted, fully engaging and lyrically beautiful voice that Jana was given. I’ve never wanted to be a model (I’m 5’5 and a hippo in human skin. Seriously, I often think there’s a hidden zipper back there and a Slitheen is going to come farting its way out), so I was half expecting this to be a surface read for me, but I was full invested before we even left Thorpe Park.

The story pulls no punches and you get an itchy sense of foreboding very early on, but you do fall under the same spell as Jana and you are convinced that things aren’t as bad as they seem. Until they really, truly, fucking are and as a reader, you’ll be gasping for air and begging your stomach to keep calm.
It mirrors the time so aptly, so cleverly, that Juno Dawson will forever be the woman that has done for modelling, vulnerable young girls using YA literature what Shonda Rhymes has done for women, people of colour and politics within the realms of TV.
Meat Market is not a book you go into to enjoy, there are elements that make that a side effect. No, you read Meat Market to become an educated, informed and empowered individual regardless of gender. This is a book that makes you feel uncomfortable, demands you sit up and evaluate the systems that society have allowed to exist for too long. Dawson dares you to understand that there are no excuses left, that there’s nowhere predators should be allowed to hide and, most importantly, that no one should ever accept being shut down or silenced when it comes to the #metoo movement.

We often talk about how Handmaid’s Tale is a groundbreaking, trailblazing, story that is still relevant today. It would be so easy to compare Meat Market to Atwood’s dystopian future, but it would do Juno Dawson a disservice. What Dawson has done is groundbreaking in its own merit.

Blog Tour: Beauty Sleep by Kathryn Evans

Published: 4th April 2019
Publisher: Usborne
Pages: 336
About: Who am I? What am I? When am I?
Laura can’t remember who she is. But the rest of the world knows. Because Laura is famous – a dying girl who was frozen until she could be cured. A real-life Sleeping Beauty.
But what happens when you wake up one day and the world has moved on forty years? Could you build a new life – while solving the mystery of what happened to the old one?

Characters

Laura is a stunning and vulnerable character that you wi ll instantly fall in love with. She has the nostalgic brilliance of an 80s girl in a modern world. Shem is a completely different type of vulnerable. He’s a lost boy, abandoned my the society around him.

Plot

It’s a thrilling mystery that you’re thrown into; one that is fast paced and will have your heart in your mouth the entire time. I don’t want to give too many details as it would ruin the experience of reading. You’ll want to figure the mystery behind Laura right away, but not before you experience life at a boarding school.

Writing

I fell into the writing of this book. It’s almost as if it was written for me in a style that would easily transfer to film; something I hope it eventually does. Having a protagonist from a different time allows for some changes in language to be explained. That type of language prediction is something I love. There’s an asymmetry to the duel narrative that with any other writer would not work, but Evans makes it work and ensures the perspective of Shem adds to the story, rather than detracts.
While it’s compared to Stranger Things and Black Mirror, I feel it takes the best from each and makes it something much more accessible.

Final Thoughts

It’s the perfect read for those who love Big, Back to the Future and Pretty Little Liars as well as the aforementioned Black Mirror and the brilliant Stranger Things.

Detective Pikachu

Length: 1Hr 45

Rating: PG

Release: 10th May 2019

About:

Ace detective Harry Goodman goes mysteriously missing, prompting his 21-year-old son, Tim, to find out what happened. Aiding in the investigation is Harry’s former Pokémon partner, wise-cracking, adorable super-sleuth Detective Pikachu. Finding that they are uniquely equipped to work together, as Tim is the only human who can talk with Pikachu, they join forces to unravel the tangled mystery.

Forethought

I’ve not seen a single episode of Pokemon. I once had a dream about owning a Pokemon, called squirtle. I looked it up, and it was real. As in it WAS the Pokemon called Squirtle. I’ve played Pokemon Go… until it updated and lost all my progress. Then I waited until the Jurassic World one was up and running!

So I pretty much into this with no knowledge of the franchise and just to hear Ryan Reynolds.

The Good

• The story was quite clever and was able to give us a world that embraced what came before and give the audience something unique.

• Jurassic Park alumni Justice Smith holds his own as the human protagonist in the film. While Tim perhaps doesn’t have the character development you’d expect, he really does charm and endear himself to the viewer. I’m hoping if we get a sequel, we get to see his confidence grow.

