hscptcrash

Poor Things (2023) Film Review

I have adventured it and found nothing but sugar and violence.

Rating 18
Length 2h21
Release 12.01.2024
Director Yorgos Lanthimos
About Brought back to life by an unorthodox scientist, a young woman runs off with a lawyer on a whirlwind adventure across the continents. Free from the prejudices of her times, she grows steadfast in her purpose to stand for equality and liberation.
Moon: waxing crescent seen just before ‘The Ship’ title
Where to Watch: Disney+ and cinemas nationwide
Trailer:

The Good

Emma Stone is breath-taking and weirdly charming with her brash candour as Bella. I adore the character in all her being, learning and adventure. Her journey reminds me a little of the life of Siddhartha; except perhaps without the epic amounts of ‘furiouis jumping’.

Visually this film is a dream. It’s art. From the use of colour, the fish eye lenses and use of steampunk imagery. It reminds me a little of The Fall (2006) for how the visuals are overwhelmingly striking.

The script is absurd, but so very quotable.

The Bad

The thing that will prevent this being a rewatchable gem is the sheer number of sex scenes, particularly when Bella gets to Paris. Call me a prude if you wish but while I do not take offence or abashment to watching them as part of the telling of this tale, they are not something I find enjoying or entertaining enough and there are certain scenes that I find a bit too disturbing to endure again. However, with an editing of some (most), I’d watch this over and over again.

The Ugly

The music. Yes, it fits well with the absurdity of the film however I really did not like what the subtitles name ‘offbeat strings’. I don’t know enough about music but the instruments were either out of tune or key. I think they are different, but I could not tell you which one it was.
Even the introduction of the theremin did not win me over as it was there to clash with everything else.

Final Thoughts

An incredible, award worthy, film and piece of art.

American Fiction (2023) Film Review

Geniuses are loners because they can’t connect with the rest of us.

Rating 15
Length 1h57
Release 02.02.2023
Director Cord Jefferson
About Monk is a frustrated novelist who’s fed up with the establishment that profits from Black entertainment that relies on tired and offensive tropes. To prove his point, he uses a pen name to write an outlandish Black book of his own, a book that propels him to the heart of hypocrisy and the madness he claims to disdain.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

I fucking loved the humour. From Jeffery Wright’s Monk reducing a white woman to tears over the use of a controversial racial slur to the white judge declaring they love listening to Black voices; after voting against the black voices in the room.

Speaking of which, Jeffery Wright is perfect. I’ve loved him since he first appeared as Felix in 2006’s Casino Royale. While other’s in the role could have drowned in the cynicism and negativity, Wright balances it out with a charming vulnerability.

Is there anything Sterling K Brown can’t do? Damn, he has an amazing presence and works off whoever he is acting against. One of my favourite things about this film is the relationship between the two brothers.

The Bad

The ending ventured into Blazing Saddles territory with the meta and layered ending. I’m still trying to decide if it worked for me or not. I did love that it allowed us to reach the end without hitting the typical tropes.

The Ugly

It is a rather heavy going film despite the comedy. Parental trauma, the pain of losing a loved one to alzheimers, the challenge of living in a sibling’s shadow. So much of the life of Monk will be relatable to anyone who has experienced what it’s like to be part of a family.
For me watching Monk take up the lion’s share of caring for his mother was pretty tough going.

Final Thoughts

Hell or High Water (2016)

Justice isn’t a crime.

Rating 15
Length 1h42
Release 09.09.2016
Director David MacKenzie
About Toby and his brother, Tanner, an ex-convict, resort to robbing banks when they are unable to afford their mortgage payments.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Chris Pine gives a mighty fine performance as one of the brothers who, due to the corruption of the US banking system, and the theft of their mother’s home, have found themselves completing heists to get back what is owed to them.
Pine, and Ben Foster to be fair, not only ground their performances in the pain, frustration and sadness of loss but they have the audience feeling, if not quite rooting, for them.

