Author: hscptcrash

Han needs to love herself first.

I have a 40 minute commute ahead of me. I’m finding it easier to read most mornings than scoure the internet. I lose myself in other people’s voices. Their worlds wrap around me like a blanket and hug me until I’m ready (forced) to deal with the day.

However, this morning I’m struggling. The book lays dormant in my bag while I educate my foggy brain on the latest memes and become more and more frustrated with myself for not picking up the god damn book.

My need for social media isn’t as bad as it once was, but I do feel a mild anxiety when I don’t have my phone. If the battery dies?! I get it in my head that there’s a catastrophic message awaiting me when it again has juice. Jeeze; I’m my own worst enemy. And people look at me when I say I hate being me and spending time alone. I’m a total grade A bitch to myself.

Anyway, I digress. I know I’ll feel ten times better but I’m procrastinating like some sadist hooked on punishing myself. I just don’t know what for. But I make a habit of it and it ruins my reading enjoyment.

I’ve spent the last 9 months miserable and in a relationship I was convincing myself I wanted (and in the end, needed. I was more concerned with ‘fixing’ and making it ‘work’ than gaining something from it other than emotional scars). Why did you put up with it? My friends would ask once they’d discovered the truth (I’d stayed with him long after the expiry date and kept my contact secret). The Hannah I know would have walked away if anyone said that, why didn’t you? I was questioned when I recounted just some of the problems we encountered.
Because I felt I deserved it, I believed it was all the ‘love’ I would ever deserve or be granted. Mostly, it’s how I treat myself so I thought ‘it’s the best it will ever get’ or weirdly so ideal match.

I’m 31 years old and no one told me that they loved me before. Fuck, none of my boyfriends would ever say they liked me, let alone lower themselves to love. Who cares if it wasn’t real? Who cares if it was taken back when I *thought* I was at my weakest. (That came later when he took ‘you are beautiful’ back and replaced it with ‘you’re ordinary to look at, we don’t get people that look like that’ when talking about his deep seated crush and lust for a co-worker.

Gawd!!! That was deep.

Fuck this shit. I want to be loved. I want to meet a man, fall in love and have a family. But most of all, I want to be loved.

I don’t need a man for that. I can love me. I should love me. I need to love me.

So I shouldn’t feel guilty for taking 40 minutes out of my day to indulge in the reading of a book.

WBN 2013

Spine- Dark Blue
Key:
Own WBN
Own non WBN
WBN I gave out
Read
Notes

The Reader
Last Night Another Soldier
The Knife of Letting Go
Casino Royale
The Island
Why Be Happy When You Could be Normal?
Me Before You
Damage
The Script Scripture
Noughts and Crosses
Little Face
Red Dust
N# 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency
Treasure Island
Girl with the Pearl Earring
The White Queen
The Road Home
A Little History of the World
The Eyre Affair
The Dark Judges
It was the first, and I believe only, year that they released a comic as part of WBN.

WBN 2012

Spine- Green
Key:
Own WBN
Own non WBN
Read
Notes

How I Live Now
The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic
The Remains of the Day
Room
The Damned United
Misery
I did have two copies of this book, but to get over someone last summer I burnt it in effigy. I hate Stephen King with a passion and the guy in question had raved about King. Misery might be good, but it will be on the bottom of my list of books to read.
The Book Thief
Good Omens
The Vanishing of Esme Lennox
Rebecca
Time Traveler’s Wife
Notes From a Small Island
Sleepyhead
The Alchemist
The Player of the Games
Someone Like You
Harlequin
A Tale of Two Cities
Small Island
Pride and Prejudice
The Road
The Take
I Capture the Castle
Let the Right Ones In 

WBN 2011

Spine- Dark Blue
Key:
Own WBN
Own non WBN
Read
Notes

Life of Pi
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime
Love in the Time of Cholera
A Fine Balance
Stuart, A Life Backwards
I did own this as both WBN and non WBN, but I gave them out and never got them back.

Case Histories
Fingersmith
Rachel’s Holiday
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Killing Floor
Cloud Atlas
The World’s Wife
Agent Zigzag
Beloved
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
A Life Like Other People’s
Dissolution
Northern Lights
Toast
One Day

Charity Shop Hunting- WBN

So, I’ve taken up an old hobby of mine. There’s nothing more satisfying than finding a book you’re looking for to complete a collection while looking in charity shops. Firstly there’s the thrill of finding that needle in a haystack. Then there’s the knowledge that it’s going to a good home, at the fraction of the cost while helping other people in need.