• Pikachu has the perfect voice with Reynolds. Not going to lie; I wanted more Deadpool in a cute outfit, but I’m happy he wasn’t completely PG’d. There were a few quips that will go over the little one’s heads and give the adults a giggle.

• Having a London/USA/Tokyo mashup city was a brilliant touch and they blended it all really well. The CGI was on point, although time will tell if it stands up to repeated viewing.

The Bad

• The casting of Chris Geere actually reveals more of the plot that it should have. It’s a shame because if they’d cast someone else, someone like Raffe Spall for example, I think the impact they were going for would have been achieved. As it stands, I saw the ‘twist’ a mile off.

• There’s slightly too much slight of hand and throwing the viewer off the ‘truth’. Which is fine if you don’t make it so obvious that’s what you’re doing.

The Ugly

• Kathryn Newton’s introduction as Lucy was appallingly clunky and does the actress, or the character, little justice. The visual set up of her being a femme fatale is awesome: and then she opens her mouth. I’ve seen the actress in other things and she’s good, so I’m not entirely sure how this made the cut.

Final Thoughts

It’s viewer newbie friendly, funny and with a lot of heart. It’s certainly worth a watch but dude to its ‘go big or go home’ approach, I’m not sure it’s going to give us another instalment.

Movie Review: Long Shot

Length: 2Hr 5

Rating: 15

Release: 3rd May 2019

About:

Fred Flarsky is a gifted and free-spirited journalist who has a knack for getting into trouble. Charlotte Field is one of the most influential women in the world — a smart, sophisticated and accomplished politician. When Fred unexpectedly runs into Charlotte, he soon realizes that she was his former baby sitter and childhood crush. When Charlotte decides to make a run for the presidency, she impulsively hires Fred as her speechwriter — much to the dismay of her trusted advisers.

The Good

• There was a good story underneath all the shit. In fact, the characters of Frank and Charlotte were really good.

• Charlize Theron was actually really good in this and she reminded me of Michelle Pfeiffer. Had this have transitioned from stoner rom-com to something more mature, Theron would have easily been able to carry it over.

• Ya man from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul does a brilliant job as mash up president of Trump, Brush and the fictional Barlett. When they started to describe POTUS as playing a president in TV, I so thought we were getting the West Wing alumni, Martin Sheen.

• Frank’s concern about helping Charlotte was on the mark and made a very powerful message about politics and media.

The Bad

• There’s something about Seth Rogan’s comedy that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not a confident or sharp sort of humour which I think this film needs. It often comes across like he’s practicing a routine in his bedroom and knows that he’s shit. Too many of his lines just patter out and are almost lacking punch lines.

• While I laughed at the sex references, I know it’s what will stop me coming back to it for repeated viewings. Its slightly too immature and repetitive; it strips the film of any charm it might have had.

The Ugly

• The drug humour doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t like that some celebrities abuse the health system and degrade mental health issues. I don’t agree with people in positions of trust and power casually using illegal drugs and I certainly don’t find it funny when it’s made light of in films.

• I find it hard to buy Frank’s insistence of Charlotte having/needing a moral code… when he’s got a pocket full of drugs!

Final Thoughts

I don’t feel like I wasted two hours of my life, but I do feel like there was a better film to be made, if only Rogan did as many of the cast told him to throughout the movie and toned it down.

With a little more of what he gave in Zack and Miri or Green Hornet and less of The Interview and The Night Before this would have been a gem of movie.

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

This was an Easter cinema trip for me and my mum in 1997. I’d wanted to see Men in Black, but mum refused point blank. The Lisa Kudrow film with the pinks and glitter would be more up her street, right?! Well, she took me and I enjoyed it. I remember her saying she regretted it, but I wasn’t certain why until rewatching it years later.

The Good

• It’s a cool, quirky and funny story that nearly everyone can relate to. It’s retro camp, styled beautifuly and the only thing that improves it, is going to an independent cinema and being handed a post-it by the boy behind.

• The sound track is fabulous. It’s that retro vibe that’s in right now. Hadn’t spotted it the millions of times before, but Whip It is played at the prom.

• Janeane Garoflo was the definition of angry sarcasm in the 90s and she steals any scene she’s in. Underused, as she is in many movies, but she’s certainly memorable and the film manages to give her a strong story arc that I prefer to the main two.