Jeff Bridges, and Gil Birmingham, are the opposite side of this criminal paradigm but is as equally as precise a performance. Yes, I hate the character and pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth, but that is exactly the point and Bridges understood that.

The final scene is one of the best verbal stand-offs I’ve ever seen and it’s a rather satisfying ending despite it not going for the obvious plot tropes.

The Bad

This is a film that gets better as it goes along because the start is rather slow and clunky.

The Ugly

Oh I ugly cried. Between the crying of a cranky old man and the poverty as a disease monologue, I cried for most of the third act.

Final Thoughts

One of the most heartbreaking films I’ve watched for so many reasons. Incredibly well made and the cast is on point.

Doctor Zhivago (1965) Film Review

In a world of guns and ice there is the great noise of battle and the greater silence of lovers

Rating 15
Length 3h12
Release 26.04.1966
Director David Lean
About Amid World War I, Dr. Yuri Zhivago, a physicist and poet, tries to fight his inner demons when he is attracted to a woman despite being married to the love of his life.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good?

The performances, accents aside, are incredible and very much on brand for a David Lean production. Omar Sherif, Rod Steiger and Tom Courtenay all provide the many factions within Russia from the end of World War I onwards.

Alec Guiness provides the narration and as much as I hate to admit it, it is a soothing addition to bleakness that just keeps on given.

I absolutely love that this story represents a powerful response, by the attacked woman, to the man who raped her. For the time, I can imagine this was controversial. After all, once Victor assaults Lara, he goes so far as say it would be insulting to consider it as such. However, as an audience we know the truth. There’s something quite satisfying in Lara’s response.

The Bad

I found the representation of Russia quite inauthentic. Actually, fuck inauthentic, outside of the environment they didn’t try. I guess having people put on Russian accents would have perhaps put it into parody territory, however as it stands, it’s really cheap and lacks conviction. For an epic story, I want to be invested and this is the first time David Lean has not captured me from the start.

The treatment of Lara, despite everyone with a penis wanting her, is appalling. From Victor calling her a slut, to her husband abandoning her and do not get me started on Yuri! It’s most heartbreaking element is how true to life it all will have been.

The Ugly

What a fucking depressing, morally bankrupt, loveless story. People voluntarily watched this story and thought of it fondly? The thing, I guess, is that there’s no chemistry between Omar and any of the women in Zhivago’s life. Rightly so with one; he was introduced to you as your brother. However, given that the other was his mistress, there should be an element of love there. Alas, their relationship was as cold as Russia itself.
I did lose count of the times I called Zhivago a wanker and his actions truly made me very happy to be single.

Omar Sherif acts the shit out of the role, there’s no doubt about that. He was the right person for the role. It is then heartbreaking to read the lengths he had to go to hide his Eygptian features, including facial tape to change how his eyes looked. He would also shave and wax his hairline multiple times a week.
I find this difficult. Not because the role should have gone to “someone Russian”, but because in a film where everyone keeps their British accents should Omar be free to perform without such manipulation of his features.

Final Thoughts

I’ve seen it, I’ve crossed it off the Oscar list. I do not need to watch it again. Nor do I intend to.

Ricky Stanicky (2024)

He’s the best friend they never had.

Rating 15
Length 1h53
Release 05.06.1998
Director Peter Farrelly
About Twenty years after creating the imaginary Ricky Stanicky, three childhood friends still use the nonexistent pal as a handy alibi for their immature behavior. When their spouses and partners get suspicious and demand to finally meet him, the guilty trio decides to hire washed-up actor Rod to bring him to life. However, when Rod takes his role of a lifetime a little too far, they begin to wish they never invented Ricky in the first place.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Amazon Prime
Trailer:

The Good

John Cena is at his best when he’s playing a dumb, but kind hearted, whatever this character is. Without him, I possibly wouldn’t have watched this film and I have to give him points for all the impersonations.