In the past it was Faye Kellerman’s Decker saga which currently runs to 24 novels, of which I own 17. That was back in 2006 when I had an excess of time and a need for distraction.

Today my focus is on something a little bit more niche. World Book Night is a UK based charity with the aim of getting books out to those who don’t normally read. As they changed the way they roll it out this year, I fear it wasn’t as successful as they had hoped.

My aim is to own every single book, with its special WBN cover. It could be done easily; they’re being sold on Ebay for £35 and whole boxes of individual titles for as little as £10. But where’s the fun in that?!

So, I’ve written out my lists and highlighted the ones I already own. I’ve even made a list of charity shops so that I can pop in whenever I have time on my way home.

Let the fun begin.

Zoella’s Book Club

Key: Own, Read, Own and read

2016
If I Was Your Girl – Meredith Russo 
Frozen Charlotte – Alex Bell
I Was Here – Gayle Forman
The Twelve Days of Dash and Lily – Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
A Monster Calls – Patrick Ness 
Lying About Last Summer – Sue Wallman
The One We Fell in Love With – Paige Toon
Finding Audrey – Sophie Kinsella 

2017
Moxie
Orbiting Jupiter
The Start of Me and You
The One Memory of Flora Banks
Girlhood
History is All you Left Me
After The Fire
Letters to the Lost.

Books, Books, Books

I never really felt at home in the place I have currently lived for 3 years. I had a crazy housemate who always had me on edge and ready to leave at any given time. My books where always kept in school and students ‘borrowed’ them. I moved schools in September and I hadn’t quite gotten around to moving my books (not having a classroom helps with that actually).

Three things have happened recently in my life that have meant those books have come out of hiding and now take pride of place in my room. One of which was my crazy housemate vacating the property. The second was a toxic relationship (mutual blame) making me forget who I am, what I love and most importantly; that I need to take care of myself rather than others. The final being the same person has tainted my love of films; whether that was through ignorance or malicious intentions I will never know nor do I care. It’s something I’ll recover from but right now it’s too raw. It’s just meant that books are more soothing to my soul *pause for eye roll* at the moment.

Anyway… I have a quirk. I like collecting things. I like completing collections and having them match. Something I’ll touch upon in another post sometime. Those ‘borrowed’ books have left holes in my collections so I have decided to part take in an old hobby of mine; charity shop hunting.

It’s rather fun. I just hope I can start working efficiently enough that I can make time to collect, display and read them all.

Wonder Woman- Spoilers within

wonder woman

The Good
Gal Gadot makes a fine Diana Prince and I will never turn down watching Chris Pine and David Thewlis grace the silver screen. Chris Pine’s Steve Rogers Trevor is charming, the right side of flawed hero and has enough balls to know when a woman is best for the job.generals

 

Seeing Robin Wright join Carrie Fisher in her cinematic evolution to General is a delightful high point and, once again, reminds me that there is always something better to wish for than being a princess. While her screen time is fleeting, Wright makes a positive impact for exposition, character development and world setting.

The humor, for about 20 minutes, is a nice touch. Yes, it does rely heavily on the gender tropes, but it was a short respite from the heavy slog.

I was delighted at the true cultural representation of soldiers fighting for Britain in the war. Gone is the all white troops, replaced with a much more realistic melting pot. My heart melted when I spied what appeared to be a Sikh regiment on the King’s Cross platform. (Side note, Finally a US funded film that does not divert all the action to America and taking all the credit for the success of the war)

The Bad
I’m bored of the origin story narrative. Two movies in one; Iron Man, Batman and others all do the same. Build the backstory; one that’s rich with its own possibilities, to rip it from us in the second act. Wonder Woman falls into the same trap. I love seeing Diana as a child in a world of Amazons, frustrated at the boundaries set by her mother. However, you know it’s a plot device and it’s all lip service making the film feel bloated and almost episodic. While I equally dislike films that feel like a setup to wishful sequels, I would have liked to have seen this as two distinct movies; wouldn’t harm to have more Robin Wright either.

It seems a little too obvious to say that I wasn’t a fan of the villain. Aside from rug pulling, big bad switcheroo in the final act I just didn’t quite feel like I had a true villain to hate. Could be because of it’s setting; who could live up to the real villain of WWII. My biggest issue is that there’s a female bad, but there’s nothing there. It seems a little too much like they’re fighting a metaphor so the resolve feels a little anti-climatic.