• Alan Cumming is a sweet, low key Hugh Grant in this. He’s able to switch from geek to chic with ease, but the perfect part is that he’s a likeable love interest. Perhaps rather unknown at the time, to me he was part of the High Life cabin crew and has forever remained a joy to watch.

• It’s as quotable as other 90s films, but the killer line comes after the quick outfit change. Who hasn’t wanted to bark Romy’s Line “and I don’t give a flying fuck what you think…” to their bully? It’s pure brilliance.

The Bad

• I still find that the dream sequence throws off the narrative. While it’s weird enough for me to like it in itself, as part of this film it’s very out there.

• The tone and it’s perceived target audience is totally off. It’s not the double entendre humour of Shrek; that ‘he’s making up for something’ that gets the parents chuckling, but a much more obvious humour that doesn’t altogether fit well with a film that could double with Clueless.

The Ugly

• That dance. It’s unbelievably cringe. As with the dream sequence, there are times when I watch and love it and its certainly what makes this film a cult classic, but it would never help Romy and Michele’s cause.

• Alan Cumming in the dream sequence is too ‘blow up doll’. It freaks me out and is as not, as Michele puts it, ‘dreamy’. I’d put it in with the same trope of the ‘ugly’ girl who just needs her glasses taken off to make her ‘hot’.

Spoiler-filled Review of Avengers Endgame

As the title suggests, this review contains many a spoiler for Avengers Endgame

The Good

• The Nebula/ Stark relationship. Bloody hell, I never knew I needed that pairing. I loved that it showed how much both of them had grown. Tony shows a lot more patience than he did for Peter (sob) and Nebula is … well, the fact that she’s not killing him is amazing. His ‘you’ve won’, her joy at winning and her insisting he eats made my heart ache. There’s the added bonus of giving her a Beatles inspired nickname!

• Time travel!! So much good from this. The references, the Easter eggs. Basically, it’s this that gives Endgame the Bad Wolf feel. It’s not flawless by any means, but I’m not going to complain. Not in this section anyway. It allows the middle act to be a ‘greatest hits’ of the last decade.

• Captain America; swearing, fighting and passing the torch. Everything about the end of his story arc is awesome. It’s a fitting bow out and a kind way to ‘kill’ Steve Rogers.

• ‘Hail Hydra’ was the best Easter egg that gained a whoop from the audience and brought me more joy than the swears. Cap wielding Mjölnir is something fans have been waiting for since Age of Ultron’s post party worthiness test.

• Tony Stark has some brilliant moments in this film. His story literally couldn’t have been written, or acted, and better.

• The cameos are brilliant, the best being René Russo’s reprisal as Thor’s mother and John Slattery as Howard Stark. Anyone who has lost a parent will know how much they wish for moments both Stark and Thor get. They’re tender scenes, with the right balance of humour thrown in.

• Peter Parker and his beautiful and oh so god damn polite ways. In the middle of battle, he still finds time to introduce himself to Captain Marvel.

• ‘We’ve got her covered.’ It’s fair to say that this is still very much a ‘boy’s club’ film (on screen, our female characters are relatively isolated from each other), but there is one moment in which the film does give the audience a wonderful sisterhood. It gave me goosebumps and tears of joy. THESE. WOMEN. CAN.

The Bad

• Time travel. I’m still a little unsure about how it all works and why killing baby Thanos wouldn’t be the best plan. It’s timey whimey nonsense. If you don’t think about it too long, all is good.

• What happened to Goose?! Come on, he ATE one of those stones for safe keeping. He’s invested.

• While I loved the scene dealing with the soul stone and I wouldn’t have expected anything less, I don’t know what to make of Nat’s death. One, either it’s really shit because she’ll escape death when it comes to her solo outing. Or, as sources have informed me, we’re getting a movie that predates phases one and two; which is also shit (unless, at a push, it’s the infamous Budapest assignment), as she will never be in any danger. Plus, you’ve wrapped up the Thanos saga… don’t fuck about with the timeline. Leave it, move forward. The final thing I don’t get, it was a trade: soul for soul. Steve gave it back; quid pro quo dear Red Skull.

• It’s no one’s fault as I don’t think anyone would have predicted the juggernaut this franchise was going to be. Imagine if they had the foresight and was able to drop hints to some of the time travel and stone switches. It would have been glorious.