The film has a comedic blend of Hangover, Tag and Hall Pass. I would say that this actually lands the ending, despite the cynical set up and the relentless effort they make not to get caught, the film really does manage to give an uplifting ending.

The Bad

I really struggle with films based on a lie. Yes it is funny as the billows out of control, but it then questions the integrity of the characters and how those that lie get away with it for so long. Also, my ADHD brain always knows when someone is lying and it’s really quite hard to see the lengths people go to, and the indignation they have when you don’t in fact believe them. Safe to say, these boys would not get this past me at all.
By extension, I hate Leona. She’s a bitch. However, the fact that the film goes to great lengths to make us think she’s a bitch *because* she doesn’t believe the boys truly sucks.

The Ugly

As with many other films like this, some of the things done to rid the main character(s) of their self created problem are a little too harsh. As the film passes that line, it makes what is meant to be a rather sympathetic, yet out of his depth, character really unlikeable.
How Cena’s Ricky is treated, while funny, inches too far to the nasty side. I’m not sure if that’s down to the innocence of Ricky or the ruthlessness of Zac Efron, but it doesn’t sit as well as it should.

Final Thoughts

John Cena steals the show and it’s a good switch off your brain and enjoy the ride.

The Beekeeper (2024) Film Review

Expose the corruption. Protect the hive.

Rating 15
Length 1h45
Release 12.01.2024
Director David Ayer
About One man’s brutal campaign for vengeance takes on national stakes after it’s revealed he’s a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as Beekeepers.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Sky Now
Trailer:

The Good

It’s John Wick, with Statham and bees. What is not to love? Seriously, you only need to have seen one Statham fronted action and you will know what you’re getting. It could have gone full out serious, and you probably would have noticed the bullshit plot much more, but in keeping it a little camp and cheeky you’re sold and there for the ride.
The key to this is obviously Statham. While he’s a lad’s lad, he also embraces the cheeky and camp.

The action is on point. It’s ruthless, it’s chocked full of puns as the body count is dropped and it never over does it with what the film shows; leaving some of the darker notes implied.

Emmy Raver-Lampman carries the FBI investigation well. There’s enough given to the character to understand her motivations and actions. In fact, she’s so good that I would have enjoyed a film told solely from her perspective and I very much look forward to seeing her in whatever comes next.

The Bad

The plot was fucking bonkers. Yes, you won’t care because the film’s action is good enough but oh my god, a rigged presidential campaign and a corrupt as fuck son, but until a BEEKEEPER is pulled out of retirement this all goes unchallenged.
I personally could have done without the president who just distracted me with having my brain constantly go ‘That’s Kate Lethbridge-Sewart’ *insert Leo meme here*

The Ugly

There’s some well dodge accents going on throughout the film, Jason Statham included. It is not just that they’re bad, it’s that the ones that are bad are inconsistent. I know there was an attempt to address Statham, but in a weird way that’s what made it worse.

Final Thoughts

It truly is John Wick with bees.

The Godfather (1972) Film Review

An offer you can’t refuse.

Rating 18
Length 2h55
Release 24.08.1972
Director Francis Ford Coppola
About Don Vito Corleone, head of a mafia family, decides to hand over his empire to his youngest son, Michael. However, his decision unintentionally puts the lives of his loved ones in grave danger.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Channel 4 OD
Trailer:

The Good

There’s no doubt in that this is a well made film and a demonstration of excellence. The opening slow zoom out and the choice of beginning the film with an incident being retold is just one of many examples of the skill and craft of film.

The cast is incredible and each gives their all to the performances. From a young James Caan to a barely recognisable Robert Duvall, you can see how these men have become the silver screen staples over the years.
Al Pacino is incredible as Michael and his arc as outcast military man through his evolution to Don of the family.

The Bad

I’m sure upon first viewings, Marlon Brando’s muffled and puffed up chatter was what added to the film. However, every actor and half-cut lad ever since has mimicked the hamster-cheeked uttering that it feels like mockery. It also doesn’t help that my deafness rendered almost all of Brando’s dialogue incomprehensible without subtitles (albeit about a minute behind the action).

