Rating PG
Length 1h35
Release 27.05.2005
Director Adam Shankman
About Shane Wolfe must rescue Howard Plummer. Plummer, who is working on a secret government assignment, is killed. Wolfe must now search for the assignment in his house where his five children live.
Moon: no moon sighting
Where to Watch: Disney+
Trailer:
The Good
It’s a known story; anti-children and out-of-their depth adult is tasked with caring/looking after/ protecting a significant number of non-adults. Non-adults cause chaos, adult learns to soften and love…. uh-oh they’ve become attached and then the shit hits the fan for a bittersweet ending. You know what you’re getting going in.
It’s pretty sweet seeing Brittany Snow and Max Thierot pre-break out roles. Both handle themselves very well and have their moments to shine.
Always good to see Lauren Graham in anything; even if this did look like she walked right off the set of Gilmore Girls and onto this.
The Bad
What a waste of Carole Kane! Jesus, there’s no point to her character other than for the audience to go ‘oh shit, if she’s out Wolfe is done for.’
I predicted her as the bad guy or at least a red herring early on, but it was almost right after completing the thought she noped out of the proceedings.
What the fuck was with the duck that thought it was a dog?!
How do none of these children have friends? I get it, the film is cast heavy to begin with but I do not believe for one second these kids don’t have at least one best friend or people they hang out with more than we see in the film. I’m not talking boyfriend or forced after school group. It feels more of a plot movie, than a story. If that makes sense?!
The Ugly
The plot is shockingly bad:
1. The government could have gotten whatever was in that safe deposit box without the wife. Also, why wait the 6 months for Wolfe to recover before taking her over to collect it?! I’m getting really tired of villains waiting.
By the end I think the mum is away for almost 2 months. You’re telling me she’s going to accept being away from her kids that long, chilling abroad. On that note, this dude is shady so this ‘mission’ is off book. You’re telling me no one is questioning this, checking up on the bastard?!
I know there’s a level of switch your brain off and enjoy; but when it’s this hole-ridden, that’s really hard to do.
2. You’re that bank… you seriously going to give them unlimited chances to get into that box?! It blows my mind that after the first 20 guesses they’re not like ‘fuck off’.
3. You’re putting kids under protection? You don’t just sic one agent on them, you put two. You do what Kindergarten Cop did, have them play a couple and then down one of them with … something because there’s no way a mother would leave them with one bloke.
Final Thoughts
Way too dumb, and so many other films have done it way better without feeling as forced. If you ever feel the need; go rewatch Uncle Buck, Kindergarten Cop or School of Rock. Actually, fuck that…. go watch Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead. It’s on Now TV and it’s awesome.
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