• Did the stones come with a user manual?! Did it include some form of ‘clap on, clap off’ technology? How did they know a click of the finger would bring people back? How did Tony know his finger snap would dust all the bad guys? Why was it a finger snap and not Death-Starring the whole glove up the user’s arse?! (Come on, if it was Deadpool, you know that would have been a thing)

• There were a few instances in which the CGI just wasn’t up to its usual standard. While this is a spoiler review; I’m not going to pinpoint these as they are the sort of thing that you might not notice the first time unless it’s pointed out.

The Ugly

• Captain Marvel. I mean what the actual fuck?! You’ve set up one of the best female heroes in cinematic history and you reduce her to a plot device?! We need Tony back on Earth in the first third (firstly, do you really?!), we’ll use Captain Marvel to give the oxygen deprived ship a piggy back. You need the stones taken to the end field and all your players are tagged out; use Captain Marvel (side bar: this should have been Black Widow, the first female Avenger and nice symmetry to Infinity War).

• Captain Marvel doesn’t have an emotional stake in the proceedings because we don’t see her fight and the one person who called her to arms has zero interaction with her. ZERO! In fact, despite fans being informed that her namesake film is not required viewing to watch Endgame, I’m not sure people would make the connection between the Infinity War pager credit sequence and the Swiss Army knife of superheroes.

• Errrr, Fury and Agent Hill didn’t join fight? Neither has a line of dialogue! Nope! That is so many levels of wrong.

• What the FUCK happened to Loki?! He’s got the tesseract after Hulk’s hissy over the stairs is thwarted and snides off like the snake he is. But, and this is timey whimey again, Tony and Steve go further back and steal it, preventing Battle of New York from happening unaware of Bruce’s promise. When they’re returned, the battle still happens… so did Cap stop off and find Loki?!

• Hulk/Banner hybrid! What and why? There wasn’t a resolution to his Erect-o-Hulk dysfunction. I get that it’s about him finding a balance; but he’s been reduced to such a ridiculous caricature that I’d have rather had Howard the fucking Duck in his place. Everything that made him the best Banner/Hulk in Assemble has been fucked off in much the same way Luke tossed the sabre in Last Jedi.

Misc Question

• What the hell happened to Agent 13? Just because she was dropped as the Cap’s romantic interest doesn’t mean she couldn’t make an appearance, right?

Avengers: Endgame Spoiler free review

Length: 3hr 1
Rating: 12a
Release date: 25.4.2019
About: Adrift in space with no food or water, Tony Stark sends a message to Pepper Potts as his oxygen supply starts to dwindle. Meanwhile, the remaining Avengers — Thor, Black Widow, Captain America and Bruce Banner — must figure out a way to bring back their vanquished allies for an epic showdown with Thanos — the evil demigod who decimated the planet and the universe.
Trailer:

The Good

  • The first thing I’m sure people want to know is; does it do justice with the three hours? Yes, it does. It keeps a good pace and I’d say every minute is needed.
  • The characters are working more as a team as they ever have before. There’s a balance between all of the heroes and much like Infinity War, they boost each other, rather than fight for screen time.
  • It’s a clever plot that pulls together 10 years of MCU. It’s not ‘Bad Wolf’ smart, but its certainly Trash Panda ‘I need a…’ clever.
  • Nothing about Endgame is done to appease fans. There are nods, winks and Easter eggs but there’s no doubt in my mind, plot-wise, this is the Russo vision and there’s been no changes based on fan reaction.
  • Finally we have an Avenger’s crew that women can be proud of. The beauty of it is not that there’s a crew of bad-ass women looking out for each other, and the universe, but that it feels organic.

The Bad

  • There are some characters that don’t get the screen time they deserve or need. It’s hard to talk about without giving certain things away, but there are a few; old and new that needed something else.
  • I can’t help but think that Marvel/ Mouse House have deliberately made Bruce Banner/ Hulk shit so we’ll stop asking for a Mark Ruffalo stand alone. I do understand there needs to be a character arc over the ten year, three-phased saga, however he’s gone from character to caricature. Banner’s outcome aside, it’s fair to say Endgame does not do him justice.