As much as I found the film a little too long, and I would very much love to see Coppola’s parred-down director’s cut, I also wished that Michael’s exile in Scilly was it’s own film. It would make for a beautiful romantic entry and allow for Brando to be the protagonist of the first film; ending with his shooting.

The Ugly

If I could compare it to anything else, it would be a Stephen King book. It meanders at what feels like a needlessly and painfully slow pace. I found myself engaging more with the plot once Al Pacino’s Michael, however it takes over an hour to establish him as the leading man.

Not the film’s fault, but some lines are now so entrenched as pop culture references, this watch felt a little like parody… of course, that was until I remembered that this film originated the lines.

Final Thoughts

Much in a similar way to Shawshank Redemption, I recognise the craft and skill that is demonstrated in the film, but I do not understand what I’m missing about it that makes it so beloved.

Damsel (2024) Film Review with Spoilers

This is not a fairytale.

Rating 12
Length 1h37
Release 05.06.1998
Director Frank Coraci
About A young woman agrees to marry a handsome prince — only to discover it was all a trap. She is thrown into a cave with a fire-breathing dragon and must rely solely on her wits and will to survive.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Netflix
Trailer:

The Good

Shohreh Aghdashloo is the Alan Rickman of female voices. It’s hypnotic and enchanting, so it’s no surprise that she is the perfect choice for the dragon. Yes, each time she speaks you will be fearful. However you will also wonder why anyone puts up a fight.
Speaking of which, the design of the dragon is incredible. It’s clearly CGI, but because of the design you won’t mind so much.

Buttercup is all grown up and on the dark side. I know people who watched House of Cards know that Robin Wright is no stranger to the questionable side of morality, however seeing her return to the genre that made her an icon. Her talent is seen when she goes toe to toe with Angela Bassett

The Bad

The character of Elodie. Millie Bobby Brown does an incredible job with the what the script and story gives her to work with and there’s no questioning her acting ability. However, the problem is that the character is not given much to do outside of hiding, screaming and crying.
Even the things that they do give her, appear only as and when the plot calls for it. For example, towards the end of the film Elodie is shown to be inventive yet despite plenty of opportunity to show this in the opening act, they film doesn’t sew those initial seeds.

The Ugly

The massive fucking plot hole of the girls being of royal descent and the pretence of marriage. The big problem being that this is all hanging on the fact that the dragon they’re being sacrificed to has great fucking smell.
Or rather, she doesn’t?!
Is the film trying to say there’s some transubstantiation that takes place during the marriage that makes Elodie’s blood ‘royal’, or is that so they’re technically not lying when they make their offering?
Is it really just the palming off of a squidge of blood that convinces the dragon?! Even long after Elodie’s bled from other wounds that will clearly be her own? That dragon is not that stupid, that’s not how blood works and surely words going to get around that they’re holding multiple weddings?!
Get to the talk sooner, have the dragon wake the fuck up and realise she’s being conned and then have the third act be them working together instead of what becomes a quick wrap up.

Final Thoughts

Excellent cast, but a garbage script. It’s worth a watch, but it won’t be making anyone’s regular viewing cycle.

Argylle (2024) Film Review

Rating 12
Length 2h19
Release 01.02.2024
Director Matthew Vaughn
About Reclusive author Elly Conway writes best-selling espionage novels about a secret agent named Argylle who’s on a mission to unravel a global spy syndicate. However, when the plots of her books start to mirror the covert actions of a real-life spy organization, the line between fiction and reality begin to blur.
Moon: full moon seen
Where to Watch: Apple TV and Cinemas nationwide
Trailer:

The Good

There are hints of the style that makes Matthew Vaughn’s work successful.

Bryce Dallas Howard, as much as I don’t think she’s right for the role, she is awesome for refusing to lose weight. She’s still skinny, but by society’s standards and n0t Holloywoods. It is refreshing.

The Bad

Henry Cavill’s hair.