The Ugly
Firstly, the CGI is appalling. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is celebrating its 20th Anniversary this year and even on a low budget, two decades ago, the highschooler and her Scoobies made the fight sequences look much better. The long shots don’t work; when Wonder Woman jumps, when she faces off with sergeant Tom, Dick or Harry and when there is an unnecessary pan and scan of the Amazon training. It’s all too amateurish, cartoonish and frustrating. Bring the audience up close and personal and you remove the need for cringe-worthy graphics.

Finally, it is the fact that this film is one of our first female centric superhero movies that has caused my greatest irk with Wonder Woman. I already have my role models; Ripley, Leia, Hermione, Buttercup and, hell, even Eleven is a better representation of a strong female character in a male dominated world. I am all down for feminism (yup, I used the dirty word) however, I like when it doesn’t try so hard.

Issue one: Diana is not like me or you, she’s a bloody demi-god. How can I see her as someone to bring about equality when she is still something ‘other’. Diana is all well and good to point out the unfairness in a society at war, but she’s essentially a Mary Sue with her inexplicably gained knowledge of every language under the sun and living in a world where her sex is dominant. Secondly, she is an Amazon. Amazons have historically been represented as something almost anti-feminist; their man loathing is highlighted when the island is under siege. Even Pine’s Steve is almost expired without conversing with him. Which leads me smoothly to…

Issue two: Is personal. My idea of feminism is not positive discrimination. It is not putting men down and putting women on top. For me, it’s about equality. Which is why I’m incredibly offended about the treatment of Ewan Bremmer’s Sharpshooter Charlie. He joins the cause despite his alcoholism, brought about by PTSD. It could have been an amazing story arc for the Scotsman.
Diana, upon arriving at the front, refuses to listen to everyone’s advice and proceeds reclaim territory from the Axis powers. Steve et al follow suit and they find themselves fighting within the confines of a village square. There’s a shooter in the bell tower and Charlie has him in his sight. But his PTSD seems to get the best of him and it’s about to be a character driven moment. Except, its not. Woman Woman apparently hasn’t had her fill of enemy kills and in another atrocious CGI moment, Hulk-jumps the bell tower, emasculating Charlie in the process. I would have been fine with it, had Charlie had an opportunity in the final act to overcome his PTSD, but he doesn’t. He’s brought down simply for the cinematography.

I think I’ve very close to being done with the comic book universes. They need to hand me a Buffy or Xena on a plate pretty sharpish because try-hards are not washing with me.

 

The OA: Episode 3 *spoilers-*

New episode, very new feel. Most of the time was spent in Haps prison in tonight’s episode with two very small interludes to push the present narrative along.

With a Human Centipede vibe to the episode, it’s not going to be rated high in the list of episodes when it comes to the finale. There’s excellent character development and exposition, but I’m starting to get the feeling I’ve gotten the relationship between the OA and Homer completely wrong. I bloody hope so anyway because their chemistry sucks.

I have a feeling there’s some development of the teacher, Otter I’m now going to call her. They hint at it in this episode and I thought we’d see more. Alas, the episode was dedicated to the larger mystery.

My biggest gripe about this episode is about the allergic reaction. Hap claims, mid gasp, he can’t have tomatoes. Great, but you’ve been buying the food. If you know you’ll react like that, wouldn’t you check the ingredients of the things you buy?!

Then again, the final reveal might explain this away. Unfortunately, I’m discovering that it doesn’t have the momentum to watch more than one episode at a time. You’re falling short of the Stranger Things standard OA!

The OA- Episode Two *spoilers*


Okay, I’m in love. This show is that calm you have when the environment around you is enveloped in a blanket of snow. The slow burn approach compliments the intricately woven mystery of the core characters.

First thing that struck me this epsidoe was the format of the story telling. Instead of the flashback prompted by current events approach, the creative team behind the OA have gone for a Are You Afraid of the Dark? storytelling with refreshing impact. It keeps the story clean and free of convoluted storytelling. Something which I think is needed when dealing with mysteries. Possibly the fundamental flaw that became Lost’s undoing. 

The OA’s story telling is also reminiscent of Jennifer Garner’s Alias. The three part development was something I found tedious at times in a show that ran for 4 seasons without changing the format; it’s cliffhanger endings started to come across as if they didn’t trust the audience to return on his or her own volition. 

However, The OA makes it work and progress the story rather than an audience trap. It’s transition between the past and present is smooth enough that it doesn’t pull you away from the narrative like Alias sometimes did.