The Ugly

  • There are so many ugly tear inducing moments. Bloody hell, it was like My Sister’s Keeper for me at some points (as in tears, not plot)
  • It has a very choppy start; like a stalling car. It does take what I feel is about 20 minutes to really get going. Some may argue that it mirrors Avengers Assemble opening, but when we’ve waited a year with baited breath, we really should hit the ground running. There’s at least one scene I would have pulled over from Endgame and had within the final moments of Infinity War. It wouldn’t have solved my biggest gripe, but it would have had me a little worried.
  • Its 3 hours. Believe me, it doesn’t feel like it. Not in the way that you feel every single minute of Civil War. It’s a clear-ish cut three act film with ONE epilogue and I walked away wanting more added, not less. So why am I putting this in my version of room 101?! Well, I was raised in awe of the cinema; toilet breaks were taken on pain of death. Three hours is a walk in the park for me when I can see it’s well made. However, the motherfucker in front of me who not only PAID, but UPGRADED made me feel time passing when he would check his phone EVERY THREE FUCKING MINUTES. Luckily, I wasn’t taking it; so I had words and the phone at least remained out of my eye line for the remainder of the movie. My worry is obvious; this was the first available screening of the first day. What’s it going to be like going forward?

Final Thoughts

I have some issues with Endgame, but that will have to wait until my spoiler-fueled rant. That aside, this is what the MCU has been working towards for ten years and its worthy of Stan Lee’s final cameo. I don’t think those involved with Iron Man’s origin even dreamed that a decade later, we’d have this epic. I think it will tick everyone’s boxes and the Russo brother’s have redeemed the ‘Avenger’ movies after Joss crashed and burned.
It’s a strong MCU film, its a strong piece of cinema and JJ is now undoubtedly shitting his pants.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments
Love Han x

Pet Sematary

The Good

I loved how it was set within King’s Maine universe and even Derry is referenced. It pleases the purists to have those little nods and I can’t deny, I get that little buzz for noticing the Easter Egg.

John Lithgow is a welcome addition to the cast, if not a little underused. He stands among some great comedians who are able to play the darker characters with as much conviction.

Befriending young Elle could have come across a little Operation Yewtree, especially knowing King’s writing. The film being able to stay away from even undertones of creep is remarkable. There’s also a wonderful meta nod to one of Lithgow’s previous roles which was quite good.

The rest of the cast give solid performances. Notably Jason Clarke’s decent into madness/ desperation reminded me why I enjoy films with him in.

The ending is refreshing. It’s not overly rewarding or satisfying in terms of a plot resolution, but it’s definitely different.

The Bad

It’s a remake of a horror. The problem with the genre today is that it relies too much on the fast and noisy shocks that, in some cases, border on elements of torture porn that became prominent with the release of Hostel. Yes, I jump. Yes, I close my eyes when the music alerts me to a ’jump’ that’s about to happen, but I’m not thinking about it once I leave the cinema. It doesn’t chill me to the bone like some horrors did.

The Ugly

It’s Horror is in the gore and that’s really not for me. There was just a little too much of it.

With this being a King adaptation there are some plot points that seem to come from the boon and are a little redundant; Rachel’s past and sensitivity to death feels like it should connect with the rest of the story, but it never does, it has not true resolution and I can’t help but wonder if the film would have benefited from discarding this thread.

The Perfect Date

The Good

Well Noah scores a Netflix hat-trick with this installment. He truly is the teen rom-com king that we really have been missing in the wake of super-hero saturation.

Just like Seirra Burges and To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, he plays a lovable guy who loves without discrimination. What’s not to like about a guy who sees the beauty inside as well as out.

It follows similar tropes that 10 Things, She’s All That and even Pretty Woman that had us in our comfort zones back in the nineties and noughties. It’s your baggy tee and boy does it make you feel good.

Brooks’ ’girl friday’ is equally as recognisable; all the sassy of Kat Stratford, the snark and independence of Janis Ian and the vulnerability of Josie Gellar. Laura Marano plays Cecilia with charm and with, which makes you wonder why we don’t meet any of her friends.

The Bad

I LOVE Riverdale’s Camila Mendes, but she is wasted in this film. Her character is flat and it almost feels as if Shelby is so similar to Veronica Lodge in persona, background and aspirations that those watching will merge the two and assume she was something more than a cardboard cutout.

