I’d set up this blog almost three years ago with the intention of writing film reviews. That first year, I discovered how hard it was to keep up with it when I was going the cinema as frequently as I did.
Back in December 2016, after being told by my then-boyfriend I would never make a blog work, I decided to pay for this domain. Six months down the line myself and my best friend Gem have some amazing plans to get ourselves off the ground. We’re both going to review YA novels, there’ll be some tv shows we’ll both cover while some (Rick and Morty) I’ll do solo. I’m still going to review films, but I need to get into a routine with that.
However, I want to do something more. Inspired by the amazing website DenofGeek and their Geek Vs Loneliness series, I want to cover something which impacts upon most people at some point in their lives: mental health. It’s a taboo subject, but that’s not going to stop me. Even if what I say here helps one person, I feel like that’s a job well done.
I suffer from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and vitamin D deficiency. It’s still unclear if any one of these is the root cause and for the moment, we’re going to assume that there isn’t an answer. I’m about to start counselling at the end of the month and I’m nervous.
Why?! Mainly because this has been one incredibly long and arduous battle through NHS. Two years ago, I requested some sort of therapy, yet the one that I’ll be starting in two weeks’ time will be a paid for service with doctors-in-training. I’ve had medical professionals give me wrong medication, medication that increases risk of depression and I have (I kid you not) been told finding myself a good-looking bloke to be my boyfriend would cure all my ails. So, my confidence in medicine at the moment is lacking somewhat.
Part of the problem for me is that I’m not very good at talking about these sorts of things. I keep it bottled up for fear of not being believed. This has, in the past, been reinforced when seeking support, I discovered friends thought I was an attention seeking drama queen.
Well, I’m not. I’m just a little broken.
I might not reveal everything that has gotten me to where I am today; some wounds don’t need to be inspected by anyone other than myself and a medical professional. However, what I will do is share some situations that are common to perhaps us all and through research, point people in the right direction for help.
I often have students come to me upset, distraught and in some cases depressed. I think it’s my empathetic nature that makes people seek help from me. Each time they do, I suggest the exact same practise I try to do myself:
The 3-point positive.
Identify 3 things from the day that went well. Might seem too easy, or too hard. It depends on your mindset at the time. The most important thing is, you need to keep up with it.
I started it properly around this time last year. It was unbelievable hard and some days my positives would be as simple as ‘I washed my hair.’ However, as I stuck with it, not only was I finding it easier, I would be able to find the positives in things that would normally have me in a downward spiral.
It’s not fool proof, and that’s the key to it. At my strongest, I never thought I’d feel depressed ever again. It led me to my first relationship in five years, when I wasn’t quite ready. Some would argue that you’d never be ready for what I went through with my ex, but that’s beside the point. Because I wasn’t ready I ended up at my worst. While I’d supported him through his depression, I was abandoned and blocked.
I’ve started the positives again over on social media but I will put up a summary on here every now and then. I am also using an IOS app called Lyf. I will review it at another point.