I get the film was going for a Long Kiss Goodnight, however Bryce Dallas Howard was miscast. She doesn’t give a believable performance out side of the meek and anxiety-ridden Elly.
Then, when you consider the City of Angels (play, not film) duel fictions versus reality plot that exists alongside the aforementioned Long Kiss Goodnight? The film is clunky as fuck.

The POV shots that include the person blinking. Nope, nope, nope! So fucking annoying and saying that it was over used is an understatement.

The Ugly

The CGI and green screen is too obvious. The cat, Alfie, that should have been a cute addition that steals all of the scenes was instead computer generated and lifeless.
In addition to this, the London Bakunin flat and the crude oil showdown both have irregular perspectives along with dodgy as hell Greenscreen.

You have Bryan fucking Cranston, Catherine O’Hara and Sam Rockwell, yet none of the comedy lands. Everyone is wasted in what is a garbage script and Vaughns’s recycled set pieces and greatest hits of plot points, irrespective of them working or not.

Final Thoughts

I wanted to love this film. I tried so hard to stay invested.

Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

She’s slaying. He’s decaying.

Rating 15
Length 1h41
Release 01.03.2024
Director Zelda Williams
About A misunderstood teenager and a reanimated Victorian corpse embark on a murderous journey together to find love, happiness, and a few missing body parts.
Moon: Clip of the full moon from Un Chien Andalou (1929) is seen on the tv and the moon is painted on Lisa’s wall.
Where to Watch: Cinema now
Trailer:

The Good

The 80s is the shit right now in movies. From Totally Killer to the worldwide favourite Stranger Things, audiences can’t quite get enough. This one is not only set in 1989, it heavily draws inspiration from Heathers and Edward Scissorhand for it’s tone and palate.

Kathryn Newton is most definitely one to watch. Even from her early performances in Supernatural I knew she would be able to carry a film with ease. Yes, audiences are in for a bit of a clunky start but once she starts her experiments with ‘The Creature’, and she’s able to have fun with her character you can see why she was picked.

The film completes the 80s feel with Ted Wheeler from Stranger Things by being Ted here too! Yes, the actor has a name that most definitely isn’t Ted Wheeler, but he will forever be Ted “What did I do?” Wheeler to me.

The horror aspect is genius. I love the decisions behind who is killed and it really is refreshing to be watching from the killer’s perspective.

The Bad

Cole Sprouse does a pretty decent job and I initially placed him under ‘good’. However, I couldn’t help but wish this was made even 5 years ago and we could have had Matthew Gray Gubler in the role.

The Ugly

The pace is a little too slow and clunky at the start to set up Lisa’s temperament. I really do wish the film hadn’t bothered with a serial killer and not bring it back again. Particularly when we could have easily had a ‘I myself am strange and unusual’ Lydia without the backstory. That way we remove some of the fat from the opening and start at the party.

Even when Newton and Sprouse are able to let loose and have fun, it’s almost like it’s stuck in second gear and screeching along. It’s aiming for the dark comedy of Freaky, Totally Killer and Its a Wonderful Knife but the script lacks the laughs. Add to that the opening attempted rape and the death of a parent and the tone is too set to bring it back.

Final Thoughts

It has a Heathers meets Edward Scissorhands by way of Warm Bodies vibe and is very much channeling the ‘lets make the 80s nostalgic’ that is so popular at the moment, however it doesn’t quite live up to what the trailer offers.
Had it not taken itself so seriously and played on Newton’s experience in Freaky, it might have been a better film.

The Father (2020)

Nothing is as it seems

Rating 12
Length 1h37
Release 05.06.1998
Director Florian Seller
About Anthony suffers from dementia and is cared for by his daughter, Anne. But when Anne decides to move to Paris and Anthony must deal with this change, he finds himself losing his grip on reality.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: 4OD
Trailer:

The Good

Anthony Hopkins is incredible. He gets the temperament on point in every scene and allows us to follow what is a complicated narrative thread. The final scene brings together a climax that the film painstakingly builds towards from the first moment. No one else would have been able to carry this film as he did.