While on the topic of things wasted; I would have loved to have seen the Deuce Bigalow element expanded upon and see the dates he goes on. The few we do see are endearing to Brooks and it would round out his character a little more. Plus, it would open up the humour a little too.

The Ugly

The Yale plot was too easily discarded and didn’t mesh as well with Brooks’ character. Someone that driven wouldn’t give up so quickly really?! Nor would they be half assing their application. I needed to feel his motivation for him to be redeemable. As it stands, he’s a dick who treated people like dicks for no valid reason.

Final Thoughts

It’s the weakest of Noah’s three Netflix movies to date, but it’s an alright watch if you’re bored of watching 10 Things About You again.

Hellboy

Release: 11.4.2019

Rating: 15

Length: 2Hr 1

About: Based on the graphic novels by Mike Mignola, Hellboy, caught between the worlds of the supernatural and human, battles an ancient sorceress bent on revenge.

The Good

• Ian McShane stole the show for me. He’s long shed his humble Lovejoy roots, and he’s as much a staple in the American home now. He takes on the role of Hellboy’s adoptive father and plays it perfectly. There’s no apologises for the task he undertakes and he doesn’t handle Big Red with kid gloves.

• Harbour was essentially give a poisoned chalice. He had a big hand to fill and fans were never going to cut him a break. Add to this the tiny budget in comparison to Pearlman’s outing, it was always going to be a hard sell. Aside from a few times in which dialogue was mangled by Big Red’s prosthesis I’d say he did really well with the script he had to work with. I got What Harbour was trying to achieve with Red’s conflicted soul and it would have been perfect if the film gave that room to grow.

• I enjoyed the Arthurian legend coming into play and it was refreshing to see the film opening on a prologue about this. I’d have perhaps like to have seen this streamlined a little and even perhaps had Red’s arc focusing on him finding Excalibur.

• Course, it has to be a Scouser who helps bring about the apocalypse. It was awesome to hear current Line of Duty star Stephen Graham cursing his way through the film.

• I really liked the music. Not sure if they were quite reworkings, but they fit the film and I’d be happy to have the album.

• Thomas Haden Church was a wonderful addition as Lobster Johnson. I’m only sad we didn’t get to see more.

The Bad

• The accents of Daniel Dae Kim and Sasha Lane we’re so bad they bordered on offensive. Lane’s clashed with what we saw of her visually; nothing screamed that is was necessary for her to have the abomination RP that Lane insisted on having. Yes, I’m aware I’ve been spoiled with Joe Mazzello’s perfect iteration of John Deacon’s weirdly wonderful dialect (ironically, I was worried), but it came across lazy.

• Some of the plot and dialogue was at best clunky, but on the most part it was the biggest problem with the whole thing. It was lines like ‘if my face could talk…’ that gave a whole new meaning to cringe and the Osiris Club sub plot was a pointless exposition exercise that revealed its hand scenes earlier and removed any tension that may have been building.

• Another trailer and scene reveal misstep when it comes to Dae Kim’s Daimio. Obviously, for fans of the comic, it was known that Daimio is cursed to turn into a Jaguar at times of stress. However, the film tried to tease us with this and not outwardly reveal his condition until the final act. However, that proverbial and literal cat was out the bag and it really renders some storytelling pointless.

The Ugly

• The CGI was atrocious. I’ve seen my brother create scenes with his phone that were better than this. It was most obvious in scenes were Hellboy was facing off against some beastie or other and was very telling of the budget the film had.

• What happened to the cats?! That was the one thing I loved about Pearlman’s version. It was such a beautiful visual. Plus… cats!

Final Thoughts

I was a decent watch, but much like the other outings; I’m not going to rush for a rewatch any time soon.

Why the Exam Process is Fundamentally Flawed in England!

Consider this a Will McAvoy style rant, in part inspired by a conversation I had with the wonderful Non Pratt and our viewing of the GCSES2019 feed yesterday. Enter at your own risk… All views are my own and don’t seek to throw shade on any school I’ve worked in, but instead the government that is needing a detention!

I’ve been out of teaching four months now and I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that the state of education is not what I signed up for 10 years ago.

I have always been the sort of teacher who is proud of every child, regardless of their result. There is one condition; they have had to have tried their best.

Why? Why am I someone who never wrote “I’m disappointed” or “Must do better.”? Mainly because each and every year we put thousands of students (and teachers) into our own brand of kobayashi maru.