This episode’s focus is French and his motivation for joining the group. His life of pressure and manipulation is something I think a number of teens will appreciate. While Buck took a small role in the narrative, a lot was revealed about the now confirmed Trans character. I’m very excited to see where Buck is taken.

Before you know it, we’re delving back into the OA’s past. The build up to the reveal of Jason Isaac’s character was just a tad too much. Unfortunately him being the only household name attached that had not been revealed, it was too obvious. Luckily I was so overwhelmed by the haunting music that I will forever consider The OA’s (character, not show) theme.

What follows is an almost scorpion and the frog final act. Isaac’s is spot on perfect as a man who I predict will take a central role in the upcoming episodes. His charm almost wins the audience over to the point that you forget you kind of already know he’s the bad guy. 

The end is heartbreaking, even if you see it coming. You understand the extent of the entrapment before she does. A chilling thought creeps into my head; sight, or the lack of, presents such a vulnerability that I’d never considered before.

Really hoping to get some wi-fi today so I can continue to watch over the holidays.

 

The OA- Episode One

the-oa-tv-show

Ever since binge watching Stranger Things, I’ve been on the search for its equal. It’s been a tough job and nothing has fitted the bill. I’m currently only one episode in but I’m certain I’ve found something that is coming close.

The show seems relatively timeless, with a nostalgic twang just to keep you on edge. It’s a slow burn to begin with, but it works with the nature of the mystery of the narrative.

Prairie Johnson has been missing for 7 years. After a shock of an opener, she is returned to her adoptive parents to readjust to life after her disappearance. Only, she no longer goes by the name Prairie; instead preferring to be known as The OA. Going from one form of entrapment to another The OA seeks help from Steve Winchell to gain access to the wi-fi from her bedroom. A deal is made and the plot starts to run on its own steam to a very interesting conclusion that will have you begging for the next episode.

The group they rally together, and i’m suspecting will become the core characters for this 8-parter, is rather interesting and I’m excited to see how it pans out. I’m predicting it now; Steve’s teacher played by Phyllis Smith is going to be this series’ equivalent to Barb. By that, I believe she’s going to be beloved, I am not predicting a sticky demise and any justice needed. She’s won me over already and I’m certain I’m not the only one. The final act was so beautifully, artistically done.

Netflix Originals is going from strength to strength and I’m so happy this show is here to bridge the gap between seasons for Stranger Things.  I’m also very thankful for Netflix upping their game and allowing a downloadable platform for some of their material. Alas me having the Iphone7 and no headphones to be able to watch the show out in pubic, relegating it to bedtime viewing.

Stephen King’s IT *spoilers*

Books will not take my usual Good, Bad, Ugly review format. 

download

King’s writing style naturally hooks you in. He has an amazing way with words. Unfortunately his storytelling is a little too bloated and slow paced for me. A good edit could bring it down to a digestible 400 pages and produce an excellent, coherent story.

Having started 11.22.63, a book which I was very much hooked on, I was curious about a section that alluded to something familiar. Upon talking to the friend who’d recommended it I had my suspicions confirmed; it was alluding to the event of IT. I was instructed to abandon 11.22.63 and read what, in his opinion, was the superior book. Oh how wrong my dear friend was.

It started well. I’m 100 pages in and really enjoying it; the language and voice are engaging, there’s a lot of characters but I’m still keeping them straight in my head. There was even some cutting edge topics that I was impressed King was tackling in the ‘present day’ section of the narration. Pennywise’s first appearance and victim was chilling and possibly one of my favourite sections of the book.

It quickly started treading water, too many interludes to add what was in my opinion absolutely nothing to the story. I was struggling around the 400 page mark. It was just as I was about to admit defeat when Bev’s 1958 narrative caught my attention and gave the book a saving grace that made me see out the rest of the book. I’ll admit that I let the words wash over me and nothing much from the final 400 pages or so stick in my memory except for Bev’s voyeuristic adventure at the junk yard and the reunion of the loser gang at the Chinese restaurant.

My biggest issue with this book though is its final act. Bev. She is the one and only female protagonist and she appears rounded and relatable; I enjoyed most of her plot and understood her development in the 1985 portion of the tale. However King, in a nonsensical gang bang ‘sacrifice’, turns her into a gratuitous whore. Her suggesting the act does not make it any better nor do I understand the purpose of the act.

I was so disturbed by the book, for all the wrong reasons. So badly that I have yet to return to 11.22.63, nor do I intend to.