The very thing that makes this a difficult watch, will ensure it’s regarded highly for decades to come. The presentation of an almost non-linear narrative, multiple actors playing the same characters. All of it gives what I can only imagine is an authentic, realistic, presentation of what it must feel like to be loosing your memory.

The script is crisp and clear. It is what helps the audience follow the story and piece together what is and isn’t reality. Without that script and carefully seeded anchors, the audience would be lost and unable to see beyond the scope of Anthony’s condition.

The Bad

I found the story thread of the daughter leaving for Paris hard not to react to. Perhaps my own experience and sacrifice for my father makes me a little angry. I get it, you really shouldn’t put your life on hold however I find myself not really understanding the men in Anne’s life and why they would not be more understanding of the situation.

The Ugly

It is a hard film to watch from the outset. The topic is heartbreaking, and I’ve never had the experience of watching a loved one losing their memory. At least not in the way it’s presented in this film. My father had issues with his memory, but it wasn’t dementia; his was from oxygen deprivation as a result of COPD and so he never lost the sense of who he was.
I cannot imagine this fill being cathartic for those who have had to endure an experience like this and being the emotional sponge that I am; I found it hard not to feel it deeply.

Final Thoughts

Not a film I intend to watch again. Incredibly well made, but a little too painful to watch.

How the West Was Won (1962) Film Review

The Great Dramatic Motion Picture That Puts YOU In Every Scene!

Rating U
Length 2h44
Release 01.11.1962
Director John Ford/ Henry Hathaway/ George Marshall
About Three great Western directors, combined forces with an all-star cast to create this magnificent panorama of how the American West was won – and lost.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: BBC IPlayer
Trailer:

The Good

The 3 strip Cinerama process that gives this film the panoramic perspective allows for some breathtaking scenes and individual images. There’s a depth of field that I would compare to Avatar. It’s not often I would want screen grabs on my walls, but this film had many.

The cast is incredible. Like Infinity War/ Endgame level of casting for the modern view who perhaps wouldn’t know the faces or names that populate this film. I could wax lyrical about all of them, but I will point out two specifically: Debbie Reynolds and George Peppard.
Reynolds is someone I’ve only seen on screen in her later life. To see her here, is to see the roots of Carrie Fisher’s performances. As Lilith, Reynolds portrays her through the decades without fault. She has incredible chemistry with everyone she acts alongside and she carries the second segment beautifully, stealing every scene even when iconic Gregory Peck is there.
George Peppard, a name I knew but could not place until I looked him up after the film, not only gives a strong performance, he is able to portray the son of James Stewart’s Linus with an accuracy that not many could achieve.

The narration between segments is a clever way of marking the change in director, time frame and focus character. It keeps the audience with the film at times when other films could lose them.

The Bad

I’m happy with the running time, but I also wonder if this could have been a series of films. I’m happy enough that the Native Americans are not portrayed in a negative light, however the film perhaps would have benefited from more time and focus from their perspective. Something I think only splitting this into individual films could achieve.

It pains me to say this because I adore the man, but James Stewart was entirely wrong and much too old for the role of Linus. Yes, he does a good enough job with what he’s given, but it’s really disappointing to watch.

The Ugly

The 3 strip Cinema process, while incredibly beautiful, took its toll by the end. In the final two sections particularly, there was clear lines showing where the three strips are originally joined together.
There are also certain scenes, particularly when there’s a singular moving image, where the background is distorted. It doesn’t ruin the film, however certainly for me it caused a headache by the end of the film. The distortion, in a similar way to when a film is dubbed, it causes eye strain.
I’m unsure, but I would say this would be reduced by watching on a curved screen which is the format it was made for.

Final Thoughts

I actually have no words for how good this film was. It never felt over long or boring. It’s not only I’ll rush to watch again, but I’ll certainly watch again it at some point.