Right now it’s the Easter holidays for most schools. But their doors are not closed. Teacher’s have spent the week’s before scrambling Battle Royale-style to claim students for their ‘Easter School” and are currently making their way home from an intensive day of revision.

Students on the other hand are venting their frustrations on Twitter. Overwhelmed, stressed and anxious; year 11 students are making themselves ill.

I’m no longer on the front line, reassuring students that their health is more important and giving them the easy methods and tricks to revision; something I’d integrated into year 9 once I’d realised the new specifications where mere memory tests and no longer a test of anyone’s ability or skill. After all, revision at such an early stage moves information from short term memory to long term.

There are so many overlapping problems that I’m not certain where you would even start when it comes to fixing the issues.

Firstly, there is the issue of grading. Certainly since I started to train back in 2009 grade boundaries have been set not only post-exam, but post marking. This actually infuriates me. For the previous specification that ran for five years, there was an average increase on all grade boundaries of 5 – 10% until the passing C grade was an eye watering 70%. Only yesterday I saw a student wishing for everyone to do badly so that they could pass. No child’s grade should rest on the performance of others.

It also puts teacher’s in a stressful position. The one question that was posed to me repeatedly over the last few years has been ‘how many marks do I need to get the next grade?’ I answered in a way that perhaps the educational system was not wanting, but was perhaps the most honest; I didn’t know. I could tell students how to revise, I could give students the skills to answer the questions, but I could not tell them a true answer to what would help them cut corners. Student’s never liked it and only some understood. However, had I actually blagged an answer that would have placated them, but remove any flexibility in answering questions and any value to what I was teaching beyond the exam season.

Some teachers however do answer the question and it does give students confidence. However, they sit the exam and they do well. They jump through the hoops. Then, someone post-exam makes those hoops smaller. WHY? Why is that okay? Why is that fair?

Exam questions are assigned points based upon their complexity. Some subjects have their questions written at the start of the specification. If these questions have a value and demonstrate a skill; those grade boundaries should be fixed; allowing students and teachers to know exactly where they stand and ensuring that the grades are a true reflection of individual’s hard work.

But of course, the government isn’t really interested in fixing grade boundaries in order to give a true reflection of individuals or their abilities. Those leaders of education within the government are too scared of having a ‘weak’ cohort, they don’t have faith in young minds or the professionals within a system they’ve never worked in.

Government wants good results and statistics so that the data can be compared with other countries who are working within the IB framework. Yup, not only have we allowed government to restrict choices; it’s of no benefit to those who go through the stress.

Instead of pushing back against this, we’ve assimilated. Teacher’s pay, health and happiness in a vocation they’ve probably chosen long ago (I know I did) has been sacrificed so Britain can have a pissing contest with France and all those other countries we’re trying so hard to break away from.

This skewed motivation for the exam results is then filtered down. It skews how we teach; instead of the skills and independence that will enable a year 11 to answer ANY question, we (and I was guilty of this) throw out formulas and rigid methods of answers questions. Last years GCSES2018 feed was full of students before the English exam petrified that they would only be able to answer a question on three characters within Of Mice and Men; Lenny, George and the bird in the red dress.

We do it because we are pressured into grade orientated goals. We’re given a % pass rate target for a class, often irrespective of the ability. One year, early in my career I worked my arse off to drag some disenfranchised and unfocused students up to a predicted grade C. Was I thanked in the three weeks before the exam? Nope, I was asked what I would do to get them a B! These were students who were targeted Ds and Es. And my pay progression depended on these students playing ball on the day.

The best set of results I ever got? They were ones the school didn’t care about as they were sat in year 10; meaning they don’t count towards the aforementioned pissing contest. It meant I was able to teach my 35 students a three year course, in a year after school. The cohort was independent, chilled and confident. Not only did they get awesome grades that smashed their targets, a year 8 sibling of one got a C! At no point did a single child whinge that I didn’t tell them something. They all knew it was on them and they were there because they wanted to be.

What needs to happen?

• Have set grade boundaries

• Stop comparing the country’s results to others

• Stop performance related pay being linked to exam success

• Let teachers do their god-damn job

• Stop ranking your schools by results

• Reform the exams so they’re skill and knowledge focused and not simply memory tests

• Put someone that has worked in a school in charge of education